More politico-cinema

Huge! I relented and taped 'NeverEnding Story'. I saw it when I was young, kinda doesn't hold up so well but you do gotta like those special effects.

The more I hear about this Jarhead thing, the more I'm rooting for it. Three Kings is now superseded, which Clooney might be happy about. And hopeful news for Roger Deakins: he may get that Oscar yet, as both of Sam Mendes' previous pictures won Director of Photography Oscars!

In other news, Fred Thompson finally fulfilled his lifelong dream: being President of the United States, if only in some claptrap on HBO called Last Chance Agreement. I mean, Last Best Chance, that's it. He gets to say Fred Thompson-esque things like "The world's coming to an end, and here we are arguing about budgets and oversight!" Oh, it's surely a dream come true, for someone. Good double bill with: Celsius 41.11, NOT playing on HBO.

Say It Ain't So, Scooter!

Just got the early Box Office returns. Boy, was I way off! I coulda sworn people would be flocking to Niccy Cage's The Weather Man after that pummeling of an ad campaign. "They were out of tartar sauce ... I'm calling them!" C'mon, folks! Everyone was saying that around the water cooler! ...weren't they? As it stands, it looks like Lord of War made more money. Probably 'cause of Schwartzman. ...correction. I was thinking of Simone. Or Shopgirl, I just can't keep track anymore. Well, Mr. Gore V won't be hurt by this minor setback, as he's still got two POTC sequels to make. Oh, to be that easy! But this does break his streak of having movies at #1 for two weeks in a row. Back to MouseHunt - style success.

Oh but there are other box office stories out there, aren't there? Saw 2, well, what can you say? If that doesn't speak volumes about current demographics, nothing will! Guess they needed something a little stronger than that Fog remake; I mean Selma Blair's no Adrienne Barbeau, unless you count that John Waters movie she did. Then there's that other sequel Zorro 2 which sounds like it has a cadre of bad guys like the ones in Batman 5. What, no cameo for Michael Douglas? The only other one that interests me is Doom which looks like it's not going to be as profitable as the original video game. And whatever you do, don't ask screenwriter Wesley Strick: "Would you say this is the best thing you've ever done?"

"The Colbert Report" Rapport

Get it? See because that's how... never mind. Well, the first week has drawn to a close. I appreciate it as a satire of the likes of Bill O'Reilly and the other demons to escape from the "Doom" video game only to get their own cable squawk box shows. Otherwise, I don't know.... I want to like it. Maybe it's just too much of a good thing. Maybe that much Stephen Colbert is too much. Don't get me wrong, I hope his show kicks ass but if he does have to go crawling back to the Daily Show, no shame in it whatsoever. Too bad Carell's fortunes have turned so ... fortunate. In the meantime I know what I'm going to be doing from 8 to 9 for the rest of my life: Daily Show & Colbert Report all the way, baby!!!

And Pink Panther at 7:30 on Boomerang, of course. Just til I collect em all.

Oh yeah, and someone told me that Spike TV shows old Three Stooges shorts: NO JOE!!!! See, Joe Besser kinda sucked. Although I do like that time he said "Raw egg! I hate raw egg."

Auteur Watch

Let's take a look at Sidney Lumet. Still reeling from a Network weekend. Not to use too broad of a brushstroke, but the 90s were kind of hard on Sid. Maybe this latest with Vin Diesel will turn his fortunes around. Or is that an oxymoron: who could be more fortunate than someone directing Vin Diesel? David Twohy, for example, but he'll be on the next issue of Auteur Watch.

In the meantime, it's about 1 1/2 hours until The Daily Show / Colbert Report superchunk. Gotta run!!

God hates Pakistan

Or at least has it in for her. I can't even keep track any more, is this the second quake in so many months? Where's a discussion of Tectonic plates when you need it?
Anyway, back to the business at hand. Note: not all trilogies get publicity. I just saw an ad on a bus for 'The Work and the Glory: American Zion'. It's the second one! I was going to say that that's the sad part, but the closest thing to a name in the cast is R.D. Call! And I don't even know who he is!! Apparently, he's good friends with Sean Penn. Maybe I was thinking of B'zar Getty, I don't know. Anywho, lightning can strike sometimes, like with Darkness Falls, although success still seems to have eluded most of that cast (except for Lemony Snicket, of course). Maybe the third installment due 2006 will generate some actual publicity, although they might have to show the first two for free to do it.
In tragic news, Fox cancels 'The Simple Life'. Even more shocking, it was on for THREE seasons!!!! Apparently, the producers ... rather, the reporters say that 20th Century Fox Television itself hopes that someone else will pick up the show; maybe CBS or ABC, that kind of thing. Trust me, guys. Paris and Nicole are old school in this regard: if they hate each other, they hate each other. They've got real money. Probably more than Fox Television! They have actual lives to get back to. It's like saying there was one babysitting job in your life that changed your destiny irrevocably, but .. nah, bad example. Think of all those people ruined by Bart Simpson! More like if you were at the store and picked an apple from the bin that would unclog all your arteries and make you buy a winning lottery ticket. That's what the show means to Paris and Nicole.

The latest doings and goings

Where's my dinner? Anyway, it's been a while since my last post, forgive me father. Man, I've never been sicker than I have been the last couple days. So congested I could barely talk. As good a time as any to catch up on all the TV I missed.
Still waiting for that new show, 'The Colbert Report' after 'The Daily Show'. A couple days of freedom left! Won't be long now before they start showing clips of it in the promos.
Still haven't seen that clip of that dude getting beat up by the cops in New Orleans, and that may be for the best. It's taken a while, but there's now a parallel between Bush 41 and Bush 43. Bush 41 had the L.A. riots, and Bush 43 may yet have the La. riots.
On a lighter note, in the new tradition of watered-down PG-13 rated horror flicks, I had to satiate my curiosity about this Fog remake. The fog face looks like someone slipped it a can of alum like in all those Sylvester and Tweety cartoons. Based on the John Carpenter screenplay and directed by that chum with just a great name! Rupert Wainwright. Sounds like a damn director, doesn't he? At least, if it weren't for Stigmata. One thing for sure: when Patricia Arquette wants her life back, get the hell out of her way.
Sigh. No new Al Franken, sans Katharine Lanpher.

The New Shmoo: Ted Turner strikes again

Man, that New Shmoo freaks me out. Who comes up with this sh...oe leather? It's the same structure as Scooby-Doo, without the 'cooby-D'. The main characters produce a comic book at their ... headquarters. Self-employed, apparently, and when the muse strikes them they venture out into the world for inspiration. The master, Frank Welker does the voice of this Shmoo creature, sort of a lone version of those twin blobs from that other Hanna-Barbera show which I can't recall the name of right now, but with an awkward teenage mustache. (Wasn't sure where to place the mustache part in the sentence,,,...) When you get right down to it, I'm surprised the Religious Right hasn't brought a hammer down harder on some of these Hanna Barbera shows. Some of 'em are downright satanic!

Re: Comments

Just looking at some of the comments I've received. I gotta say, it sure is an ego boost to see that so many people like my blog! TOO BAD THEY'RE ALL ADS!!!!!!!!

SNL - Steve Carell

I guess the highlight would have to be the .. re-unition? The reuniting of Kanye West and Mike Myers. I guess that means everything's okay now! Anyway, they blew a real opportunity. Steve Carell did a song about how he's better than Vince Vaughn, Owen Wilson, Will ferrell and Ben Stiller. If they all came out in the middle of the song that would've been ... too cliché? Anyway, I just hate it when my appetite's whetted like that!
They're still attacking Bush which is good, but it's still not having any visible effect. He's still here! Pretty soon he's going to pass an Executive Order that will force The Simpsons to do a caricature of him. I wonder if Jim Morris has an impression worked up yet.

Not much in the way of films. Saw a trailer for Thumbsucker. For a second I thought it was directed by ......... what's his name? Alexander Payne! Yeah, that's the guy. It looks an awful lot like Sideways, I must say. No, just a puppet director. Ah! He's got an arrondissement in Paris, je t'aime. Wicked! Will it ever come out? I heard Julien Temple and Nicolas Roeg wanted a piece of it ... is that too inside? Here's the link...

Oh yeah, and these new kids to SNL, Bill Hader and Andy Samberg. They look a tiny little bit like Jim Breuer and ... Adam Sandler, oddly enough. Or maybe if Jimmy Fallon and Adam Sandler had a baby.

Damn! Didn't get to bed on time. Finally, Debbie Downer has met her match! Steve Carell is BOB BUMMER!!!!! Finally! There's some writing on the show again. Must've hired Robert Smigel back full-time now.

2 long films about Bob Dylan

Dylan. Scorsese. Together again, for the first time? Oh yeah, The Last Waltz, which I saw a clip of once. Maybe PBS can show that too. Anyway, this new film is downright absorbing, kinda like how Year of the Horse was. The Departed must be on auto-pilot or something. Where does Scorsese find the time?
...it just wrapped up. Everything after 1966 is kind of a blur, apparently. See Mickey Jones also in Nadine, or Masked and Anonymous for more Old Dylan...

TGIF

Oh wait, still gotta work tomorrow too. Anyway, just saw this ad while checking my email. I assume this is a father and daughter driving to a wedding ceremony! But then again, the ad said "Invest better, live better" so maybe the implied third line was "Marry a younger model."

Anyway, they're promoting the hell out of "Good Night and Good Luck" but it's not opening this weekend! What were they thinking??

My Name is Earl

For once, all the critics were right! Low-brow finds a purpose. Also, the line between film and TV continues to blur. Anyway, the plot is, this character Earl Hickey is a crook who decides it's time to turn his life around, heeding the advice of Carson Daly who spoke of karma. Hopefully this season won't bring about that in-person guest appearance of Daly right away, or maybe he'll do it this next Tuesday and get it out of the way. And man! Was that Ethan Suplee? The Suplee of Blow and Evolution and that First 20 million debacle? I don't think so; he's entering his second career phase with a bang. I just hope Scientology can't take credit for his dramatic weight loss. One of my closest confidants pointed out that it looks a bit like 'Raising Arizona', and I whole-heartedly concur with that. What can you say? That film's still got legs!

Enjoyable enough show, and did you catch that little Guarantor of Longevity at the end? If he crosses off one thing off his to-do list per episode, we've got 257 episodes left already!! That's smart writing.

What else tonight? Saw a little of that future cable classic "Freaked", with Bobcat Goldthwait and Keanu Reeves in a guest shot. Only Keanu acts that way. As for Bobcat's character's untimely demise which seeming crushes that film's gentle spirit underneath the obnoxious exterior, I guess it was all worth it for the sock puppet man's last dying gasp; some stand-up comedian's idea has finally come to fruition. Also, it's about time to tear 'Death Wish' a new one, but we'll save that for later.

Simpsons vs. Family Guy

Speaking of Fox shows, now that Family Guy's back from its hiatus - they made their deal with the Devil and he said Okay, you can come back to Fox on one condition: your show must skew to the right. One liberal animated show is quite enough, thank you! Anyway, there was some review in some magazine... Blender magazine, if I remember correctly, and they said how great Family Guy is if you just want to sit back and laugh, as opposed to the Simpsons, where they deal with all those icky moral issues. Well, enjoy it now, because someday the worm will turn and the show's creators will long for something more than just the cheap laughs. There was one joke where the Homer clone meets the Ramsey family (of JonBenet fame, yes) and he says to them "I will not rest until your daughter's killers are brought to justice!" And they say "Oh, no, that's okay!" I couldn't help but reflect that the Simpsons are a little more careful than that. I mean, some may say the Simpsons are tasteless, but they're my flavor of tasteless, damn it.

The Battle of the Sexes: Are We Equal Yet?

The next new show after the Simpsons, "The War At Home" - well, if it's not Rupert Murdoch's worst nightmare, nothing is! Needless to say, the Battle of the Sexes got ratcheted up for me, no pun intended, when the wife says "Actually, I don't mind the porn. It's one less thing for me to worry about!" God bless you, Fox. Although, similar ground was blazed by "Married with Children" long ago, when Fox was a little more liberal. (let's see if anyone notices I left out those dot things!!)

Simpsons 17.1 - Bonfire of the Manatees

But first, a shout out to Jessica Alba who's got three big movies this year alone! See, honey, this is the nature of the biz. One typically starts out getting their career screwed by James Cameron, but after a couple years you bounce back in a big way. If Into the Blue is a #1 hit, your agent can take the credit! But the Maxim crowd will always love you, that's the main thing.

Anyway, a new Simpsons season is upon us, helping to dull the pain of September 11th. It's been a while since the season didn't start with the Halloween episode. I'm not used to it! The Simpsons movie is apparently still a couple years away, so we're stuck enjoying the show in the meantime. Alec Baldwin returns here, sans Basinger, as a manatee-loving biologist. The sultry teaser from the ads (snuggle films!!) is fortunately only in the first act, the repercussions of which were felt in the second and third acts.

How long can the Simpsons universe keep expanding indefinitely? It's still the most action-packed, joke-packed half hour on TV, one of the few things worth watching. I already forgot about the checkers-hustling chicken, but the football hobo was a hoot. "Thank you for your time."

New characters: Homer's country cousins, manatees, Alec Baldwin's character

The world of politics

Wow. Too good not to reprint. From the latest Bill Maher episode:

George of the Bungle
And finally, New Rule! America must recall the president. That's what this country needs - a good old fashioned California-style recall election, complete with Gary Coleman, porno actresses and action film stars, and just like Schwarzenegger's predecessor here in California, George Bush is now so unpopular he must defend his job against ... Russell Crowe, because at this point I want a leader who will throw a phone at somebody. In fact, let's have ONLY have phone-throwers. Naomi Campbell can be the vice president!
Now I kid but, seriously, Mr. President, this job can't be fun for you anymore. There's no more money to spend, you used all of that. You can't start another war, because you've also used up the army. And now, darn the luck, the rest of your term has become the Bush family nightmare: helping poor people. Listen to your Mom, the cupboard's bare, the credit card's maxed out and no one's speaking to you. Mission accomplished!
Now it's time to do what you've always done best: lose interest and walk away, like you did with your military service and the oil company and the baseball team. It's time, time to move on and try the next fantasy job. How about cowboy or spaceman? Now I know what you're saying that there's so many other things that you, as President, could involve yourself in. Please don't. I know, I know, there's a lot left over to do. There's a war with Venezuela, and eliminating the sales tax on yachts. Turning over the space program over to the church and Social Security to Fannie Mae. Giving embryos the vote, but sir, none of that is going to happen. Why? Because you govern like Billy Joel drives. You've performed so poorly I've surprised you haven't given yourself a medal. You're a catastrophe that walks like a man. Herbert Hoover was a sh---y president, but even he never conceded an entire metropolis to rising water and snakes. On your watch we've lost almost all of our allies, the surplus, four airliners, two trade centers, a piece of the Pentagon and the city of New Orleans. Maybe you're just not lucky! (rousing applause) I'm not saying you don't love this country, I'm just wondering how much worse it could be if you were on the other side. So yes, God does speak to you and what he's saying is take a hint.

Hurricane Katrina

Man, long time since posts! Well, the media's getting their spine back in regards to dealing with our high ranking government officials. For a second there I thought I wasn't living in America. And I still have my doubts. After all, they were just trying to save money; actually, this government takes things a step further and not only tries not to spend any money, but not do any work, either. Oh, but enough about that. I have your new Desktop Image, from an old SNL bit with the Muppets, a little bawdier than Sesame Street.

but the other big news...

Ah yes, after checking the Coens' separate IMDb entry every once in a while with no payoff, finally! Some new news. Apparently Charlie Rose was right after all, who knew? Hail Caesar is the boys' next prestige directorial project. What could it be? An homage to Hail the Conquering Hero? A Gladiator-type deal? A remake of that other Hail Caesar? After Wild Wild West and The Ladykillers, will Burger King sign on for this one, too? Will Paris, je t'aime ever get out of the editing phase? So many questions.

Oh yeah, the following seems to be the boys' official home page. Careful, the text reads like one of Ethan's cleaner short stories.

Busy night

Wow! What a night. It all started with the Holy Schnike 10th anniversary edition of 'Tommy Boy'. The movie, not the record label. Then we switched it up to that other Robert K. Weiss SNL production, The Blues Brothers. I was informed that Belushi apparently did a lot of blow during that movie, so we went to Blow after that, with a brief stop over at the Coen brothers' Blues Brothers, The Ladykillers.

Boy, big weekend! Constant Gardener, and I didn't even know A Sound of Thunder was coming out. Anyone seen ads for it on TV?

box office battle this week...

Well, it's the times we live in. Virginity trumps fantasy at the box office, albeit not by much. These days, virgins are more interested in ending their virginity than in their Dungeons and Dragons.
Or is that too broad a generalization?