You walk by and I fall to A Million Little Pieces

Too much media coverage for my money. Even Jack Abramoff is going, "Thank God for James Frey!" And he's going up the river! Way up the river. But maybe he can go on Oprah, too, and wash his soul clean. Anyway, so Oprah made and broke this guy, but I can't help but feel cynical about the whole thing. This is the era of Questioning Everything! The Dictionary definition of autobiography is "1. the art or practice of writing one's own biography, 2. an indigenous animal or plant.." No, I'm sorry, that's autochthon... "2. the story of one's own life written or dictated by oneself" Memoir is defined as "1. a biography or biographical sketch, usually one written by someone who knew the subject well. 2 [pl.] an autobiography, esp. one that is objective and anecdotal in emphasis rather than inward and subjective 3 [pl.] a report or record of important events based on the writer's personal observation or knowledge 4 a report or record of a scholarly investigation, scientific study, etc. 5 [pl.] the record of the proceedings of a learned society." The word on the street is, a memoir is typically something written by an old dude in an easychair smoking a pipe. This James Frey guy is just a young punk! Where does he get off writing a so-called memoir? What does he know about being a bullfighter or being an old man in the sea trying to catch a fish? And who did he rip off is the main question. But no one reads books anymore so no one knows. We must look to all those Comp. Lit. students in college who go to parties and talk about how they're taking Comp Lit courses. See also: Memoirs of an Invisible Man, and Memoirs of a Geisha.

But whatever happens, the main lesson here is that the truth still matters above all else. Especially if it's a memoir about a sleazebag drug abuser, we expect said sleazebag drug abuser to tell the truth about it. And if it's about being cool, even the Fonz knows that the truth is the coolest thing of all, even when it's not. The only real question here is who's going to play the lead in the movie adaptation? I'm thinking Loren Dean; make it a sequel to Mumford. Maybe James Frey could donate some of the profits from his book to charity, but I don't know. He seems like the "Charity begins at home" type. Besides, he's the hottest thing to happen to books in the last 100 years since the ingrown bookmark. Isn't that charitable enough?

p.s. Gotta love that cover. A guy decorating a cake had a mishap! Who knew?

The New Benchmark

There's a new benchmark for success in the film world, or rather, longevity, cult status, belovedness, what have you. When a movie becomes a musical, The Lion King, The Producers, Hairspray even. Now it's The Wedding Singer's turn, of all things! Somehow I don't think they're going to stay true to the spirit of Sandler, even though it's a bit watered down in that movie. Although rumor has it that Steve Buscemi will reprise his role on stage, and that it'll be a bit meatier than in the movie.
Speaking of all things Sandler, Grandma's Boy doesn't seem to be doing that well! It's already dropped off of the Top 10. Let us speak no more about it, it'll only make Sandler yell louder.
One last word on Allen Covert. He's going to play a character named Fred Wolf in an upcoming movie called Strange Wilderness. Small world! Very small world. Well, he's catching up to Tony Danza in that self-referential regard.

The Coens in "Crimewave"

Well, that's the last of it. All the celluloid cameo appearances of the Coen brothers. For some reason they're very picky about appearing on film; too bad Quentin Tarantino doesn't follow suit. Just kidding.
Anyway, a brief glance at the box office. Speaking of Tarantino, I haven't seen a Weekend Box Office tally that smacks of Payola since The Specialist beat out Pulp Fiction way back when. Anyone seen an ad for Hoodwinked? How does THIS leap to the #1 spot? Meanwhile, Tarantino recomendee Hostel drops to #5, but don't fret: that weekend getaway the film promises is still out there somewhere, even if family entertainment has won the battle this weekend.
In other unfair news, if you don't see James Franco in Tristan and Isolde, you can always see him in Annapolis. But I think we can all agree the real forgotten victim here is T&I director Kevin Reynolds. Oh, why must Kevin Costner be so vindictive? Can't he share the blame for Waterworld for a change?

As for the rest of the box office, it's pretty much all the stuff that's been there already, except for Last Holiday. Oh, Wayne Wang, what happened to you? If this winning track record keeps up, you'll have to remake Chan is Missing! After all, what is Last Holiday if not a remake of Maid in Manhattan? I prefer Maid to Order myself, but what can I say? The 80s was my big decade.

Well, it's time to go again, but before we do, we leave you with the following mantra. This will be more important around November of this year, and in 2008, but it never hurts to prepare early, right? That's what the Repubes are doing! Anyway, it concerns the economy, and it's pretty much all you need to know about it. It was delivered by the great Rob Corddry...

"...Simply put, Jon, supply-side economics is when a president cuts taxes. This makes people happy and him popular. The tax cuts deprive the government of money, and after eight years the deficit balloons to (an) astronomical size. Then, with the economy in tatters, a Democrat is elected. He has to cut the deficit by raising taxes, making people unhappy and him unpopular, perfectly setting up the next election where a Republican uses the Democrat's tax hikes against them to win back the White House, and start the cycle all over again. Four men won Nobel prizes for that, Jon."

Joel Coen in Fight Club?

About 1:12:45 into the DVD, or is it just me? I'm a little goofed up, I think.
Anyway, there was a nice article on Yahoo! about the new trend in horror movies, or of horror movies, rather. A spate of movies like Saw II, Wolf Creek, Hostel, and of course, zombie movies like Big Momma's House 2. Sequels rising from the grave! Long thought dead and unsequelable, and if this one makes any money we'll all be surprised. From the TV trailer it looks like some advances in "Fat Body Suit" technology have been made, some serious upper-body advances, if you know what I mean! I didn't tape the trailer so I can't provide a frame of it, but it's probably all over the world by now. If that doesn't bring in big Box Office crowds, nothing will. For my money, how good could it be if Paul Giamatti didn't return? And are they planning a sequel to Black Knight? Or Blue Streak?
What else? Last Holiday. Just saw the TV trailer for that. Of course, I didn't see Under the Tuscan Sun either. It's like Taxi but with laughs. Badabing!
But I don't mean to pick on black stars exclusively. We've also got on the horizon a little turkey called Grandma's Boy. Seriously, this may put Allen Covert on the A-List of stars, saying goodbye to Adam Sandler forever, but the real star is the production company, Happy Madison, with its hot new Caddyshack-style vanity logo. This may be an apocryphal story, but I think this is how the film came about: the Happy Madison happy family went to see The 40 Year Old Virgin. Halfway into the screening the script was finished. The next day principal photography began and wrapped in two months. The next three months were spent in intense editing to get it out just in time for... well, it was originally planned as a Christmas release, if I can still use that word without getting wire-tapped, but it ended up as a January 6 release instead. They're motivated over there at Happy Madison Productions, you gotta give them that! :)

Auteur Watch: Coen Bros.

Not to get up on my high horse or anything, but you call yourself a Coen brothers fan and you don't know what THIS pitcure is? That's right, it's time for AUTEUR WATCH, and we look at the brothers Coen, Joel and Ethan. They've got quite a bit lined up. Looks like they're trying to do a 3-films in 2 years kinda deal like Spielberg, with Hail Caesar, Suburbicon and No Country for Old Men. Well, this is where all their years of organization pay off, is it not? And with digital film editing things should go a little faster. I still have somewhere, from a special about them on the Bravo! Network, back when it was still a little butch, they showed a bookshelf containing scripts with titles like Cult Cop and Johnny Skidmarks, kinduva L.A. Confidential lite. I'll have to look for that again... Ethan's got Gambit coming up at some point, but even he knows it's not the alpha project. Okay, that's about it, I've razzed them enough. For the only true info on the web about the boys go to the official Mike Zoss Productions website.
Oh yeah, and happy New Year and all that jazz. Gotta break up the continuum of days and weeks somehow, am I right?
p.s. I wonder if one of the stipulations of working on a Peter Jackson picture is you then have to go on the IMDb and vote it a 10, heh heh. Not always, I guess, judging from Kong.

The War on Christmas

I gotta keep this short as it is dangerously close to my bedtime. Folks, let's face it: there's a war on Christmas out there. It's a novel approach to Christmas, anyway. The novelty will wear off soon enough even on the most susceptible likes of me. Even I thought in the back of my movie-clogged noggin: Happy Holidays? What, is Christmas chopped liver? Of course, I should point out that it's been a while since I've celebrated Christmas, and I haven't bought a Christmas present for anyone in years, and I believe that Christmas trees are really bad for the environment. But the way I see it, there's some new blood in charge of the media now, even if it is just Faux News. Most of the nut cases out there blame the Jews for controlling the media, but this is indeed the Era of Questioning Everything. Only now it's coming from the Right, and not the Left. Where's all the wackos who say that the Jews control the World Bank when you need them? Since Wolfowitz was appointed by Bush, now there really is a Jew in the World Bank! But, the way I see it, it's okay because a Republican's doing it. Right? Isn't that the way these things work?
Anyway, for those of you who think I'm being anti-Semitic, let me just say that I'm a Sobchak Jew myself these days. It's like all those Righties who criticize Bush; when you get right down to it, it's just terms of endearment. All those "It's my party, too" types, don't worry. They're not going to stop voting Republican just because they don't like Rove being in charge.
Anyway, so now we have some fresh Warmonger voices in the media. So here's what to look forward to: the War on New Year's, the War on St. Patrick's Day (probably waged by the old culprits, of course, the Gays!!), the war on Valentine's Day, the War on the President's Day Sale, the War on Outlet Malls. Probably won't hear anything on the War on Peace, but possibly the War on War.
But with movies like Wolf Creek, Hostel and BloodRayne on the Christmas movie horizon, maybe there really is a war on Christmas! I half expect a fresh run of Saw II to commemorate Hollywood's Bloody Christmas.
Okay, bedtime for me. Good night, and have a merry Winter Solstice. Them days is getting longer again, and all them Sunbirds will come back from Australia now!

Holiday Movie Report

Dang! Has it been 10 days already? I was just about to say I was feeling lonely since there haven't even been any automatic posts lately. Then I saw I got one! However, it didn't even say I had a nice blog, so I won't hold it against them.
Anyway, with this image in mind (6 degrees of Peter Jackson) let's get right to the Holiday Movie Report, with a little help from our good friends over at Moviefone. Yes, AOL may have been dropped by TimeWarner but they still got Moviefone, dammit!
Now, there's a lot of movies to get to so we'll devote one sentence to each one. I should probably point out that I haven't seen any of them yet. Ne'theless let's dive right in those murky waters! Okay, first up: Master of the ... what? Universe? Where's this one's 25th Anniversary DVD, anyway? * It's not even on the IMDb for Pete's sake! Next we have Rent: Sorry, I'm already renting. Should've stuck with Harry Potter, Chris, and speaking of which .. HP4: HPGOF, actually looks good! I'd see it if I had time or money. Moving on: Family Stone, The: Not Sly enough. What to pick next? Memoirs of a Geisha: Spielberg himself was once attached to direct, but he found the right director for the project; it still ain't going anywhere, though, even if you show Crouching Tiger for free before-hand. Waddaya expect? We're a country of rubes! Okay, pride & Prejudice, same thing, although to appeal to the rubes they're showing sneak previews of POTC 2 & 3 at the ... beginning, not the end; there's some things even POTC fans won't sit through. Not even The Jacket! Meanwhile, in the middle of this tornado is The Producers. Well, it took a while for the first one to become a classic, too. Or am I thinking of the 12 Chairs? Hmmm. Chicken little: is that still out? Check out the wartime Disney short of the same name! Oh, you naughty Disney!! Chronicles of Narnia: yeah, more like Chronicles of Suck Nard-Nia! If that doesn't get me banned from Blogger for life, nothing will. King Kong: yeah, more like King LONG! Syriana: bet the Powers That Be are glad that King Kong is out. The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada: Los Knuckleheads! YM&O, make way for Cheaper 2!! Walk the Line; lemme just give a brief shout-out to James Mangold. Good on ya, buddy, you just might make it into the Auteur Club yet. Okay, moving on. Finding Home: if it's not the sequel to Finding Nemo, then Jimmy Crack Corn. ** Aeon Flux: It puts the 'L' in Flux, baby! Bad sign when even Just Friends is kicking your ass at the Box Office, cumulatively or not! Speaking of which, that brings us to Just Friends: I don't know, I think we should see other movies. Although I should point out that I'm as firm a believer in Van Wilder as an entity as anybody. And last but not least, Brokeback Mountain: it's the It Movie of the season, but no one's going to see it! Everyone and their uncle's got a joke about it, which is why I'm starting an Enter your own Punchline Contest, and First Prize goes to whomever tracks me down to collect.
Well, that's about it for me. I hope you're not as tuckered out as I am.

* We're close to the 20th Anniversary, not the 25th.
** I would've gone with Finding Nemo in Slumberland myself, but never mind. I'm not in charge of Titles.

Gumby on the Moon

Yes, that's right! Even Gumby can screw up every once in a while.
They're having an SNL-fest on the E! Channel, this 5-part thing chronicling the 101 Most Unforgettable moments of the show. Why I can't remember the last time I thought about Fred Garvin, Male Prostitute! Nice to see the grand tradition of Payola isn't dead yet. Buh-bye; with my luck that's probably #1.
All right, it's time to take a brief look at the Christmas movies, although from what I've heard, we've got to call it the Holiday movie season. Sounds better, anyway. Well, Rob Reiner's got a Christmas release called Rumor Has It... Nah, it's going to need better word of mouth than that. And incidentally, why does Jennifer Aniston go up against herself like this? And what about that movie that she and Vince Vaughn did? What is that, chopped liver?
Meanwhile, Spielberg's got another Xmas offering, this season's Catch me if you can, if you will, and it's called Munich. Even the man himself says he's not expecting to make money off it, but he'd at least like to make more than The Terminal, heh heh...
What else? Narnia, The Family Stone, and of course King Kong. So many films competing for so few holiday dollars. Who will win? Not me, that's for sure. Gotta go, I'm sleepy.

Blog #NaN Reporting for Duty

Well, the Daily Show puts another notch in its belt with special guest President Jimmy Carter tonight. Damn! They're getting more ex-presidents than Leno and Letterman combined!* They probably get very well acquainted with specific Secret Service agents at this point, sending them Christmas gifts and what not. Speaking of Christmas, it's apparently under siege again. See, people just don't understand that every holiday goes through this phase where its relevance is questioned. Look, all the corporations are saying is, what's wrong with working on Christmas? Everybody does it! Jesus himself was probably very busy on Christmas day! If only we had better historical records of the time. Maybe some video. Anything. So what? We're all just supposed to put down our laptops on Christmas day? Does it have to be a law now?
What else? Oh yeah, Stephen Colbert and Maureen Dowd finally buried the hatchet tonight on a very special edition of C.R. She's a hottie! Gotta find a good picture of her to post. And I'll think about buying her book. So many books, so little time. Why, I still haven't even read 'No Country for Old Men' yet. Quite popular at the library, apparently. Might have to circumvent the library system and just go to a bookstore.
Anyway, that's about it for me, but before we say goodbye, tonight's picture is in honor of what I don't like about Hanna Barbera cartoons. Or rather, here's a specific example that transcends the usual cheap production values. You got the eloquent Snagglepuss, whom I'm growing rather fond of, by the way, but give me the Pink Panther any time. Anyway, S.P. is caught between a rock, being the Frankenstein monster Baby creature with Barney Rubble circle eyes, and the hard place being a giant mouse, not from WB's The Great Piggy Bank Robbery. Now, the nails-on-the-blackboard detail here is that all the Frankenbaby says is "Wuh, wuh" and all the giant mouse says is "Snarf. Snarf-Snarf." I only caught part of the cartoon, but I don't want to make a mistake about this now. It's not just Snarf, but it's one Snarf, followed by two Snarfs in hyphenated succession. I believe this is a statement, similar to the one made in Barton Fink, that in general brawn-ism trumps intellectualism, for even though Snagglepuss may be smart and witty, (he does say in this one that he's going to write his congressman, not something you usually hear cartoon characters say, even back then in the 60s or whatever year this cartoon is from) he's still stuck between these two sorry souls. But then again, isn't that the Grand Dilemma that befalls all cartoon characters at one time or another, that they find they can never transcend the media or the situations they're trapped in, and must constantly contend with Neanderthals of one flavor or another?


*Probably wrong about that...

Box Office Retort - 1st week December 2005

Still goblet-ing up the box office booty, Harry Potter might actually turn a profit in the U.S.! Meanwhile, spend as they might, Paramount just can't get a #1 hit. Like Team America before it, Aeon Flux came close but just didn't have that populist touch. John Sayles, you should be ashamed of yourself!! And I think you know why. They've been showing old Aeon Flux episodes on MTV lately, gee I wonder why (GIWY?) Aeon's outfits on the animated show are much skimpier than the movie, quelle frommage. Must be a Woman's Lib thing.
In other news, we got Walk the Line followed by YM&O. Ah, they've been on the list forever. Coming in at #5, it's the season's unexpected breakout semi-hit Just Friends. Ryan Reynolds is the latest to don the new Rick Baker(TM) Fat Suit in the name of comedy. And I had my money on Waiting... Oh well, like Alanis Morrissette sez, you live, you learn. She originated that phrase, right?
What else? Ah, let's skip right to #10, In the Mix. Well, at least director Ron Underwood won't have as big and as expensive a bomb as Pluto Nash.

In other news, there's a couple hours left to catch the Showtime Freeview this weekend. Saw some of Edge of America. So far everyone's saying it's Indigenous Hoosiers, it's like Hoosiers but for Native Americans, and Hootka-siers, that kinda stuff. Probably irks Smoke Signals director Chris Eyre a little bit. Me myself, I'm not a big James McDaniel fan, his teeth are big and scary! Guess they couldn't get Joe Morton.

Stephen Colbert's Nineteenth Nervous Breakdown

In Crocodile Tears news, California Representative Randy "Duke-Stir" (sic) Cunningham (R) was caught taking bribes, at least $2.4 million worth! It does beg the question, when is enough enough? Is it enough to get into the Guinness Book of World Records? Did he save enough for the children's college fund? Why wasn't he more careful? Why didn't he just take gratuities from fitness magazines like everybody else? And Ah-nold?
Well, looks like ol' Jessica and ol' Nick finally split up. Too bad, they toughed it out pretty good through some turbulent waters. Perhaps this is all part of Ashlee's master plan. Maybe after a suitable period of alone time, Nick and Ashlee will hook up! In the meantime, Jessica will still appear on the covers of God knows how many Star magazine knock-offs, cataloguing her Tectonic cellulite with the finest university instruments available. Maybe we can learn something from our White Trash First Lady, and add to the Body Science just as she has added her body to ... ah, skip it. Too tired to complete the metaphor. Incidentally, I think I know why Jessica and Nick split up. I mean, who's that girl in this here photograph here? Oh, Nick, you dog!

Rest in peace, Pat

Man, how time flies! This was the best picture I could find of Miyagi. You may still be able to check out Slapstick of another Kind from your local video store, but we'll always have The Karate Kid.
Not much happening on this end. Daily Show/ Colbert Report's back from joint hiatus. They covered the Macy's Day parade. The balloon that exploded this time was an M&M balloon. I guess it was too tasteless to say that next year they should just have a NASCAR balloon and crash that into a light pole. We've got a nation to heal, people!
What else... oh yeah, Box Office report. Potter's still Boffo, gobbling it up at the Box Office, while Walk the Line is walkin' the Bottom Line, baby! Riding Harry Potter's shadow's coattails for all it's worth!!!! YM&O going strong; let's face it, no one expected it to do anything, not even the cast & crew. Chicken Little is Box-Office Big! Still kinda paltry for a Pixar-esque production, not counting Valiant. And we won't count it. Meanwhile, skipping right to the bottom half, Derailed is pulling out of the station, and the Ice Harvest? Yeah, more like Suck-Ass Harvest!
Oh dear, this blog is no longer for the kids...

Let The Transformation Continue!

Life imitates art: I think I smell that sequel to Single White Female after all! Oh wait, there is one. Who decides when these things get made, anyway? 2005 will go down in the annals of movie ledger history as a banner year for direct-to-video sequels, now filmed on digital video.

Anyway, yes, I think Ashlee Simpson finally gets it. Tired of being the reigning Queen of Mall Goth, she is now halfway on the path to becoming a clone of Jessica who, with all respect to Nick, will still always be my Ozark Goddess, as will all the current and future readers of Star and Us, with the occasional appearance on the likes of Maxim. Meanwhile, what about Aguilera? She just couldn't get any naked-er on the cover of Rolling Stone and gave up, and gone completely into hiding apparently! Come back to us.

So there Ashlee was on Letterman flogging her new CD, "I Am Me". Well, not as inspiring as, say, "Pieces of April" or "I do not want what I haven't got", and she's probably smarter than "I Am Sam". All she needs now is that pesky nose job and Jessica's got an identical twin! Clooney was on pushing Syriana. Wasn't he just on last month? Anyway, he was a little less Life Is Good this time as he was about Good Night & Good Luck, but as far as I'm concerned, he's still the current Gold Standard of what a movie star should be. Note the hair, for example, as compared to the old clip Dave trotted out. It's probably bad luck to say it, but the Oscar campaign is on, and honestly I can't think of anyone more deserving in any category he nabs. But if GN&GL and Syriana go head-to-head for Best Picture, then like Soderbergh before him, either way he loses. Okay, Mr. Clooney, rest on your laurels a little, but let's get cracking on Hail Caesar, huh?

Okay, some actual movie news. Yours, Mine & Ours is the latest from Dennis Quaid et alia as Quaid's Second Coming continues unabated. Rather than going on to Scooby Doo 3 editor-turned-director Raja Gosnell helms this one, and couldn't've picked a worse time. Not only does he have to compete with Harry Potter that his old boss Chris Columbus started, but he has to compete with Rent as well! Man, even I can't deal with that kind of stress...

Dayton Peace Accord 10th Anniversary

Just a brief shout out to the Dayton Peace accord signed in Dayton, Ohio ten years ago today! Let's hope all those guys get their act together... the Serbs, etc. Another country with three states trying to find stability. Hmm! What does that remind you of? ...IRAQ! Anyway...
There was some movie news, but I forgot already. But how about that box office? Harry Potter 4 at least opened stronger than the third one did, maybe because they opened HP3 in summer, hardly a time one thinks about ghouls and goblins and the Cato Institute. HP4 crossed the 100 million barrier faster than Chicken Little, who knew.
Oh yeah! Saw the cover of Premiere magazine with Naomi Watts and the new Peter Jackson! Oh, Pete, we hardly knew ye. What's Fran gonna say? Gone Hollywood after all, my friend, even though he insists on staying in New Zealand. If King Kong doesn't make a profit, you can at least sell us on your amazing diet plan. Make a book of it. Chapter 1: Spending day and night at WETA without eating...

SNL: Quickie review - Jason Lee 11/12/05

Opening bit: A different tact with the Democrats on Darrell Hammond's Hardball. Apparently, now it's: no matter what the Dems do, they're hated. Funny! And all this time I thought that was the Republicans.
As for the rest of the show, it was an unfortunate example of what happens when the host constricts the writing staff with narrow talent limitations. It's all about the moustache and the skating! And the promoting of My Name is Earl. There's a little more on the line when you're producing the show as well. Alas, Jim Carrey wasn't on hand to interrupt the Foo Fighters this time.

John Sayles in 'Mathnet' on Square One Television

He used this appearance to help fund Eight Men Out, which featured John Cusack, who today is starring in The Ice Harvest, which I fear may end up falling through the cracks harder than the Bedazzled remake. The audiences are so fickle these days. Is it just me, or are Robert Benton and Richard Russo the same person these days? One last razz: the last time Cusack and Billy Bob were in a picture together, we got Billy Bob-gelina. Maybe this time Billy Bob and Connie Nielsen will tie the knot, who knows. It could happen!
What else? Mouth-breather Keira Knightley was recently on the Daily Show plugging her latest flick Pride and/& Prejudice, wisely side-stepping the recent Domino. Sorry, Tony, but it's a fact; besides, Donnie Darko wasn't a box-office smash initially either. In the end, it's all just projects in-between Pirates sequels. Same thing happened with the Matrix movies. Whaddayagonna do?
What other movie news... Oh yeah. Derailed! Humph! Someone declared that this is Aniston's first strike in a new campaign to be a big movie star, post-Brangelina, I guess. (back to her again, oy! Well, she is pretty hot. And lippy.) From the ads, it's Death Wish-style antics of the Attractive People vs. the Butt-Ugly people, some with the One Bad Eye. Oh, why can't the Danny Trejo-types ever be the good guys? Or is it too late for his life story to be put on film? Get on it, Spy Kids man!
Man, I exhaust myself! Over and out, good buddies.

Mike War, Not Love

So Mike Love has finally announced his political leanings and appeared on Fox News, your one stop shop for evil. In particular, the ol' Bill O'Lielly show. Bill and Mike talked about Mike's pending lawsuit against Brian Wilson in regards to the release of Brian's "Smile" album. In short, Mike needs some more money to make his monthly alimony payments. Notice how they didn't talk at all about any of Mike's new projects. I think he's got a new album out that I'm never going to hear, and he certainly isn't going to make the kind of money off that than he will off any future lawsuits against Brian. I hope he loses them all.
Oh but there's so many others to beat up on. Schwarzenegger's suffering another defeat. The graft he's taking just isn't enough these days. So there you go. If a guy as rich as Schwarzenegger takes graft even though he says he won't, what hope is there for any of us? I do have an idea for 'Terminator 4' if Jonathan Mostow's interested. This time we focus on CyberDyne Industries itself, which is now under new management. The new management tries to find a way to make their Terminators cheaper with more plastic parts instead of metal. They try to ship jobs overseas to India and China, but the unions start getting up in arms. A Terminator is sent back in time to frame the heads of the unions, but as it turns out, Terminators aren't made for espionage, just blowing stuff up really good. That's all I got so far, I figure the third act will write itself, just like it did in T3. Maybe it's time to let James Cameron do his cinematic explanation of time travel as he wanted to do in T2. Or was it The Abyss? I just don't know.
Over and out.

Simpsons 17.4: Treehouse of Horror XVI

Well, they still got it as far as I'm concerned. Starting with an homage to the beginning of 'Contact' and the end of Men in Black, the Simpsons stay on the cutting edge of sit-com writing. We'll just have to wait til 2008 to see what the movie offers.
B.I.: Bartificial Intelligence - Spielberg must've got a chuckle out of that. It follows the arc of the movie pretty faithfully up to a point, and then it becomes Robocop 2!! Now I can't get that damn Eagles song out of my head.
...can't remember the name of that second one. SURVIVAL OF THE FATTEST (had to look it up) Some good jokes: a reincarnated Apu screaming "Help me, Jesus!" and of course the bit with Moe, impaled on a cruel weather vane saying "Ah, well, might as well check my lottery ticket.... a million! Wow! I've won! Now if I can just get off this weather vane......"
I've Grown A Costume to your face... I bet Pixar wishes they thought of that. Does sound a little like a variation on the conceit of Monsters, Inc. Another good use of the massive Simpsons ensemble.

p.s. Isn't it episode 17.3? I think there were only two Simpsons last month. I hope, since that's all I taped.

Alzo Spracht Zathura

Oh, what a paltry box office weekend! The highest total grosser is Flightplan coming in at number 10, with just a shade under 100 million. Figures that family entertainment would trump Jarhead for the #1 spot, but still pretty damn good considering. No, the #1 spot goes to Chicken Little, Disney's F.U. to the departing Pixar. They may have the animation without Pixar, but word on the street is that the writing's not up to Pixar's par. Or did everyone else already forget about Valiant?

Not much else to report. Looks like Good Night and Good Luck might make a profit yet. Oscar buzz so far: Jarhead, Capote, Clooney? Will 2005 be for Clooney what 1994 was for Zemeckis, or 1997 was for Cameron? I'll get that ball rolling. Never mind, just did.

Meantime, what about Shopgirl? Maybe it's making money overseas. Steve Martin must not need the money.

Comparative Cinema 101: Fargo vs. North Country

In other news, we've gone from PG to PG-13 in the Harry Potters. Will we get to R by the seventh one? Goblet of Fire due in November. Why, I haven't even seen all of the third one! From what I saw, there's a hostage-style scene with Gary Oldman and David Thewlis, and for a second I thought I was watching Prick Up Your Ears.
Just saw a TV trailer for Syriana, or as they say on the Simpsons, Saudi Israelia. Glad to see Stephen Gaghan sobered up long enough to direct this Traffic-style saga. First drugs, now oil. Next thing you know they'll be attacking our American dependence on bananas, or chocolate.
So, Joe Wilson was on the Larry King show tonight. I'm telling you! If this was a Tom Clancy novel, Jack Ryan or Op Center- take your pick, everyone involved in leaking Plame's name would be taken care of in a Godfather-style, or Godfather 2-style, ending in which everyone gets whacked. Or maybe, whisked away to The Prisoner... I mean, the Island.
Meantime, Jeff Daniels' new movie was pointed out on The Colbert Report: The Squid and the Whale. Jeff must've thought he was making You Can Count on Me. And Noah Baumbach must've thought: this'll be just like Zissou except I'll get the profits this time!