Does hanging from the rafters make me look fat?

Which brings us to this week's Box Office Retort! At #10 it's The Marine. Don't worry, it's doing okay. It's doing better than we're doing in Iraq, anyway. In fact, it's made more money than the XFL! There's already a sequel in the works, something along the lines of Chuck Norris and his obsession with Panama in the 80s, but Dubya is very leary of any coverage, positive or otherwise, of Iraq. No surprise is good surprise to this guy, our Commander in Cheap.
And at #9, from the director of Darkness Falls comes the latest entry in the Texas Chainsaw franchise. I hope Tobe Hooper's getting some royalties out of this! Or is it just Jack Nicholson and Batman?
#8 brings us Marie Antoinette, the latest Sofia Coppola experience, although it sounds a bit like Moulin Rouge! meets ... I forget what it meets. Well, how about Deadfall, just to keep it in the family. Advance word has it that M.A. is as good as Francis' entry in New York Stories! Ouch!!!!!
Man of the Year hangs in there at #7. It's harder for a film to make an impact these days. It's hanging around longer than All the King's Men, anyway. Double ouch!!!!
At #6 it's The Grudge 2. Could be doing better, but not bad. Sam Raimi's promised to contribute any left-over profits to Dubya's campaign. He needs all he can get these days!
At the bottom of the top 5, it's Flicka. For the sake of all those people too tired or confused to say "Two tickets for 'My Friend Flicka', please!" Anyone seeing this movie, please, PLEASE do not get interested in Maria Bello's other work!!!
At #4, with the second highest total of the bunch (how sad is that?), it's Open Season! With graphics not as good as Over the Hedge, but with more staying power than Ashton's other entry this month, The Guardian (how much sadder is that?).
Debuting at #3 is Flags of our Fathers. It's come down to this, a movie about a photograph. Who needs a script at all? Like David Spade would say, I liked it the first time when it was called Saving Private Ryan!! I'm going to wait for the movie about that sailor kissing that one chick, or maybe a movie about that Betty Grable poster. Or the big-eyed National Geographic Afgahni chick. Yeah! Get on that, Rupert!
At #2, this Bud's for you, Marty! It's The Departed hanging in there, and I think it's made more than even Cape Fear! So you know what that means! Marty must really hate this movie. Time to stick it to all those ingrates who picketed TLTOC, or worse yet, DIDN'T picket Kundun!!
And finally, the big story this week, and it's The Prestige! How do account for this film's success? Personally, I think it's all the pervs out there who know they don't have a shot at my beloved S. Jo, but are planning in vain nonetheless. Watch out, babe! They're gonna gitcha someday. Anyway, The Prestige is the only other movie worth watching about magic. H. Jack was on Leno last night and explained the 3 steps of a magic trick, one of which is called the Prestige. I already forget the other two; the Explaining of the Trick, and the Trick itself, something like that. All I know is, I've got a beef with you, Mr. Nolan. Oh sure, you're on Cloud Nine after Batman 5, or whatever number it is. The point being... two points actually, 1) You're part of a franchise now, like Back to the Future or Matrix or Meatballs even. These days everyone involved goes off and does their own thing in-between sequels. They DON'T WORK TOGETHER AGAIN!!! Don't let yourselves get burned out! And 2) Their in-between-sequel projects AREN'T SUCCESSFUL! Take one or two of Keanu's projects in-between Matrix movies, for example. I rest my case. I know you're going to take my advice to heart. :)
Well, that's about all the damage I can do for now. See you all again next week? Anyone? (choking back tears...)

It's gonna be a good summah!

Or fall, rather, for Scorsese 'n company. I know Grudge 2 is the #1 story this week, but I couldn't get to last week soon enough. Also, I couldn't find a still with a red #2 on that chick's eyeball.
Anyway, it's been a long time coming between #1s. I believe it was either Cape Fear or Bringing Down the Dead that was the last time Mr. Scorsese had nabbed himself the elusive bonafide #1 spot in the Top 10. But he's got it again big time with The Departed! And how. Even though it's #2 this week, but it's still the winner for me. It's done so well, in fact, that Leo and Marty are already in talks for a Four-Peat. I don't know, Leo! Aren't you tired of Marty's Old-Man Stink?
Coming in at #3 it's Man of the Year with 12.3 million dollars, which covers the catering budget of the film so far. There's tweeters and twitters from people complaining that they were expecting a Robin Williams concert film. It's like when I saw Network recently and thought it was going to be all "I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore" moments. Although, time will tell if they're both in the same league. Personally, I think Barry's atoning for Wag the Dog with this one.
Open Season at #4, yawn. Someday soon a Pixar or Pixar-esque film will be in the Top 10 every week of the year! You heard it here first.
At #5, it's the horror entry of the week: another Texas Chainsaw sequel, or prequel, or whatever. I can't keep up. Michael Bay's going to use the proceeds to finish up Transformers.
At #6 it's The Marine, a joint venture between the Army and the WWE. I had no idea! They wanted Heath Ledger for the lead, but somehow he wasn't muscular enough. Oh well, their loss.
#7: The Guardian, Ashton's other entry. I haven't seen anything like it since Guess Who took on A Lot Like Love! Oh, was it worth selling your soul, Andrew Davis?
At #8 it's Employee of the Month, from the producers of Wedding Crashers. They must be disappointed in the overall total of this one. Not quite as high as Wedding Crashers, unfortunately. But it's doing better than Clerks 2, which advertised that it was the funniest movie since Wedding Crashers! Incidentally, speaking of sequels, Van Wilder 2? What, is it going straight to video?
#9 brings us One Night with the King, which I thought was either about Elvis or Burger King, but was way off on both counts. It's about the Biblical Esther, the Queen of Persia. They must've been running ads on Pat Robertson's network or something. I think I'd rather see The Work and the Glory! Sorry, Tiny...
Anyway, last but not least is #10 with Jackass number 2. It's made slightly more than the first one, if nothing else. Johnny Knox did pretty well in between the two, but the rest were trying to re-live the glory of the show the whole time, and so the sequel was made, but moron that later. I gotta get some sleep!!!!!

A Brief Shout-out to Genesis

Well, maybe I can take a couple moments in-between apartments to post of a fresh charging of Nostalgia Neurons, synapses, muons, axons, what have you. Is there any greater feeling in the world, when you get right down to it? I think not. For a single guy, anyway. Anyway, I've not kept up on the latest in pop music too well, but there was a time in the past when Genesis ruled MTV in the 80s. And I know Phil Collins has taken a beating in the public eye if only by falling out of it, but once upon a time he was surely one of the top 10 masters or so of pop music. The occasional straying from the formula is like nails on a blackboard, like "I wish it would rain down". Same thing with Harrison Ford. The way I see it, it's a unique musicological application of Newton's Third Law: for every action there is an equal or opposite reaction, as in, you might end up like Paul McCartney too if you had to go on the road and play "The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway" hundreds of times. Anyway, to keep it brief, I happened upon a DVD compilation of Genesis videos, and my favourites would have to be "Land of Confusion" (fig. 1), "I Can't Dance"... guess that's it. Oh yeah, "Invisible Touch" brought back some memories. Oh, I just hate having to see Mike Rutherford work so hard!
Also, check out "No Reply At All" and see Phil mess up the lip-synching, heh heh... :)

p.s. Dang! I completely forgot! Since politics in pop music is typically few and far in between, I must single out "Land of Confusion" (I heard a vocal from "Land of Confusion" on Air America Radio incorporated into a contemporary song [3/28/07 - and that song was Sly and the Family Stone's "War". Some people have way too much time on their hands... not just me for a change! :) ] ) and especially "Jesus He Knows Me", which is unfortunately even more timely than ever. Pat Robertson's diversified his portfolio so he apparently doesn't have to ask his viewing public directly for cash infusions. Boo beer, Hooray Slave Labor! (African diamond mines or otherwise)

And I thought open season was over...

Oh, Colbert will have a field day with this one. Gotta keep this short as I have a plane to catch. I'm off to Montana for a week of work! Who knew? Maybe I'll be able to post from there; I won't hold my breath but I won't take off my winter parka either. Toodles! :)