...close enough

My one weakness. I'm not really up on the good prom movie classics. I draw a total blank. Then of course, there is the scene where the swimming pool cover opens in "It's a Wonderful Life" and people start falling in. That was during a prom, right?
Anywho, Prom Night hijacks the box office this week at a whopping 20 million dollars. Which is fine, except that they spent 20 million dollars promoting the damn thing on TV! It looked a little too much like Shutter for my taste. Or The Grudge 2. Or that one where the mom's making the bed, and we see a pair of ghost legs under the sheet as it settles to the mattress. You know, Spielberg had a scene like that in Temple of Doom. It took a whole ILM team about five years to put it together seamlessly. Scary as hell! But he had it cut at the last minute. Made the film too long. Interrupted the flow, too.
But I digress again. Street Kings debuts at #2 with a whopping one eighth of a hundred million dollars, for all those of you who watch Wall Street very closely. Why this does well, and yet that thing with Batman tanks, I'll never know.
Sadly, 21's luck is slipping as it slips to #3, but with a cume of 61.7 million it's the second biggest take this week behind that Dr. Seuss crap at #6. PATHETIC!!!
Been a while since I used that one, huh? I kinda missed it too. Now, at #4 it's the dark horse, Nim's Island, but that's what I get for not watching Nickelodeon. Something like that. Oh well. They can't all be the hero of the Box Office. But you know what? At least Abigail Breslin's not going directly for the hasty sloppy Little Miss Sunshine follow-up, not like miss Juno over there, AKA Smart People at #7.
At #5 it's George Clooney's politically-charged drama, Leatherheads. Doing pretty respectably, considering! Somehow I didn't think Middle America would go for it. But somebody must be! You know Middle America, right? All those mom and pop stores sponsored by Coca-Cola and Pepsi. One old theater in town still showing The Departed.
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As for the rest of these turkeys, see above for 6 and 7. The Ruins crashes a little more at #8. Damn close to being outright condemned. But perhaps this clears the way for Indy 4, who knows. And that kick-ass spiral staircase.
At #9 it's the second generation ZAZ clone, Superhero Movie. And yet, this guy was able to get Leslie Nielsen and Pamela Anderson, almost right out of Scary Movie 3. Have they covered all the genres yet? I'm sure whatever the next one is, the Chigurh clone has GOT to be in it. Just got to be. Maybe get Chris Kattan with that same dorky haircut.
And finally, Drillbit Taylor at #10. How a guy named Drillbit got to be popular with the ladies I'll never know. But I'm sure Seth Rogen, Judd Apatow and John Hughes know the answer, and so much more. Does he slip on ice and fall on his back about ten times?

The House wins at the Box Office...

Yeah, it's 21 baby, all the way! And I'm not talking about that one with Patsy Kensit. You know, right after she hit it big with Lethal Weapon 2. No, this is Blackjack, my friends! Will this spawn a Blackjack Renaissance, much like the one we just went through with Poker? Are they scrambling to make the new Bond pic about Blackjack? Probably not. I'm still waiting for the one about Declaring War. Or Old Maid. Yeah, reminds me of when I first learned to read cards. The Old Maid card in our 2nd Grade class had a dog-eared corner. Hey! Maybe P.T. Anderson's next sprawling epic can be one of those Lars von Trier's one-take kind of thing about how 52 Card Pickup was first invented. Sky's the limit, baby, but remember: the house always wins. And they don't like jokes.

But back to the movie at hand. Anyone else notice that Kevin Spacey and Kate Bosworth are doing too many movies together? Superman 5? Beyond the Sea? This? People will say they're in love!

At #2 it's the latest Dr. Seuss pic, and it just crossed the all-important 100 million barrier. Of course, with all these Dr. Seuss pics, they're extremely cost-prohibitive, so once it crosses the 200 million barrier it'll finally turn a profit.

At #3 it's Superhero Movie. For some reason, I thought it was out already. Must've been that saturation bombing ad campaign. I feel like I've seen it already. And in a way, we all have!

At #4, it's the latest Tyler Perry flick. Hoh boy, Tyler Perry's stockholders are not going to be happy at the next shareholders meeting. Hmm! That gives Tyler a new idea for a play! Madea Kicks a little Ass at the Shareholders Meeting. Why not?

At #5 it's the latest Judd Apatow production. And here we go again. But, people grow weary of the latest Judd Apatow production, don't they? How to spice it up? Another screenwriter's input. And who do they get? Mr. Home Alone himself, John Hughes! Perhaps he's going through his Second Hipness phase. Perhaps not. Do like Matt Groening purportedly does: going through the dumpsters at school and looking at the discarded schoolwork. You know, to get in touch with the word on the street is amongst our young peoples! The teens and the tweens.
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As for the rest, it's too depressing to contemplate. But I think we should stop and look at Stop-Loss. Reminds me, I meant to watch MTV to see how hard they were pushing this one. Not hard enough, apparently. Too busy showing Jackass, still wishing they had a new Beavis and Butt-head that would really capture the hearts and minds. But they do seem to be against this war. What? The soldiers don't want to keep going back? Traitors! Maybe Mel Gibson can make the We Were Soldiers for the Iraq war. You know, Saddam in the spider hole, Saddam's statue coming down, the good times.

Jon Avnet vs. Jon Amiel: Who kicks more ass?

I always get these two confused. But they do have a lot in common: both mega-directors, both named Jon without an 'h', and on reflecting on their fruitful careers I think both would agree that the go-go 90s were their favorite decade. Nice for directors trying to be auteurs, still confused about peoples' budget fetish, but hey! It's all good.

But back to our Who Kicks More Ass question. As you can see from the picture, they are indeed Hollywood high rollers. Avnet is pictured hanging out with... Quentin Tarantino, right? And Amiel is pictured on the set of Entrapment, which you might remember was that Breach dude's favorite movie. As much as I hate to say it, these two titans are about equally matched. Even though Avnet is much more prolific as a producer, as directors they're about the same. Although I don't think Amiel made as big an impression on the cultural landscape as did Avnet with Fried Green Tomatoes. Anyone that can make unripe tomatoes hip has got that touch of Hollywood magic, no question. On the other hand, Avnet had a hand in that Inspector Gadget movie. Need more be said? Indeed, what is China to make of Jon Avnet? On the one hand, he knows how to produce an audience pleaser like that Sky Captain crap. On the other, we got Red Corner, which was all well and good in the 90s. There were probably a lot of people who wanted to see Richard Gere disappear into a Chinese labor camp, but now that China's so close to recalling all those loans, not so good.

Now, to the Amiel side. I'll confess, I saw F. Green 'maters all those years ago. Don't remember much about it, except Kathy Bates in a Saran-Wrap evening gown. Oh crap, it's all coming back to me now. Better move on. I think that's the only Avnet-directed thing I saw. Seen commercials for the others, though! As for Amiel, I've seen Sommersby, another Gere flic! Oh, that fight between Bill Pullman and Richard Gere, is that not on some fly-by-night magazines' all time movie fight lists? I also saw The Man Who Knew Too Little, during a time when Bill Murray was testing his die-hard fans. Haven't seen all of Copycat yet, but that was the time, you know. Post-Hannibal times, when movie serial killers were all the rage. You will believe Harry Connick Jr. is a creepy serial killer! Must be doing something right! Still, with a film like Copycat, never mind who's in the thing, it's all about the film stock. Much like with a Peter Hyams film. Could've released in IMAX if they really wanted.

So in summation, Your Honor, even after all that I still see these two as evenly matched. So, I'll go with the underdog here (check out their Wikipedia entries and tell me who's the underdog!) and say Jon Amiel kicks more ass. But I will say that Avnet's got something big on the horizon: another movie with Pacino and De Niro, still enjoying the retirement ends of their careers. Oh, when are Scorsese and De Niro going to get back together? And when is Pacino going to get back together with... Coppola? Harold Becker? Roger Donaldson? Michael Mann? Too many choices. Too many Auteurs to keep clear in our heads, but we'll try to sort all that out together.