(Hollywood) Auteur Watch: Shankman v. Levy - Who kicks more ass?

I always get these two mixed up, so perhaps it's time to untangle their surprisingly similar resumés. Both Adam Shankman and Shawn Levy are children of the late 60s which no doubt influenced their worldviews. Both started out as actors and both have recently come into their own as directors with monster box office hits, Shankman with Bedtime Stories, and Levy with Night at the Museum and the upcoming Night at the Museum 2: Eclectic Boogaloo. But things weren't always easy for Shankman and Levy. Both had to crawl their way through a thousand auditions during the 80s and 90s, but all that hard work paid off and we are all the richer for their acting legacy. If you had to pick one role, and given the attention spans of people today you HAVE to pick just one, it would have to be Rockula, where Shankman played 'Driver'. For Levy, it has to be Terry in The Kiss. You know, that one where the woman gets run over by the car, and it turns out both her legs were cut off, but it looks like they weren't. Classic.  The kind of thing you'll never forget... until you see it again on a TV show later on.  But alas, the realm of actors were about to lose two of their prodigal sons, as the craft of directing was more alluring to them. For it is truly the more talented actors who actually make that leap across the chasm. Every actor always has it in the back of their minds, that nagging thought that says "Hey! I can direct these crappy movies better than the lame-o's who DO get to direct 'um..." But it's not the old days, and these boys aren't afraid to do the occasional TV job. Nay, the cineplex market place is a little crowded these days. And so, with their student films under their arms, Levy with Just in Time and Address Unknown, and Shankman with Cosmo's Tale, they jumped right in to the Hollywood Shark Tank. Levy hit the TV scene with a vengeance, directing the most loved episodes of such classic shows as "Animorphs", "The Secret World of Alex Mack" and "The Journey of Allen Strange."  Shankman bided his time and landed the directing job of a lifetime: The Wedding Planner, in which he had the Herculean task of directing Matthew McConaughey in a movie where he's not leaning up against the girl in the poster. WTF?! Finally at long last these two's paths would cross... the paths of these two would cross at St. Martin's point. Levy would get there first with Cheaper by the Dozen, but Shankman would be tapped for the sequel! And of course, Shankman would do Steve's Bulworth... So really, they both came to the aid of Steve at about the same time. Hard to say who he prefers. Needless to say, they've both had a taste of the big time, and unlike Antoine Fuqua, they knew what they had to do to stay on top of their game. Shankman stayed on top with such hits as The Pacifier and Hairspray 2007, and Levy would tap the talents of the Pacifier screenwriters for his PG-rated gold mine, Night at the Museum. What an incestuous family tree! I could go on and on like this, and really, couldn't we all, but I gotta get to my NordicTrack which eagerly awaits me, so to wrap this mother up, who does kick more ass? Well, they're both pretty evenly matched. They both act and direct, but Levy writes as well. On the other hand, Shankman's a choreographer, so he always has that to fall back upon. Plus, he's on top right now with Bedtime Stories, so clearly, the Shank kicks more ass. At least, until 2009, when Night at the Museum 2: Havana Nights comes out, and that's when the Shawn will kick more ass. So until then, enjoy 2009, Shank! From the Movie Hooligan.

(Editor's note: This blog post has been digitally remastered, and slightly edited... I know.  I can't believe it either.  But you know, hey, sometimes you re-read these things and think to yourself... or rather, I think to myself, Jeebus!  Where the f... heck did THAT come from?  This was done only because of its continued topical relevance, and not because it's the target of hackers trying to exploit the "us.imdb.com" weakness.  Incidentally, IMDb, you might do well to spend some of your profits on getting that back, by the way!  Just have it re-direct to good ol' "www.imdb.com."  You know, for old times' sake!)

The last Box Office of 2008 ... HEY! Stop strangling that kid!!!

I was about to say 'Poor Jen' again, but man! The dark side finally emerges. And the timing couldn't of been worse, with Marley & Me at #1 with the biggest take at the Christmas box office. Who knew? Shades of 1990 all over again? But at least Home Alone was a Christmas movie. What's Marley's Christmas message? Become a lame columnist by using the lemons your untrained dog turns into lemonade?
Speaking of which, Adam Sandler's Winter 2008 pic, Bedtime Stories, kicks 2nd place ass at #2 with about 9 million short of #1. I TOLD you you shoulda had Copy Guy in the movie with you! People just love him, and he makes you look better. Now if Adsy were doin' Marley & Me, there would be an obligatory cameo from Cesar Millan, begging for Adam's dog training secrets on the phone. Alas, it's not meant to be because Marley & Me's a TRUE story, not a bedtime story. Oh well. Nobody's perfect. We can't all be paid to daydream.
Meanwhile at #3 it's Chad Schmidt's Benjy Button. Well, Jen has won the box office battle, but I still think Brad's winning the war. Poor Jen. And as if all that's not enough backstory to this week's Box Office Slugfest, Tom Cruise's 2008 entry bobs up out of the water at #4. And I think we all know what that means! Time for Cruise to appear in Magnolia 2: Mackey's Back!
Rounding out the top 5 is yesterday's news, Yes Man. Face it, Emily: in the Hollywood SATs, you are to Meg Tilly what Zooey is to Jennifer.
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So we got FOUR newbies in the top 5. That's some kinda record! But fear not, for we have two newbies in the lower half of this week's top 10: Doubt & The Spirit. Oh, that's my only prediction for this week that turned out right: The Spirit at 4 or lower! And I totally missed the boat on the dog movie! ...Okay, that does it. I usually let these phony links lie, but I have to address this. I don't know who your agent is, Jim Belushi... Maybe you're your own agent at this point, but you never... NEVER do the direct to video sequel! Look at the Addams Family direct-to-video sequel. Did Anjelica Huston come back for that? HELL NO! ...on the other hand, Carel Struycken came back to reprise his role. Okay, never mind. I was wrong.
Over 'n out.

Auteur Watch - Howard Franklin

Now, I know that AntiTrust has gotten a bad rap lately, but I gotta say that having seen it on my kick-ass HD TV, I was entertained! I mean, let's look at the virtues, okay? Great cinematography, courtesy of Groundhog Day lensman John Bailey... that's good, right? Oh! I know who they were showing this for. See, my theory is that these cable companies, they pick films because perhaps they're influenced by the DGA to promote the films of the hot up and comers like Catherine Hardwicke, director of Twilight, and production designer here. Just a theory. Good name, too, like Max Power. That always helps. And Tim Robbins really nails it as a Bill Gates type. Remember, nerds! You gotta deliver for the big guy!
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As for the film's place in the video store pantheon, not to give any plot points away, but it was perfect preparation for Phillippe's later work in Breach, and a fine follow-up to Arlington Road for Robbins. One scene of Phillippe's that I thought was a little strange was his reaction to seeing videotape of one of his geek friends getting the sh... getting beat with a baseball bat. But, really, isn't that how you would want your friends to react?
The plot was a little on the goofy side, and it's probably for the best that scripter Franklin didn't direct it himself. Get back on that horse, Howard! I tried not to outguess the plot too much, and the love triangle had a nice twist to it. I will concede that when the arch bad guy hugs the one girl at the end, well... THAT was pretty Hollywood. Hollywood just doesn't understand computer geeks at all, even the evil ones. Except for Swordfish, right? Right, Maxim? Incidentally, if you had a chick spectrum with Angelina Jolie on one end and Cate Blanchett on the other, where would you put Claire Forlani?
What else? Guess that's about it. Believe me, there are worse ways one could spend two hours. Sometimes you tolerate a film's flaws, and the flaws here I could tolerate. And as for all you baby Bills out there, what can I say? It's all for loops and if thens to me. As for you future Steve Jobses, be kind to your Wozniaks, if only for yourself.

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-so sayeth the Movie Hooligan

Auteur Watch - Jiří Menzel

Well, I'll give you a little taste of how ignorant I am. Take Jirí Menzel, for example. Now, if you're like I used to be, you might ask yourself, "Who?" Or maybe you're a step up and stumbled accidentally on some buzz about a film called I Served the King of England (ISKE) So you take a look at his resumé and it's almost identical to James Ivory, except for the acting credits. But where's the Ismail Merchant Yang to his Yin? Or his Jhabvala to make a trinity? ...I'll let one of you figure those out on your own. Yep, they're out there! All kinds of people in the global film community toiling away in anonymity until they break through the surface like Woody Allen with Match Point. But where's Jiri's Scarlett Johansson to... ah, skip it. There I go again. ...hmm! Just watched the trailer. Here we go again with Hitler and WWII. Looks like the kind of film Miramax used to make. I hear Rob Schneider just bought the remake rights. Kewl!

Gimme Seven Pounds, gimme Seven Pounds Mister, and you'll never see me at the movies again...

Once again the Multiplex's colon gets flushed, and a buncha newbies enter the scene! Even the headlines are flyin' about it: "Will Smith's Streak Ends," some wise-ass informs us. Of course, the aforementioned Seven Pounds, it's not quite as blatant Oscar-bait as Jamie Foxx's upcoming The Soloist, but still. And besides! Will already had his big Fourth of July hit for the year. Can't a brother get some respect for two films in one year? One megahit, one indie drama... financed by Sony?
But this week's nothing compared to the slug-fest coming Christmas weekend. Looks like a lot of peoples' streaks are gonna end: Tom Cruise, Adam Sandler, Brad Pitt... Of course, their streaks haven't been as good lately as the Fresh Prince's. They could all use a little Box Office Flomax. Sorry, had to go for it. But let's survey this week's damage quickly before we get stricken with Second-Hand Suck.
In a squeaker, Jim Carrey earns back Yes Man's ad budget at #1 with 18.4 million or so (final results pending). The Brits top our charts again with Seven Pounds at #2, and the French close behind with Despereaux at #3. Tres magnifique! (Did I get the accents right?)
Meanwhile, the remnants of meals past lingers on, as DESS leads the chunk at #4, with our old pals Four Xmases, Twilight and Bolt trailing close behind. But what's this? Beating out Wolverine and Bond is the indie scene! It's Danny Boyle's Slumdog Millionaire! A darling of critics and the indie audiences, it sells out and joins the élite of the Top 10, just like Little Miss Sunshine and many others I'm forgetting. But, c'mon, Danny! First Millions, now Slumdog Millionaire... what next? The Warren Buffett Story? Puh-leeze! Keep your daemons hidden, will ya? Besides, the way the world ecomony's going, a billion's not going to be enough.
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Guess that's about it for this week. Besides, gotta save up for next week. That's when the real fun begins! Here's how I hope it turns out: Benji Button at #1, Hitler second, Sandler third, and the Spirit fourth, if that. Why only third for Sandler? Because Rob Schneider's not in this one! Oh, this must be the prestige pic, the second makeup Oscar, huh? Copy Guy's not good enough for this one, huh, Adsy? I gotta go...

Auteur Watch - Olivier Megaton

Now normally I would reserve this spot for the likes of the hot young director of the #1 movie this week, but somehow the far more interesting story is that of the abovementioned, whose Transporter 3 has been hanging in there by fingernails lo these far too many weeks. Behold the power of Statham. Which reminds me, we just got Snatch on DVD. Of course, that was pre-Karate Statham, so it's like a whole different bird. All together!!
So what gives, anyway? Much like the Species series or the Alien series before it, each Transporter movie in the series has a different director! ...what other series of note? What the heck, the Jaws series; half sci-fi. But it's the writers that tie the respective movies in each series together. In the instant case, it's Robert Mark Kamen, writer of such hits as The Karate Kid 3 and Lethal Weapon 3... okay, so the Oscars have apparently left him to languish by the wayside. As it turns out, that Ph.D. is paying off, because this guy's the American emissary of ... TA-DA!!! Luc Besson! The Stephen J. Cannell of France. Okay, that was below the belt. But how does one classify ol' Luc? Part Tarantino, part Spielberg, all filmmaker. Of course, even Spielberg doesn't have as many puppet directors as Besson for all the B-List projects he's producing. And Luc's entering into Zemeckis Mo-Cap territory with all these Arthur and the Invisibles trilogy crap. Who do you think you are? The Wachowskis? He must have a secret brother director. Besides Kamen.
But Olivier, he's got a plan to distinguish himself from the likes of Leterrier and Nahon and Krawczyk and Pires and Corey Yuen and Bonvoisin and the countless others, I can only assume. Well, ol' Olivier's got a plan all right. I still can't figure out what it is, but I think it has something to do with working with other people named Olivier. Like Angie co-writer Olivier Bocquet! Or Exit editor Olivier Mauffroy! C'mon now. There's gotta be one more here... Or how about La Sirène Rouge sound syncer Olivier Chatron? Or how about special effects makeup artist Pierre Olivier Persin? ...yeah, but it's close enough. I guess his plan is to borrow the cars of these people, find their checkbooks in the glove, and write a few checks. What the hell. Beats going back to graffiti, eh? I gotta get some sleep...

If the shoe fits...

Oh, man! Look at the President and his cat-like reflexes! This is the kind of thing he should be doing for a living, calling out insults from a dunk tank. Instead, there he is in Iraq for one last brief, spontaneous un-planned surprise visit. You know, they say having shoes thrown at you is a great insult in Iraq. And yes, I had the same reaction to that news as you: they're obviously far, far too civilized. If only we had illegally invaded a country where the ultimate insult is having fresh human feces thrown at you. Now, so far no one believes me, but I still firmly believe that if I were Dubya right now, just having had shoes thrown at me for the whole world to see, I'd HAVE to go back to Iraq to get it right. I mean, Iraq's his whole legacy! How is it going to look in the grand scheme of things on TV, with the liberal media constantly showing those same shoes getting thrown at me? That would just be bugging the hell out of me, as much as a splinter under a fingernail. I thought Iraq and I were friends!
Oh, but enough about him. About 30 days left and he'll physically be gone, even though the trail of destruction he's left behind will linger for years and years. Fortunately, the weekly business of tallying the Top 10 movies at the box office continues unabated! And as expected, the #1 this week is the big Keanu Reeves sci-fi special effects spectacle, Matrix 4. Also known as the remake of the 1951 sci-fi classic, The Day the Earth Stood Still. I'm waiting for them to remake the more campy 50s sci-fi classics like Them! or Attack of the 50 Ft. Woman. Get on it, Carpenter! Meantime, we'll just have to make do.

As for the rest of the second bests, well, it's really just the usual lot of stereotypical Christmas and/or Holiday movies. There's the stereotypical Christmas comedy, the stereotypical vampire-based chick flick, the stereotypical Pixar wannabe, albeit a little better than they usually are, the stereotypical James Michener - Louis L'Amour Out of Africa but with a different country sprawling epic, the stereotypical Bond pic... oh, wait, it's an actual Bond pic... Dinner time! Sorry, gotta go.

Auteur Watch - John Patrick Shanley

Now, who's that handsome lookin' bastid? Is it Bill Pullman? Ed Begley's more handsome, less eco-conscious brother? Perhaps it's Kevin Kline getting ready to portray another President or British journalist? Well, you'd be dead wrong, my friend! Because it's JPS: John Patrick Shanley, Master of the Carpe Diem Arts, and like Bob Shaye he's rising once every seventeen years to direct a movie! This time it's Doubt, based on HIS play which he got the Pulitzer for! Eat that, Mamet! And yet, how does it get fast-tracked and Art languishes on the stage? Where's the justice? Personally, I would've done another movie before I went right to the big Pulitzer-prize winning play. You could learn a thing or two from Tyler, Johnny! Gotta make 'em wait a little bit. Gotta parcel that sh... stuff out. And I gotta go!

Is this the same week?

I mean, seriously? Let's see, Four Christmases STILL at #1. Twilight STILL at #2. Bolt at #3 for THREE weeks in a row! I think they're running that ad. "Go see Bolt! The #3 movie for three weeks in a row." Kewl.

Oop. So much for that theory. Australia castles with Quantum of Solace and they switch. So it's a little different. Maddy 2 STILL at sixth, and Tranny 3 STILL at seventh as they say at Variety. Meanwhile, Role Models slips two places to #10, but it's still the strongest showing for a David Wain movie. He must be the Trey Parker of Stella. That's a good thing, right?

Okay, it's not all the same. Just mostly the same. We got two newbies: Punisher 2, and Dreamgirls 2. Or is it Grace of my Heart 2? Five Heartbeats 2? Soul Men 2? Telling Lies in America 2?? 2 many choices, I say! I gotta go. Biz-ee week 4 me. Speaking of which, I think I finally figured out why the word Numbers is now Numb3rs, and Thir13en Ghosts is misspelled. It's these bloody password requirements! Gotta be at least one number and one punctuation mark. The computer nerds triumph again! In a completely petty, arbitrary way! Hooray!

Auteur Watch - Michael Hoffman

Oh, who to profile next? Too many to choose from, and I have no requests, so why not Michael Hoffman? He's an old hand at this by now, even though his career's pretty much skated along under the radar. But even so, he falls under the spell of my Decade theory. The 80s may be his favourite, starting off a young whippersnapper, acting alongside the likes of Hugh Grant. There's other directors like him that had to struggle along with the independent, Merchant-Ivory-esque fare in the 80s but they came into their own in the 90s. For me, it was Soapdish that did it. Fun movie. Also, the proving ground where he would collaborate with Robert Downey Jr. for Restoration, and Kevin Kline with a couple others. So surely the 90s is his favorite decade career-wise, if only because Clooney still fondly recalls One Fine Day.
The 2000s, not so much. Oh sure, it's the era when indie film festival buzz has some sashay, but what good is it if no one sees the damn movie, like Game 6? But this decade may not yet be a total wash, for Hoffman's poised! Poised, I say, to make a triumphant return to the box office AND the Oscars with... The Last Samurai. I mean, The Last Station Agent. No, wrong again. I mean, The Last Emperor? Mohican? The Last Boy Scout? The Last Action Hero? The Last of the Red Hot Livers? Red-Hot Dragons? The Last American Virgin? Man, I can't seem to type it out, but I'll get it. The main thing is, it's in good company. As long as that loser from the movie Wanted doesn't act like a total primadonna, thinking he can direct it himself.

Short Reviews - Nov. '08

Slow month. Helluva Thanksgiving dinner, though!
I wonder if those Classmates.com people ever regret releasing their likenesses to this enterprise. Okay, enough stalling, let's dive into it.

The Tale of Despereaux - Might be good! Wonder what the kids think? It's for them, really. Me, that mouse kinda creeps me out. I mean, I got past the ears, but then we get into the nostrils and the human-like eyes. So unreal. Don't mice have red beady eyes? I'm a-feared that Despereaux may be a human-animal hybrid.

Arthur et les Minimoys sequels... one, two, oh, they're comin', folks! Avec une vengeance, ah? Who does he think he is, Harry Potter?

Lethal Weapon 5 - This is a joke, right?

Ghostbusters 3 - A remake of the first Ghostbusters. This is a joke, right?

X Files #The Field where I cried... I mean, Died - No, I was the one doin' the cryin'... Oh, I get it. It's like that episode of MASH where Alan Alda does all that crying. Any way we can give this episode a belated Emmy AND Oscar? As for Kristen Cloke, you think something like her performance would've sent her into the stratosphere. At least Glen & James remember'dja!

Everybody Wins - A lot like The Field Where I Cried, as near as I can tell...

Drop Dead Fred - Still goin'!

Freddy's Dead - Not dead enough.

Fred Claus - No sequel yet?

The Jerk - Classic

The Jerk Theory - Classic theory.

Platoon - Classic

Platoon Leader - Classic title, anyway.

Behind Enemy Lines - One film that the National Film Preservation Foundation is gonna let go...

"Twenty Good Years" - 13 bad episodes...

The Getaway (1972) - Kinda slow. Oh, I just can't believe Peckinpah directed that. He sold out, man!

Tropic Thunder - We couldn't finish it somehow. Don't know why. The fake commercials were good and all. Guess that was the best part.

Bad Medicine - Wow! Only one GERMAN review? Get on that, Onion A.V. Club! It can't be all scheisse!

Lower Learning - Dream coming true, Corddry?

Mikey - Far as I know, it's the only movie featuring the rugged Black Angus Restaurant guy. ...Man! Can't find everything on the web!...

Benjy Button - Where's the ad campaign, guys? Or did you already blow all your money like Howard Dean?

Well, guess I better get to bed. The cat's sneezing in front of my door.

Gimme 4 Xmases, gimme 4 Xmases, Mister, and you'll see me forever more!

I KNEW those numbers were too good to be true! Why, I don't think I've ever seen the top 7 movies rake in so much money. Maybe the economy's not doing so bad after all. Well, we got one, two, three, count 'em four newbies on the charts, so guess we'd better get started!
At #1 it's the latest Vince Vaughn vehicle. It doesn't really matter what it's about, does it? Man, we just watched the Larry Sanders episode with him. Oh, he was so young and thin! And he's come a long way from the blurry, independent pictures that Hank Kingsley so derided. It's kinduva scary job, but Vince is up for it. "No! No 'up', for whatever 'it' that there may be 'is'-ing..." Sound familiar?
Back at #2 where it belongs, thanks to the recount, it's Bolt. Of course, #1 is always better, but they can always run the ads that say #1 Comedy in America... #1 Animated Comedy in America, that is. #1 Animated Comedy without Vince Vaughn. Oscar, please?
At #3, Twilight. Oh, never mind the critics, girls! It's the new Titanic, but without all that boring cliché obligatory period piece crap. Although dresses back then were much nicer, don'tcha think?
At #4, Quantum of Solace. Okay, maybe it's not the best Bond ever, but it's gotta be one of the priciest. Why, some internet genius did the complex math, crunched the numbers, and figured out that this latest Bond outing cost almost as much as all the Roger Moore Bond movies combined! That is, if you don't count all that little stuff like wig adhesive and denture polish.
And finally, at #5. Oh, way down there, Baz. Way down. Well, this isn't 1996 with Romeo + Juliet, nor is it 2001 with Moulin Rouge! I haven't actually seen that one, so I won't bash it like all the ingrates who've actually seen it have. Face it! Sometimes you gotta be the hero. You paved the way for Chicago to win Best Picture 2002! Single-picturedly, or something.
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What was I talking about? Oh yeah, 6 to 10. Ugh. Always a bad area to debut in. Especially T3: The Transporter-bot. I mean, Luc Besson's Transporter 3. Well, at least we haven't seen rampant Taxi sequels yet. But that's coming, I'm sure. Am I the only one who likes Jimmy Fallon? Hey, maybe he can do a movie about that stoner character he does, you know, the guy with dreadlocks and his fat friend Gobi? Too much like Wayne's World? Or too little? So many questions, so few answers. Besides the fact that it hasn't happened yet.
What else? Well, we got the prestige pic Milk. Oh, doesn't Sean Penn have enough accolades? Or Gus Van? Well, maybe this is Gus's big year. It wasn't with Elephant, lamentably. Or Gerry, or... well, we could go on and on, but we do wish him well. It'll either be this, or W. maybe that gets Oscar'd to death. Either way, Brolin wins. That's the main thing. And that's about all I got energy for right now! 'night.