Auteur Watch - Alan Rudolph

I'm sorry, but I've got to put my foot down. If you've got a foot, you've just got to put it down, and down here is where mine is going to be put. I'm sure Alan Rudolph is a nice guy and all, but he's got to go. Seriously, he's got to be drummed out of the DGA right along with Eric Schaeffer and Matthew Meshekoff.
AND the guy who directed 1981's Tattoo. What's his name? Bob Brooks... okay, looks like he already took care of that. Never mind.
But back to Mr. Rudolph. He's at least got one film so far that he'll be remembered for, and that, of course, is Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle. And I'm starting to wonder about that one! No, it's still good. But THAT'S IT! Like with most normal people, Kevin Smith's got Clerks 1, Spike Lee's got Do The Right Thing, and M. Night Shyamalan's got The Sixth Sense. Some directors just end up with one film that way.
The son of director Oscar Rudolph, Alan was born in the industry's backyard on December 18th, 1943. Fortunately, Alan wouldn't be consigned to the TV directing ghetto like dear old dad. Yes, no matter how you slice it and dice it, Alan's a director only a film critic could love.
Oh yeah! Almost forgot. So, what's Mr. Rudolph's favorite career decade? Perhaps it's the go-go 60s, when he was just starting out, assistant directing for the likes of Buzz Kulik and Alex March? Or perhaps the go-go 70s, when he assistant directed for Robert Altman? Oh, a screenwriter can surely become king with a little luck and nepotism beneath his wings!
Perhaps the 80s. Alan weathered the ravages of the Me Decade with some under-the-radar writer-director numbers. But it was the 90s that would bring upon him much unwelcome attention. First with 1991's Mortal Thoughts starring Die Hard star Bruce Willis and Mrs. Bruce Willis, Demi Moore. And second with the Mrs. Parker thingie. Finally! Some damn recognition! Or perhaps it was the 2000s, when he took that recognition and cashed it in to make The Secret Lives of Dentists. See, I have a problem with this movie. Apparently, Denis Leary calls someone a lousy dentist, and they don't call him a lousy comedian right back. A movie's gotta have a certain amount of credibility in my book.
But he's got something on the front burner. Something called Blind Spot. That'll probably be in the 2010s, which will probably be his favorite decade of all. I'm so depressed...

Close enough...

Oh, this is just too good to start at #1. Time to break down this week's box office starting with #10: The Final Destination is now on its way to the video stores. Knocking Whiteout to #11 or lower, it's had quite a run indeed. Surely this isn't the last installment? Maybe whoever wins the Alien v. Predator court case can move on to The Big Dance and face off with Final Destination there.
Moving briskly on to #9, it's Sorority Row, a horror franchise in the making... or did it make enough to justify a sequel? If it were up to me, sure, but cooler heads shall always prevail in these matters, I'm afraid. Meanwhile, All About Steve is about to go down in flames. That may be the end of the story for that would-be franchise. Besides, I'm still waiting for Hope Floats 2, if only on video with Amanda Bynes and Drake Bell in the leads. Forest won't come back to direct, but Sandra will executive produce and return as a grandmother, telling Amanda to not make the mistakes she once made. You've seen it all before, folks.
Inglorious Basturds rounds out the Top 7, and 9 rounds out the Top 6. I have to call it 9 (Nine) in Excel, otherwise it skews my data.
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Awright, enough of that crap. On to the winners! At #5 is the highly promoted Jennifer's Body. Welp, looks like Megan Fox won't get to ask for 20 million for Transformers 3. No, Bay would just as quickly replace her with Demi Moore. What? Demi could still pull it off! I'll save my other quips for next week, if this turkey's still around. Things like Needy? A girl named Needy. Perfect. If a MAN wrote this screenplay, he'd be crucified for that character name.
And speaking of bad movie names, #4's Love Happens has a hoot: Jennifer Aniston plays Eloise! Aaron Eckhart does NOT play Abelard. For shame. I consider it a lost opportunity. Hopefully, he does, too.
Numbers 3 and 2, no surprise there, but #1! I shoulda known, but I coulda sworn the non-kid demographic would come through for me this week. Notta chance. No, it's the kid friendly Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs at #1. Which means that Bill Hader might finally get to kiss his day job at SNL goodbye, but who knows? Those jobs are worth having these days. Except for Darrell Hammond. Where's his superfluous roles in Adam Sandler bombs? Where's his cameos in Judd Apatow / Ben Stiller productions? I gotta get cracking on that Neo-Rat Pack thing of mine. I better go...

Auteur Watch - Robert Rodriguez

So what's THIS boy wonder up to lately? Well, after bombing so ruthlessly with his 2009 offering, Shorts, he's on to bigger and better things. He's hard at work on the Sin City trilogy, and look! Another Jetsons reboot! Well, every twenty years or so, Hollywood is doomed to try again, I suppose.
But leave us apply the Decade Theory lest I forget. Some directors weave their spell so well sometimes that I forget to. But it'll be short, anyway, since there are only an action-packed two. There's the go-go 90s when he first rocked the low-budget film world with his $7,000 movie. Some might credit the guy's publicist, I say the public was eager to believe. To believe in the little guy, like Slacker and its near-anagram, Clerks, and El Mariachi. In the wake of big bloated Hollywood productions crashing on the rocks like Last Action Hero and Jurassic Park, often on the same release date! No, people were ready to cleanse their jaded pallets... and palates... with lower-carb fare like Brothers McMullen and anything by Jon Jost... Okay, not THAT independent. But still. Or maybe it's the mid-90s, when Quentin Tarantino took him by the hand and led him to cable greatness with Desperado and From Dusk Till Dawn, and probably some others.
Or is the 2000s his favourite decade? Perhaps the first half when he first hit upon box office gold with the kid-friendly Spy Kids franchise and its McDonald's tie-ins? Or the second half when he traded in his old wife for Rose McGowan on the set of Grindhouse? Probably that part, yeah. I think so, too. But while she's off doing Red Sonja, and BEING Red Sonja, ol' Bobby's got his work cut out for him. So raise a glass to Robert Rodriguez, everybody! Cheers. Grindhouse forever. And may the trilogies never die.

Indeed...

Why, it seems like only yesterday that Madea Goes to Jail was in theaters... oh, wait, it was February 22nd. And now, almost seven months later, we get the next installment in the ongoing Madea series, and it's called I Can Do Bad All By Myself. From what I can tell, the film version is a sheer bastardization of the stage play. Van Morrison's song cut out. The young black man out of prison replaced by a Mexican. Everybody's STILL outsourcing these days. Apparently a decent living wage isn't a moral issue yet. But lemme just say this to all you haters out there: Madea sure can deliver a good malapropism when pressed to. Mixing toupee with toothpaste? Does NOTHING warm the hearts of you big city slicker types?
All right, enough about that. Coming in at #2, a film that dares go where Pixar can't afford to yet: PG-13 territory. And at a fraction of the budget! It's called 9. And it's another one of these feature adaptations of a great student film. Oh, they never turn out right, I tells ya. I like the ads for this because they say: from producers Tim Burton and Tim Beck-Mumbles-a-lot... hmmm. That sounds half-right. Better look it up... Timur Bekmambetov, that's it. And no, he's not Borat's wacky sidekick. I guess you could call him the Russian Guillermo Del Toro... something like that.
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And sticking with just the debuts this week, we've got two more to go! Four debuts in a week even though summer's supposed to be winding down here! What gives, eh? The horror has it with two fresh horrific entries, Sorority Row and Whiteout. Whiteout is basically a reboot of The Thing (from Another World), meets Ice Station Zebra. Meets The Day After Tomorrow? Oh, we could go on forever. As for Sorority Row, well... poor Carrie Fisher. It's come down to this. I hope you got as much of that $16 million budget as you could. I just hope you didn't catch any of that crew gossip like Meryl did in Postcards. I better go.

Auteur Watch - Paul Quinn

I shoulda known. Shows you what I know! Apparently the Quinn family's this huge dynasty. Not quite as big or as flamboyant as the Baldwins, but up there. Aidan's The Mighty, and let's say, Paul here is The Large, for lack of a better descriptor. Okay, so his career's a little slower than Aidan's, but that's out of respect and deference! He barely qualifies for my Decade Theory, but I'd have to say his favorite is probably the go-go 90s, which makes the 60s look like the 50s, as we all remember. Yes, he tried the acting thing, piggybacking into Avalon somehow, and a couple others as well, but you know what? Directing, that's his thing. And what more appropriate film than a thinly-veiled autobiographical effort? Called This is My Father. I think it's about his eccentric uncle who's a hitman for the IRA, but everyone calles him Father... I'm going to leave 'calles' misspelled as it is. Sometimes you just gotta honor these typos, as you realize your facilities are breaking down. Declan Quinn!! I shoulda figured that. Why, he's almost as big a cinematography star as Aidan is an acting star, dare I say. Oh, Paul's way way left in the lurch. He's the Daniel Baldwin of the family. But at least he had sense enough to direct just one episode of Scrubs. Lemme guess: when you get right down to it, everyone's a little different? Whether you're the a$$hole janitor or a perky-eyed love interest, or the Ray Romano-esque leading man?
Of course, like all Hollywood phonies, perhaps Paul Quinn's favorite decade will be the 2010s. Oh, he's got irons in that fire, especially with Good Ol' Boy on the horizon. And with Declan at his side, it's Look Out, Coens! Hold all the lenses you want, Good Ol' Boy's comin' to get you.

Have a very merry Un-Labor Day, heh heh...

Boy! I was starting to worry about the IMDb there for a minute! But it looks like I can rely on their Top 10 once again and not have to switch over to the street walkers over at Variety. Oh, I gotta keep things short and terse this month... so far. Well, I and a lot of people can hardly believe it. Even David Ellis can't believe it! Yes, in a squeaker, Final Destination beats out Quentny's Intolereable Basturds for the second week in a row, in a final tally as contentious as The Specialist vs. Pulp Fiction. Oh, and there are three debuts this week. All About Steve debuts at #3, but don't worry. Sandra's having a fine year, and so is 'Sack' Lodge. Why, I almost feel sorry for the guy, having to hold that same expression on his face all the time. Looks like All About Steve is Management in reverse, with Sandra Bullock playing the Steve Zahn role. I'll probably never get to see it, though, because look! We're already on to the next debut which is...
Gamer, close behind at #4. Oh, great. Another movie about video games. It would've been a bigger debut if it was based on a more specific game. And finally, Mike Judge's latest effort, Extract, debuts at #9, making it a prime candidate for my year-end wrap-up of the one-week wonders. Well, Beavis, that's how these cult films get started, you know. They often can't be cult films right out of the gate! It takes time! And money! And suffering! And more time! Maybe Absolut can foot some of the bill for the cult-ification of this one, heh heh. I mean, huh huh. I gotta go.

When "World's" Collide

Oh, I almost totally forgot that I saw this. Might as well get a damn review out of it. And while I'm happy for Jimmy Kimmel... at least, I THINK I am, this will surely put his Kingmaker status to the test. I guess the film wasn't good enough to be funded by his Jackhole Industries, but he did have director and frequent Kimmel collaborator Bobcat Goldthwait, and frequent Jimmy Kimmel Live guest and the film's star Robin Williams, on his show not too long ago. It did manage to generate some headlines which may translate into some extra box office. We shall see.
For me, these days, a film's ultimate sin is amateurishness. And while Goldthwait and company are far from amateurs in the world of professional comedy, in terms of putting a film together, World's Greatest Dad smacked ever so slightly of film school. Mostly in the cinematography and the script. I said it before and I'll say it again: Donnie Darko director Richard Kelly was one of the film's producers; couldn't he get Poster to do this? And Robin: after all the times they worked together, couldn't he get Donald McAlpine to do a little pro-bono work? I dunno; maybe the sets were too small.
Or maybe it's the Curse of Seattle. Seattle gets all the lame movies: Life or Something Like It, Assassins, Disclosure to name a few. Even Cameron Crowe gave up on Seattle! But I know someday he will come back to complete the trilogy. Even if it's just a documentary about Starbucks or the EMP, he will come back.
But maybe World's Greatest Dad will change all that. I mean, they musta went all over! Downtown, West Seattle... I recognized our dorky park signs with the bright color stripes: red, green... perhaps you remember them!
And I use the word 'dorky' half-ass deliberately, because the script seems mired in the world of South Park and ... well, pretty much South Park. I had another example before. In case you don't know my world view, that's bad. South Park may have had some moments, but to me it's pretty much amateur night. Oh! South Park and Kevin Smith, and all other proponents of the school of comedy that says if you don't find our stuff funny, you have no sense of humor. Their problem is they can't distinguish between comedy and just plain obscenities. No, that all-too-useful website urbandictionary.com is going to put a dent in the potty-mouth humor market. Mark my words: schoolyard bullies HATE this website because it levels the playing field for them. They had to learn their obscenities the old-fashioned way.
...Where was I? Oh yeah. I know this is getting a lot of critical praise right now, and if you notice it's not for the cinematography. But some have philosophically asked themselves: how did this work of genius pull it off? How does it take an act of tragedy (auto-erotic asphyxiation gone awry) and turn it into dark comedy gold? For me, it seems to do it by dealing as thoroughly as possible in stereotypes. The school that Robin Williams teaches at is populated by stereotypical students, teachers and administrators. This seems to have a soothing effect on the tragedy that the film's based upon. Some of the characters here are good, like Toby Huss, but he plays a publishing agent who shows up at the end. Alexie Gilmore does what she can here as the love interest. I hate to say this is a role of a lifetime for her, but this should propel her to bigger and better things.
Another script device is the recycling of elements. I hate to give anything away here, but one critic did complain that Goldthwait tends to overuse the musical montage. If it's done well, I don't have a problem. Williams' big scene uses a song called 'Don't Be Afraid, You're Already Dead' by a group named Akron/Family. It was effective. But to nitpick, notice how Williams moves so his face isn't in the dark towards the end of the scene. I believe they call that 'bad blocking.' But the other one that some may criticize is the dual use of the Queen/Bowie song, Under Pressure. It is used by a student in Williams' class that they try to pass off as an original work, and used in the final scene when Williams tells the truth, in a moment that reminded me of all the times Lisa Simpson tells the truth on 'The Simpsons' and restores the family's personal status quo. If only the script relied on The Simpsons for more inspiration: they work blue, too!
And then of course, there's Bruce Hornsby. He does about as well here as he would have in a similar Adam Sandler comedy.
I think that's about all I had on this, but I will end on a note of praise by talking about the plot. It is a classic comedy setup: Robin Williams is a teacher at the same school as his ultimate nightmare of a son. Now, how does that reflect upon each other? Of course, people forget: Robin's son Kyle did have that one moment of insight about Robin's love interest: Claire, the art teacher. Kyle called her 'a little pretentious,' something like that. Perhaps Kyle will serve as a warning to all parents out there who give unsupervised internet access to their children... perhaps.

**1/2

-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Reflections on Viewings Past: The House that Couldn't Slow Down

I mean, c'mon! Is that the best title they could come up with? The Tenth Man? Okay, so it's the name of the Graham Greene novel... or so I hear. Lemme check my local library...'s website; ah, the modern age. Yep, it's called that, all right. And for those of you out there who get annoyed when they use the title in the film, oh, it's a humdinger when they use it! Sorry, you're going to have to suffer through it as I did.
I can't remember what channel it was on: one of those special HD channels that only the blessed now get. For a small fee. They called it a world premiere. Okay, so it was a TV movie originally, and the music pretty much confirms that... check it out when Hannibal goes back to his house, and has to move fallen branches from the driveway. Am I right or what? But the point was, how often does a TV movie boast this caliber of cast? Exactly. Anthony Hopkins does his usual exemplary work. Well, what they should tell you in acting class is to go for the Oscar every time, just like De Niro did when starting out with Roger Corman. Who knew? Kristin Scott Thomas, well, she looked quite young but obviously working on Under the Cherry Moon aged her terribly. And needless to say, when Derek Jacobi appears, he gives the film some much-needed oomph. I hope that doesn't give too much away.

Cinematography: by Alan Hume, best known for all the James Bond films he did, and many of the infamous Carry On series. Oh, and A Fish Called Wanda. Why, he must've been pulling his hair out on this one! Where's the comedy? Where's the action?

Okay, I'll divulge a little of the plot, as any good film critic does. Place: Nazi-occupied France. Time: 1941... hmm! Just like Inglourious Basturds, only not as blatantly cinephilic, probably. The Germans do random sweeps of city streets to keep those damn French under control. And in one of their sweeps, Boom! They grab Hopkins and off to their hoose gow they go. There's thirty prisoners, and the Germans are ordered to execute three... or ten percent of their prisoners. I think that's how they phrased it. And so, the men draw lots from someone's shredded-up letter. And wouldn't ya know it? Hopkins gets one of the three death straws! So far, he's two for two. But he's a rich man and he's finally able to put it to some damn use. And he finds a guy with a bad cough to take his place for him: the Germans don't care which three prisoners, they just need any three. And so, using his extensive lawyering skills he draws up a will and testament for himself and for the sick dude taking his place. And since the sick dude won't be able to enjoy Hopkins' wealth, he bequeaths it all to his mother and sister. And so, the big day comes and, just like in Paths of Glory, the three prisoners get shot.
Three years later, Hopkins gets out of prison, with one beard and zero money. And eventually he realizes, there's only one place to go: back home. But there's one problem: the sick dude's mother and sister are there. And Hopkins quickly intuits that the sister has become SUPER ANGRY WOMAN! Her super power? Rage. Rage at that craven coward who traded his wealth for her brother's life, and if that double-dealing bastard ever comes back to his own house... well, it spirals out of control from there. He passes himself off as someone other than himself and ends up staying. Will she find out his true identity? Will they be able to go to the big dance without fear of identification? But really, when you get right down to it, aren't all relationships like theirs? That's a bit of a stretch, I know, but I still gotta ask.
Seriously, though, I will say, and this is my big chance to use all those months spent taking all those Comp. Lit. classes... oh, wait, I didn't take any Comp. Lit. classes. Damn! Anyway, for a bad SAT-esque analogy, what William Styron is to Sophie's Choice, Graham Greene is to The Tenth Man. Why is it Sophie's choice? Wasn't it the Germans' choice to be evil? But then again, what do I know? I'm just a snot-nosed kid with graying hair... bad combination. So young, so wide-eyed, so naive about how things work in the real world. I'm telling you, though, you gotta like it when Jacobi shows up.

And that's about it, my friends. So, what star rating? Well, the way I usually do it, I say that three stars means it was worth at least one viewing. There wasn't much visually striking that would be worth going back for; well, maybe that jail cell at the beginning. Three and a half means there was a couple scenes worth seeing again, and four means it's a classic that I'm going to keep forever and ever amen, which doesn't explain why I've got Indiana Jones 4, but that's another story. For this one? Three stars. Next please!

***
-so sayeth the Movie Hooligan