Hey! I Saw That... Blue State, that is

Not bad for a road trip movie that apparently was filmed just in San Francisco and Winnipeg. And not bad for the budget. In cases like these, I confess I can be a bit of a budget fetishist, but let's face it: $950,000 just doesn't go as far as it did, say, about twenty years ago. And the fact that it was filmed in 16mm is even more admirable, indeed. At least it didn't look like streaky crappy digital video. I'm reminded of Grand Theft Parsons all of a sudden. How much was the budget on that? ...oh, they'll never tell! Anyway, the plot is based on the urban legend, most often attributed to Alec Baldwin. A dude (Breckin Meyer) declares that he'll move to Canada if Dubya wins the 2004 election. Ah, a period piece. And what a lousy period. Of course, when Meyer uttered the famous phrase I got the feeling his heart wasn't in it. Maybe he's like me, and still depressed over how that election turned out. Anyway, the story was a bit thin, so veteran Anna Paquin comes along for the ride. She's cooler than he, but she's got her own issues, too. Meyer did plan ahead, though, and he has a destination in Canada. Kinduva cross between The Sure Thing and Be Your Age, more like the latter. I wouldn't dream of spoiling the plot any further, if only out of respect.

***
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Auteur Watch - Edgar Wright

Oh, good thing I picked him, because he's got a short résumé, and I gotta get back to my homework. Surely the 2000s are his favourite decade? What with Shaun of the Dead getting into the IMDb Top 250 and all. Hot Fuzz, not so much. Well, maybe it was bigger across the pond, who knows. But he's worming his way into bigger camps: first, the Tarantino camp with a fake trailer for Grindhouse, and the Spielberg camp, being a scribe on one of those damn Tintin movies we keep hearing so much, yet seeing so little, about! He's got four films in the fire... I smell career burnout! But he's getting the band back together to complete the Frost / Pegg / Wright trilogy: something called The World's End. See, because between 2012, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, The Road, The Day After Tomorrow, and An Inconvenient Truth, there just aren't that many movies about the end of the world! Who will fill the gap?

American ly... as in lycanthropy

I think I'm on to something here, but I need to find my copy of Animal House for better proof. Somehow it slipped out of my three boxes of DVDs.
Anyway, I know I shouldn't be, but I'm kinda glad Paranormal Activity finally left the Top 10 this week. Maybe because of the implications of the various movie makers' unions involved, or in the case of that film, NOT involved. It's just a bedroom and a camera for 90 minutes! No, a far better gimmick this week is that damn Twilight sequel that finally came out. Shame on the 2012 people. They spent anywhere from 200 to 260 million dollars, and look where it got 'em! Twilight cost 50 million, and it's already posting Dark Knight-esque numbers! And at 130 minutes, it's epic-esque. Now, there are some naysayers out there who use this as yet another lightning rod for the downfall of American culture. They say, look at where this country's headed, when Twilight's #1 and Sarah Palin's book... well, Sarah Palin has a book. Incidentally, I think on the Curb Your Enthusiasm finale, Elaine missed a bet by not dressing up as Sarah, but that's just the jealousy talking, of course. Then, some joker left a review of Twilight on my beloved IMDb saying, "What kind of a message does this send to young girls?" They go on to say that the message is for girls to stand by and fawn while a guy fixes his motorcycle. First of all, that's just dishonest and has no credibility as far as I'm concerned. They can do that and watch Twilight at the same time! And second, girls know quality when they see it. Sure, they're probably not going to stand by fawning if you're a chess club nerd playing against another chess club nerd. If a vampire dude saves your life from getting crushed by a minivan, you stand by that man! Incidentally, how can he go out in the daytime? I thought vampires couldn't do that. No, he's probably a hot young industrialist vampire who's discovered the fountain of youth AND how to walk around in the daytime. The message is: tweak the legends just enough to get away with it. And don't just write one book! Write four! Make a series out of it! Apparently, there's twelve Cirque du Freak books, but we saw how that went. Guess they'll just get one movie out of that series.
What else? Two other debuts this week. First, The Blind Side. Sandra's Oscar movie this year. She made you laugh twice, now it's time to cry. Then, Planet 51. I dunno. I grow weary of all these Pixar clones, and even the Pixar movies. But that's me. I'm just a jaded sophisticate. Gotta run!

Auteur Watch - Robert B. Weide

Boy, talk about a hard luck case. Poor Robert B. Weide. Surely that's the waiter bringing him his Emmy?
But let's just dive right into it. What's this guy's favourite decade of them all? Was it the go-go 80s when he was trading junk bonds by day, and producing shows about the great stand-up comedians by night? Or was it the go-go 90s when he slightly broadened his scope to include Kurt Vonnegut? If only as a producer? Or perhaps it's the 2000s when he hitched his wagon to Larry David's star, only to cut it loose when he saw the end was near, if only thematically? Well, it's probably the current decade, judging from all the reader feedback I've gotten so far. Yeah, it's probably the current decade... but, man. If he had to do it all over again... incidentally, how do you fail so horribly with a movie with Megan Fox in it? ...oh, right. Never mind. But it doesn't hurt at all to go back to Vonnegut. Oh, things will pick up for you in no time, Weide! Cheers.

It's the end of the world as we NOW know it...

Oh, the end of the world happens so often in the movies that we can't help but be jaded. But lots turned out for the premiere of 2012! And director Roland Emmerich does it again; all the more bitter because Dean Devlin's not by his side on this one. (The Librarian? Puh-leeze...) American filmmakers just can't hack it anymore. The other debut this week is Precious. Now, maybe I'm a heartless bastard, and it wouldn't surprise me if I was, but the title character has two kids, yet she complains that nobody loves her. Did those kids make themselves? She must be doing SOMETHING right! I know, that was uncalled for, and I'm a Neanderthal. But there's too many movies this year that will tug at your heartstrings, like Up. Why, you're not human if you haven't seen that movie! ...that's the only one I can think of right now. Then we got The Blind Side coming up... hoh, boy. More tears. More Oscar gold. Sorry, folks, gotta keep it short this week. I'll make it up to you somehow.

The Habits of the Habitual Viewer: Yep, I'm a Crystal-Head

But it wasn't always this way. And, really, what's the point of reading a review now? Now that the 30th Anniversary is fast approaching? Guess I'd better get it on Blu-Ray at some point (hint hint) even though I'll probably be the only one I know who'd ever watch it.
No, the real review to read is one from the time of its release. Critics of the time surely were disappointed by the ending, even though the film overly preps you for it. It was the 80s, man! Films were supposed to have a proper ending! Good guy shoots the bad guy, gets the girl, bad guy reaches for gun one last time, you get the idea.
The other thought I had was that it's the culmination of Henson's personal philosophy of combining things. I believe it all started when Ernie and Bert played drums on Sesame Street. The two of them drumming at the same time was way more fun than Bert all by himself, sorry to say. Then, of course, there's Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas, where Emmet's group and Emmet's mom enter the same music contest. They might have won if they played together, but alas, a Skeksis-esque rock group won the top prize. Which brings us full circle, back to The Dark Crystal. Back to a time when a 15 million dollar budget on a movie was really saying something. Hell, Raiders cost 20!
So to wrap this up, I confess that when I sit down to watch a movie that I've seen a gillion times before, I will typically jump to my favorite parts. But I do like seeing the beginning, with some of the strangest music for a movie you've heard, and certainly one wouldn't expect from the likes of Jim Henson. And be sure to crank up your TV's volume to 100 just before 0:34:15. You'll never forget it. The image is from 1:11:23, a point at which we're beginning to suspect that the Skeksis and the Mystics are somehow connected. Other musical flourishes I like: 0:14:00-Jen journeys alone; 0:25:06 - Aughra's study (I know, I know, they're the same), 0:31:17 - the Mystics start their journey to the castle. That's different! ...I guess that's about it. Oh, and being a part-time gourmand, I do have a short list of food movies. There's of course Soylent Green, but only because Heston and Robinson have a scene where they're savouring some nice rare strawberry jam. And I used to love to eat spaghetti while watching GoodFellas, also a good food movie. Big Night, haven't seen it in a while. But you gotta love the Skeksis banquet at 0:39:07 or so... "Seems to me that Gelfling... has escaped!" Apparently they had chow mein as well. Great scene. The Dark Crystal's a tale of good and evil, but clearly the evil ones are more fun to watch. Need I mention they were probably going for a French aristocracy look with the Skeksis? I haven't yet calculated the total screen time of the Skeksis yet, but I'll venture a guess they're on more than any other species. And of course, the Trial by Stone sequence is one for the ages.
A sequel is still on the slate, but it would seem that Frank Oz won't be involved. The creator of Dexter's Lab is going to direct. I guess Seth MacFarlane's unavailable. But for those of you who nitpick every film, I'll give you a little something. Now I'm no geologist, but it seems to me that you can't "heal" a crystal by putting a piece back into it that fell out. You'd have to sotter it or something! Or dunk it in some kind of a mineral bath! And The Journey of Jen? He knows where the shard is! Aughra has it. Isn't this more or less like a kid going to a friend's house? Only, over a greater distance and without a minivan... ah, skip it.

****
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

One for their people, or Say! Did you hear the one about the three rabbis?

Well, against my better judgment, I'm going to do this review now. Either now or never, because I just can't seem to review the movies I like lately. ¶ Well, first of all, let me start by saying that when the movie ended and the end credits started to roll, I think I blurted out "You gotta be kidding!" Yes, it seems the boys have played their hand this time. I'm on to you! Ambiguity! That's da t'ing! It's one of their recurring themes. For example, in No Country for Old Men, when Llewellyn hands a slightly bloodied 100 dollar bill to the musician, we see the musician reach for the bill, and then we cut to the next scene. Well, did he take it? Or did he refuse at the last minute? We'll NEVER KNOW!
Yes, for an obsessed, obsessive-compulsive Coen brothers freak like me, I revelled at some of the unconventional framing in A Serious Man. I forget what now, but maybe I'll pick it out on video. They pushed that 7 million dollar budget to the absolute limit. I'm not the budget fetishist that I used to be, but I think 7 million is about as low as they'll go now. Blood Simple apparently cost $750,000... okay, it's double that now. And Barry Sonnenfeld shot that one! Hard to believe there'd be people now who say the Coen films that Barry shot were better. Maybe it's the youth factor. Oh, they were young and green back then, and willing to take certain risks, but now they've got wives and families and are approaching their emeritus years. Personally, I think the film that Lubezki shot turned out pretty okay, but that's another review. AND it hit #1 for a change!
Where was I? Oh, right. There's ambiguity in the opening sequence of A Serious Man, but I don't want to give anything away. Also, it's separate from the main picture, but thematically related, one might say. We follow closely the lives of the Gopnik men: Larry and his son Danny. Danny gets stoned on his Bar Mitzvah day, giving Oscar-nom'd-up-the-Yin-Yang camera jockey Roger Deakins a chance to use the camera flaring trick from that Robert Ford dealy-bopper. Okay, ASC, this is your big chance to stick it to him this year. Wouldn't that be the ultimate irony? Deakins wins for such a small budgeted film as this? Why not, I say? The way cinema's going these days, there'll come a time when Pixar will win every year for cinematography anyway, so savor these days while you still can! And speaking of Oscars, I don't know if anyone else has said it yet, but Fred Melamed, man. Maybe it's just me, but I think he was channeling Francis Ford Coppola, if only via beard. Even if he doesn't win for Best Supporting Actor, he'll never want for work again. Someone else will have to make the film for him that is the Drop Dead Gorgeous for A Serious Man's Fargo... something like that. SATs? That matching exercise? Forget it...
As usual, the acting is top notch across the board, even the children. I dare say one of the kids was picked out for his similarity to Ethan, but I don't know which one it was. I'll let someone else make that connection. The daughter's pretty much introduced for the nose job line, and to slap at the son, but there are no small parts, right? But I will say that the neighbor woman's big scene was a little over the top, but she did what she was supposed to: not blink. She of course will also no longer be in want for work. Colonel Sandurz from Spaceballs, not so much. But, he's doing pretty good already. As for the main guy, Michael Stuhlbarg, who knows? Will he be able to shake this career-defining role? I think he just might.
But back to their inter-movie themes. For those of you like me who remember Burn After Reading pretty well, there's a reference to Tuchman Marsh here. And I and one of my viewing companions noticed that costume designer Mary Zophres was one of Gopnik's students (Better be careful, because someone's going to steal her from you; either Spielberg, Favreau, or the Farrelly boys!). Well, her name was the last name on the list, so the eye was drawn right to it. That, frankly, is just sloppy direction. Too many in-jokes do not a movie make. And another thing! There's a scene where Sy Ableman and Larry Gopnik are driving... it seemed like they were following each other! That's also just plain ol' sloppy direction. The final scene in Rabbi Marshak's study made me think of Herb Myerson's study in Intolerable Cruelty. Speaking of which, Adam Arkin channeled Miles Massey quite well, if I do say so myself. I made up a handy chart earlier, but A Serious Man seems to tie in with Barton Fink and The Man Who Wasn't There, all films about doomed protagonists. But like The Dude, Gopnik's a dreamer, and he gets one more dream sequence here than the Dude! Of course, the Dude's are much more elaborate, so perhaps it all evens out. And of course, the music. Not as lush or as desirable a soundtrack as, say, Pirate Radio, but they do what they can to redeem Jefferson Airplane. Their "Somebody to Love" acts as did the cover of The Monkees' "I'm A Believer" in Blood Simple. That's right, I'm a purist and I stand by the original cut, not the new, fancier, leaner version which replaced "I'm A Believer" with The Four Tops' "It's The Same Old Song." It is NOT the same old song, guys! Nothing against The Four Tops, mind you... Ooh! Just remembered another one. The story about the dentist obsessed with that one guy's freaky teeth. There's a scene where he's sitting in bed, unable to sleep... more than a little reminiscent of NCFOM? When Llewellyn's sitting in bed, unable to sleep? The Coens, they're ripping themselves off now!
Well, I could go on forever here so let me just end with this: between Frances McDormand's character in Burn After Reading and Stuhlbarg's name here, you're getting damn close to my own name, Joel and Ethan! You nailed it shut, guys. Four stars.

****
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Auteur Watch - Francis Veber

Awright, on to the next auteur... ooh! I just thought of another good movie idea for Richard Kelly. Hey, Richard Kelly, what next? How about a guy who has the power to actually set people's pants on fire when he says to them "Liar, liar, pants on fire!" It writes itself! And don't make it another damn 80s period piece. Set it in 2008, the last days of the Dubya presidency. Make it about how he gets really REALLY close to Dubya, but the Secret Service gets wise to him and... no, no, that's all you get for free. ¶ You know, these days, you gotta be able to come up with a list of three things on the spot, or else people won't like you. That, and interesting, uplifting anecdotes that don't smack of the 700 Club. In lieu of that, however, the short list of French cinema titans: Emanuelle Beart, Valerie Allain from that French language series, Claude Berri, Luc Besson... and of course, the king of them all, Francis Veber. The man who single-handedly ruined American cinema in the 80s with his relentless adaptations. The Man With One Red Shoe comes to mind. That was his, right? ...hoh, yeah.
I'm just going to go ahead and assume the 1980s were his favorite decade. Gotta keep things short this week. Oh, but he didn't just inspire American movies. He actually got to direct a couple in his heyday! Specifically, Three Fugitives and Out on a Limb (1992). For some reason, I keep thinking Shirley MacLaine's in that one, too. I still can't believe that she and Warren Beatty are brother and sister! I'm going to go out on my own damn limb here. Oh, they're so old school. Maybe it's just me, but they both seem equally ashamed of that fact. And sorry, Martin Short, but Three Fugitives is a disaster. I think I've seen it about 1.5 times, but it's ultimately just too trying, and not one we've returned to again and again for purposes of amusement. Clifford, yes; Three Fugitives, no.
Okay, I better cut this short. I've made Dad suffer enough with my incessant typing. He's trying to loudly snore in peace here, for God's sake!

Boffo B.O.: BoZem's Madcap MOCAP Madness

I don't understand it either. Anyway, four debuts this week! And no one wants to give out budget info! They're being coy. ¶ Debuting at #1, Robert Zemeckis proves once again that he's the king of this whole MoCap movement, and his Christmas Carol takes the cake. Well, sometimes you just gotta direct these things yourself. Remember what happened to Monster House! Ugh. What a disappointment. Meanwhile, is George Clooney's 2009 going to be as fruitful as 2005? Probably not. The stars and planets seemed to line up for him back then, winning Oscar noms left and right, and his Syriana did reasonably well. I think I once dated a girl named Syriana back in college! She lived on Diane Lane... sorry, I was channeling David Letterman for a second there. Anyway, the Cloonster's got three arrows in his quiver this year: the Goats movie, the Fox movie, and the bird movie. ...see, because he plays a Cosa Nostra... I mean a Conde Nast. Racking up frequent flier miles? Blood clots from sitting too long? Never mind. Well, Goats is doing well so far, but we'll see about Fantastic Mr. Fox. Wes Anderson can do movies about kids, but not necessarily movies FOR kids, but the MPAA seems to trust him, who knows. Next, it's (Close Encounters of) The Fourth Kind, an anti-Sarah Palin screed, which... I'm sorry, I'm just not going to dignify this any further. Not going to do it. That poor woman, what she's been through. And finally, it's Richard Kelly's The Box. Poor Cameron Diaz. She's been having a rough 2009 to say the least. But at least Shrek 4 will wipe the slate clean, right? RIGHT? People hate Mike Myers now, but they still love Shrek, don't they? Anyway, so the plot takes that old saw about getting a million dollars under one condition... These days, people will wait for two. These days people will ask "Ooh! Can me and my wife each hit the button? You know, I've got three kids! How about them, too!" I'm sorry, but I am a Malthusian, and quite pessimistic about our easy-fix drive-thru culture. Just call me Malthus-elah from now on. What next, Richard Kelly? A movie about a guy who goes to a desert island with only one movie to watch for the rest of time? A movie about a choking doberman? A movie about the welfare mom that set the anti-welfare movement ablaze? Aesop's Fables done right? Will that person from Nantucket finally get their cinematic due? He who smelt it dealt it? I better quit while I'm ahead...

The Superhero-ification of Everything: Super-Smart-but-Can't-Fly Curmudgeon Man

Every time I watch a movie now, I try to pick out the most interesting image to post later on. I do that now. For some reason, this one kinda stuck out. Oh sure, I coulda picked the one where he breaks the glass window, but that's SO cliché. The point being, fans of Curb Your Enthusiasm will probably not be as smitten with Woody Allen's Whatever Works. A little less than, say, Larry David's love letter to Friends, 1998's Sour Grapes. But it took Larry 20 years to play the lead in one of Woody's pics; I'd give him some notes on the script for the next one. It should be a credit to ol' L.D. that he nails Woody's affectations so well, yet somehow it's not. Still, I'm going to go ahead and propose it; just kinda float the suggestion out there... Oscar nomination time? Best Lead Actor? He is the lead in this, after all! I doubt that Laurie will be as forthcoming this time, but who knows. Anyway... ¶ For a long-time student of Woody's recurring themes like me and my close friends, patterns (begin to) emerge. They said it was a little bit like Hannah and Her Sisters, but mostly like Annie Hall and especially Manhattan: older man takes up with a teenage girl, maybe a little older. We didn't realize that we'd keep seeing these movies reincarnated over and over... but SCTV knew!!
Anyway, I'd be remiss and frankly derelict in my reviewing duties if I didn't mention the plot. As with most movies, Woody or otherwise, we have the opening, establishing scenario, and then the scenario that will engulf the whole rest of the movie. In this case, Boris Yellnikoff (David) leaves his wife by jumping out the window of their extra-fancy New York apartment, and ends up limping his way around chess boards in the park and to the occasional band rehearsal... kinda like Woody Allen himself! For some reason I thought of Chigurh in NCFOM in his limping phase, but that's just me, I suppose. Anyway, Badinoff... I mean Yellnikoff becomes Super-Smart-but-Can't-Fly Curmudgeon Man, able to play chess in 20 moves or less, or your game's free. And everyone but him are but mere inchworms and... something else. Amoebas, maybe. Leptons, maybe. If I've learned anything about movie nerds, I and plenty others learned from that old show Dexter's Laboratory: being a nerd is more about attitude than about actual smarts. Oh, I bet Dainel Goleman and all his people got this guy's number, I betcha!
And so, Super-Smart-but-Can't-Fly Curmudgeon Man's life is totally perfect the way it is. When suddenly... fate intervenes, dropping off a lovely Southern orphan at the doorstep of his new, two-down run-down apartment. One couldn't help but recall Slaughterhouse Five and the relationship that Billy Pilgrim and Montana Wildhack end up having... maybe not. Okay, I said ONE couldn't! So I'm just the one... where was I? Anyway, she's as naive as can be, for those of you who underestimate the power of Southern charm. But she slowly learns to see things through Yellnikoff's jaded eyes.
Let's face it, Woody's working harder here than he has to. He's gotta create this girl's backstory, but surely cribbing from Annie Hall et al. helped out a bit. And even though the characters decry clichés, they still fall back on them, and even though the universe is all chaos, all the characters that end up being in the movie end up pairing off rather neatly and tidily, making a strong case for enthalpy! ...(checking Wikipedia) I'm sorry, I guess that's neguentropy instead. As the 4-named Southern belle tells our curmudgeon Boris, his bark really is worse than his bite. Oh sure, he makes a great case against sexual intercourse, worthy of Kevin Smith, but I find it hard to believe he's totally given up on the idea. (re: Deconstructing Harry)
I guess that's about it. Henry Cavill plays the love interest competing for Evan Rachel Wood's affection. He's either the new Peter Gallagher or the new Mel Gibson; now, I'm certainly not a good judge of these kinds of things, but he seemed a little shy of the center of the Male Heart-throb Meter. Charming, but kinda creepy. Evan Rachel Wood does what she can in lieu of Scarlett Johansson. Cinematography by Gus Van Sant's usual lensman Harris Savides, and even HE was wondering, man! Who'd I piss off to get this job?

**1/2
-so sayeth the Movie Hooligan

Auteur Watch - Jamie Uys

Nope. Still dead. But if I had to guess, I'd say his favorite decade was the go-go 80s, when the world finally recognized Jamie Hayes as the star he was. The world fell in love with The Gods Must Be Crazy, and it was finally time to sit back and let the alpha projects roll in. When that didn't work, it was back to the well for The Gods Must Be Crazy II. You know, people always call the first one a classic, and I always have to ruin the good vibe and ask them how they liked the sequel. The typical answer is: "There was a sequel?"

You still got it, MJ! All is forgiven!

Okay, gotta try and keep this short. Zombieland - GONE! Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs - GONE! Amelia - on? Crazy. The Stepfather(2009) moves up from #8 to #7, but that's probably as high as it's gonna get. Yeah, the Paranormal Activity guy definitely got screwed out of the profits. That's generally how it works. You think they'd be promoting it as well if he was getting points? Shyeah, right. Everything else pretty much moved down to make way for the surprise hit of the week, Michael Jackson's last film, called This is It. Of course, Heath Ledger's got a last film, too! Will it do as well? WILL IT? And with that, I close... Oh yeah, almost forgot. I'll keep the torch lit for you guys!