Auteur Watch - Lina Wertmüller

Ah, the last auteur of 2010. Well, ol' Lina became a favourite after I saw Seven Beauties. My tribe is all a big fan of the opening scene of it, anyway. They don't go in for the rest of the tour-de-force type stuff. Perhaps for good reason, but I still admire the effort. So it's perhaps the 70s that were the best for ol' Miss Wertmuller. Worldwide critical acclaim, Cannes would never be quite the same. I understand that the remake of Swept Away just wasn't as good, to say the least.
But then... then, directing films became just another boring job. Like going to the bank and withdrawing over and over again. Not a bad job if you're rich and are making more interest than you can spend in a lifetime. The IMDb's just gotta make studying these things easier. Will no auteur buck the trend of upsetting the status quo as a young'un, then settling into a comfortable rut in your later years? No one at all? We must look to Gregg Araki and Kevin Smith for that... well, one, anyway. Wait a sec... is this tidbit of trivia true? She became a mom at 65? Hope that's the last one, girlfriend! Then again, what do I know? Keep up the good work for as long as you can, I guess.

Fockers and Bridges

There. I'm trying to make my obscure references a little less obscure. Anyway, is Jeff Bridges' 2010 shaping up to be like George Clooney's 2005? Could be! Except that the Dude doesn't SEEM to be as political... something like that. From my shallow reading of the situation, anyway.
But it still comes as little to no surprise that Fockers 3 is top dawg at the box office. Did they wrap up the trilogy all nice and neat like? Is the door open for a fourth in 3D? Sigh. That's what I get for not getting out to the cinema more often. The critics sure seem to hate it, though, as they do most things.
And so, while Tron has yet to recoup its purported $300 million price tag, True Grit may have broken even on advertising. They're being coy with budget information, the very thing that every true Coen brothers fan wants to know: was anybody grouchy on the set, and how much did the damn thing cost? Did Spielberg get final cut? Did the ghost of Stanley Kubrick follow them around Texas? Tell me, tell me, tell me! More info, damn it, MORE INFO! (site for more info)
The only other debut this week is that god-awful reboot of Gulliver's Travels. Well, all I know is, if Kyle Gass isn't in it, how good could it be?? New Star Wars trilogy cameraman David Tattersall worked on it; it's a step up for him, anyway, right? Oh, snap!

What Makes a Hero? Night Key

Well, long running serials have been made on less. But this does, in addition to telling a faster than usual tale of industrial revenge, it grapples with the heavy philosophical dilemma of the privatization of security and the police. It finds that it's a mixed bag, especially when it comes to sharing the riches of innovation. Hard to believe, but apparently, even back in 1937, there were such issues to be dealt with. Here's the lowdown: this bigshot Steven Ranger, while he has a great name for a corporate bigshot, is kind of a tool, especially when it comes to dealing with his arch-nemesis on love's battlefield, David Mallory. Ranger's not just greedy, but harbors resentment because his true love fell for Mallory instead of him.
And so, despite all this ancient bitter history, Mallory approaches Ranger with a NEW security invention! It would later prove itself to be better for grocery store doors than for security, but never mind. The deal goes south for Mallory, and then and there in the Ranger building he SWEARS REVENGE. And so, Night Key is born, a crusader seeking justice for all those oppressed folks out there... especially Mallory. But Mallory / Night Key is not alone in this fight. Along for the ride is his daughter, damn near the only thing keeping him alive; and Petty Louie, a bit of an obnoxious two-timing rat, but lovable, and he does keep the plot moving along.
So what makes Mallory a hero? He's not breaking into these places to steal! He does it... because he CAN. And because he chooses to. He just can't stop bullets or fly like Neo. And he does it to... well, I don't want to spoil any surprises that might be left at this point.
The acting generally is pretty decent, but there's something about that 'The Kid', played by Alan Baxter. He's the crime-world equivalent of Ranger, and it's only fitting that Mallory work his way into his hands. His acting is interesting, to say the least. I couldn't quite tell if it was bad or not, but you can't turn your head away from it, that's for sure. I must seek out his other roles to see if he's always so weird!!
Oh, and finally, to tie it in to the Coen brothers, the Mallory hallway damn near looks like Tom Reagan's hallway in Miller's Crossing. Better put that on the to-do list.

If it were made today: Jeremy Irons in the Boris Karloff role. And if Soderbergh were handling the remake, he'd get the 'Yes I Am' guy to be Petty Louie.

***1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

The Outlaw Janey Barbarella

As part of the leadup to promoting the new True Grit, Turner Classic Movies is doing its part by showing the original John Wayne True Grit, and showing Cat Ballou probably doesn't hurt, either. Well, maybe a little. Silly movies like this will not save us in a post-9/11 world...
...or will they? Frankly, the Taliban's indoctrination curriculum is a little dry for my tastes. I prefer the fun stuff and the science-based stuff myself. All that 'obey your god' stuff, that's for the masses. I am an extraordinary individual! And as such, I do not need to kowtow to the will of the masses... sorry, got off on my usual tangent again.
But I think I can force it all to relate in this post-I Heart Huckabees world. You see, Catherine Ballou starts off as a simple school teacher on the make, sometime in the Old West, with Stubby Kaye and Nat King Cole on singing / narrating duties. And then, the iron fist of the status quo slams down on everything she holds dear. Manure is dumped into her father's well, then her father is gunned down by a paid assassin. From the ashes of these events, she rises again like a bank-robbing phoenix, finding herself at ... wait a second! Butch Cassidy's Hole in the Wall Gang? What movie is this? That's right, Butch Cassidy is now an old man, and the Hole in the Wall is a much more lively community, not quite as grim as it seemed in the much more popular Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid.
Also dragged into this delightful mess is Lee Marvin who won the Oscar for... apparently for the drunken Kid Shelleen. For the all-too-sober Tycho Brahe-nosed Tim Strawn, not so much. So he must've enjoyed himself a little. I can see why he earned it in his initial speech. A little more upbeat than, say, Rod Steiger in The Pawnbroker. I love you, Robert Osborne!
I guess the filmmakers were well aware of the declining state of the silver screen musical, as the musical numbers are restricted to interjections from Stubby and Nat King. The score itself is not bad; reminiscent of 'rock' music from the early Beatles era. There was one sunset shot I wanted to use, but it got eliminated from the TiVo too quickly. Fortunately, I was able to capture this image from the trailer on IMDb! As you can see, the visual trick was to set up a mirror on the tracks so it looks like the train's headed right at us. Can you think of some other movies that employed this trick? I think they did that in Lethal Weapon 2 for the first big scene, just as the bad dude's red BMW crashes into the lamp shade store. Also used at the end of Innerspace, at the beginning of The Hidden... Two if By Sea, but who wants to watch that again? Not even Denis Leary or Sandra Bullock. I gotta go, it's TV time.

***1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Gimme that old time religion

I don't usually do this, but for my own edification, King Louis XI lived from 1423 to 1483. In this film version, however, he damn near looks like an octogenarian... boy! Wikipedia must be hurting. That picture of Jimmy Wales is still up!
And, much like the little people contributing en masse to Wikipedia, so too did the lower class of post-Crusades France thrive and survive, re-enacting their version of The Parable of the Talents, as people have in one form or another all through the ages. But then... the trouble came. Foreign invaders at the gates. And I'm not talking about Germans. I mean those damn Gypsies! Say what you will about our current trouble with aliens streaming over the border from Mexico; at least they HAVE a homeland! Apparently not the Gypsies, from what little I know of them. That would take another precious hour on Wikipedia; time I just don't have.
But just as Dostoyevsky surely once quipped, "Beauty will save the world"... obviously he didn't hear of the plight of poor Esmeralda, who singlehandedly convinces The Spider King that Gypsies are worthy of admittance to France. That Maureen O'Hara was quite a looker in this one! I dare say she also singlehandedly inspired Cassavetes' Faces. Single-face-dly, perhaps. She inspires naughty thoughts in all the guys, of course, but not more so than the film's stern arch-villain Frollo. Don't be fooled by the name; he's no softie sent to dispose of The One Ring. This dude's pretty damn evil, all right, ultimately using "the Devil's logic" to justify his ends. If this were being remade today, they'd either try to get either Mandy Patinkin or Jeremy Northam.
Philosophically, there's a lot to chew on here. Great locations as well, considering it was all done on a sound stage or back lots. The church looks magestic. This was before our modern police force had jurisdiction over the church... then again, are there big famous chase scenes that culminate in the police taking down the bad guy in a church? I didn't see all of Heaven's Prisoners, so I'm assuming it ends that way. But I couldn't help but think of Spielberg at his worst when they show the hot new 15th Century technology: a Gutenberg printing press. On the other hand, they also talk about how expensive books used to be. That's about it, though. Molten metal cauldron technology is pretty much the same today as well.
And of course, sort of at the center of it all is the great Charles Laughton. I've grown immune to it now, but a while ago I saw his 'intro' scene where he tries to bite that one dude, and couldn't help but feel the currency of it. Great acting echoes down through the ages, no matter how degraded its respective medium has gotten. On the other hand, his 'French' accent did sound a bit British at times.
The action culminates in a big Gangs of New York / Lord of the Rings-style ending, with people getting hit by giant foam bricks thrown by Quasimodo, among other things. Holds up pretty well, considering, I must say! I think this adaptation of the Hugo novel is going to endure just fine.

****
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

NYC Confidential

There is a surprising lack of imagery for these old movies on IMDb, I've noticed! Well, I can't be bothered with photographing the screen every time I see an image I like!
Anyway, there were 8 million stories in the naked city (New York City) back in the day when this film was named. At least 10 million today. Fortunately, they picked a pretty good one to tell. Lots of twists and turns in the ol' plot. All the while, we get the occasional colorful shot of the city, and people on the move. And narrated by some joker who's above the fray... ouch. Apparently, this movie killed him off.
Some may call this a mystery picture, but I say it's obviously a sci-fi/fantasy flick. I mean, look at these cops! They've got, what, 10 people working on this case? Two guys trailing a suspect at a time, a total of six working 8 hour shifts? At the center of this maelstrom of police activity is Muldoon, portrayed lovingly by a Mr. Barry Fitzgerald, the Robert Prosky of his day. What a voice! He would've been a colorful narrator. But who will carry on these men's legacy? Ethan Suplee perhaps, if he puts back a little weight.
As I usually do, I don't want to give away too much of the story, for some reason, but if this were made today, Will Ferrell would play the Howard Duff role of Frank Niles. Some advice to Ferrell: if a good director helms the project, abdicate to his wishes! Act, damn it! You don't want to be the funny man for the rest of your life, do you? Isn't it time to strive for something more? Something... golden? Something... Oscar-shaped? Why, even the... oh, dear. Well, the Razzies haven't nominated you for anything since Land of the Lost.
I still can't believe that the Maltin guide gives this three stars. Three and a half, at least, I say. Although an argument could be made about the racial layering of the movie: all the stoic white people doing the white collar crime, and the sleazy ethnic types doing the actual dirty work. Something like that. Or that it's a mere G picture in today's NC-17 world. Makes me think of that one joke this comedian told about a guy renting a porno from a video store, but getting The Wizard of Oz by mistake... am I the only one? Damn. I thought so. But Google comes to the rescue once again! Ah, God bless the bottomless memory hole.

***1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Auteur Watch - Rachel Talalay

Dang! Only got one more auteur left for the year. Meanwhile, everyone going to Hollywood on the bus expects to turn out like Julie Taymor or Nia Vardalos. You know, the next big superstar / future flash-in-the-pan. Then, of course, you could end up like Rachel Talalalalalalay over here. Back in the day, if you landed yourself a sweet gig with Robert Shaye, he'd take care of you! Ten years of working for peanuts and you'd get to DIRECT one of his bombs! As you can see from Rachel's web page here,
just as The Game is skipped over when going from Seven to Fight Club on Fincher's resumé, so too is Ghost in the Machine skipped over for Nightmare on Elm Street 6 and Tank Girl. They got name recognition and brand loyalty, baby! Icons. Stars... Icons. Sorry, I don't have my thesaurus here with me. And so, it's the 90s that are the decade of choice for Ms. Talalay, when she finally earned the right to sit in the director's chair during working hours, as opposed to the scrappy, scrap-happy 80s when she would sit in it while working various jobs like production accountant, assistant, location manager, what have you. Busy, busy, busy! With the corns and bunions to prove it. And then came the 2000s, where it's off to Television Row with all the greats like Rod Daniel, Joel Zwick and Peter Bonerz, where all good directors go to die. Unless you can find enough sycophants to keep your dream alive. Merry Christmas, Rachel!

Hmm! That bear looks vaguely like Dan Aykroyd!

You know, I believe it was the guy who mumbled all the time in The Usual Suspects who first observed that the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was to convince the world that Caddyshack 2 doesn't exist. I mean, if Caddyshack is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy, what is Caddyshack 2 proof of? That life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone? All things in moderation? Dyan Cannon will always be a star?
I'm sorry, I misspelled that: it should be Caddyshack II. But just as Fred Garvin: Male Prostitute once was absent from my mind for a long time, so was Aykroyd's disastrous cameo in said Caddyshack II. Again, I betray my personal preferences to my doom, but really, who else but that Tim Conway of the Great White North, Daniel Radcliffe Aykroyd, could take on the awesome responsibility of voicing the new Yogi Bear? And it worked, didn't it? To the tune of about two to the twenty-fourth power, no less? (Hint: that's a lot.) Second only to Tron: Legacy, of course. But even I, like everyone else these days, am of two minds about everything, and while The Onion gave Yogi Bear a D+ or so (that's bad), I was nevertheless inspired by the words of Mick LaSalle of the San Francisco Chronicle who pointed out that the right-wing bloggers will be all over Yogi Bear for its liberal agenda, and Bill O'Reilly will no doubt give Yogi Bear the ironically much coveted Pinhead Movie of the Decade Award and tell everyone to protest by showing up to the next shareholder meeting of evil, non-News Corp. media conglomerate TimeWarner. So I say, more power to them! They're just giving the people what the people want, Bill! If it were up to you right wingers, all we'd ever watch is VeggieTales! The market has spoken, my friend, and it says that the VTs are doomed to a lifetime of being shown at 3:30 on Saturday afternoons on NBC. End of story.
Meanwhile, it must be a grim day at the James L. Brooks household. Looks like his 2010's not going to be like his 1983 or, to a lesser extent, his 1997. More bitter, James L., more bitter. Just be like Melvin. That'll get you that next wave of Oscars!
Also chopped liver this week is the last debut, The Fighter. You still got it, Marky Mark, and thank you for helping out David O. Russell. We need more films from that guy!

Hitchcock it Ain't

We also would've accepted the title, "Not the Ahnold one...", but I'm just not that good. Well, on behalf of the disgruntled audience I was a part of... DAMN YOU, RUNNING MAN!!! On the other hand, (SPOILERS) the burros were cute. And the ducks and rabbit, etc. Director Carol Reed will of course be best known for that damn The Third Man... and that's it. A director like Carol Reed can only be known for one film in this age of lists and The Internets. Carol Reed's a girl, right? Should've profiled her this year in my Auteur Watch section. Anyway, as the title said, this is Hitchcock-esque. Better than William Castle, not as good as ol' Alfie Hitch. Also symptomatic of the age, Alfred Hitchcock will now be shortened to A.Hit. Saves space, and it's just two syllables if you have to speak it.
But back to the movie. I wasn't impressed with the picture quality, nor the blandness of the soundtrack... and apparently, neither was Robert Osborne. This was TiVo'd off of TCM, and he didn't intro it! For shame. There are clever twists in the plot, but each twist seems to come with its own implausibility, which doesn't work. Still, it's a fine example of what happens when two of the beautiful people try to avoid working for a living. I tells ya, the pretty ones get away with murder! Not in this film, though. They almost get away with it. Sorry, did I need to say Spoilers again? Another SPOILER ALERT while I'm at it: those shots of the Rock of Gibraltar were so worth it.
If this were made today, either Jude Law or Ewan MacGregor would play the Laurence Harvey part, Cameron Diaz in the Lee Remick role, and ... let's say, the dude from Office Space in the Alan Bates role, just DON'T BE FUNNY!

Good double bill with: The Talented Mr. Ripley (1999)

**

-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Auteur Watch - Susan Seidelman

Dang, I'm tired. I've been purging all my Dubya-era emails, and there was one consistent theme: every day there seemed to be some new revelation in The New York Times and the parties who sent me the links kept saying that THIS will be the smoking gun that puts an end to this disastrous presidency. Never did happen that way, though. And you know who's fault it is? Bill Clinton. If he had just stepped down after the Monica Lewinsky affair, we never would have tolerated David Vitter, John Ensign and Mark Sanford... something like that. Even Brett Favre, for God's sake! The point is, nothing is Dubya's fault. And the poor guy's on the radio saying "Why do they have to be called the Bush tax cuts?" Now, there might be more than a few of you who could look up an actual quote of ol' Dubya, saying he wanted to make his tax cuts PERMANENT. There's probably even video or audio of it, with Turd Blossom in tow, saying it as well. The point is, deficits don't matter, and video and audio don't matter any more. Whoever has the gold makes the rules.
But that's the era we're living in now. Take Susan Seidelman, for example. Goddess of the 80s, when we were all mildly afraid of nuclear annihilation, and all trying to climb that corporate ladder in that Decade some of us like to call Me. Me myself, I was still climbing the grade school ladder. Pity those poor fools doing it now. On the other hand, they got the Twilight series, the lucky bastids. But with Desperately Seeking Susan, Making Mr. Right and She-Devil, S.S. was right there in the crotch of the MTV zeitgeist. But just as The Game gets skipped over between Se7en and Fight Club when discussing Fincher's résumé, she faltered a bit with Cookie, but hey, Nobody's Perfekt. And then, shunned by her fellow chick auteurs, the 90s doomed Miss Susan to B-list projects and, GASP! TV shows! On the other hand, Sex and the City, it's HBO, not TV. Still, she clearly wasn't in with the hip Gas Food Lodging indie crowd.
As for the 2000s, the Dubya decade, well, The Onion doomed Boynton Beach Club to a lifetime of getting passed over in the Comedy section of the local video store. I know, it's not The Onion's fault. (Watch their Comedy Central show in the new year!) But it's not all bad news: according to the IMDb, Susan's just turned 58! She's got at least a half a decade on that Mary Lambert...

The finer things keep shining through...

Oh, even I couldn't resist. Who could? Any stadium roof collapse, I'm so all over that. As David Letterman might say, "There's your big time spectacle right there!" Who needs this week's box office?
Well, Walden Media, for one, and the estate of C. S. Lewis must be fairly pleased.
The third big Narnia movie's out, and it's in 3-D, no less. There's also The Tourist and Black Swan, the big indie breakthrough hit. Aronofsky steals from himself and photographs a new "wrestler" from behind so we can't see her face; at least, for a while. Oscar time for Portman? Oh, I think so. She's not in Sandra Bullock's league, but who besides Sandra Bullock herself is?

I STILL say it's Fat Heston!

Oh, I'm on a roll, baby! But I'll probably regret it in the morning. Watched Kiss Me Deadly a mere while ago. A Parklane Picture, in association with Untied Artists. Don't tell anyone, but this was the second time I watched it! I'm going to get beat up for this, but I didn't like it as much the second time. Oh, sure, it has its ingenuity, it has its taut script, but please... okay, I forgot what I was going to complain about. Okay, now I'm back on track. For me, it's not quite up there with, say, The Maltese Falcon, or other classics of the private detective genre. For one, Ralph Meeker has sort of a forced manliness compared to Bogie in Falcon. And Nick the mechanic got a little grating after a while. Boy, I must've been in a really bad mood! To be fair, he really was Greek. One guy in the cast was really nagging at me, and I was only able to piece it together after getting on the web: Wesley Addy. Where had I seen him before? Of course! Network! Good guy. Kinda looks like David Cronenberg.
Some of you faithful readers of mine may have noticed I'm turning into a bit of a... Name-ist? I'm a real stickler for names that describe things. Take Dr. Soberin, for example: W.C. Fields' famous arch-nemesis. And, for God's sake! There's a babe named Cheesecake! Lazy writing or what? On the other hand, a fine distraction as the dead bodies keep piling up and piling up. Hammer seems to spend a lot of time on the move.
But the film does have merits, more than I can think of right now. Period locations, period cars... oh, right. And it's handsomely photographed by Ernest Laszlo, who I remember best for It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World. There's one, perhaps inadvertently funny scene where Hammer goes back to the office to find a letter on his desk... well, I hate to spoil it. There's pretty much everything one would expect from a hard-boiled detective story, but Mike Hammer's clearly a babe magnet. Pure animal magnetism, but he doesn't have time to indulge, and he's probably world weary as well. Some say this is director Robert Aldrich's best film. But with turbo manly epics on his resumé like The Dirty Dozen, Emperor of the North, 4 For Texas and All The Marbles, it's probably also his most subtle.

Not to be confused with: Kiss of Death, remake or original

***
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Auteur Watch - Nancy Savoca

Ah, my dear! How long it's been since I've been livin' La Vida Savoca. The early 90s are probably her favorite decade. Big Earth Day anniversary, Deee-Lite and Nirvana. It still seemed possible to fight the power and win back then. Not so much anymore. But in the final analysis, the only things of hers I've seen are the two biggies: Dogfight and Household Saints. NOT Boondock Saints. Oh, why did I have to throw that in? This is probably sexist of me, but I can't help but wonder: what would Nancy think of Lili Taylor's performance in Factotum? Would she be disappointed as I kind of was, or would she say You go, girl! Way to get in touch with your inner slut! I gotta go...

BOO! (Box Office Oligarchy)

Of course, one could observe that about EVERY week, when you get right down to it, but it seems especially troubling this week, especially when the only debut debuts at #9. The Warrior's Way. Trying to cash in on that Kung Fu Hustle magic, or something. The sequel's a few years off yet. But Disney should be happy about this week. Tangled wormed its way to the #1 spot, where it should've been all along. Damn you, Harold Potter! Look at that poster. So desperately trying to cash in on the Twilight magic. Nice try, Nerdlingtons! At #3, Burlesque... oh, please. Well, it means a lot to Cher, anyway. Or did they get a cheap Vegas Cher impersonator? To make matters worse, the IMDb's making it tough to get it to work like the database it's SUPPOSED to be. What, am I supposed to REMEMBER all the films Denzel and Tony Scott have made together? Man on Fire, that submarine movie... I totally blanked on Deja Vu! Isn't it ironic, dontcha think. As for the bottom half of the top 10, too depressing to contemplate. It's only a matter of time before Will Ferrell, Zach G. and Robert Downey Jr. all do a movie together. There's gotta be some way to combine The Hangover 2 and Old School 2. There's just gotta!

Short Reviews - November 2010

Oh, Mike McGlone... what happened to you, man? You used to be cool. The king of indie cinema... sort of. Second only to Edward Burns. Now you're doing Geico commercials!... actually, they are pretty amusing. They got more laughs in it than She's the One, that's for sure.

Meanwhile, now that the DVD/Blu-Ray release of Adam Sandler's Grown Ups has received so much hoopla, I think it's time for the wunderkind to go back to his Mr. Deeds roots to remake the classics. Might I suggest the following remake: Sunset Boulevard. An Oscar favourite! Why, even Martin Lawrence tried his hand at it, but you should probably stick with Dennis Dugan as director. I don't know who'd be perfect in the Gloria Swanson role. Maybe Olivia de Havilland? She's still alive. She could do the whole rappin' granny bit from The Wedding Singer. Maybe Zsa Zsa Gabor or Jennifer Aniston. If all else fails... that's right! TWO roles! Adam plays the William Holden part AND the Gloria Swanson part! And as a little Oscar bonus, the Erich von Stroheim part.

Lots of time period-based titles this month: 127 Days, The Next 3 Days, Faster... okay, not that many. Still, makes you think!

The Warrior's Way - I thought that was Mickey Rourke!

Bob the Butler - Boy! Thank God for cable. I have new found respect for Brooke Shields as an actor. Pretending to enjoy kissing Tom Green must've been soul crushing!

True Grit - Only 29 days to go... do I have to update that figure? Damn, I knew I shoulda learnt JScript, or Javascript. You know, one of those nerd/geek dialects.

Lianna - Great film. Never saw it.

Oleanna - Not as good as the stage production.

How Do You Know - ... it will be a hit?

The Beaver - Ward, I'm awfully worried about the Beaver!

Just Go With It - Maybe on cable... maybe.

The Fighter - David O. Russell AND Christian Bale on the same set? The shouting matches must've been legendary!

127 Days - Survivorman: The Motion Picture. No witchetty grubs, though.

Auteur Watch - Angela Robinson

Having already profiled Gina Prince-Bythewood earlier this year... two years ago, I'm going to skip ahead to Angela Robinson. Now, this is probably racist, sexist AND elitist of me, but I can't help but be reminded of that quote by Pauline Kael about how female directors... let me start over. I mean, let me temporarily derail that train of thought. The quote is that it doesn't matter if there's a king or queen on top of the garbage heap. Well, between D.E.B.S. and the Herbie remake, one can't help but think of a garbage heap! Though, you better watch your back, girlfriend, because Deb Hagan's racing you to the top of Crap Mountain! But in the final analysis, if A.Rob's good enough for The L Word, she's good enough for me. Better her than, say, Les Mayfield or Peter Hyams, god forbid!

Not your father's Spencer Tracy...

Actually, it is. Or maybe your grandfather's Spencer Tracy before he matured into the Judgment at Nuremberg-type roles we know him best for. All I'm saying is Newt Gingrich likes Boys Town... probably wouldn't like this one. Unions! Dames falling for the tough guy instead of the rich guy! Wotta nitemare.
Anyway, ... any of you notice I haven't done my auteur and month's end post yet? If not, maybe I'll just skip it more often! Ungrateful ba... The point being, I gotta keep up on these movies a little faster to stop the backup. The main thing is: it's Tracy doing James Cagney... something like that. A strange departure. Not much to write home about, but then, what do you expect from the average MGM picture? A tepid Jean Harlow. Damn you, Hayes Code! To make matters worse, I missed the first fifteen minutes or so, but I think I get the idea: Boy meets Girl: Boy disses a nice Brunette for the hot Blonde. Boy steals Blonde from Rich Dope. Boy wins big at dice against Big Dope. Boy and Blonde kiss. Boy and Blonde fight. Blonde wonders if Boy wants to marry Blonde just to stick it to Big Dope... well, they had to put SOME character into it, didn't they? Boy and Blonde get married. Boy meets Blonde's family... another good scene. I think they're an answer to Capra's group of misfits in You Can't Take It With You... damn! Riffraff came first. Nix to that, then. Anyway, I don't want to spoil the plot further, but they try to fake that epic feeling. Tracy's character goes through some bad times and stops being as brash as he once was. It's also a period piece, as it deals with being in a union: the fisherman's union, in this case. When was the last time you saw union workers in a Hollywood movie? Oh, right... North Country. Hubba hubba! John Schneider... what a shmuck.

***
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Box Office Person of the Week: Nov. 28, 2010

Careful, Mike Myers! You're going to look like this someday. Welp, I've lagged behind my usual deadlines again, but this week, Thanksgiving aside, is certainly a special one. Now, I could sit here and tell you about the debuts this week: Tangled, Faster, Love and Other Drugs ... oh, but you can get that anywhere. The Onion, Variety, CNN, what have you. But for me, the REAL story, the real revelation this week, is of course the rise of this gentleman pictured before you: Steve Antin, writer and director of Burlesque. The latest in a rather long line now of films, isn't it? I mean, even though everyone hates Moulin Rouge (2001) now, but it did lead to Chicago, Idlewild, Nine, ... I'm sure I'm forgetting several. Does Dreamgirls count? If it doesn't, it should, damn it. But even though he's on top of the world now, it was no easy road for Monkey Zetterland. After all, he did have to spend the 90s preparing for his directing duties to come in the 2000s... oh, dear. He seems to have given up on acting as well. Probably for the best. He could afford to hire someone to play him in this movie, anyway; I'm guessing it's the Peter Gallagher character he would've taken. Dang! Well, in the final analysis, I guess I can't tell the story as well as Antin himself could, and I'm guessing I'll receive a hostile rebuke soon enough for this whole post, but in the meantime, you gotta hand it to a guy in his early 50s who can break through in this Twilight/Diary of a Wimpy Kid-obsessed culture... and I'm being kind this time! I said EARLY 50s. Then again, I was never much good when it comes to Hollywood protocol. According to the IMDb, he's 52 years old, so I guess we say he's in his late 40s or, like Jack Benny, 42 years old. A final toast to Dick Zetterland!!

Timelessness: Duck Soup

Well, The Onion can do it more glibly with their review of the Marx Bros. collection and all, but for me and most folks, this is the big one. And I've given a lot of thought to the whole Marx Bros. thing. Or, perhaps not enough... Maybe just the right amount. This was on our TiVo and we all sat down and watched and laughed our asses off.
Anyway, there's two concurrent thoughts here. First of all, this is probably the quartet's thematic pinnacle, having built up to it in their previous four films. Somehow, dealing with a group of disgruntled hotel workers in The Cocoanuts, not as funny. Larger targets were in their sights. Animal Crackers: tackling the myth of the African hunter. Monkey Business: starting with the cruise ship half of A Night At The Opera and ending with a big finale in a barn... okay, bad example. Still, you gotta like Harpo's big scene at the passport checking point. Horse Feathers: college. And college football... right? Of course, for Groucho, playing "God" in Skidoo must've been a slight ego boost.
But secondly, for the brothers Marx, it always comes back to family. And loyalty. Groucho and Zeppo are the establishment, and Chico and Harpo the underdogs, all duking it out comedically. Hard to say who gets the upper hand in these things. Groucho usually wins with his sharp wit, but Chico manages to keep up pretty good, particularly the extended sequence in A Day at The Races where he manages to bilk Groucho out of six dollars selling him books on horse racing. But by the end of the movie, they're all on the same side, teamed up against the stiffs in the movie. In Duck Soup, the stiff is Ambassador Trentino... that lucky bastard! Him and Harold Lloyd, huh? Harpo is the source of two recurring jokes: cutting things with scissors, carrying around a big portable welder, the peanut stand... three... at least four recurring jokes: cutting things with scissors, the peanut stand, the welder/cigar lighter/flashlight, and driving off, leaving Groucho behind, with the comedy motorcycle and sidecar. The songs don't slow down the action too much, and Harpo's "harp" solo is cut short this time, but of course, there's the big comedic climax that's not even the end of the movie! Groucho and Harpo's mirror face-off. Everyone from Sesame Street to The X-Files have done an homage to this timeless bit of frivolity. Apparently, Max Linder did it first, though, in Seven Years Bad Luck. I'm kind of a stickler for originality, but still, in the long run, I think the Marx brothers did it better. Robert Osborne mentioned this time that the film's 77 years old, but I think modern audiences will be surprised by its rapid-fire editing and intelligent content, and I'm pretty sure they'll still be watching it 77 years from now and beyond. Is this not the marker of our era? What will we be watching and listening to centuries into the future? Probably not Wheeler and Woolsey, I'm thinking.

****
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Worst Dick Cavett show EVER!

Last seen on: Fox Movie Channel. They'd never show it on Fox News Movie Channel
I hate to be so glib, but HealtH does suck. I originally thought it was spelled H.E.A.L.T.H. so I'd get to say H.E.A.L.T.H. S.U.C.K.S. but instead, to be grammatically correct, it's HealtH SuckS. But, like most Altman pictures, there's something about it. Oh, maybe if I was watching it by myself I'd sit through the whole thing... or, maybe just wash dishes and crank up the sound, something like that. Now, the Maltin guide (spelling it "Health") says Alfre Woodard steals the show, and it is weird to see her looking so young and still with some of her baby fat, but for me, Glenda Jackson takes the cake. Britain's Ellen Burstyn, she apparently drew on her life experience as a former member of Parliament to play Isabella Garnell, the self-important political candidate for... I never really was able to figure that out. Was she and Lauren Bacall running for President of the United States, or for President of the HealtH gathering? Oh, I guess it was for the big presidency, given Carol Burnett's character saying over and over that she was from the White House. Maybe the premise was too far out for the time, or maybe it was the perfect reflection of California politics at the time. Cavett looked like he was working harder than he wanted to on this movie. And of course, James Garner plays Carol Burnett's ex-husband, a blatant opportunity for witty PG-rated reparteé. I was watching this with a couple viewing companions and a vote was taken to abort the proceedings just around the time Jackson was delivering a speech through a megaphone from that high-up tower. I swear I thought I saw Lori Singer as a young waitress.
Update: Sunday, Dec. 19: RODALE FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!

**1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Auteur Watch - Sally Potter

Everybody's turning 60! What a depressing age to be. But Sally's got quite the C.V. to show for it! Look at that. Director, composer... is she not one of those lucky exceptional few that Ayn Rand kept trying to kiss up to? I hear she also fills in for Bonnie Raitt on the road sometimes. Still, there's probably no topping all the hoopla around Orlando. I think even she'd admit that. Not that Yes and Rage weren't all the rage in their own rights, of course, but there's nothing like making your first big impression on the international stage, cinematically. So it's hard to say which decade is Potter's favourite. Personally, I'd have to go with the 70s. I mean, look at that break in between Hors d'oeuvres and Thriller! Eight years! Good Lord. A lot of strutting around to The Bee Gees in high heels with goldfish in the heels, giant red-colored Afro wigs and bell-bottom jeans.

And a spooky Thanksgiving to all

Look! It's Abraham Lincoln's creepy cousin at Hogwarts! Another nice payday for J.K. Simmons... I mean, J.K. Rowling. And Steve Kloves on backup. Bet he's going to want to direct again! Harry Potter 7a, as I like to call it, made a hefty one eighth of a billion dollars this weekend. Not quite enough to cover Rowling's royalty payments, but it's a great start. All the others suffer as a consequence: for example, Megamind in a distant 2nd place with a mere 16 million in the bank this week. Where's the justice? The other debuts this week are The Next Three Days and the Valerie Plame story, Fair Game. Well, to us cinephiles, there's only ONE Fair Game, and it's the 1995 thriller with Cindy Crawford! Am I right? Is that one no less of an asset to our international security?

Watered-Down Fowls, or Not Quite Fierce Enough...

I can't help but think of what a friend once said about Fierce Creatures back in the day of its initial theatrical release: "Wow. They didn't even phone it in." Or that they went down swinging, but without swinging, something to that effect. But I am a sucker for anything with that Panavision look to it... or am I? It seems to have a cooling effect for comedy. But God bless 'em, the respective directors stuck by their cameramen. Well, Fred by Ian Baker, anyway. Biddle's more of a free-lancer in comparison... was, but we will always have his work on City Slickers 2 to cherish!
Anyway, Fierce Creatures is kinda right up my alley now, thematically, as it has to do with the economy, and making money where money shouldn't be made: prisons, health care, and zoos, for starters. But people do love types like Rupert Murdoch... I mean, Rod McCain, and even for them, money doesn't grow on trees. They have to go out and find it somewhere. Encouraged by the success of Dave, Kevin Kline plays two parts here, and much like the plot of Dave, well... have I given too much away? Probably. For me, I am a prude at heart, and while I appreciated the lengths cast and crew went to to make this a sexual farce, it still was a little too obvious, but Jamie Lee Curtis's mixed feelings are the fuses that burn for the length of a movie before the dynamite explodes... and even THAT was a bit tepid. As a sequel to A Fish Called Wanda... dare I make the case that they're both just as good? Nah, but the strength of both seemed to be based on Kline, but clearly Vince McCain is no match for Otto.
And the animals were cute. Beautiful plumage!! Unfortunately for me, W.C. Fields' character in If I Had A Million is named Rollo La Rue, not Rollo Lee. They did their homework.

**1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Auteur Watch - Lori Petty

I gotta tread lightly here. I get the feeling that if I'm too harsh on Tank Girl here, I'll hear from her personally. But what's not to like? Seriously? I can't find that one image from Point Break in time, but I think you all know the one I mean... she and Keanu are in bed, the overhead shot. No wonder that Kathryn Bigelow won best director! Somehow seems a cruel fate, though, that the nerdy girl from Tank Girl is now playing Valerie Plame. Just shows to go you... reminds me! Didn't Sandra Bullock play the nerdy girl at least once? ...yup! Gave her the works: glasses, buck teeth, everything. Well, they always get glasses but not necessarily buck teeth! Oh, and Lori was also in A League of Their Own, for all the good it did her. And so, she looked at all the hacks who are already directors: Penny Marshall, Rachel Talalalalalalalalay, and she thought to herself: well, hell, how hard is that? Plenty, apparently, as she's only directed the big two: Horrible Accident... lemme guess, a short film? And The Poker House. Now you would think, it being co-written by funny man David Alan Grier, that it's a comedy, but then you check out the MPAA rating and you see "Rated R for language, and disturbing content involving a minor including rape, sexual content and drug/alcohol abuse"... yeah, it's a comedy. Good double bill with... what else? World's Greatest Dad comes to mind. Not too many prestigious organizations reviewed it, but you know why? Because they're jealous, and pretty girls kick ass, and they know it. Something like that. Damn, I'm turning so simple.

Update: Speaking of simple, here's a link to earlier, happier days...

Another son of a bitchin' blackout!

If this were my power company, it never would've happened... nobody? Well, never mind then! I'm not even going to put up the hyperlink for it! Oh, so far behind again, but at least I'm getting an earlier start this week. Oh, I put up that image because I went through a bad power outage yesterday. Not that I'm going to do anything about it, of course. Solar panels? My own wind turbine? Shyeah, right. Who's got the time or the money?
Anyway, back to more important matters. The debuts this week are: Unstoppable, Skyline and Morning Glory. Oh, good. Skyline gives me another sibling pair to profile for next year. Only got six left to have all 52 weeks covered... sort of. Wasn't someone saying something about how Harrison Ford gets all the scripts in Hollywood? That might change after this...

Auteur Watch - Jocelyn Moorhouse

Is that Michael Shannon's twin sister? No! It's our latest auteur, Jocelyn Moorhouse. She was a little late to the big Aussie Wave of the 80s, but she just shows to go you that you can never keep quality down! Cream still rises to the top? My smart friends tell me otherwise. Starting with her student film debut in 1983, Pavane, she decided to backpack through Europe for the next 8 years until her TV debut with The Flying Nun... Doctors. And then, it was time to take center Australia's stage with 1991's Proof with future megastars Agent Smith and Maximus Anti-Paparazzius. They, of course, have yet to return the favour, the basterds.
Moorhouse made her American film debut during the 90s feminist wave with How To Make an American Quilt, her combination of The Crow and... let's say, Beaches. That just barely crossed the box office finish line, allowing her to do a second film. It was A Thousand Acres, give or take a few. She'd be writing more in a year or two. I guess she got fed up with the biz and retired early or something. Seems like that doesn't happen as often anymore. Too much at stake nowadays.

Who wants Box Office Loaf?

Oh, I'm on it this week. It's been a while since I did an image with a bunch of other images all smooshed together, but somehow this week it's appropriate, especially since Tyler Perry's fall 2010 entry has FINALLY showed up! What's the deal, dude? Why keep us waiting like that? Last year, September 11th: I Can Do Bad All By Myself lands at #1. The people were ready to laugh and cry and feel in equal amounts, and laugh / cry / feel they did in droves. You blew it, man!
Anyway, the big 'news' this week: DreamWorks does it again, big surprise. They're like Tyler Perry now too, apparently. Their spring hit was that Dragon thing, and now that it's out on video here comes Megamind. Time to roll out the Will Ferrell slogans! Genius, funny, LMAO, you know the drill. I mean, how can the man NOT be funny? When he played the homeless nude model on SNL (Lucy Lawless!), he made you laugh, then cry, then laugh again. But how many of you contributed to Southern Poverty Law Center after that bit? Egg-zactly. And Tina Fey's along for the ride as well. Same deal: genius, funny, LMAO. But she hasn't forgotten her roots: she still fights the good fight and brings the pain to everyone from Playboy to Victoria's Secret with her unisex calendar on the most recent Night of Too Many Stars. And, for the ladies, Jonah Hill. Admit it, gals, you secretly want a hefty guy, no? Dating the vain bodybuilder gets old after a while, or so I've heard.
At #2, the road trip movie's bourne anew. From the director of 2000's Road Trip comes Due Date. And don't kid yourself: you may think director Todd Phillips has grown up and lost touch with his audience, but it doesn't explain the success of The Hangover or the current filming of The Hangover Part Two. Mel Gibson or no, all involved are here to stay. Maybe Downey Jr. could fill in for Mel! Would that be an act of betrayal? Speaking of Mel Gibson, if he came out with a film called For Colored Girls, well... can you imagine the $#!tstorm that would follow it? Can you, Dr. Laura? Of course, it would be in Aramaic so no one would understand it. But it's Tyler Perry, so all is forgiven. They say he's been writing plays since he was 18, but to me it seems like he wrote ALL his plays when he was 18 and have just now been turning them all into movies. Don't get me wrong, the man does have a sense of showmanship. That Madea keeps current, don't kid yourself! One hand on the Bible, the other with a copy of Jet Magazine... something like that. And his troupe of actors is ever expanding! Janet Jackson, Thandie Newton, Phylicia Rashad, WHOOPI GOLDBERG! A veritable Who's Who. Victory will only be complete when Denzel stops by, or maybe even Sidney Poitier. This one probably could've used a little more Madea and a little less Precious, but he's going out on a limb this time, you gotta give him mad props for that. And farming out the writing this time; good move.

Short Reviews - October 2010

Yo STEW-BEEF!!
Damn. I was digitizing an old Premiere magazine from, like, 12 years ago, and it had this catchy article about the top 300 stars of today that'll last forever... something like that. And so, let's go through the list.

Ewan MacGregor: check.
Kate Winslet: check.
Paul Thomas Anderson: check.
Freddie Prinze Jr.: ouch.
brandy norwood... who?
norman reedus... who?
natalie portman: check.
Adrien brody: check.
Aaron Eckhart: check.
Will Smith: And how!
Charlize Theron: check.
Andrew Niccol: who?
Jennifer Lopez: oh, please. What was that piece of crap she was in this year? Bound for Glory? When in Rome?... The Back-Up Plan! That's it!
Wes Anderson: yeah
Sarah Polley: oh, don't be so mean to Josephine!
Edward Norton: check.
Youki Kudoh: who?
Leo DiCaprio: check.
Isaiah Washington:... oh, wait, that's just the next article. Never mind.


Burlesque - It is beautiful, no matter what the critics say. Bad reviews can't bring it down, oh no...

Life as We Know It - Yeah, we already know about how awful changing a diaper can be!!

Buried - Ryan Reynolds buried alive. What's not to like?

Secretariat - Will Success Spoil Randall Wallace?

It's Kind of a Funny Story - It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia?

Oliver Stone's Wild Palms - Good thing I was scanning my old 1993 Variety magazine. Otherwise, I never would've heard of it!

Zoolander 2? - Oh yeah, it needs a question mark.

Police Academy: Mission To Moscow - Interesting cast, actually. Claire Forlani? Ken Davitian? (Borat) ... as Curly might say, I STILL say it's him!

Red Dragon - Just reading my Universal DVD Showcase email newsletter. Universal's buying up MGM too? Kewl. Why not?

The Dark Knight Rises - It WON'T be shot in 3D, and the Riddler WON'T be in it, according to director Chris Nolan... in another surprise announcement, Nolan has just been replaced as director by... let's say, Marc Webb or that bastard Walt Becker.

Love & Other Drugs - Your love, your love, your love... is my drug

When In Rome - Saw about the first two minutes of it. Everybody should have a trident of fawning nerds to look after you at all times! Well, it might get annoying after a while, to be sure.

Monsters - I love you Gareth Edwards!

Monsters, Inc. - I love you Mike Lebowski!

Auteur Watch - Elaine May

If you can't get something for the girl who already has everything, what do you get the girl with something like Ishtar on her resumé? Ouch. Of course, a nut like me has a special place in his heart for Ishtar... at least, the first thirty minutes of it before it makes that big creaky left turn into Hope/Crosbyville, as Maltin puts it. Being the girl half of the Nichols and May duo from the early... 60s? Doesn't she get to direct, too? She did her own Graduate which decidedly wasn't as good, but is it not worthy of a remake? Oh, right... But she did learn harsh lessons about Hollywood when working on A New Leaf, and that is: Paramount reserves the right to cut your film in half. If it's a 3 hour epic, too bad! And apparently Robert Evans is responsible! Naughty boy. But he is a handsome man, so he must be forgiven immediately, if not right away. But not for Kid Notorious. It was awful. Now available on DVD with commentary!
But after something like Ishtar, it's best to take a little break, and break she did. Back to work for Nichols, resulting in the screenplays for The Birdcage and Primary Colors. Apparently, the Joe Klein Curse and the Ishtar Curse were too much for even her to handle, as the trail goes cold after that. A toast to Elaine May's emeritus years!!!!!

Ho hum, another Halloween B.Off.

Greetings, my 8 followers! Oh, I'm so behind again. Well, things come up, and I have a thing for this Tetris Battle game on Facebook. Better watch out, though: I get the feeling it's a hacker's paradise. Had to change my FB password... I know, big shocker, right? I've only had to change mine about three times now, fortunately, so I'm new to all this.
Anyway, on to this week's box office. Speaking of new to all this, apparently it's the last Saw movie at #1. Oh, but it's the first one in 3D! They can't quit now! 3D makes everything seem fresh and new, just like HD sorta does. Footloose is still the same, though. Saw some of that this week. Meanwhile, do you realize that Malkovich has TWO movies in the Top 10? Red and Secretariat! One of which falls in line with the Bohemian Manifesto's philosophy. I can't see them liking Red... I mean, Secretariat. Frankly, both. Clint Eastwood goes slumming on CBS Sunday to plug his latest, Hereafter. He just doesn't get it. American audiences don't go for the art house movies anymore, if they ever did. Gran Torino 2! That's what they want! He was just hurt REAL BAD, but he's back with a new pickup and one of those new Mustangs that doesn't look as classic. Maybe he should get a Tesla Roadster. The only other debut this week is Conviction, directed by Tony Goldwyn. They say he's an actor's director, but ... and I hate to be sarcastic at a time like this, but don't you have to be able to act to be an actor's director? Oh, no he di'int!

Auteur Watch - Penny Marshall

Fetch me the next auteur! Quickly, before the web browser cuts me off again. It's acting a little wonky today, as the Canadians say.
No, we already did Mimi Leder this year... oh, right! They just look similar, that's all. Yes, it's TV's Laverne up next and, like former hubby Meathead, her directorial efforts seemed to flower in the 80s, wilt in the 90s and... oh, TV work in the 2000s. What a comedown, but work is work, right?
And so, to pad this out a little further, and reiterate what I said earlier much more efficiently, the 80s probably were best for Penny, directorially speaking. Taking the lessons learned from Jumpin' Jack Flash... whatever those might be... she nabbed herself a better cameraman and went Big next. Already leery of success, she went the Oscar route... but with Robin Williams? Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time, and he reduced his usual fee for the Oscar opportunity. Awakenings is also notable because ... nah, too obscure. Okay, a long time ago, someone did the Kevin Bacon game on a web page, but with David Letterman as the target instead of Bacon, and a guy who was on Letterman's show early in the CBS years named Leonard Tepper is in the cast. And Tepper kept popping up over and over again! Also because of Home Alone 2, but that's neither here nor there.
Where was I? Oh yeah. Anyway, the trail runs a bit cold after A League of Their Own, both in terms of box office and Oscar fever. Not to say that The Preacher's Wife isn't a good movie. I just haven't watched it yet. Maybe it's the whole Whitney Houston curse or something.
And then... According to Jim? Oh, Penny. Is work that hard to come by? United States of Tara, maybe, just because Spielberg's tangentially involved, but please! Is Jim Belushi that worth it?

BOO!!

Damn! Can't save memory by using a link to the image... oh, well. I can only do so much. I'm only one blogger! Anyway, good news for the makers of Paranormal Activity 2! This week at the box office. Such as... not only is it #1, it's #1 to the tune of 40 million dollars! All I know is I didn't see any ads for it during The Daily Show or The Colbert Report, so I don't know how they managed to pull it off. Maybe ads on MTV or something. Somebody's making money, that's all we really need to know. But it's not all good news for MTV and Paramount, as Jackass drops some large percentage to only 20 million raked in. I know that seems pretty bad, but consider the short attention span of the audience involved. And, of course, we'll have to reserve judgment until next week. It's during that crucial THIRD week when the real trends emerge. But the point I was trying to make is that they learned the crucial lesson from Blair Witch and dumped the original director, opting for someone else to helm the sequel. Hell, for all I know, they're calling it a reboot! Seems fitting. If you're going to reboot Spider Man, for God's sake...

Meanwhile, Clint Eastwood just can't catch a break! Hereafter debuts at a mere #4. I have a feeling this won't slow him down much. Space Cowboys 2, Gran Torino 2... the man can crank out one Oscar contender per year AND limit crew hours to 14-hour days! The man's a genius, a marvel, maven, and all those other Jerry Lewis words. BLAOGOJEVICH!!

Best Damn Sports Movie Ever. Question Mark?

Well, second only to The Power of One, maybe. And Dodgeball. Bull Durham's also another hallmark, touchstone, what have you. Me, I'm not really a sports movie kinda guy, I guess. And sports fans would probably argue that Invictus is more about location than sports: historical and geographical. And of course, presidential politics under the W. Bush years have made the presidential metaphor heavy handed indeed. Does not Nelson Mandela find himself in Obama's shoes the first day in office? Then again, Mandela's never worked with Republicans before.
Anyway, potentially long review short, another fine effort from Malpaso and company. I don't know where Eastwood gets the energy to direct Oscar contenders every year, but he's catching up to Woody Allen, that's for sure. Maybe even surpassing him, at least in terms of diverse subject matter, and having generally above-average Oscar-worthy films to boot. Morgan Freeman probably should've won for this instead of Million Dollar Baby... okay, never mind. That's a whole other review. Matt Damon does a fine job as the beleaguered soccer star, who also manages to hold his marriage together along with everything else. Some would say the player's wife is an obligatory role in sports pics like these, but there are no small parts, right? Only small actors. What's-her-face does fine, but I wonder what Emily Mortimer would've done with the part. The cinematography was okay, nothing too flashy. Lots of sweeping shots of the crowd, and some of those shots of planes in the air were a little strange! At least, the first one. Maybe if I had a DVD of it I could dissect the phenom a little further (hint, hint?). I couldn't tell if it was digital video or not, but one of the shots of the rugby players in a huddle did look a little streaky. Otherwise, looked pretty film-y. I just can't tell what's what from the tech. specs page.
Oh well. The hipsters over at The Onion and The Village Voice probably didn't like the movie, but I thought it was all right, Obama metaphor and all. We're not in as bad of an economic shape as South Africa yet, but we'd all do well to learn from Madiba's equivalent to reaching across the aisle. And really, that mainly goes for Republicans at this point.

****
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

In America, Cart Push You!

I meant to say 'In Russia,' but things have changed so much since Yakoff Smirnoff's heyday. Russia's average standard of living's probably much better than us now, but hey! Now WE'RE the ones wiretapping ourselves! Kewl. I feel more comfortable in a bugged room, anyway. And while Man Push Cart seems like a breath of fresh air to the rest of the critics, it seems more like a training film to me. But it looks like they spared almost no expense on actual film, instead of springing for the easy lure of that crappy, streaky digital video that doesn't look as good, but MUST be much less expensive than the ol' quicksilver gelatin stuff.
Indeed, Ahmad's plight is America's plight in general, as we once held greatness in our past and in our youth, but we squandered it all away for family and the stability of a working class job. In mean ol' New York City, no less! Unfortunately, Ahmad's not much more successful in his personal life as he is in his professional life, but he manages to not get hit by cars, buses or garbage trucks as he pulls his cart from locale to locale PRACTICALLY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET!!!!!!! Still bitten by the showbiz bug, apparently, as he used to be a Pakistani rock star.
As I watched Man Push Cart, I was vaguely reminded of the student films of yesteryear, with their average cinetomagraphy and the less-than-stellar acting. Many of the plot details go nowhere... oops! Spoiler alert. I'll try not to give too much more away. A rich friend comes into Ahmad's life, as does a cute girl who works at the newsstand down the street. And a kitten! Will the cute girl fall for Ahmad or the rich douchebag? Will Ahmad get over the loss of his wife? Will the tiny squeaking kitten grow up to be a proud lion? Needless to say, being a cat person myself, I didn't care for the way that last one turned out. I understand that Ahmad's plight is the stuff great dramas are made of, but somehow I needed a little more hope, or a little more plot, or something. SPOILER ALERT: The plot takes a turn similar to The Bicycle Thief on top of everything else. Basically, no earth-shattering revelations here: work still sucks, but New York seems to be a great place to sell some coffee and bagels. How soon can I move there?
I will say that even though the film's from 2005 it seemed like it was made today. I thought it was from 2009! For what that's worth...

A Snapple / Toys 'R Us Co-Production

Good double bill with: Anvil!

***
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Auteur Watch - Madonna

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. But, The Movie Hooligan! Madonna's not an auteur! You're just deliberately picking controversial choices to gain attention! Well, that is true. But I'll give my two reasons for this. 1) It says here that image uploads will be disabled for two hours due to maintenance on THIS VERY DAY, so I'm trying to make the publishing deadline, and 2) even though she'd be the first to tell you that she's given wing to more two-bit hack directors vis-a-vis her music videos than she'd care to admit, (FINCHER!!!!!!!!!!) I couldn't help but notice on Ms. Ciccone's IMDb page that the Bay City Material Girl's got a directing credit on her CV! The first is something called Filth and Wisdom, and if there were any two words to sum up her long glorious career, those two will do just fine somehow. The other is the upcoming W.E, and it looks pretty damn ambitious if I do say so myself. It's Madonna's tribute to her two favorite films of all time: Julie & Julia, and Wall-E. It has the title of Julie and Julia, and the plot of Wall-E... or vice versa, I can't remember which. And like all people like Madonna of Madonna's age, they cling with bony claw to the youth, like Abbie Cornish. Fasten your seatbelt, Ab, because it's going to be a bumpy ride!

Blasphemy!

Looks like Knoxville up on the cross. As usual, The Onion scoops the story. In the meantime, I'm stuck here with what little news I can get. One usually can't argue with numbers! If I remember correctly, this is the biggest opening for a Jackass movie ever. Damn 3D! Making things more interesting. Seriously though, this time I'd take a vomit bag with me if I were to go see it. Coming in a close second is Bruce Willis' latest paycheck... well, maybe a distant second. It's NOT Krystof Kieslowski's Red, okay? There's no way I spelled that right the first time... Krzysztof! That's it. No, this is Robert Schwentke's Red. I want to be the first to slap label to this burgeoning genre. It's more than action comedy, because that doesn't account for the Baby Boomers Getting Old And Not Liking It factor, or the Too Hip By a Third factor, or the fact that computers are making everything less interesting. When was the last time we had a moment like when Gerrit Graham almost gets run over in Used Cars? Exactly. The beginning of the Reagan Revolution. Now we're at the end of it, and the Big Brother state's almost complete. Orwell predicted movies like this, you know! Only it's that movies were constantly being updated to present a clear, unified picture of reality. He was dreaming, of course: a full employment economy? Puh-leeze.

Auteur Watch - Ida Lupino

I totally forgot! I went ahead and captured images for the future planned auteurs to be profiled. I realized this as I was doing Ida Lupino's image on IMDb right now. There goes the hyperlink. Well, lucky girl, she'll always have a home on Turner Classic Movies... at least, until they dump Robert Osborne, start showing commercials and Friday the 13th and Death Wish installments. No, Ida harkens back to an older age, when films had to rely on storytelling and acting to get by, not on swearing and nudity... I know, I know. I mean, something like Boondock Saints would have to not be made at all in the 30s. Or The Big Lebowski, for that matter! A very mixed bag. Unfortunately, like most directors, Ida had to turn to... yikes! TV directing. And kinda quickly at that! For shame. And she did a couple "Have Gun, Will Travel"s! Cool! Might have to pretend like I came across it by accident... we just got Season 2. She also did some Gilligan's Islands, so she'll always have a home on TV Land as well. Hard to say if TV directing had as much of a stigma in those days. In the 70s and 80s and 90s it was more of a stigma, but now thanks to globalization and the dominance of corporate media, TV shows have bigger budgets and bigger stars, and are almost on a par with cinema in terms of quality! Then again, I haven't been watching Heroes or The Event or all that other crap. Is it really better than Percy Jackson and The Olympians? ...Okay, bad example. The point is, Ida was the first chick auteur, girls! Remember that! Alas, she left us back in 1995. She was 77 years young. Godspeed, Ida! ...just checked her IMDb page; can't think of anything of hers I've seen, director wise. Shame on me.

A numerically special day

But I forget how... oh, right! It's 10/10/'10. There's gotta be some way the right wing can scare their base with this. Oh well.
1:57am, Sun.: I forget the big movie this weekend already... better wait another 10 hours or so. I've never done this before! But I felt really strongly about the attached image for some reason. Never did get Bo Derek. Bet Blake Edwards is sorry about that. Of course, I haven't seen all of Tarzan The Ape Man and none of Ghosts Can't Do It, so I'm probably not giving her a fair shake... Poor choice of words?
(Tue.) - Oh, right! The movies! Something called Life or Something Like It debuted this week... I'm sorry, that's wrong. It's called Life As We Know It. Doesn't quite have the punch of The Ugly Truth, but it'll do. Heigl's queen of the box office now! Killers was #1-ish. Duhamel plays the Johnny Knoxville part. The latest Wes Craven horror pic called My Soul To Take rounds out the top 5; according to the plot synopsis, wouldn't Happy Birthday To You have been a better title? And finally, Seabiscuit 2 only came in third! What an unhappy ending to this true story.

The Devil's Whiskey

Well, it's been far too long since I've actually sat down, put finger to keyboard and reviewed a movie, but it's not for lack of trying! So to make up for lost time, here's a threesome for you. Three seemingly unrelated movies, all bundled together into some sort of movie review equivalent of a toxic asset, with but one thing in common: a man with a dream and a bar. A man called Duffy.

Boondock Saints I

Oy. I think it makes more sense if you watch the documentary about it first called Overnight. As much as I hate to agree with The Onion, I'm afraid they got it right. Any charm the movie had in the first half, biblical or otherwise, is lost in the second when it becomes a Death Wish-esque... I hate to call it a thriller, or even a clone. Let's say an homage, but with delusions of national grandeur. Almost like Fight Club, but even Fight Club doesn't feature phony local news testimonials at the end... oops! Should I have said spoiler alert? Maybe the Beltway sniper watched it before going berserk, who knows. Any publicity is good publicity, right?
Well, I hope Harvey Weinstein learned a valuable lesson, as it was he who unleashed this monster unto the world. Well, that and Hannibal Rising. But I will say that I like Troy Duffy better than Kevin Smith. A shame that the acting talents of a David Della Rocco go largely unnoticed by Broadway and Hollywood alike, and Jason Mewes is the stuff of international stardom. Will Willem Dafoe ever live down his performance in this movie? I think he hopes so!! Troy, of course, gives himself a plum role in the movie at the beginning, doing what he does best: pounding the $#!... out of phony Russian gangsters.

**1/2


Overnight

A lively chronicle of the rise and fall of Troy Duffy, the latest and greatest hot young filmmaker since... well, since Troy Duffy, frankly. Not that I can't think of others. Tom Noonan is also similarly talented, directing AND doing the soundtrack for his movies. Hell, even Clint Eastwood composes for his Oscar-winning films, right? (see the movie) Anyway, we begin with Harvey Weinstein walking into a bar, and boy! Did he hit his head hard! Thinking he's found the perfect filmmaker, with the low budget of a Quentin Tarantino, and a flair for the cinematic that he learned from working in a video store of a Kevin Smith... something like that. With maybe just a dash of an Edward Burns thrown in for good measure. All is right with the world... or so it would seem. We don't get a glimpse of what Troy Duffy was like before Weinstein entered his life, but afterwards we see an ego balloon on hyper-inflate. The first sign of trouble comes when he's on the phone with Harvey and goes "Hey, man, I'm not a director! I haven't even been to film school..." Eventually, after spurning many of Harvey's casting choices, the deal is off. Oh, and Troy's also in this band, and that doesn't go anywhere either. But, the story does have half of a happy ending. The film does get made, Troy almost gets martyred, and 10 years later the sequel comes to life! I'm probably forgetting some important point, but that's about it. Oh, and the filmmakers themselves are... were Troy's business partners for a bintel brief, so one might think this is all just a revenge doc, but they seem objective enough given the circumstances. And if Troy's lawyers are happy, I'm happy.

Good double bill with: The Typewriter, The Rifle & The Movie Camera

***

Boondock Saints II: The Re-Boon..t?

Valuable lessons learned: like all great directors Troy puts the credits at the END of the pic instead of the beginning. Well, all of the good things about the first B.S., and I guess there were a few, seem to get lost in this outing. And all the bad ones are intensified. Another flamboyant FBI agent is on the trail of the religious hit men. They're a little older, a little puffier, especially Powder. Ugh! What happened, man? Anyway, the Willem Dafoe character is dead, so in comes Kate Beckinsale. Well, close enough. We see her red high heel shoes first, but somehow she doesn't live up to them. Cameron Diaz, maybe. Angelina Jolie, uh huh! Normally with a movie like this, I wonder... WWMD? What Would Maxim Magazine do? This movie was tailor made for them! What more do you want? I mean, besides more Russ Meyer type stuff? Unfortunately, Maxim has standards too, and they like the Oscar material like everyone else. The Godfather. Apocalypse Now. Pulp Fiction. The Blind Side. Boondock Saints is NOT in that league. But somehow it magically re-appeared on our TiVo and we just can't stop watching it! Piecemeal, anyway. Clifton Collins Jr. does what he can as the Joe Pesci Lethal Weapon-esque comic relief. And it gives the boys a chance to denigrate non-Irish ethnic types! Which they take, of course. Fun for the whole family. Oh, right, and Judd Nelson's in it, too. Pretty much reprising his role in The Breakfast Club. Sheesh.

**

-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan