Still Ordinary after all these years...

Okay, so it's not my cup of tea, as you could probably figure out judging from my previous reviews. And time does seem to pass certain movies by. But if it's been made within one's lifetime, one can't help but see how young and thin everyone looked. And I'm sure the wisecrackers over at The Rotten Tomatoes Show are going to call it the most unfair Best Picture winner since... How Green Was My Valley. I mean, how could it beat Raging Bull? Coal Miner's Daughter? ...okay, Tess and The Elephant Man I could understand. But Raging Bull? And Coal Miner's Daughter? (see, our culture can't get enough country western these days...) But see, that was your father's Oscars. It was about respect. It was about a nice film about a family winning the Oscar, not something about some ethnic gangster-ish type! Not like today. Something like that, anyway. I'm sure the Oscar voting bloc would never cop to that. But I will definitely agree that Timothy Hutton deservedly won the Supporting Actor Oscar. De Niro won for Raging Bull so it wasn't a total loss. The Oscars have dissed Scorsese before, they'll do it again. Then again...
Anyway, back to time passing a movie by. It must've been controversial in its day, but we're awash in the Movie Psychiatrist character these days. Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting, Loren Dean in Mumford, and that one guy in that one episode of Bored to Death. I think he's my favorite. Why, I'll even post the link to his name... what was his name? Denis O'Hare, that's it. But the instant case makes a fine touchstone of modern pop psychology: it's not your fault, just move on, etc. And a psychiatrist who doesn't believe in psychiatry, that kind of thing. Mind-bending Jedi tricks, you know.
An all around fine film, nothing much to complain about. Crazy white people. The editing was kind of different. I always have an appreciation for that. The only real complaint is that Turner Classic Movies hasn't gone to HD yet! Get with the times, guys! The print was a little squashed, and wasn't sharp like other HD movie channels. That's just the way it is sometimes: Death Wish II on MGM-HD gets the high-def transfer, but Ordinary People doesn't. Upside-down priorities, guys. Oh, but I will say that I like Pachelbel's Canon as much as the next guy, but somehow it didn't work for me here, but again, that's just me. I and my viewing companions were trying to place a certain actor: I think it was this guy. Looks a bit like David Paymer. I don't remember him in that episode of Seinfeld all that well, sorry to say. As for Elizabeth McGovern, well, when is she going to do a movie with Peter Gallagher? They could play brother and sister! I gotta go...

***1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Auteur Watch - Lisa Cholodenko

Is life good for Lisa Cholodenko? I would have to think so. Judging from the picture anyway and her résumé, one would think so. But which decade would you say was her favourite? Was it the go-go indie film 90s? An exciting time indeed to be in movies. The marketplace had blockbuster fatigue and was ready to embrace other cultures and ethnicities, and beat the road pic genre to death. Mostly in the desert. And our li'l Lisa, she parlayed (sic) her writing-directing talents into a guest shot on Homicide or H-LOTS as we all know and love it... those of us who were there from the beginning, that is.
Or maybe the 2000s? Quite simply, the era of Dubya. More TV work and Laurel Canyon for Lisa. Big time now, baby. Not working as hard, but that's all right, too.
But if I know anything at all about directors, it's the current decade that's the favorite. The 2010s, baby. Hope is bourne anew, rising like a phoenix from the tea leaves. Oh yeah, you know what I'm talkin' about. For Lisa, it's something called The Kids Are All Right. And if a good director knows anything, it's that you need a catchy title. Something that sounds good at the ticket counter. "One for The Kids are All Right, please!" I just wish she went with a more unique phrase...

...Bozo the Clown?

Oh, I never want to go back to work! Facebook will do the thinking for us now, as Homer might say. Well, it looks like Johnny Depp's asking price for Pirates of the Caribbean 4 just went up. Alice in Wonderland kicks ass for the third consecutive week in a row! Does it think it's Avatar or something? This is getting out of hand. Clearly the youth bubble hasn't burst yet. At #2 is something called Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Sorry, jocks and cool kids, but you need a new John Hughes to give you voice. Meanwhile, you gotta put up with stuff like this. It's Gordy's revenge, I tells ya. And Ernest. Probably Larry the Cable Guy as well. I get that vibe from it. Then there's The Bounty Hunter. You still got it, Aniston, what can I say? Not quite #1, but hey! They can't all be Marley and Me good. The last debut this week is the new organ donor comedy Repo Men. It's 2004 again and Jude Law's back. A little older, a little wiser, and a little less handsome, I dare say. He's let Hollywood excess finally get to him, but appearing on SNL will usually help a movie debut out, as far as I know. And being on The Daily Show is a new springboard for supporting characters, and the occasional star. Keep your chin up, Josh Gad.

2010 Post Oscar Wrap Up

Once again, I failed. But the two main take home messages are: 1) I let my personal bias get in the way of the scoring, and 2) from now on, WE TIVO the Oscars! That's right. It took us a year to do it, but that's our credo from now on. Not that we didn't like Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin, but most of the stuff we shoulda fast forwarded through. Like the tributes to the best actor and actress. They changed it slightly this year from having previous Oscar winners kiss their ass to having a co-star kiss their ass, preferably a fellow Oscar winner or nominee. Nice try, Colin Farrell. Boy! This is how insidious these country western influences are getting. Even sex tape pretty boy Colin Farrell's getting in on the ground floor of it! I mean, I'm glad Jeff Bridges won and all, but really, it's the Oscar he shoulda gotten for The Big Lebowski, am I right? As for not changing my vote from an Avatar sweep to The Hurt Locker, well, what can I say? Cameron's now where Spielberg was in the 80s. It's the price you sometimes pay: you get the blockbusters, but not the Oscar gold. You can either have the respect of the moviegoing public, or the Oscar voting block. Not both. Unlike with Titanic, but I digress. I felt bad for the one black dude whose speech got interrupted. Guess he'll just have to win again for something else.
But Kathryn Bigelow's not the only lucky girl of that magical evening last week. Sandra Bullock won for most profitable movie with a Best Actress nominee in it. I couldn't think to myself, oh, George Clooney. Can't you do anything right? Seriously, though, the man got dissed this year. No nomination for The Men who Stare at Goats? Jealousy, plain and simple. I loved that moment between him and Alec Baldwin. I guess they shoulda hammered the message home; say, if Johnny Depp were also in the audience. Coulda done the same thing! Or Robert Pattinson... but I guess he's too young. I got caught up in the fervor and thought for a second that The Princess and the Frog would win Best Animated Feature, but let's face it. That's just how hated Disney is. Pixar tried to get away once, but they made their deal with the devil lo those many years ago. PDI Dreamworks rode that wave of goodwill with Shrek but haven't pandered to the Oscar voting bloc since. Good on you, guys, until you win again. Guess that's all I got. Too late to keep it short and sweet?

Final score: 96 out of 121

Auteur Watch - Cher

Gandalf! No, wait, it's Sauron. No, no, wait, it's ... my God, is that Cher? It can't be! Or maybe her albino twin sister? Or Priscilla Presley's twin sister? No, it is indeed Cher. Good Lord. Good grief. Great suffering Zot. At least, so says the IMDb. They must be wrong. Well, even Madonna couldn't pull off a look change THAT dramatic these days. But if I had to guess, I'd say the 80s were Cher's favourite cinematic decade of her career. Oscar noms, big leading roles. Somehow, the 2000s and her "cameo" in Stuck on You pales in comparison, I dare say. And yet, those wiseacres over at The Rotten Tomatoes Show on the Current channel voted Moonstruck the worst movie wedding, or something like that. Jaded hipsters: our new greatest natural resource. Not much directorially happening for Cher lately. I guess she was too much of a tyrant on her part of If These Walls Could Talk. But the power can be addictive. All those resources at your disposal. Flunkies who will do your every bidding, bring you hot chocolate, what have you. Stay busy, girlfriend! I believe in life after love, or however that song goes.

Deppity-Do x 2

All right, enough fooling around here. Time to do some damn writing and catch up. Let's start with this week's box office. Well, the bean counters over at Variety musta did a double take on this one. Why does ol' Johnny Depp keep trying to confuse the ladies who just want to love him with these weird-ass roles he plays? Why, even my friend's getting sick of him! There's a short list, you see, of movie stars they're tired of: Jack Nicholson, Robert DeNiro, Morgan Freeman, Adam Sandler... it's a much longer list. Oh yeah, Jennifer Aniston, too. Anyway, Alice in Wonderland's still got legs, and now it's kind of a Hook thing: Alice's all grown up this time, just like Peter Banner. But this is the 3D cinema era now! Everything will be seen anew. Those Samsung 3D televisions are coming soon as well. It's just going to be that much harder for the camcorder pirates... unless! Hey, what if you hold up one of the 3D glasses to the camcorder lens? Awesome. Balance is restored to the force.
Anyway, we got four, count 'em FOUR debuts this week! Such as they are. There's Green Zone with Matt Damon. There's the A League of their Own reboot called She's Out of my League... I think that's the plot. Remember Me debuts at #4, and I can't believe it, ladies! I thought you liked Edward Cullen! Somehow the populace always knows when it's not Twilight, but the indie film they do in between blockbusters that's apparently not worth watching. Go figure. And finally, Kingdome Come 2010, AKA Our Family Wedding. Oh, but why doesn't this get the press that The Wedding Date got? The little non-Diablo Cody screenwriter that could? Move on dot org! These writers and director cash in their chips (own life story) for a shot on the silver screen and the best they can do is #6? The system works. Meanwhile, Avatar's run is almost over. Didn't last as long as Titanic, but oh well. It's a different cinematic landscape, but I think Cameron will be okay in the final analysis. Meanwhile, Cop Out and Brooklyn's Finest will soon be replaced by The Bounty Hunter, down at the bottom of the list, heh heh...

Auteur Watch - Jane Campion

Damn. Well, I was close. But I guess I can still say, you know, it wasn't so long ago that history could've been made at the Oscars... but the landscape was a little different back then. Schindler's List was the big Oscar winner, and it was time for Spielberg to finally get some damn recognition. From the Oscars, anyway. But The Piano did sweep the acting Oscars. Go figure. Just like Titanic and Lord of the Rings 3, Schindler's List swept the technical awards and got dissed on the acting front. Anyway, so which decade is this gal's fave, ya think? The go-go 80s when her whole life seemed to be in front of her, even if it was confined to Wellington? Or was it the 90s, when she went international and got accoladed to death, left and right? And more importantly, forged a relationship with future Oscar winner Kate Winslet? Perhaps not the 2000s, where Bright Star ate it at the box office. I'd have to say the 90s, her Oscar era. What could be better than that?

Deppity-Do

Okay, let's try this again. Blogspot let me down on this one, man. They totally lost my last post! I mean, TOTALLY lost it. No back button could save it, apparently. Plus, the Daily Show's almost starting. Gotta run pretty soon, but the main thing at the box office this weekend is the Tim Burton / Johnny Depp reboot machine grinds on, to the tune of 100+ million! Dayamn. I haven't seen anything like it since Spielberg ruled the 80s. I haven't done my statistical research on this or anything, but I dare say there's another generational youth bubble inflating. Twilight, this, shorter and shorter attention spans... where was I? Oh, right. The other debut this week is the latest Antoine Fuqua juggernaut, Brooklyn's Finest. Will make a fine Costco Cop DVD trilogy along with We Own the Night and that Edward Norton thing from last year. Boy, between this and Cop Out, the top 10 is littered with gritty cop dramas. Must be a generational geriatric bubble inflating as well. Gotta run!!!!!!!!!!!

Boy, Spielberg must hate this movie...

Yeah, I know everyone's all raving about this whole Avatar craze, but you know what? It wasn't the first movie to think up the idea of people projecting themselves into alternate realities. Being John Malkovich comes to mind... Altered States... damn! I knew that was too broad a setup. So let me include another thing I noticed. If you read enough online movie reviews, you're bound to discover that many critics have a soft spot in their hearts for some movie that you think is a campy piece of garbage. And it's probably something from the 80s, that wonderful decade, where the worst of the 70s transmogrified into a new flavor of badness. The decade where a movie score composer could get by on less than the London Symphony Orchestra at their command. Often all they had was a used Roland synthesizer and their imagination. And most of these things could be applied to Dreamscape. The one from 1984, not the one from 2000, 2006 or 2007. And certainly not Stephen King's Nightmares and Dreamscapes from 2006.
Sadly, I'm inclined to fall into the second category. I don't stand by every movie I saw when I was young, dumb and full of... hope for the future, until I realized I couldn't coast on my Brad Pitt-good looks forever. But Dreamscape wasn't without its charms. I still like the kid's snake man dream sequence. But in general, kids' dreams in America are ignored. When was the last time you told your kid to fight his dream demons? Or buy him a set of lucid dreaming goggles that flash tiny red lights when the eyes start the REM movements? And when was a kid so tormented by dreams anyway? Aren't there enough bullies in real life? I should know! I've seen plenty of Adam Sandler movies, so I know all about bullies.
There's plenty of acting talent to be had here. With a rare serious role from Norm on Cheers, to boot! Also, Christopher Plummer as a slimy Cheney-esque bad guy. Sigh. His days of The Return of the Pink Panther are long gone. Maybe he'll get the Oscar in a couple days just on g.p. And of course, leading man Dennis Quaid. Surely the 80s were his favourite decade. He was the poor man's Harrison Ford. I know! I learned all about inferior goods in economics class. Not that Quaid's inferior, of course, just in comparison to Indiana Jones. Incidentally, on the commentary, they do note that both this movie and Temple of Doom feature a heart being forcibly removed, and yet, Temple of Doom got a PG rating. But they get the last laugh, ultimately. This was before the PG-13 meant you can only use the f word once. I counted, what? Three, four? Someone ought to do a study of that... But the main thing is that the 80s were pretty darn good for Dennis Quaid. Seemed like he was doing about 5 movies a year during the 80s. Another good idea for a study.
Of course, this being a Joseph Ruben film, it's bound to be more than a little campy. He does the prestige pics like True Believer and Return to Paradise, of course, but he also does the unsophisticated stuff, too, like Money Train and The Good Son and The Pom Pom Girls. And... oh, crap! The Stepfather. And Sleeping With The Enemy. That kind of fare. And something called Gorp. Reminds me: I gotta remember to clean my shoes. So this movie will undoubtedly leave you scratching your head in spots, asking questions like, why is it, in movies like this, that the main character plays the movie's theme on the saxophone? At least David Patrick Kelly was actually blowing into the saxophone. Here he does a dialed-down version of the character he played in The Warriors, a psychopathic killer, in dreams and otherwise, named Tommy Ray Glatman. Hmm! Also three names! Interesting. No one mentions him in the other online reviews, I bet.
Some have called this a sci-fi thriller, but really, only to the extent of the dream linking equipment involved. "Who's your decorator? Darth Vader?" Great line. Michael Bay couldn't have done better. And his films have some pretty tacky lines, that's for sure. I guess that's about all I got. Oh, I do like the part where Quaid and his two, um, bounty hunters or whatever, are walking him leisurely down the college hallway to a waiting room. Gotta like the thrilling music that accompanies that slow-paced scene. And the security guard who checks him in: I'll bet that guy was a Shakespearean actor. Good voice! There are no small parts with one line: only small actors.

***
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Short Reviews - February 2010

Richard Gere. Primal Fear. Walter Hill's Wild Bill... that's all I can think of.
My God! Tyler Perry's waiting til April to release his latest bomb? Say it isn't so!!! Release it THIS weekend! Oscar weekend. Indict Hollywood for their lack of Tyler Perry nominations...

Sorry, another busy month, folks. No time for movies. Well, limited time.


Crazy Heart - Now The Dude's The Stranger!

From a Buick 8 - Wait a minute! This is a Stephen King novel... how come Frank Darabont's not involved???!!!!

The Road - Basically, what America would look like if gas went up to $5 a gallon.

Percy Jackson and the Whatevers... Finally! Chris Columbus got through his indie film phase, grew up again, and is back in BlockbusterVille. A more apt title would've been 'Of Gods and Nerds.' Just throwing it out there.

Cop Out - Well, it took 16 years, but Kevin Smith finally went Hollywood!

The Losers - Remake of Mystery Men

Labor Pains - Remake of Second Thoughts

Manhattan - Why, Ernest Hemingway ought to punch that guy in the mouth!

The Misadventures of Buster Keaton - Well, they didn't claim to be INTERESTING misadventures!

Hat Check Honey (1944) - Oh, gotta like that title. I think that was an Irving Cohen song!

Labor Pains - I guess it goes without saying that I saw this for rent at Safeway and couldn't help but have the thought reinforced: oh, Lindsay, how far you've fallen. Even Tina Fey can't save you from yourself.

The Beach (2000) - We adapt. And move on..... and not watch the same movies over and over and over and over...

Love Simple - That title sounds familiar...

Love Actually - meh

Death Wish II - Music by Jimmy Page. Rock 'n Roll!!!

Green Zone - Bourne 3.5 with an environmental message?

She's Out Of My League - 2010's shaping up to be a great rom-com year. But where's Aniston's entry?

The Bounty Hunter - Ah! There it is!

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) - Photographed by Jeff Cutter. Somehow that makes sense.

Remember Me - Perfect title. A fine edict for the ladies.

Jacob Two Two Meets the Hooded Fang - So does Richler get credit for the Jacob Two-Two animated series?

Curious George 2 - It's good... just not theater release good.

Miss March - Here's a handy tip... I guess for the ladies. Any movie that features a male character who utters the line "(name)! (month, year)'s Centerfold of the Month! How are you?" is NOT a good movie. BASEketball included. I guess those are the only two.

Watchmen - Just watched a little of this on HBO. Boy, what a rancid piece of sh... oe leather that is. Digital gushing blood and all. All the girls are nymphos and all the boys are cases of roid rage, nerds and jocks alike. What an idealized world. Not that Nixon as President for Life isn't a bad idea. He is awfully iconic. Americans have gotten used to worse. Of course, it wasn't on an HBO HD channel. Maybe I just need the Blu-Ray of it to change my perspective! (hint, hint)

Boys and Girls (2000) - Sex changes everything.

Trans America - Sex change's everything.

Hot Tub Time Machine - Was I hallucinating, or did I see John Cusack in a trailer for a movie called Hot Tub Time Machine? That was a mirage, right? John Cusack's not... ACTUALLY...

Repo Men - They took some stem cells from Monty Python's The Meaning of Life and grew this movie. And I think a couple of you sickos out there know what I'm talkin' about! Hoh, yeah...

Repo Chick - Sequel to Repo Man. The actual sequel, that is, made by the same director. Good release timing, incidentally. Not as much of a market for that Straight to Hell sequel, I guess.

And now, Conan O'Brien presents Repo Baby. Clutch Cargo time again!

Auteur Watch - Sandra Bullock

Yup, no doubt about it, in your movie trivia SATs, what 2005 was to George Clooney, 2009 is to Sandra Bullock... at least, in terms of Oscars. This Arlington peach is up for the Best Actress category, if I remember correctly, for her biggest box office success of the year, The Blind Side. In a close second, The Proposal, and in a rather distant third, All About Eve... Steve. Sorry, a Freudian Oscar slip. I think this makes her the first former cheerleader to be nominated for an Oscar. See? Dreams DO come true!
But let's bear in mind that she can do more than just act! She's a producer AND a director! Well, she just made the one film. Here's how I think it went down: after working on While You Were Sleeping, she thought to herself, well! I'll bet even I could direct a movie! And she had just the script all ready and in the can to go: a little gem called Making Sandwiches. Unfortunately, she didn't have a budget for a feature length version, so the 30 minute version would have to do. And working with Eric Roberts probably swore her off ever directing again, but still, she gave it the old college try. And to her credit, there's nothing more pathetic in the biz's jaded eyes than making the feature length version of your short movie, which she hasn't been tempted to do yet, but don't deny the world your gift, S.B.! Direct again soon! Jump back on the horse!

The Islands Have It

Oh, it's a crackerjack week at the box office. Wish I bet on it at vegas. I figured Cop Out wouldn't hit #1, but I didn't think Shutter Island would beat it out for first place! Leo's still got it. Moving gracefully into the adulthood phase of his career, but he still looks quite boyish. Guess the moviegoing public's turning liberal or something! Why, heads must be exploding over at Fox Noise, but not to worry. Bruce Willis comes in a close second with Cop Out. We'll see how it does next week. America's just not ready to laugh right now. The other debut this week is something called The Crazies, apparently a remake of a George Romero picture. What, he couldn't remake it himself? What is it with him and zombies? It's like some kind of motif with him. Even movie characters are getting tired of zombies.