Short Reviews - August 2010

I dunno. Normally I trust The New Yorker, but that looks more like John Heard to me.

This just in: Marion Cotillard will play the lead in the Katy Perry biopic... or was it Zooey Deschanel? I always confuse those two.

Meanwhile, big news. Big Yahoo! News news, that is. Basically the AP/UPI, one of those two, I dunno. On Thursday, August 19th of this month, two megastars went head-to-head. Jennifer Aniston, movie-star and 'Friends' royalty recipient for life, went on the left-leaning The Daily Show. What to talk about? Politics? The Gulf disaster, perchance? To tell the world she's a Birther? No, just to flog her new movie, The Switch. Jon made the mistake of bringing up that they went on a date 15 years ago... or was it? You probably know whose side I'm on already, and no, I haven't switched. And as Jimbo rightly observed, no one is good enough for Jennifer Aniston. Well, Brad Pitt, maybe, but he got out while the getting was good. Vince Vaughn after Brad? Not good enough. Owen Wilson? Some hot young Italian banker with a Lambhorgini? Not good enough. The problem with Jon is that he thinks too much about the outside world and not enough about Jen. So there's the mind problem, and might as well not EVEN dip my pinky toe into the turbid waters of the BODY problem. I mean, let's face it, Jon. You're no Peter Orszag! On to the movies.


Eat Pray Love - Oh, right! Someone directed this. Wonder who?

The Expendables - I dunno. The TV ads I've seen say that when you see this, you'll have a "mangasm." It's probably just prejudiced ol' me, but that sounds a little gay.

Middle Men - Wait... isn't there some way to make this about the 70s?

American Gun (2002) or American Gun (2005) - Well? Which is it????!!!!

The Kids Are Alright - Yes they are.

Are the Kids Alright? - Well, if you have to ask...

Over the Edge - THESE kids AREN'T all right

Bully - Neither are these kids

Kids - or these kids

The Razor's Edge - I keep confusing this with...

River's Edge - That's the one! These kids aren't all right... they must've seen Badlands or something

Teachers - Ooh! Good Crispin double feature. It's Crispin times two!

Bugsy Malone - Man, how did these kids ever survive the trauma...

Good Burger - These kids are pretty good, but only the one's career turned out all right.

The Goonies - Most of these kids turned out all right.

The Bad News Bears - So timeless, it'll never EVER be remade... oh, right.

The Bad News Bears Go To Japan - I'm scared to watch it: it'll throw off my feng shui, and I'll have to play Sokoban to re-learn all that jiko konri I forgot.

$#!t My Dad Says - Coolest sit-com ever...

Extremities - Farrah Fawcett's Extremities

Carrie - Sissy Spacek's Extremities

Enough - Jennifer Lopez's Extremities

Sleeping With The Enemy - Julia Roberts' Extremities

(Pretty Woman - Julia Roberts' body double)

Faithful (1996) - Cher's Extremities

'night, Mother - Anne Bancroft's Extremities?

G. I. Jane - Demi Moore's Extremities

Kill Bill 1 & 2 - Uma Thurman's Extremities

The Heiress - Olivia de Havilland's Extremities

Washington Square - huh? They probably toned it down, right? Gave it a happy ending?

Hush, Hush, Sweet Charlotte - Bette Davis's Extremities

Management - Jennifer Aniston's Extremities

Leon, the Professional - Luc Besson's Pulp Fiction

Killing Zoe - Roger Avary's Pulp Fiction

Fargo - Coen's Pulp Fiction

2 Days in the Valley - somebody's Pulp Fiction

Life - Eddie Murphy's Shawshank Redemption

The Haunted Mansion - Eddie Murphy's ... Haunted Honeymoon? The Haunting?

The Adventures of Pluto Nash - Eddie Murphy's last trip to the moon, let's leave it at that

Meet Dave - ...ah, skip it.

The Watcher - Lost Souls (2000) - I keep confusing these two!

Homeland Security - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0780534/releaseinfo - It 'premiere'd on DVD two years ago... is that a good thing?

A Face in the Crowd - I'm thinking and hoping the schedulers over at TCM have a sense of humor and did this to protest the Glenn Beck-apalooza... Too subtle, guys!

Needful Things - Why does this ALSO make me think of Glenn Beck? Specifically, the scene where the dude asks the devil if it was wrong for him to kill his wife? Are we all not that guy? The only thing we know for certain is to invest heavily in canned goods and shotguns.

The American - George Clooney's The Expendables? Is he finally making the movie Esquire and Maxim magazines told him to make?

Auteur Watch - Lisa Krueger

Stop it, horror fans! The world is NOT your word association game! We're profiling Lisa, not Freddy! Travelling the little-travelled path to directing from script supervising... hmm! Who else has done that recently? THAT's the one! But it's not back to the day job for our girl, the instant case. No, she's come too far and step'd on too many toes for that. I'd have to say that the crucible of the 80s was her decade. She was young and hot, and turning away four-eyed nerds left and right, especially those ones with the masking tape on their glasses. Dayamn, how low-budge can you get? Now, don't get me wrong, she liked working for Jim Jarmusch as much as the next guy, but after Mystery Train, her patience was tested for the last time. Hell, even I can do that! said Lisa, and so she did. And while Best Offer could've been better, for the rest of her life she'll be drinking in a bar somewhere, telling stories about how she knew ScarJo way back when; hell! I friggin' discovered her! She was the Manny of Manny & Lo, for Gawd's sake! Oh, this kid's going to be the next Shelley Duvall! No doubt about it, said Lisa at the editing deck with the razors and the film glue. That's the way it was done back then. Actually, Arne Glimcher... gezundheit! discovered ScarJo. Okay, technically, Rob Reiner with North discovered her, but is no one going to give Glimcher credit for anything? The Krueger trail seems to run cold with 2000's Committed, or the answer to the question: how do you screw up a film with Felicity Shagwell in it? Oh, baby, you do NOT want to know the answer...

Debt-y Wise, Drowned Foolish?

Sorry, I couldn't help myself. Two reasons: A) I'm in a weird mood, 2) I didn't get enough sleep, and D) I briefly saw an ad that said "Debt-Wise" and put two and two together. I'm on a roll today, I tell you! Someone said Bill Clinton ran over someone with a train, and into the old brain cloud popped: yeah, he turned Vince Foster into Bananas Foster! Seriously though, I voted twice for the man, so I can kid. ¶ On to the instant case: this week's inglorious box office. And at #1 it's The Last Exorcism, and even I don't need to tell you: no it's not. Not while William Peter Blatty's alive and kicking! He used to write other genres, but that's before The Exorcist happened. It's all he knows how to do anymore! And believe me, when he does kick the bucket, he'll do the possessing for a while. He'll be pulling the green vomit strings. Show us how it's done, WPB.
At #2 it's Takers. Am I the only one who cares that Lottery Ticket is gone? Must be, so I'll skip it. Takers stars Rihanna-beater Chris Brown. Now, I know what you're saying: but Movie Hooligan! One man's spousal abuse is another man's street cred. Besides, you saw that I.Q. ad with Rihanna. Her I.Q. apparently is 96! What do you expect from someone with a 96 I.Q.? Okay, you win, but let me just say this to Chris Brown: Do you feel like a man when you push her around? Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground? Well, I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end as your lies crumble down, a new life she has found. Face down in the dirt, she was pissed off and hurt... I mean, when you see Rihanna's face, I hope it gives you hell, gives you hell. Where's your picket fence, love?
Those are the only debuts this week. Inception rises from #9 to #7, The Other Guys holds constant at #5, everything else is down down down...

Auteur Watch - Beeban Kidron

Greetings, my seven followers! On to the next auteur. And oh, she is a good one. Fond memories I do have, which is why I'll posit right up front that the 90s are her favourite decade. High-profile gigs, like the stereotype- and cliché-ridden Used People. Used Cars? No, that's Used People. Oh, I forgot. Todd Graff's a Broadway darling now. He's a director in his own right, so who needs Beeban anymore? Lots, as it turns out. She tried to corner the market on wordy titles with her next two offings, Hookers Hustlers Pimps and Their Johns and To Wong Foo Thanks For Everything Julie Newmar. As the Stooges said on one occasion, whew! What a moniker. So ol' B.B. was at her pinnacle but like peak oil it just wasn't meant to last, and the 2000s were spent in a sort of Journeyman mode... is that the right phrase? Quietly building the ol' legacy, she ended up destroying the Bridget Jones franchise, but who knows? Maybe Christian Bale and Christopher Nolan can revitalize and re-imagineer it. But the 2010s could be a new beginning for ol' B.K. She's got the upcoming Hippie Hippie Shake. Oh, I know that! The Beatles sang that one. I know, I know, the plot is: An account of counterculturalist Richard Neville's misadventures in London at the end of the 1960s. Same thing. The end. ¶ Oh, I almost forgot to add about Used People: it was part of a 20th Century Fox movie bundling scheme that involved Used People, Hoffa and... something else. Maybe the re-release of Blade Runner. I attended a college screening of Used People with someone who had to walk out during the part where a character recreates a scene from The Graduate but with an S&M twist... remember? Oh, never mind. Thank me on facebook later for the memories. God, I love facebook. If there's no facebook in Heaven, I ain't goin'. That's all there is to it.

The Biggest Slap In The Face of All

Once again, the American people have great taste at the box office this week... is that an ironic statement? Perhaps it should be rephrased: the American people don't know what's art or not, but they like it ... this week at the box office. Sorry, Jen, guess you better go back to Vince Vaughn. Or someone younger, preferably. John Mayer perhaps. Anyway, we got 5 debuts this week! Dayamn. I don't remember the last time we had 5. There were 4 on June 6! And on March 14. Why, there were 10 on January 3rd!... Oh, wait. Sorry, that's a flaw in my accounting practices. Ignore that!! Back to the movies.
At #2 it's the latest entry from the new Zucker Brothers team of Seltzer and Friedberg, and it's called Vampires Suck. This is a bold step for them, departing from standardization like that. They've done Scary Movie, Epic Movie and Date Movie. And Meet The Spartans. Okay, so it's not totally standardized, but you get the idea. Would it have fared better under the title Vampire Movie? Who knows, but don't ask the Transylmania guys. They are so outsville! Meanwhile, I'm still waiting for Spy Hard 2, but without Ray Charles reprising his role as bus driver, is it really the same?
Our next debut at #4 is Tyler Perry's Lottery Ticket. Is it racist to say that they're missing a golden opportunity if the soundtrack doesn't include Bruno Mars' wonderful song "I Want to be a Billionaire So Frickin' Bad"? I should ask Dr. Laura. Incidentally, that song's a little funny to me. Check these lyrics out: "Every time I close my eyes, I see my name in shining lights... a different city every night" Does that sound like billionaire behaviour, or rock star behaviour? Even billionaires like to plant some roots somewhere, preferably Florida or the Hamptons or Martha's Vineyard. Just asking. Just harmlessly asking.
Our next debut is Piranha 3D. Oh please. At least Joe Dante wasn't forced to return as director. Or James Cameron for that matter. The directorial equiv of jury duty, I betcha. I like how the ads say it's sexy fun, something like that. Yeah it's sexy until bodies start getting eaten!
Our next debut is Nanny McPhee 2. Subversive fun, apparently. I'm just thankful to God they didn't have an ACTUAL ugly person playing the lead. And the final debut is The Switch. Oh, such a heartbreaker. Just remember, people! It's not Aniston's fault!

Auteur Watch - Amy Holden Jones

Finally! This one should be easy. After all, it doesn't take principal components analysis to see that Amy Holden Jones is the wife of Hollywood camera royalty. Still, she's no slouch in her own right. Editor, writer, director, she's more than three careers in one! For her, like most of us, the 80s was like two different decades. The first half was a bit grungier, but as Mystic Pizza drew closer and closer, it became a more refined Me Decade. And then, the Beethoven series hit. For some reason, Hollywood won't let her write a project by herself. And then, she must've a-holed her way out of the biz on The Rich Man's Wife. This was it: the project of her life. Loosely autobiographical, this was her big chance to really push her crew around. See the look on Halle Berry's face? Oh, she's so gone to Carolina in her Mind, girlfriend! But as long as Chappy's getting work, Amy (Holden) Jones will always make a beautiful dollar in this bizness, as a great man once said.

Action Stars who look like Old Lesbians

Somehow I missed out on the majority of the ad campaign. There was a big ad campaign, wasn't there? They were thinking of calling this War 2, but somehow it was too over the top. The 80s are back in full swing with Sylvester Stallone's latest tale of BGBO, The Expendables. And fortunately for all parties involved, it's #1 at the box office this weekend. It's all well and good, but couldn't they take some kind of risk and have, say, Willem Dafoe as a gay FBI agent hot on the trail of all the carnage? Actually, it's international so he'd either have to be NSA or CIA. Too late, I'm already bored with it all.
Meanwhile, in 2nd place, it's an action movie for the chicks, Eat Pray Love. Who doesn't love a good aphorism? If she went on the Colbert Report way back when to push her book, he'd say "Eat Pray Love. Buy it, read it, live it!" Since the collective American IQ is still sliding down the slippery slope, let's hope the sequel includes something about brushing your teeth in there. Maybe "Eat Brush Floss." You know, something catchy like that.
The third debut this week is Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. Another wimpy kid trying to win the girl, how original. The Onion and The Village Voice probably enjoyed this film more than I did, but here's my question: why only seven ex-boyfriends? Why not eight or nine? Why not the whole basketball AND football teams? Or is that venturing too far into Flash Gordon territory? Actually, with the social mores being what they are today, seven ex-boyfriends is about three standard deviations below the mean... Guess I'm repeating myself. To the homework mobile!

The Prequel to Spider Man 2

I think I'm on a roll here, so I'm going to do another. You know, a long time ago there was this documentary about the Coen brothers, and the camera showed this shelf with screenplays on it. One of those screenplays was Darkman. Oh, yeah. The rabbit hole goes deeper than that for me. Well, if you look at the credits for Darkman 1, surely ONE of those names has got to be a Coen pseudonym! Not to say that Darkman on its own is not without its rewards. It's a full-fledged movie with most of the modern plot and special-effects accoutrements American moviegoers demand these days. Actually, I remember the ad campaign before it came out, that it hit #1 with less than 10 million dollars, and that the very next week it was bested by Postcards From The Edge. Not sure exactly why I remember that, but that's the kinda stuff I was paying attention to back then.
But the movie is kinda standard comic-book superhero stuff, even though it wasn't a comic book before it was a movie... was it? Hey, I'm not Ken Burns here, folks... (the next day) Turns out I wasn't on a roll. But I did have time to check Wikipedia, and indeed, Darkman was a film before it was a comic book. Usually it's the other way around. It also says that Darkman is a big doo-doo head who eats boogers and cheats at four square. Hmm! Sounds like the plot of Darkman 3. Guess you can't believe everything you see on Wikipedia, but normally you can accept most of it. I doubt they're messing about with the entry for, say, gallium. Not sexy enough.
Well, the plot of Darkman might not be much to write home about. There's lots of the old standard bully stuff. It may be forcibly eradicated from schools, but will live forever in the movies. Especially the Adam Sandler ones, probably with bullies named O'Doyle. But Darkman's got a pretty good premise based on science-ish type stuff. Good enough for Spider-Man 2, anyway. And it appeals to the philosophical quandry in all of us: how would YOU deal with not being able to feel pain? I mean, besides from diabetes. This is the kind of thing USA Today jumps all over nowadays, asking such topical questions as "Are you a You, a Me or a Dupree?" And who would win in a fight: Owen Wilson or Matthew McConaughey? In a wet t-shirt contest?
The film is also well-paced from an editing point-of-view. It's not choppy enough to be a Michael Bay film, but well enough to be an above average comic book movie. And I think Brian DePalma lifted the helicopter sequence for Mission: Impossible 1! Li'l bit! I will say that the picture quality suffers a bit from normalized lighting, but perhaps it's the way it was shot. Take, for example, when Darkman sets up his new lab and throws the Olympic-esque torch into that open stove. Look at the burst of flame that rises up and tell me the film wasn't pushed a little bit! Or maybe there was a filter on the lens. So flat, so lacking in vibrance. Many of the key sequences look good, though, especially the drinky bird and the lighter... oops! Spoilers.
There are the various homages to previous Raimi works. There's the funhouse mirror effect also used in Evil Dead 2, and a pre-homage! The coffee ring on the paper was used in The Hudsucker Proxy when they finally got a flying paper budget. The acting: acting's good, as you would expect from future Oscar nominee Liam Neeson and future winner Frances McDormand. I think this helped their careers a little bit... enough so to keep them from doing the sequels, anyway! Oh, snap. But I will say that, even though I've only seen bits and bobs of the two Darkman sequels, Arnold Vosloo brings an outward, sociable dignity to Darkman that he'll bring to Broadway should Darkman: The Musical ever get funding. Or Craig Bierko, whoever's available. Colin Friels masks that Scottish brogue as well as he can. I haven't seen him in anything better. Well, to be fair, he did have a meatier role in Class Action... or did he? I'd say Darkman served him better, but the early 90s were his for the taking, no question there. And Darkman's a little more, nay, a LOT more watchable for Larry Drake than, say, Dr. Giggles. Ugh!! Bill Pope did well enough on (operating the) camera that The Matrix and Spider Man 2 would be his for the shooting. Good Vista-Flex work, buddy! There was another name I recognized in the credits: Gary Frutkoff. On to bigger and better things, eh, buddy? Think I will, too.

***1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Still Getting Into Trouble Some 20 Years Later...

So many images to choose from, so little time. It was either this or something from the Roscoe's chicken commercial. Allow this old timer to put Tapeheads into the proper historical context. While John Cusack and Tim Robbins have yet to re-unite, becoming this generation's revitalized Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau... Cusack has yet to win an Oscar, yes? Oh, snap! Anyway, the 1988-1989 film season also provided us with UHF and The Big Picture... the film, not the MTV movie promo show with that dude that had the cameo in Last Picture Show... I mean, Last Action Hero... yes, Tapeheads, UHF and The Big Picture are all about guys who said to themselves, I can do better. This was tastefully, gently implied in The Big Picture. I haven't seen UHF recently within the past year but somehow I don't feel I have to.
But back to our recent family viewing of Tapeheads. I guess I wasn't totally in the mood for it at the time, or perhaps it's just too ingrained a part of my adolescence to view it freshly, but it's not without its rewards. Director Bill Fishman will still best be associated with the awful screen adaptation of Car 54, Where Are You? If only in the minds of Showtime's programmers. And of course, production designer Catherine Hardwicke has gone on to bigger and better things... not necessarily thematically better, but we can't have it all, now, can we? And believe me, if Michael Crichton can't, no one can.
The plot: two... I hesitate to call them losers, but they do a mean white boy extended handshake remix. They're forced to graduate from regular security jobs to pursue Tim Robbins' dream of making music videos. Seriously. Well, they were ahead of the curve, no doubt about it, and look at all the prestige directors that graduated from music videos, whether we want to or not! Jonathan Glazer, Spike Jonze, Michel Gondry, Mark Romanek, and of course, David Fincher... I'm getting nauseous now. Let's stop looking. And so we follow these two nice boys on various adventures... oh, they look so young! Cusack tangoes with Ted Nugent AND Weird Al Yankovic and gets his ass kicked twice. Oh, I'll never look at Weird Al the same way again. We learn about making videos on spec, a lesson we'll never forget for as long as we live. There's also Bobcat Goldthwait using his normal voice! There's also a subplot involving a Republican candidate for president with an unhealthy fetish to give the film some damn prestige. Well, sometimes you gotta impress the WGA with crap like that. There's genuine lightning strikes... they were, weren't they? Don't you lie to me! There's also fourth wall, self-conscious stuff going on. There's also a plug woven ever so subtly into the plot for one of the movie's producers: NBC. But there's something that was rudely taken out of the movie: the They Might Be Giants song Put Your Hand Inside the Puppet Head! I swear. Let me check IMDb for a sec here... nope, still in the list. Guess I gotta watch it again, huh?

***1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

The First Last Latest American Superhero

Well, I just HATE to dive into the middle of a controversy, but what the hell. Roger Ebert famously doesn't like Kick-Ass. All I know is he gave Shoot 'Em Up three and a half stars for most of the reasons he hated Kick-Ass. I haven't seen all of Shoot 'Em Up, but what I saw I didn't care for, but we'll get into that later. Well, that and The Passion of the Christ. For now, let's stick with Kick-Ass. And there are some prestige people behind and in front of the camera on this one, lemme tell ya! Brad Pitt? (behind) Pietro Scalia on the Avid? For some reason I confused him with Stephen Mirrione. No, Scalia is to the Supreme Court... I mean Ridley what Mirrione is to Soderbergh. Get it right, MH!
Well, a movie like this, for some reason I hesitate to give it four stars, but there is one thing I'd like to complain about up front. I'm with Ebert, although he didn't mention this part. Do we REALLY need to be reminded that high school boys masturbate? Do we REALLY need that? In IMAX 3D no less!
Yes we do, damn it. In fact, one might complain that it was done too TASTEFULLY! Where have you been for the last ten years, man? Every movie's got a scene like that now. Even the Jane Austen stuff. And the IMAX 3D's just going to make it seem that much more real.
Anyway, on to the plot. Is there any greater engine that drives things like this than loser boys in high school? But I must admit he's never gotten a tribute quite like this before. But just as Tapeheads and UHF have protagonists that think they can do better than the creative establishment, someone takes philanthropy to a whole new level, asking why is it that no one has ever tried being a superhero before? Even Homer Simpson tried once, even though he just hit the bad guys in the face with a pie... and ate half his weaponry before going out on the job. Meanwhile, the mob creates another dude wanting vengeance, but I don't want to give too much of it away. But I think it's probably safe to say that hell hath no fury like an 11 year old daughter scorned... something like that. I'm just trying to be clever, is that so wrong? Yeah, that Chloe's a sweet kid. She was also good in 500 Days of Summer. She IS the new Linda Blair! Oh, kids have to grow up so fast these days. Let's hope Chloe doesn't end up working for Jim Wynorksi, though.
There should be plenty of grist for the cinema comparisons mill. I couldn't help but think of the finale of True Lies, but the question is: which is more implausible? That Harrier jet in True Lies, or being able to purchase the equipment used in Kick-Ass online? Probably True Lies still, but True Lies' finale looks a little better. Although it looks as though no expense was spared on Kick-Ass's HD celluloid technology. A damn crisp picture. I must've forgotten something. There did seem to be a bit of a racial disparity in the bad guys, I must say. Black dudes get the worst of it, followed by the Italians. Well, Rispoli couldn't pass up on such a juicy role, right? You already tried the heartfelt stuff, and the Oscar stuff. I gotta go...

Good double bill with: either Mystery Men or Fearless Frank

***1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Auteur Watch - Bonnie Hunt

No, that's not Jennifer Jason Leigh, but she also is a director. No! It's Bonnie Hunt and, according to the IMDb, she's at least a quadruple threat: actress, writer, producer and director. Dang! She directed HERSELF in Return to Me. What was that like, I wonder? Surely the 80s were her favorite decade? Mohawks and MTV? Just after All That Jazz? I doubt it. Just being the sassy waitress in Rain Man was great and all, don't get her wrong, but she's got so much more love to give. The 90s were probably a blur, but she did reunite with Rain Man co-star Tom Cruise briefly for that damn Jerry Maguire. Bonnie wouldn't be complete, though, until she replaced all those bozoes who sat in the director's chair before her. Yes, it's the 2000s that are best. Films! Her own TV show! She directed it all. Or maybe the 2010s are best: can't beat that sweet, sweet syndication money! Or so I hear.

Hey! Remember the '80s?

Well, I sure do, but it's only because it's the decade of my adolescence, as they say. Must be for a lot of other people, too, most of whom got to see The Other Guys this weekend. I just wish it were in 3D! Meanwhile, the budget of Inception's just dropped from 200 million to the slightly more fiscally responsible 160 million. Wild Wild West's holding steady at 170 million, and the economists over at HBO figure that if they show it on HBO Family enough, it'll finally start showing a profit around the year 2213. Earlier than I thought! The other debuts this week are Step Up 3D, which, I don't see why this has to be in 3D... oh, this must be the reason. Worth the price of admission, right, ladies? The pheromones are coming out of the celluloid, for Gawd's sake! Step down, Skywalker, you just got served. The other debut of sorts this week is The Who documentary The Kids Are Alright. Everything old is new again, dontcha think?... I've just been informed that it is in fact a movie called The Kids Are All Right. Damn! So much for my quick getaway. Sorry, Annette and Julianne, there's only room for one Best Actress nod betwixt the two of you. I hope Annette gets it, then you two will be even! Tee hee hee...

Roman Polanski's "Burn After Reading"

I think that's an apt comparison, I don't know. Except that The Ghost Writer is supposed to be a drama, but the characters in it have good, healthy senses of humour. Now I know people are probably going to be turned off because of Ewan MacGregor. I'm not sure why that is, exactly. Is it because of Star Wars? Is it because every role he takes isn't like Trainspotting or even Velvet Goldmine to a lesser extent? Anyway, the plot. I tend not to get to it right away. A former Prime Minister, not unlike Tony Blair, is having his memoirs written. There is a ghost writer involved who turns up dead, and so the job is open. Ewan happens to be the lucky/unlucky fellow who gets the job. He gets the job from... a bald James Belushi? You bastard! You never shaved your head for George Mooradian! Again, I digress. Well, I don't want to give too much away, I suppose, and I don't think the picture I doctored gives away too much. The plot meanders a little bit in the midsection but all in all it's a pretty tight script, and it gives a nice peek into the lives of those in control, even if they're sort of on vacation. Some might say that Polanski could've phoned this one in, but give him a break! At his age he's lucky he's not in an old folks home... maybe not. It did look like large portions of the movie were filmed in a mo-cap studio, and if I ever get an actual DVD copy I could look at a little closer (hint hint) instead of a TiVo copy we don't even have anymore!! (angry hint) I could make a more thorough study of it. And like The Ninth Gate, Roman's still got a flair for a slightly silly credit sequence. Maybe not Fearless Vampire Killers silly, but close enough.

good double bill with: The Ninth Gate

***1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Auteur Watch - Bronwen Hughes

Ah yes, the girl who tango'd with Spielberg in the editing room over Forces of Nature and lived to tell the tale... more or less. She's a tough-as-nails director with press-on fingernails carved out of pure diamond. So don't let her scratch your face! Or at least tell the coroner to check under the nails... something like that. Never mind. In this photo, Bronwen is posing either with Liv Tyler or Jenna Elfman; whoever she is, she's obviously playing the lead in The Bronwen Hughes Story, yet to be made. Details on Bronwen are hard to come by. Well, she is a lady in the traditional sense, and she's not telling her birthday, bitch! Let alone WHERE she's from: I'm thinking Canada seeing as how she got her start with The Kids in the Hall. So which decade is her favourite? Is it the go-go 90s? Nirvana, Deee-Lite and organic food? She was younger then and hungry, a director on the go, even though she was stuck with the ickiness that was Kids in the Hall... when I get famous, NO MORE COMEDIANS! EVER!!! It was a bit of a bi-polar decade: KITH at the start, movie stars and Amy Grant towards the end.
Or was it the 2000s? The decade of Dubya? Nah, couldn't be. All that TV work? Boo! Well, that's her penance after Stander, apparently. Starsky & Hutch in South Africa, why not? No, if actual feedback from actual directors has taught me anything, it's the current decade that's their hands-on favourite. And Bronwen's heading back to the silver screen with The Journey is the Destination. Probably won't be in 3D, though. Sounds like it should be, or maybe not. Yes, Bronwen's heading to the directorial promised land with this new-age-y sounding deep spiritual stuff. Eat Drink Man Woman. Eat Pray Love. Everything Is Illuminated. How Stella Got Her Groove Back... does that one count? Oh wait, I know. Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. In whose mighty company B.H. goes to join. Stand back and watch, bitches! I gotta go, it's dinner time...

Greetings from Saskatchewan

Awright! Time to do some remote blogging today. The only drawback is I have no access to images here... at least, not like at home. Plus I've only got 10 minutes to post something. Come to think of it, it's all drawbacks. But hey! So far no one seems to have hacked my account... !@!$@^#%^@#!$#^%@vgsa89hgfg
where was I? Well, surprise surprise, Dinner for Schmucks doesn't take top spot from Inception, and Inception is STILL at #3 on the IMDb top 250. Well, that's what happens when cast and crew are allowed to vote. Same thing with the Lord of the Rings movies and Fat Slags. But don't feel sorry for Francis Veber or Steve Carell, for that matter. Steve's still got Despicable Me at #4, and Veber gave us Three Fugitives... sorry, Martin Short, but it's true. Not all your stuff is re-watchable, and the stuff that is, like Primetime Glick, isn't even on DVD! Also debuting this week: Yawn St. Boring and Cats 'n Dogs 2: The Search for a Good Title. Speaking of Kitty Galore, I was in the pawn shop recently and saw this documentary about the Bond Girls, and it was called Bond Girls are Forever. And I couldn't help but think to myself, well, no, they're kinda not. I mean, if no one likes what's her face from A View to a Kill, for God's sake. And Halle Berry's prominently featured on the DVD cover, sort of, but she's more her own entity anyway. She was Catwoman, remember?
What else? Twilight 3's almost made $300 million dollars... something depressing about that. And The Sorcerer's Apprentice is almost gone at #9 with 51.5 million in the bank. Oh, Nicolas Cage's gonna need a lot more than that to gain fiscal solvency again. Welp, better hit the road. I'm waking people up in the comptuer lab who are trying to sleep. How rude!

Short Reviews - July 2010

I know, it's too late. The gushing oil's already been capped; nobody cares anymore. Thought I'd go for it anyway.
Meanwhile, I'm looking at this book called the Bohemian Manifesto. They say that a Bohemian will watch anything with John Malkovich, but this book was published before Eragon and definitely before Transformers 3, so they therefore might have to strike him from their list. Sorry, more slim pickin's this month.


The Last Airbender - Sounds cool! I should go and see it.

The Last Tycoon - The last Elia Kazan movie

Last Action Hero - Ah, the memories. Also see Gandalf as Death.

The Last Starfighter - Nope, they're remaking that, too.

The Last of the Mohicans - Daniel-Day and Madeleine forever.

The Last (2002) - Nope.

The Last (2007) - Meh.

The Last Round Ended in a Free Fight - Whuh?

The Last Liberal Cowboy in All of the U.S. of A - must be a student film

The Other Guys - Wanting to see movie? This can't be!

Coco before Chanel - Coco before Stravinsky

Coco Chanel and Igor Stravinsky - Afterwards

Charlie St. Cloud - More like Yawn St. Boring

St. Elmo's Fire - What can I say? I'm stuck in 1985.

Rock-a-Doodle - A Chanticleer for Bluth-owitz?

ReVenge - Maxim magazine readers have officially voted: they'd pick Sally Kirkland over Madeleine Stowe 2 to 1!

Scott Pilgrim v. The World - I know anything goes these days, but it seems like a girl that's been out with seven guys before you's just a little bit tarnished. And she's probably going to lose her looks, too, but that's just me. Otherwise, fine film. Hope to see it in 3-D!