Cult Classics - Repo Man

Again, might as well get it over with. I try to keep this a family blog as best I can, but in the first big scene in the supermarket, Emilio Estevez delivers the "F--k you" for the ages. And for some reason, I'm so glad they didn't skimp on the crane shot when he knocks his friend into the cans. By the time The Mighty Ducks rolled around, though, I couldn't help but think to myself, well, any damage that Repo Man did to his career has finally been completely undone... Yes, it's Repo Man time. Probably the most outrageous film ever produced by an ex-Monkee. (That is, Good Outrageous. For bad outrageous, the worst film an ex-Monkee has ever ACTED in has got to be Deadfall... no disrespect) Accept no imitations, not the new Repo Men with Jude Law and Forest Whitaker, and probably not the official Repo Man sequel, Repo Chick... I've heard it's not that good. I have yet to see it, though, so I guess I'm willing to judge it in the spirit of its predecessor.
I guess people... some people most identify with the portrait of disaffected youth, which writer-director Alex Cox would later explore just as brilliantly with Sid and Nancy, but in its sum total Cox would probably describe Repo Man as neo-noir. It's three movies in one: Emilio's journey in a strange world, a story of Area 51 and aliens, and of course, the life of the repo man. Oh, sure, there's a couple dozen reality shows now about repo men and pawn shops, but don't they owe a little bit to the instant case? I thinks me so.
I hate to discuss the plot here. Well, to be honest, I usually do, but especially so here. For me, the joys are in the journey, and the plot is sufficiently labyrinthine enough to justify several viewings, and I know quite a few people in the Repo Man cult, as it were. For some reason, they don't own a copy of it on DVD... gotta look into that. Also, I'm just a sucker for looking to see who's in the credits. I saw a few names still working today: Betsy Magruder, now working for Joel and Ethan. Additional photography: Robert Richardson! Well, HE'S gone on to more Oscar-worthy fare, to say the least, but still does the occasional slumming job; clearly not as much as he used to. And of course, everybody's friend, Tracey Walter. The final scene is the stuff of tin hat religions: the fall of Bud, the rise of Miller. The actor who drove the Chevy Malibu for most of the film was good, but I guess Dennis Hopper wasn't available at the time. The black dude, Sy Richardson, I thought I recognized him from Tapeheads! Is he resisting the urge to work with Tyler Perry? It appears so. Oh, and for Atari-heads like me, one's gotta like the ol' Atari 8-bit font of old. It pops up occasionally, like in that documentary about the dude trying to break the old Missile Command record. I guess he was putting too much thought into it or something. The guy who originally did it... man, he was in the zone! Didn't worry about the chips breaking down or anything, he just did it! As for me, I gotta lay off the Boulder Dash 2 for a while and get back to my homework. Viva La 80s!

****
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Thank yo... Thank yo...

Well, while I'm still revving up to REALLY make some progress on my thesis, might as well check in here and update you all on what I'm actually doing. Two movies tonight: some of A Day at the Races, most of Repo Man. It's all good, it's all related, my nine followers.
I've solved the Marx Brothers formula previously, but it's worth rehashing several times over. Groucho's the alpha dog, Chico's beta but makes it a point to match Groucho joke for joke... and who doesn't love Harpo? The free-form Curly of the group, but without the woo woo woo. He doesn't speak, but doesn't stay that quiet, either! How does that work? Well, he's got the cane horn, and he whistles. I never could figure out how to whistle with my fingers in my mouth, but I'm able to do it pretty well and loudly without my fingers in my mouth. I guess it looks strange, though.
As for the formula in terms of plot, Groucho is the authority figure, at least in terms of Marx brothers. Chico and Harpo are aligned, typically against Groucho, but during the course of the picture end up on Groucho's side. Zeppo stays aligned with Groucho, or his non-Marx equivalent. Then, of course, there are the REAL authority figures. Quite a few in this one! At least three: the sanitarium pill, his boss, and the local police chief. A Day at the Races marks a bit of a departure from the typical formula. Also, I did forget how epic and crazy the big finale is, involving the boys stalling a horse race and running from the cops in the process. There's also some unfortunate blackface scenes, but I like to think they were just doing their part to end segregation in America. I was actually out of the room for most of the film, but I've always got the big Groucho and Chico scene memorized, where Chico keeps saying "Getta you tootsie frootsie ice cream!" Ah, memories, hay rides or otherwise.

****
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Auteur Watch - Harry Julian and Rita M. Fink

Oh, THAT'S why he's called Dirty Harry! Cool! Never knew that. Anyway, clearly the tail end of the 60s and the tail beginning of the 70s were the Finks' heyday. They were on top of the world, hunkered over a smoldering Underwood, cigarette dangling from the corners of their mouths. Their drug of choice was work, work, work, and clearly it paid off huge dividends. They get credit on not one, but FIVE Dirty Harry movies. Each one special in its own way. The original, the sequel that's basically the original, the trilogy capstone that's basically the original, but now taking a page from the book of All in the Family, the art house one that people think they've seen, but really haven't, but they know the one catch phrase from it, and the one that signalled to all involved that it was probably time to retire the character. And then, after Pink Cadillac (Dirty Harry 5.5?), it was a personal and professional last straw for Clint Eastwood, where he stood up, looked in the mirror and said "I'm Clint Eastwood, and if I'm going to star in turkeys, I'm going to DIRECT them too, damn it!" The Rookie, for example. Yes, it was at that moment that Clint Eastwood decided to recast himself as the Woody Allen of Los Angeles, determined to crank out one film a year for the rest of his life. Kinduva discipline thing, a mantra thing, something like that.
...still, Buddy Van Horn's a good guy, so despite Dirty Harry 5 and Pink Cadillac, he can go back to his day job. (nice plastering job, eh? I added in a buncha stuff, and can't find a way to better recast that segue...) Classic name, too! Buddy Van Horn. What's not to like? Everyone named Buddy is a good guy, that's just the rule. Anyway, back to the Finks. Somehow, they should probably get credit for Blood Work, or de-facto Dirty Harry 6. They must REALLY be enjoying retirement, or no one noticed that they died. I guess when you go to that WGA retirement home, you stay gone or something. Where the heck are they? Don't they deserve a comeback special?

Harry Julian Fink on Wikipedia
Rita M. Fink... NOT on Wikipedia! You BASTARDS!

Harry Julian Fink on IMDb
Rita M. Fink on IMDb

The Chronicles of Rodrick

Ah, the busy part of my week. Well, if the two debuts don't represent a dichotomy, or a quorum... NOTHING does! But as the continued dumbing down of the culture continues unabated, we're clearly on the shi... short end of the stick. What began as a frat boy renaissance in the wake of the Monica Lewinsky scandal, giving way to the flight on Sterculian wings of Jimmy Kimmel and his satellite projects (The Man Show/Crank Yankers) to the less-demanding qualities of new books (Twilight, Nicholas Sparks), one can't help but wonder... how little does it take to launch a successful franchise these days? Well, the trials and tribulations of our beloved Ralphie Parker are doomed to be recycled over and over again, with no learning from said lessons, bourne anew as the Diary of a Wimpy Kid franchise, because as any good copyright lawyer will tell you, the title was available. And no less than the second installment of this franchise is #1 at the box office! I'll wait for Tyler Perry's version to come to TBS, thank you very much. Maybe he can turn Tyler Perry's Daddy's Little Girls into a show. It's a little more aligned with God's interest than the Wimpy Kid heathens.
On the other side of the coin, Emily Browning of ... well, Emily Browning fame... I recall her fondly best from Lemony Snicket and Darkness Falls. In #2's Sucker Punch (is that one word or two?) she plays a wimpy girl who goes through a looking glass. They keep telling me it's Alice in Wonderland with machine guns, so I guess that means at some point the Red Queen says to Alice "Have you just shot everyone within a 100 yard radius? Here. Have a machine gun." So clearly "Baby Doll" graduates from wimp to non-wimp, gathering friends and allies alike in her wake... only to become wimpy again just in time for the sequel? Clearly director Zack Snyder's tempering his artistic ways. A PG-13 here, a PG there... careful, Zack! You're hurting your street cred. Gotta get back into the Watchmen-esque sex and violence game, man! Go digit to digit with Peter Greenaway, that's what the so-called fanboys really want... but when you do Watchmen 2, can you tone it down on Dr. Manhattan's junk? Seriously. It glows blue. We get it already. Also, I hate to be a back-seat director, but is it too late to cast Mark Ruffalo as Superman? I know Henry Cavill's younger and all, but 1) Ruffalo WAS nominated and 2) it'll be like directing yourself! I better go...

The Three Stooges in Caddyshack

Ah, one of my favorites. A childhood favorite, if you will. Because, really, when one gets right down to it, comedies like this have to appeal to kids. Which might explain why the non-Harpo parts of Marx brothers films didn't appeal to me in my ill-spent youth. The older one gets, the more likely you'd be to notice strange details, like... what is the deal with the wall where we first see the boys loading the beer truck?
Anyway, on to the plot at large. We start with a good comedy name, A. Panther, president of Panther Beer. They've been having trouble with deliveries, so they hire the Stooges. How gloomy a prospect is that? The very situation made for the phrase "from bad to worse." But a silver cloud is on the horizon. The big company golf tournament is coming up. Cue Professor Moe to explain to Curly how golf works. I remember re-watching the part where Larry gets hit with the push broom because it looked weird to me. It's either sped-up or they closed the aperture a lot... no, wait. What's that part of the camera that spins around... maybe it's the shutter. It obviously influenced the shooting style of the battle sequences in Saving Private Ryan. Anyway, the boys make their first delivery, and like all great delivery men, look for the perfect chance to take a break. Their first stop: Rancho Golf Club. The boys lie their way in the club (the ol' "Press, Press, Pull" gag), steal three people's clothes, and probably steal someone else's clubs. What fine, upstanding role models for the youth, then and now. Larry does make a good point: what IS the deal with golf clothes? Looks kinda... no, I won't go there. I've been warned about that.
Curly really doesn't know a thing about golf. "I don't see any golfs!" he says, but Professor Moe's always ready to give Curly a lesson from the School of Hard Knocks. One bump on the head, and Curly's seeing golfs. "Look at the golfs!" A callback for that art one... what was it called? Too lazy to look it up.
Now, a lesson for all you aspiring screenwriters out there. Golf etiquette is established when we see the old young white stiff about to hit the ball at the 18th hole. His caddy rudely moves the golf bag and makes a noise. The caddy apologizes. The Stooges show up and all hell exponentially breaks loose. They drop their bags, speak out of turn, and start to play through. "You're supposed to follow us!" Curly retorts "We don't follow nobody!" Somehow sensing they're not wanted, they move on to raise hell elsewhere. Curly gets a chance to do his auctioneer gag. "Sold to the man with the spitoon haircut." "Oh, gettin' personal, eh?" says Moe.
Now, this next part is where YouTube let me down. People start asking "Pardon me. Have you seen my ball?" It's cut off on the web, but Curly gets hit on the head, starts woo-wooing and running in place, and a flood of golf balls fall off his person. Too lewd for the web! Who knew? This gives Moe the perfect opportunity to cause some more damage. He starts practicing his swing on the assembled collection of golf balls, thereby knocking unconscious scores of golfers... I hesitate to call them his fellow golfers, considering how they're treated. This inspired the big post-battle sequence of Gone With the Wind.
Enter the 7th Tee. Apparently, this shtick wasn't allowed on the golf course, because it's a damn process screen! Curly proceeds to turn the ball washing station into his own personal clothesline. Larry gets politically incorrect, but not as badly as that Niagara Falls one... we'll get to it much later. It's at this point where the Stooges silently decide they should go their separate ways. They can do more damage that way. And so, we get three concurrent story lines. Larry finds the longest root ever on a golf course and proceeds to pull it up. Curly's ball ends up in a tree... then his club. After unsuccessfully trying to climb the tree, he finds an axe. Moe finds an undisturbed green to make some seriously huge divots. Each Stooge is separately accosted by a different ethnic groundskeeper. I'd speculate on what their ethnicity is supposed to be, but I'm not going to even dignify that with a response, as I am politically correct, and you should be, too. But it did seem to me that Curly and Larry got the same one. Wonder if they're supposed to be Italian.
Enter the cops. Even the Stooges are powerless against the cops, so it's time to go. "He's pointing right where you are!" says Curly to Moe. Moe brilliantly responds, "You mean, he's pointing to where I was." Back in the truck they go. They manage to escape the golf mob who's entirely on foot. You'd think golf types back then would have at least had cars, but never mind. Why question the logic of a Stooge film? It's at this point they find themselves in a Keatonian situation as they do battle with a steep hill, and the gravity inherent in it. The Stooge stunt doubles get a good workout running down the hill after a couple barrels that managed to break free from the surprisingly sturdy pyramid of barrels they had on the back of their truck. They chase the barrels down one hill and half-way up another, only to get scared and find themselves now running away from said barrels. What can one say? These comedic setpieces don't sustain themselves! Now you might be asking yourself: where in Los Angeles are there two hills opposite each other like that? Actually, I would be, too. Probably should've asked myself that question a lot sooner, but I'll bet dollars to donuts that the Three Little Beers IMDb trivia page probably says something like "They used the same hill twice!!" Meanwhile, the parking brake on their truck lets go, knocking the rest of the barrels off the truck. It ends comically with the intersection below filled with stopped cars and unmoving beer barrels... and right in front of the Ex-Lax store and everything! And where are the Stooges in the midst of all this? They find themselves away from all the mess they've caused, but they manage to run afoul this time from three magically flying barrels. We see three different barrels hit different rocks, but they don't get stopped by the rocks! No, they end up flying into the air. Larry foolishly thought he was safe in a tree. He gets hit by a flying barrel, and ends up flying quite far himself, and landing in a patch of wet cement. Curly and Moe end up standing on the edge of this wet patch of cement, but refuse to venture in to help Larry get out of it. Curly even responds "You think we're going in there?" Well... I hate to spoil the ending, but I think you know what kind of a response that attitude will get in a Stooge flick. I gotta go.

****
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Auteur Watch - Jackie and Jeff Filgo

I'm sorry... it's probably announced as Jeff and Jackie. Better ring to it. Okay, they're not actually auteurs ... yet! I'm sure at some point, as sure as Leora Barish and ... that other guy, they'll look around at all the dufuses (dufii?) directing the things they've written and or produced, and say to themselves, Hell! We're two people with the same last name... why not go into directing? Many others in similar dire circumstances have! Alas, the Filgos' circumstances are a bit dire right now. Their Take Me Home Tonight just bombed good. Didn't even make the Top 10! Strange, because I've seen ads for it. Didn't see ads for Beastly or Limitless, and they made the Top 10. Guess it's the advertising's fault, guys. You gotta go where the other eyes are, not mine. Worse yet, there was no callback for their services on the Wimpy Kid sequel. Probably for the best. This Wimpy Kid franchise is poised to dominate the 3D market! Lotta wimpy kids out there just dying to see themselves on the silver screen. The Filgos must've really a-holed their way out of that project. Still, they've got quite the TV résumé to boast of: "The New Adventures of Old Christine", "That '70s Show", "Men Behaving Badly"... well, two out of 3 ain't bad. And look! They've a-holed their way back into the biz. They got the big one coming up: a TV movie called Untitled Jeff and Jackie Filgo Project directed by Seinfeld veteran Andy Ackerman. See? I KNEW Jackie and Jeff was wrong! Damn it... By the way, is this you in the photo I sent you?

Attack of the Hollywood Hunks

Welp, this week @ the Box Office, SOMEONE must be in Hunk Heaven. At least, the aging hunk set. We got Matt Damon in The Adjustment Bureah. (good misspelling, very Valley Grrl... think I'll leave it!) We got... well, there must be SOMEONE in that Red Riding Hood movie. We got McConaughey in The Lincoln Lawyer; he probably goes shirtless at the beach at some point. We got Aaron Eckhart in Battle: Los Angeles. He ain't exactly a spring chicken; great name, though! We got Johnny Depp in Rango who's approaching the big 5-0! Sigh. But at #1, baby... finally! Something for the ladies. It's Untitled 2011 Bradley Cooper Project... I mean, Limitless! And speaking of Limitless... ladies! He's single again! Just broke up w/Renee Zellweger. Case 39 must've just finished re-dubs or something. Well, Renee's a lot like Jennifer Aniston: no man is good enough. Apparently men aren't the only serial monogamists.

Portraits in Sibling Rivalry: David O. does Aronofsky

Well, as much as I hate to say it... I was going in not expecting much, but was pleasantly surprised. Why, it's a movie even George Clooney might like.. or does he hang out with Marky Mark anymore? Probably not since Ocean's Eleven, huh? And lord knows who David O. Russell will be shouting at next, but he seems to have paid some dues, and he's in top form here, working with his muse Mark Wahlberg, aping Aronofsky's The Wrestler style for this Lowell, Mass. true life story. I gotta warn you, though: this is not your father's Lowell, Mass., or the relatively benign in comparison Mass. of Good Will Hunting, par exemple. In fact, I wonder if the family involved is flattered with this rather unflattering peek into their lives. Or maybe any publicity's good publicity. After all, as with the Amy Adams character, I like my life, but so far haven't gone to the big dance with it.
We start with the old Edward Burns trick from Sidewalks of New York, with actors pretending to be regular people unaccustomed to dealing with motion picture cameras, film or otherwise, as Christian Bale attempts to return to his Machinist roots, looking a bit haggard.. nay, SKELETAL. At one point, he points to the camera and asks "Do I look here? What do I..." I guess he deserved the Oscar, but we all know it was really for American Psycho. And he still has a knack for losing his accent in moments of high drama, but not too often here.
Now, you might be saying to yourself... Raging Bull, Fat City, Rocky, Ali ... I've seem 'em all, The Movie Hooligan, so why should I see this one? Well, how about a crack pipe, for one? And a proverbial Greek chorus of sisters who mostly say "skank"? I will admit, one screw-up the film makes. I forget what year it was supposed to be when Amy Adams and Mark Wahlberg first meet, but she was way WAY ahead of the curve with the Tramp Stamp... am I right or what? And you gotta like her belly; see Pulp Fiction for reference. So the Brits and the ballet chick took top acting Oscars this year, but The Fighter cleaned up in the Supports! Melissa Leo, Christian Bale... both sides of the humanity spectrum are covered, folks. And of course, those damn successful Weinsteins are in on everything. What else? The cinematography doesn't get terribly flashy, as is the custom now. And if this doesn't end up being the breakout movie for Jack McGee, nothing will. I guess he's just got one of those George Dzundza-esque faces, 'cuz I don't know him best from those four movies at the top of his IMDb page! Lemme check the list... nope, nope, Tyrannosaurus Azteca? I've eaten at Azteca and gotten their takeout many times, but... Burns in The Man Who Wasn't There? That must be where I know him from... the nail gun guy in Lethal Weapon 2! Ah, that takes me back. I better go; Dad's trying to sleep.

Good double bill with: Harsh Times, The Fighting Temptations, Fighting... what have you

***1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Oh boy! Hoi Polloi!

I don't know why I wasn't looking forward to watching Hoi Polloi. It's not on my short list of favourite Stooge shorts, but maybe it will be now. They sure remade it often enough. Why, I recently watched Half Wits Holiday and it features many of the same scenes, of course.
So here's the set-up: two high society types are having a discussion about what makes a gentleman a gentleman. The original Nature v. nurture poser: is high society etiquette encoded in his very genetic structure (heredity), or is it more of a monkey-see monkey-do kinda situation (environment)? Learn this argument well, O Stooge novices, as the boys will revisit it time and time again. Needless to say, the argument gets quite heated between the gentlemen, so they decide to make a wager out of it. The guy who poses the environment side of the equation has to prove it by taking a dude from the gutter and transforming him into a high society type... trading places, if you will! They made the mistake of agreeing in advance that the guy will turn not one, but three bums into gents. See, when they run into the Stooges, they have to see that they're dealing with some kind of freaky unholy trinity of low class, thereby forcing them to modify the bet right then and there on the spot: triple the money and you've got a deal. Needless to say, the can fight that leads to the crossing of different life paths is pretty damn funny. And so, the Stooges training begins in earnest.
It's an uphill battle for the professor all the way, needles to say. At one point he actually blurts out his confession to the Stooges that he's got money riding on this. The Stooges don't have anything better to do anyway, and they deal with the philosophical dilemma this new knowledge poses by ignoring it. There's a dance lesson during which Curly uses his regular voice (5:43)... TWICE! Then it's time for the old Bee/Ice Cube Down the Back gag which the Stooges don't usually do in this setting. It's played to the hilt here, leading four stuntpersons to jump out a window into a snooty water fountain. Also priceless.
Act Two: what Stooge film is complete without the three of them in bed snoring? Somebody with more time on their hands make a note of that! There must be a giant Stooge-based Excel spreadsheet out there on the web SOMEPLACE!! The Professor wakes up the boys and announces that they're soon to make their high society debut. And so, the boys make their entrance at the proverbial fancy party. No pie fight this time. :( . The boys have an unsupervised debut, at which point Moe tells Larry and Curly to remember their etiquette, and gives them a good slap. "What's that for?" says Larry. "We didn't do nothin'!" pleads Curly. Moe replies, "That's in case you do and I'm not around." Moe doesn't usually give reasons, but he's a gentleman now! Still, all is not right in Moe's world, and Curly finds his fatal flaw: a loose thread in his coat...
Now, normally you'd think that the bet would be lost within ten seconds of the Stooges meeting the Heredity guy, but they've got a whole 'nother reel to kill! The Professor clearly did a terrible job, especially in regards of using one's pinky inserted into a person's nostril to escort them away. Curly meets the ugly chick (she had her back turned), Larry's shoe flies off and his dancing partner steps on his naked foot. He ends up chasing his shoe around like Indiana Jones chasing the antidote and Willy chasing the diamond. At 2:46 in the second half, Larry asks "Is there a traffic light around here?" Five seconds later, Moe and his lady dancing partner takes a terrific fall. After the fall in the next scene, she asks "What happened?"... but I bet she wasn't asking that right after she took the fall! Anyway, at 4:54, Curly's arm spins around like I don't think I've ever seen in another Stooge short. Gotta make a note of that. Curly does a painful shaving bit, there's a punchbowl, and Curly gets a spring on his ass just like in An Ache in Every Stake (on my short list of Stooge faves). In fact, the slap fight he gets in with his dancing partner's virtually identical, except for the lady. Personally, I think the lady in Ache was better; I think it was Symona Boniface. She was to The Three Stooges what Anita Garvin was to Laurel & Hardy, for all you movie SAT types out there. Also, the spring bit's different in a more painful way for Curly, in that ... oh, it's too exhausting to explain. Curly does that dance move where the lady goes out like a yo-yo, then comes back but she hits Curly in the stomach. Now, she's way bigger than Curly, so Curly gets knocked down, falls on his ass, and the wire crew pull him back up... I mean, the spring on his ass bounces him back up. Sore tail bone for Curly! And one time he doesn't even bounce back up! Also, the spring gets stuck to another dude, and he's aware of it... yet powerless to reach down and take it off his clothes. Vernon Dent didn't do any of that in Ache! A true professional.
Anyway, the Environment professor cuts a check to the Heredity dude, but don't worry. As soon as it looks like genetics and good breeding will prevail, all hell breaks loose. People start throwing punches and slaps! They start telling their fellow gentlepersons to quote unquote "Spread out"! It's a veritable perpetual motion machine of Stooge Fever! The Stooges themselves, of course, seeing everyone else acting like them, as dictated by the ancient rules of comedy, FINALLY act like gentlemen and excuse themselves from the party. And they almost get away too...

****
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Auteur Watch - Bobby and Peter Farrelly

You know, when you run through the short list of the Kings of Gross-Out comedies, well... there's Trey Parker and Matt Stone, there's Adam Sandler, there's the Zuckers, there's Freddie Prinze Jr.'s Head Over Heels, John Leguizamo, the list goes on and on... but the two who stand head and shoulders above all those people in Hell who're standing knee-high in some horrible goop made of the inside of bathroom sink drains on their lunch break, then have to squat back down in it when the lunch whistle blows,... where was I? Oh, right! Peter and Bobby Farrelly! Alas, the 90s were their best decade, when Clinton ushered in a new era of PC-political correctness, and they were one of the few brave souls who fought bravely back against all that. Then the 2000s came and the powers that be became the obscenity, so the Farrellys responded with more tepid fare like Stuck on You and their career nadir Fever Pitch. But they're poised for another comeback, and I guess this thing called Hall Pass helps a little bit. I didn't even know they directed it! They must've been ashamed of it or something. None of the ads mentioned that they directed it. But never fear, folks. They're coming to save the day and their faltering reputations again with their The Three Stooges movie. Will it feature inappropriately placed semen? Will it not? We're all holding our breaths... because it's time to kneel down in the goop again. Bye!

Unleash the Roland Emmerich Wannabes!!!

Time to take a break from this incessant homework. I should've figured Battle: Los Angeles would be a #1 spot candidate at the box office. Where else would it belong? I mean, besides just another space filler in the 'Disaster Movie' section of the last video store on earth... let's see where they file 2012... yup! "Disaster!" Great stuff. But I must say that a bad new tradition of off-center explosions in the sky is taking hold in Hollywood. I saw the opening sequence of The Losers, and it didn't look good! Looked like the explosion could've been centered a little better, maybe make it a little farther away, something. They used the quick and dirty rendering for that one. You get what you pay for, and $25 million doesn't go as far as it used to on the silver screen. They're eventually going to have a division of DC Comics called DC-Banned from the Ranch.
Meanwhile, Rango's still riding high at #2, and Red Riding Hood opens strong at #3. Poor Amanda Seyfried. She's the new Christine Ebersole! Wait... there. That's more like it. But let's face it: Amanda's not making any headway in Hollywood. She had three films last year, and the year before that, and Big Love on HBO. Now this year... still 3 films and Big Love! When you're doing one film a year like Angelina or Tom Cruise.. now THAT's the big time right there! As Letterman would say, THERE'S your big time Hollywood actor right there. Now let's get this tryst over with, my wife's due back from the store any minute.. HEE HEE HEE!!!
Debuting at a miserable #5, Mars is still in need of females. And just like Earth, they've also gone MILF crazy, and have graduated from needing women to needing moms. Must be a demographic shift of some kind. But where Mars Needs Women cost only $20,000 to make, Lord knows what Walt Disney's cryogenically frozen head slapped down on the barrelhead for this sweet baby! But they're not telling. Not like with that Dinosaur (2000) debacle. SHEESH!!!

With the door still going on the right after 75 years...

Oh, this one hardly needs a review. An out and out Stooge classic, so good that the Stooges themselves used part of it again at least once... we'll worry about that when we get to it. The boys find themselves employed at a local liquor store... sody pop store? Ask your grandparents.
Anyway, as for the jokes. Pardon My Scotch probably contains the laziest Moe excuse for hitting Curly. Moe shows Curly his fist and asks "What's this?" This was also when I first realized, when I saw this as a kid, that Moe takes a lot of abuse, and he apparently broke two ribs when he fell (3:26) after Curley cuts the table in half. He doesn't use a gag prop saw, of course. The saw isn't used to subsequently hit someone on the head with.
While all that madness is going on, the very pulleys and levers of capitalism are breaking down all around. The storekeeper, Mr. Jones, is having trouble stocking his store with liquor... Scotch and Bourbon, to be exact. Good screenwriting note: the film takes place one day before the repeal of Prohibition takes effect. Always place your film in some sort of historical context. Mr. Jones, after several heated phone exchanges with the world's greatest elocutor, James C. Morton, makes the disastrous mistake of leaving his shop in the hands of the Stooges. Morton's right hand man, Dick Cheney's grandfather, goes down to said store to try and catch the storekeeper, Mr. Jones, before he heads off to see Morton. Failing at that, keeping consistent with his failing nature, finds himself turning to drink. The Stooges don't have any liquor on hand, so they go in back, find themselves amongst a whole bevy of comedy chemical ingredients, and get it in their head that they will mix something themselves. "What'll we give him?" asks Curly. Professor Moe leads the charge in mixing a chemical-based concoction that they'll give to the guy. "Once we get started, it's every man for himself."
The Stooges bring their finished product to the guy and he drinks it. It doesn't kill him, but he does mistake it for scotch. Second Act bourne. Because the Stooges' brew is confused for scotch, the Stooges are confused for Scotsmen, but they end up wearing kilts and going to a high society function, where they run into a real Scotsman, and it's not James Finlayson! I don't think he ever worked with the Stooges. No, he took an oath to Laurel and Hardy, God bless him. The Scotsman here is named Scotty Dunsmuir, and he died about three years after this short came out. A more deranged nut than myself could weave a whole Three Stooges Curse out of this fact. These days, for me, Dunkirk steals the show... in fact, I'm going to watch his part again now! Join me if you will, at 1:36 in Part Two. Kinda strange how Scots customs are treated as so very alien here; apparently, to enhance the comedy of it all. Laurel and Hardy veteran and Taxi Boy Billy Gilbert makes an appearance here as the stuffy opera singer. He's not too stuffy, though: note at 3:18 how he eats the banana that gets shot into his mouth. "What you try to make from me? A fruit salad? PIGS!!!" I gotta go. Spoiler alert: there's a big explosion at the end.

****
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Coming up next: Hoi Polloi!!!

Auteur Watch - Emilio Estevez and Charlie Sheen

Never mind.

Alas, the work of Furcifer's never done...

Someone's been on Wikipedia! I wasn't even sure when Rango was coming out, but it's done well enough to justify Rango: First Blood Part II. At #2, doing half as well, is Steven Soderbergh's new pic, The Adjustment Bureau. Actually, Soderbergh had nothing to do with it... it just SEEMS like he had something to do with it. And, at #3, doing another half as well, is something called Beastly. I was counting on The Onion to eviscerate this Twilight-ish take on the old Beauty and the Beast tale, but The Village Voice would just have to do. They picked up on the one touch of hipness: something about Korean soap operas. One of the producers must've spent some time in Korea or something. Oh, the hideousness of it all! I can't take it!!!

Dyslexic Civil War Reenacters Untie!!

Sorry, that's the best I can do, pun-wise. But the big 150th Anniversary of the start of the Civil War is approaching ... or was approaching ... the point is, the South's excited, and not in the good way. And the Stooges still haven't found their Three Blind Mice theme yet! Anyway, I've delayed it about as long as I can, so let's dive right in to our next Stooges short: Uncivil Warriors. (YouTube link) This was back when they either had a budget, or had access to better pictures' sets over the weekend. They were clearly more ambitious in terms of breadth and depth of plots, periods in history, what have you. From Medieval to the Civil War, they pretty much did it all. And we start this one with my new favorite actor of all time: James C. Morton. Having come through the ranks at Hal Roach as a leading character actor, he got some pretty meaty, juicy roles with the Stooges... sort of. Note how he always talks the same way! You'll see what I mean soon enough.
And so, a problem has arisen that requires the skill and expertise of three knuckleheads. In this case, Operators 12, 14 and 15 need to infiltrate a Southern stronghold. "They are the very brains of the entire Secret Service!" It's a wonder the war ever ended. Enter the boys from the forest, with Curly giving his now trademark Woo Woo Woo at 1:18, first heard in Punch Drunks. Big crash at 1:26. Priceless. Leading to the Cigar as Pancake gag a few seconds later.
Now, pretty much anytime the Stooges are in the Army, they're gonna hit each other in the face when saluting. That's a given. They end up doing it twice here, with Moe giving a rare "Beep-Beep" as part of his unique salute. At 1:59, Morton waits for the laugh, at which point the issue of the missing Operator 13 is addressed with the usual Stooge manner.
And so, the Second Act sort of begins in earnest around the 2:30 mark, with comedy names to spare... Duck, Dodge and Hyde. The very idea! At 3:10, the boys take off for their quarry, with Curly giving a DIFFERENT woo woo woo! I'm shocked! Then, they do this gag where we see three sets of legs, and in the next shot it's a horse and Curly, but in the close-up it's obviously three men... isn't it?
At 4:06, Curly falls victim to the old deep river gag, giving part of the ol' Punch Drunks yell. At 4:29, there's a very, very abrupt transition to the next scene. Poor direction. Still hilarious, though. At least Curly's all dry at this point. Then, they do the swinging branch gag, for lack of a better term. At 5:07, Larry says "Another sentry!" More bad direction. Where's the first sentry? Anyway, they do the ol' Charlie Walks Like This gag at 5:38... aren't there any original jokes here???? Good Lawrd. This must've been the first time they did it. In later iterations, the other Stooges say "Naw, he don't walk like that. It's more like THIS!!" Great stuff. At 6:44, CHARLIE shows up!!! I'm freakin' out, man. Anyway, by 7:00, they're in the Southern mansion laughing it up with Bud Jamison. Curly tells an awful "joke"... not offensive or sexist or anything, just barely a joke, on the "Why did the chicken cross the road"-plane of existence. And if there's anything that Moe hates more than anything... IT'S BAD JOKES! Curly realizes he's in for some physical abuse, and Moe takes his time to strike, which is pretty rare for him. Curly gets a triple dose of abuse... oh, I just can't do this right now. They do the Pillow as Cake gag, do some awkward costume changes and role-playing in mid-conversation with a suspicious Southerner... but there's one exchange I really like for some reason. Moe goes to get Curly's "lost child". He says "Don't worry, I'll get him." The suspicious Southerner goes "Him?" "Her," says Moe. "Her?" Moe finally yells "IT!"

***1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Short Reviews - February 2011

Hey Gareth Edwards! I do computer animation too! Look, I cut this image apart and pasted it back together just for you... wait! This is you, isn't it? It's not on your resumé. Aw dang it. There's nothing left to believe in anymore.
In other news... oh, Nicolas Cage and Liam Neeson... isn't it long past time you two aging Alpha Males put aside your differences and made one of your bombs TOGETHER? ... DAMN YOU, IMDB SEARCH! Must eliminate all these useless TV shows from your search! I KNOW they've both been on Leno and Entertainment Tonight at some point in their careers... Meanwhile, Charlie Sheen's sitcom got cancelled... just for the season. Whew! That was close. I mean, CBS is dumb, but not crazy. They'll get James Garner to fill in for him for the duration. Or maybe Jon Cryer will get Andrew McCarthy to fill in, finally getting revenge for that whole Pretty in Pink thing.
Meanwhile, the Jennifer Aniston adoption rumours aren't true. Well, thank God! Her loyal fan base wouldn't accept that... would they?

Just Go With It - Just give it up...

Hook - An embarrassment of riches

"The Larry Sanders Show" - A riches of embarrassment?

The Beaver - Not supplicate enough, Mel.

Hall Pass - Seriously? Oh, Owen Wilson. You can pull off roles like this forever.

Cedar Rapids - DAMN YOU, DAILY SHOW!!!

Just Go With It - Adam Sandler presents... CLEAVAGE!!!

Drive Angry - (Groundhog Day) don't drive angry!

Rock-A-Doodle - http://www.imdb.com/video/hulu/vi1572706329/ - Wow! A whole movie for free on the internet... sorry, I'm, uh, ... busy.

Water for Elephants - I guess chocolate for elephants might get a little pricey.

Season of the Witch - Must be!

Unknown - Who am I?... these days, who cares?

A Chorus of Disapproval - Hopkins. Irons. Together for the only time.

Unknown - I'm sorry, that deserves a better observation than the last one. In Unknown, Liam Neeson doesn't know who he is. He's about THIS close to retiring again!

Barbara Babcock in Chicago Hope - KRONK!!!!!

The Mothman Prophecies - Watch yer step, Margie!

The Boy With Green Hair - First Bieber's hair goes missing, now this!

Blank Check - With the recent capture of Roman Polanski, Duffy still goes unprosecuted for molesting Brian Bonsall. Where's the justice?

Hard Candy - When you get right down to it, isn't every boy-girl relationship like this?

Lakeview Terrace - A little better.

Watchmen - Greatest sex scene metaphor of all time... I guess. WAY better than Austin Powers!

Take Me Home Tonight - I don't wanna let you go til you see the light... Ah, the ol' breaking the guitar gag. Just like Animal House, only this time the guy kicks it while the guy's still holding the guitar. We've been upgraded!

Paul - A new genre indeed: the alien/bawdy road movie pic! I think Seth McFarlane should sue; they obviously ripped off American Dad.

Just Go With It - Hey Adam! Are you going to buy Aniston a car?

Dave Barry's Complete Guide to Guys - Is it? Is it really complete, Dave? Is it sound AND complete, as we used to say in math logic class? Or is it just getting whisked away into the Library of Congress as is, without some kind of rigorous ANSI-approved quality testing?

Auteur Watch - Nora and Delia Ephron

Oh, I gotta stop doing those images like that. Well, clearly Nora's the Alpha Ephron... hmm! Alpha Ephron... that's either a star in a constellation or a sorority. Either way, prestigious and classy. But Delia's no slouch either. Think of it! Having a book you wrote turned into a TV movie at 36! How to Eat like a Child... how cool is that? Uh, WAY COOL!
And clearly, the 90s were the fruitful decade. Nora TRIUMPHED at the box office with Sleepless in Seattle... ooh! Great title. (Remember, lovers: allergies are SUCH a buzzkill...) But Delia brought her back down to earth with Mixed Nuts. Don't get cocky, girls! But then, they TRIUMPHED again with Michael and AGAIN with Sleepless in Seattle 2: You've Got Mail... the trail pretty much runs cold after that. But the dynamic duo got back together again for Bewitched... I hesitate to call it a remake. A revisioning, if you will.
What's next for these two? Nothing. They're too tired.