Sunday, May 06, 2012
Auteur Watch - Mark and Kent Osborne
Kung Fu Panda... it's all downhill from there, that's for sure! Another Cal-Arts grad bites the dust.
DAYAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, Avengers has thrown the whole box office out of whack. Think Like a Man comes in second with just 8 million. On a more upbeat note, John Cusack's The Raven stays strong at #7, and The Three Stooges hangs on at #10. Not out of the race yet, at least not this week. The Hunger Games will probably cross the 400 million dollar mark next week. Stan Lee won't be the beneficiary of that one, though.
Saturday, May 05, 2012
Rasho-Moe
ACT ONE
We start Dopey Dicks.. I mean, Spook Louder, with someone else telling a story about the Stooges! Good construct. Well, with the chump change the Stooges were making back then, why should they have to work so hard? Future screenwriters, further take note how the narrator is introduced. He's Professor J.O. Dunkfeather, Special Investigator. Via the now ancient Spielberg formula, we get a special introductory episode, then the episode that consumes the rest of the film. Dunkfeather examines the skull on his desk, and deduces that the woman committed suicide because of dandruff. Good comedy suicide, if nothing else. Now, on to the big story... being covered, incidentally, by a newspaper man NOT named Brown, and not from the Sun. Shemp will meet him later on. The Stooges apparently got themselves tangled up in a spy ring. Ooh! I wonder if it's more Nazis! But first, the Professor knows the Spielberg formula too, and he "narrates" for us a few introductory salesman episodes. Curly raises an interesting WWII philosophical question: if you had to choose between rent and war bonds, do you still have to pay the rent? Apparently you do. Damn liberals! Sorry, but we watched a Chetwynd turd tonight. Must've done something to my brain. Spoiler alert: I still don't know what color justice is, but I'm confident it's not white. As usual, the Stooges try to sell a weight loss machine to the thinnest woman I've ever seen. They fail because they're lousy salesmen... but they do manage to sell the woman a "No Peddlers" sign, and even install it for free!
Next customer: Symona Boniface. God, I love her. Curly laughs at about 2:20, but somehow my ears tell me it's not him. Symona proves again and again that she's the Fourth Stooge. Back to the professor telling the story. The newspaper man asks "But what's that got to do with the spy ring?" Dunkfeather answers "Nothing!" then looks to the left, then to the right, slowly... as if waiting for a laugh. A laugh that will never come... except maybe from the screenwriters because they know the Spiel... anyway, on to the third house. The third house is always the one. They get a chance to do the old "That wasn't me!" routine. Moe should really see an anger manager. The creepy guy at this door is Charles Middleton, and if you're like me... scary thought, I know... you know him best from Laurel and Hardy's The Flying Deuces. He was also a strong presence in The Fixer Uppers, and played the prosecutor in Duck Soup... I guess the Flash Gordon villain would have to be his most... most iconic role. God, I'm tired of that word. Here, he's a mere butler to Graves the inventor. Good casting, as these two have similar voices. The Stooges eventually figure out that there's a fourth guy talking to them, and they enter this strange, strange house. The strangeness only gets stranger.
Moe once again tells Larry to go ahead, but skips the part about leading the way. We're in the hallway of the inventor's house. We see a "Russian" clock. The clock hits 5 o'clock, Russia Standard Time. Like me, Curly is horrified, then intrigued, saying "Let's come back at 12 so we can hear the whole song!" (4:29) Curly gets scared by a clock with an owl instead of a cuckoo, and forgets to take his suitcase with him. Next scene: Graves' office, where Graves tells the Stooges "Ah! The new caretakers. Your wages are $100 a month." Funny, because that's more than what they were making at Columbia. Graves mistakenly riles up Curly by asking if he's a Japanese spy. Moe calms down Curly by saying "He said sap, not ..." You know. Graves hands the boys a large rifle, telling them to watch out for spies. Curly takes the gun. I couldn't help but think of what Homer Simpson said when he got his first gun: "You point it at what you want to die, and shoot!" Curly does a little more damage than that. Time for an Act break.
ACT TWO
Graves is called away to Washington to demonstrate his new Death Ray machine. "It will destroy MILLIONS!" We assume he'll be working AGAINST the Axis Powers. Ever the heroes, the Stooges demand no royalties. Larry, however, does ask "Yeah, but what's that got to do with us?" Graves wants the boys to protect his house from spies. The blind leading the blind. Curly gets caught up in semi-patriotic fervor, so much so that Moe appears to be mouthing Curly's lines along with him at about 6:17 for just a second. Graves gives them one other security tool: a bomb that looks like a cartoon bomb. The way Graves sells it, it sounds like a neutron bomb: "It'll destroy everything and everyone." Spoiler alert: it's not that powerful. Most of the house is still standing once it's deployed. I mean, the Stooges aren't going to introduce a gadget that sweet and not use it, right? They wouldn't toy with our emotions like that, would they? Curly fires the gun again, and ducks just before losing his hat... but loses it anyway. Not many time stretchers in this one, except here where Moe says to Curly "I'll unload your brains if ya got any!!!"
Next scene: outside the house, where Graves and servant are leaving. The boys go back inside, close the door... cue the three "spies"! They look like three guys in costumes to me, but what do I know. We'll see these three outfits later on, if I only knew which one...
Back inside the house, a piano starts playing. Curly says "Hmm! Rachmaninoff's Prelude! That's a hard piece!" ...I'm going to take Curly's word for it on this one. I've got another fish to fry in this one, besides. The piano starts playing spooky music, interrupting Moe and Curly's dance. The boys investigate. Turns out there's just a cat walking on the piano keys. "Kitten on the keys!" says Curly. Then, we see the main spy has entered the house, and has a gun on the Stooges. We then hear an incoming missile. A pie hits the spy in the face. We hear maniacal laughter. The Stooges apparently miss all this.
Back to the professor. The reporter asks "But, Professor! Who threw the pie?" That mystery will have to wait for another 8 minutes or so. Back to the Stooges, who hear some maniacal laughter of their own. They mildly freak out. Just then, the telegraph on the piano starts beeping. Moe orders Curly to write down the message. The message finishes. Moe asks "What did it say?" Curly says "EEE-EE-EEEE-EEEE..." As DarkPaladin24 rightly points out, funny as hell. Larry tries to ride Curly's coattails, but to no avail. What was he thinking? Moe decides they should split up. They can do more damage that way. The reporter really wants to know who threw that damn pie! Back to Moe, whose attempt to work alone ultimately proves unsuccessful. Larry and Curly notice that Moe's gone missing and double back, snooping around the bookcase. Curly takes some books out of the bookcase and gets a nasty surprise. It's one of those surprises for his face only; doesn't work on Larry. But it's not that mysterious, as Larry watches it happen to Curly over and over again. Curly is pissed, and rightly so! I hope those boxing gloves were soft! The bookcase swivels open a second time. The patch where the boxing gloves came through is not visible. Moe emerges. Moe gets his head crushed between the bookcase and the wall by Curly. Curly feels triumphant. Curly sees Moe. Curly stops. Moe emerges, head slightly more oval-shaped than before, reaches for a giant stick and raises it high over his head. That whistling sound is heard again. A pie hits Moe in the face, and a small air bubble pops in front of Moe's mouth amidst the crust and filling. Apparently, Curly and Larry miss all this, as they only get scared by Moe after he's wiped most of the pie off his face. The fear threshold is very, very low now.
Curly and Larry run away. I'm a little confused because the sound clip of Curly from 2:41 to 2:43 is repeated at 2:44 to 2:46 but truncated slightly. Larry is given a juicy twenty seconds or so all to himself, as he tries to open various doors. A fine performance. He gets scared by the skeleton guy at the front door.
ACT THREE
Dang! I got so caught up in the action, I'll be looking out for you... I mean, I missed the Act break, it's so action packed! The heat is on, indeed! Back to Moe, who gets scared by a light hooked up to the rocking chair he's sitting in. The noise he makes at 3:08 is repeated at the end of 3:15. We see how the lamp is hooked up to the rocking chair. Simplicity itself, as long as the chair isn't moved too far in either direction. Enter the third bad guy, the devil at the window. Cue the vacuum cleaner over Moe's head. We'll see that again in If a Body Meets a Body... another haunted house classic. Back to Curly, who runs afoul of perhaps his most elusive nemesis yet: a balloon that gets attached to the back of his coat. The balloon has a funny face on it, but I think it's supposed to be a Japanese caricature... I'll leave that for the historians to decide, among others. This may be one of the two or three smartest balloons in movie history. It first sneaks up on Curly from the other half of the chest he looks in, then manages to stay behind Curly for most of its adventures. Curly runs into the hall and finds Larry. Larry gets scared by the balloon. Curly catches some of Larry's fear and runs, pivots on his pivot foot and runs back towards the camera. We all hear maniacal laughter at about 4:12, which turns into a loud moan. Moe emerges and tells Curly of how he saw the Devil, but that balloon's about a thousand and a half times worse. Moe runs away. Curly eventually comes face to face with the balloon, and slaps it away. Will nothing happen to this balloon? I hate to spoil it, but the balloon eventually gets popped, scaring Curly some more. He screams and runs away from the impact zone, but it doesn't sound like him screaming. Curly runs afoul of a mummy in a coffin, and makes a strange noise at 5:06. Curly barks at the mummy. The mummy leans forward slightly, and Curly's outta there. Under the lampshade he goes, only to find the skeleton guy. An epic struggle ensues. The skeleton gets away, but Curly fights on with a sheet over him. Curly enters the hall, still wearing the sheet. Larry clubs him over the head with a club. That doesn't usually happen! Curly gets mad about it, too. Time for more maniacal laughter. Back to Moe who runs afoul of a stuffed bear and the monkey we saw earlier, but that he forgot about. The monkey scares Moe, and Moe scares the monkey with all his screaming. Moe goes into the hall, and starts to explain what happened to him. More maniacal laughter. The three reunited, they head off to the final confrontation. Three Stooges, three bad guys, one of them with a rifle. Curly sees the bomb, grabs it and holds it high over his head. The fuse gets lit by a candle. Curly seems to go off script at about 6:39 when he says "I mean it! I mean it!" The bad guys are scared by the bomb, but not scared enough to leave the house. The Stooges realize the bomb is lit, get scared, and heave the bomb at the bad guys. The bad guys end up like the Stooges at the end of Cactus Makes Perfect... not well.
The Stooges have saved the day. Suddenly... three gunshot sounds! After that, a pie in the face for each Stooge. Curly seems to go off script at about 7:10, then Moe asks "Who threw those pies?" Curly asks that as well. Frankly, we should all be asking that, but I've about had my fill of movie mysteries in general.
EPILOGUE
The identity of the mystery pie thrower is revealed. A pie lands in Dunkfeather's face. He wipes off some of the goo and smiles, making him look like a clown. Fade out. End of film. I think this is one of the classic Stooge shorts. I don't watch it often enough. There may be more time stretchers than I'm aware of here, but they're disguised well, that's the main thing.
****
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan
p.s. Well, I used some video editing software to help me translate the Morse Code sequence. I think I've parsed it correctly. It means "Beware Joe Besser"... no, that's not it, but it should be. I guess it was just nonsensical, or I'm not as good at translating Morse as I thought. I get "ANBXYSMTDMNSNMIYAI." Anybody else try that? Wanna try? The nuts over at threestooges.net apparently haven't yet... but who's got time, really? I sure don't!
Short Reviews - April 2012
The Boost - ...seriously? Bueller? Was Ben Stein some kind of strung out junkie? While working for Nixon, no less? ...PONICSAN!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pretty Poison - SEMPLE JR.!!!!!!!!!!!!
Out of Control - But, but... where's Tony Danzig?
She's Out of Control - That's more like it!
Avenging Angel - If you can't get Kelly Preston, get an inferior good like Betsy Russell... an econ student will know why that's funny. Okay, she's a Giffen good.
The Fugitive Kind - Didn't Jerry Lewis remake this as The Fugitive Fella?
(The) Green Lantern - Remake of Son of the Mask. Personally, I grow weary of these movies that look like they were filmed entirely in front of a green screen.
Wild Wild West - ...Personally, I grow weary of these movies that look like they were filmed entirely in front of a green screen... looks great in HD, though!
The Fugitive Kind - Have Johnny Depp and Penelope Cruz remade this yet?
Beautiful Boy - Oh, Michael Sheen.... do you HAVE to do this type of role? We want the Tony Blair Michael Sheen! The David Frost Michael Sheen! The Twilight Michael Sheen! You know, the Happy Handsome Brit, not the Handsome Disgruntled American! Damn it!
To Rome With Love - ...sheesh. Another Oscar for Woody.
Home Fries - With Jake Busey as Owen Wilson
Sleepless in Seattle - The moral of the story is: allergies are such a turn off.
Mixed Nuts - The moral of the story is: thank God for serial killers and the large bounties on their heads.
The Speed of Thought - It doesn't take a psychic to see that this is a variation of Scanners.
The Dentist - I would've gone with Novocaine, but this one seems more appropriate to the tone of the article....
You must be THIS Irish to watch this movie
That's the trouble with these headlines. How am I supposed to put a sign with a hand on it signifying height? Or do like the Simpsons and have a picture of Disco Stu or something? Alas, no such luck. Anyway, here's my review of... can't even remember the title. Oh, right. Maybe I should change the headline to "Not THAT Eclipse"? By which, of course, I'm referring to 1995's Total Eclipse, a now Cinemax mainstay about two authors: one teenage, the other older, I'm assuming. No, instead we get 2009's The Eclipse about a love triangle on the brink of old age between Aidan Quinn, filling in for Jason Priestly; Iben Hjejle, Copenhagen's answer to Mary Stuart Masterson, and Ciaran Hinds, a man whom one of my viewing companions thought looked a bit like Mel Gibson, at least around the eyes... in a good way, believe it or not! I think...
Anyway, Ciaran is involved in the little details that go into putting on a successful book festival. I know, what a quaint notion these days. Iben is breezing into town for her new book called... wait for it... THE ECLIPSE! It's about ghosts. At about the same time, Ciaran starts seeing ghosts. To make matters worse, he forgets to take his wheelchair-bound father in-law to one of his fancy festivals. This has to happen, otherwise what comes next in the plot just wouldn't be the same. At about the same time, Aidan Quinn also waltzes into this small Irish town (I believe it's called Cobh) to promote his book. One of my viewing companions got a Norman Mailer vibe out of Aidan's performance. Pining for a lost literary era, clearly. The closest person I can think of who espouses blatant masculinity on the printed page is either Denis Leary or "The Situation." Everyone else is too busy documenting the disaster that was the Dubya presidency.
What's a girl to do? Really, aren't all relationships like this in this crazy world? A girl has to choose between the successful drunk, or the bit of damaged goods who's seeing ghosts on top of everything else. Well, I hate to spoil it, but Iben gets the best of both worlds, or worst, depending on your view. She toys with the idea of rekindling the flame with Aidan, but bestows some affectionate kisses on Ciaran as well... dude! He's old enough to be your father, for Gawd'z zake! But, they both have kids, so what the hell.
Also, there's some ghost attacks, and recursive dreams. I was genuinely spooked by one episode, if only because the rest of the film was kinda boring. Therefore, I should give credit for the lack of headache-inducing Michael Bay-style editing.
You ever see the end credits of 1985's Red Sonja? Man, I didn't feel Italian enough to watch them! Similarly, I didn't feel Irish enough to watch The Eclipse, but the proper authorities weren't here to prevent it. Looks kinda like where I'm living now: a lush, green, rain-soaked bit of heaven. Keep working on your solar power program, guys! Be like Germany!
***
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan
Anyway, Ciaran is involved in the little details that go into putting on a successful book festival. I know, what a quaint notion these days. Iben is breezing into town for her new book called... wait for it... THE ECLIPSE! It's about ghosts. At about the same time, Ciaran starts seeing ghosts. To make matters worse, he forgets to take his wheelchair-bound father in-law to one of his fancy festivals. This has to happen, otherwise what comes next in the plot just wouldn't be the same. At about the same time, Aidan Quinn also waltzes into this small Irish town (I believe it's called Cobh) to promote his book. One of my viewing companions got a Norman Mailer vibe out of Aidan's performance. Pining for a lost literary era, clearly. The closest person I can think of who espouses blatant masculinity on the printed page is either Denis Leary or "The Situation." Everyone else is too busy documenting the disaster that was the Dubya presidency.
What's a girl to do? Really, aren't all relationships like this in this crazy world? A girl has to choose between the successful drunk, or the bit of damaged goods who's seeing ghosts on top of everything else. Well, I hate to spoil it, but Iben gets the best of both worlds, or worst, depending on your view. She toys with the idea of rekindling the flame with Aidan, but bestows some affectionate kisses on Ciaran as well... dude! He's old enough to be your father, for Gawd'z zake! But, they both have kids, so what the hell.
Also, there's some ghost attacks, and recursive dreams. I was genuinely spooked by one episode, if only because the rest of the film was kinda boring. Therefore, I should give credit for the lack of headache-inducing Michael Bay-style editing.
You ever see the end credits of 1985's Red Sonja? Man, I didn't feel Italian enough to watch them! Similarly, I didn't feel Irish enough to watch The Eclipse, but the proper authorities weren't here to prevent it. Looks kinda like where I'm living now: a lush, green, rain-soaked bit of heaven. Keep working on your solar power program, guys! Be like Germany!
***
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan
Friday, May 04, 2012
...with a little Veronica Lake in it
I hate to spoil it too much, but Sullivan does manage to score some cheap thrills as he hitches a ride with a 13-year old boy driving a 'tank' through the countryside. Sullivan's bus tries to follow with comedic results.
Apparently, the actual writer-director Preston Sturges saw some wisdom in having "a little sex in it". Enter sassy fast-talking Veronica Lake, who's just a sweetie pie. The Renee Zellweger of her day, if you will. She plays a girl trying to make it in Hollywood... well, Preston never met a lot of authentic people, either. She eventually finds out the truth, and insists on joining in on Sully's epic adventure of self-discovery. Robert Greig, who played Hives in Animal Crackers, doesn't like the whole thing at all.
Alas, fellow readers, I must report the truth... yup, I fell asleep during part of this thing, but I did manage to wake up to see a train run over a guy... from the train's point of view! That must've been a little groundbreaking at the time. So I will give Sturges some credit: he at least gave birth to O Brother, Where Art Thou? and part of Cool Hand Luke. You know, the whole night in the box thing. On the other hand, everyone else gives this four stars, but must I as well? Maybe when I see it a second time, I don't know...
***1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan
Submitted for your approval, one Mr. Richard Boone...
...resident of the Twilight Zone. There's a signpost up ahead: Spoiler Alert, as we have a review of I Spit on Your Grave... I mean, I Bury the Living. A simple story about a simple man, a local hero, if you will. But this Boon(e) is about to find that being a respectable member of the community isn't all work and no play. He's about to realize that actions have consequences...Sorry about that, but it's just to let you know what you're in for. Richard Boone's an odd fellow. I suspect he's never done a movie with Leslie Nielsen. All that leading man gravitas competing for the silver screen's affection at once... they would be bound to rip each other's throats out, JMHO... just as I thought. No results. Obviously his IMDb page misses the larger picture. Surely he's best known and loved for "Have Gun, Will Travel"... at least, as a good guy. (39 episodes in a season! Doesn't seem worth it some how) He was also rather prolific as a bad guy, especially in such films as The Shootist and Hombre. Unsettling for someone like me, trying to separate the two in my mind.
Anyway, here he is in the evocatively titled I Bury the Living. I hate to spoil the setup any more than I already have, which means I must have some affection for this thing. Sometimes simplest is best, and it even manages to sneak in a couple surprises! I must've been enjoying myself. Still, the lesson is clear... no, I dare not give the lesson, but it does come early, and rather abruptly! Perhaps I can point out that there's a character even more central to this movie than even Richard Boone: the map. An awful map on the wall containing cemetery plots and pins. Black and white pins. Black pins to indicate the deceased, white pins for the living who have reserved plots in advance. Something about the bare lines on this map reminded me of Picasso, Kandinsky for another of my viewing companions. We get to see quite a bit of this map during the show: at different times of day, through that special curved glass to make it look like it's under water... there's even a moment where Boone is silhouetted against it like James Bond! There's a couple scene breaks where the picture gets smaller, fading away from us, with dramatic music in tow... perhaps to indicate a nice commercial break! That was our concensus view... consensus? That's more like it. No red underline on the latter.
There's a nice prologue about science at the beginning of the movie, that there are some things that man does not know, was not meant to know... something like that. Not the (Donald) Rumsfeld knowns and unknowns, and not a right-wing refutation of science. And apparently I could go on to the IMDb and see the whole movie, but I think the point is something about the divine. If there was a divine or accursed force at work in our world that defied explanation... wouldn't we know about it? And wouldn't we end up exploiting it for maximum profit? Maximum... let me get my econ textbook... something to fight that damn law of diminishing marginal utility? Close enough. Help us conquer space, O Lord!
***
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Auteur watch - Bonnie and Terry Turner
What are these two up to lately? The Saturday Night Live writing room didn't used to be a family friendly place til Tina Fey changed all that. Before her, Bonnie and Terry seemed to be the only ones who somehow survived the coke-fueled all-nighters, landing themselves some sweet gigs, especially the Wayne's World movies, and of course, Tommy Boy, everybody's favorite. Somehow, the world of the silver screen wasn't interesting enough. They first took off in television, and they wanted to stay in television. And damn it, they had some good ideas. I can't help but admire their track record! 3rd Rock from the Sun, That 70s Show... okay, it's just those two, but still! The Turners know better than anyone that the 70s will be the nostalgia decade of choice for decades to come. The 80s, not as fun, but out of necessity the powers that be will keep foisting it back upon us. Normally I'd ask what the auteurs are up to lately, but after That 70s Show and 30 Rock... I mean, 3rd Rock, what are they doing now? Enjoying life, for God's sake! I think they're well overdue for that. Good work, guys.
The pirates who do some Box Office
The first Bourne Identit....hello! What's that?
You know, some guys just find their calling in life. John le Carre does spy stuff, Stephen King does horror stuff, William Peter Blatty does Exorcist stuff, Michael Crichton did the blockbuster stuff... do you have anything by Robert Ludlum? Moleman, even Robert Ludlum doesn't have anything by Robert Ludlum. But if there's a three word title with a "The", a name, and an adjective, chances are Ludlum's on top of it. The Osterman Weekend, The Rhinemann Exchange, The Holcroft Covenant, The Hades Factor... seeing a pattern yet? Crazy white people. As for the director, Doug Liman, I've followed him with some interest... at least, I think I have. I consider this one redemption for unleashing Vince Vaughn on an unsuspecting public with Swingers. Yup, student workshops aside, he was clearly ready for the big time with this one. And Damon needed a hit kinda badly. I think he's doing pretty well now, but that's probably not a stretch. He can afford to be a liberal publicly! That's gotta mean some serious bankroll... just checked his IMDb bio. Lucky bastid.
Well, my viewing companion was disappointed that some of the fight scenes looked sped up, but not enough to boycott the movie outright. I tried to tell him that it's the modern style now. Jumpy action! Fast dolly shots! Cars don't just drive down the road anymore, they quasi-pixellate. This is Day of the Jackal on steroids... I'll get to that one someday, I swear.
On to the plot... is there any better conceit in movies than amnesia? Total Recall, The Long Kiss Goodnight, The Night Before with Keanu Reeves... I know, is there any other? A few, actually! Body Shots. Sheesh. I'll bet The Onion didn't like it. Well, what else do you expect from the guy who directed Gia and Original Sin? If Jolie's not in it, I don't wanna see it... unless it's a cult classic. Is it yet? Now I'm slipping into attention deficit syndrome! To get back on track, as far as I can remember, Keanu didn't turn out to be a professional assassin, but pretty much everyone else is. Add Unknown to the list. The joy of discovery as we unwrap the plot onion without our eyes watering too much.
While Matt's regaining his muscle memory, taking out bad guys and authority figures in his wake, he finds he can't make it in this crazy world alone. Much like Redford in Three Days of the Condor, he needs a partner. His choice ends up being a great one in terms of connection to society at large. The authorities are baffled. A chance encounter? I liked the fact that the CIA's office in which they're tracking Damon isn't the alpha office, and they clearly don't have the alpha computers. Surely some existed in 2002. Apparently this project is hush-hush, but the stakes couldn't be higher. At the top of the command chain, Brian Cox is very worried about this, but at the end of the movie he barely spends any time on it at all when he's called before the panel. Go figure.
While the editing of the movie is only headache-inducing in the big action sequences, I still consider the big Mini Cooper chase sequence the big action setpiece of the whole show. Maybe I'm wrong about that. It happens near the middle of the movie, anyhow. Doesn't happen often enough in America... and maybe that's a good thing. This chase sequence is handled much better, much more realistically than the big chase at the beginning of Transporter 1, if I may say so. America rules!... duh! I forgot to add that I recognized the music they used during this chase sequence... I don't know the name of it, but they also used it in Collateral, which was playing in a nightclub that Tom Cruise ends up shooting up. Where's MY Peabody? Waaaaa......................................
Matt Damon's kind of a strange movie star. For me, he's the gamma dog of the Ocean's 11 crew. For my viewing companion, he's the man. Smart, handsome, makes good project choices, and thought that he really sold the Bourne character. I didn't see it back in the day at the time, but I do now. And shame on me, I thought the girl ended up dead at the end of this one... sorry, SPOILER ALERT. But Lola ran far enough away for the happy ending on this one, at least. Yeah, we've come a long way from the fanciful CIA of the 1979 In-Laws. Why anyone would want to be a part of that is beyond me. And clearly Damon's no friend to them. We got the Bourne trilogy, we got The Good Shepherd... damn! I got that one, too! I'd be surprised if we're going to rewatch that one any time soon... but we did recently rewatch Casino, so anything's possible. I guess my friend was trying to cleanse his cinematic pallet after that; not so much getting ready for Bourne 4 with a DIFFERENT GUY... Oh, and a brief shout out to Clive Owen. I thought Closer was his big American debut. Not so! Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.
***1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Moe Larry Confidential
ACT ONE
So Moe falls through several floors after Curly uses a power saw on the door that fell over on Moe... eight years later, Curly and Larry join Moe on the first floor. "Aw, c'mon, Moe! You only fell twenty feet!" proclaims Larry. I'm reminded of a similar tactic used by the Looney Tunes people who routinely spliced their one-reelers together to cobble together feature length pics with new footage. Daffy Duck gets mistaken for a goose that lays golden eggs, and is kidnapped by evil mobsters: the smart small one, and the dumb giant one. Daffy Duck gets shot and lays a golden egg. Cut to the new footage, where the mobster shoots Daffy several times, and Daffy lays several golden eggs. The cops fortunately save Daffy... eventually. "Can we get you anything?" they ask Daffy. Daffy says "Yes. Get me a proctologist." The point being, the screenwriters are clearly bored and seeking a challenge. But before we get to that, a brief shout out to my friend who loves the screeching noise the door makes at 2:41. Fine, groaning.
Upon second viewing of the post-fall footage, let me rephrase. Moe hits Larry and Curly. Larry says "Aw, you only fell 14 feet? Why are you getting sore?" This, of course, merits Moe using Larry's and Curly's heads against each other. Suddenly, an insurrection, as Curly and Larry double team Moe. Thank God for the plot contrivance to save Moe from certain death at the hands of Curly's stomach and Larry's foot in Moe's ass. The Stooges have won the big jackpot!... I mean, their job applications have been accepted, and they're going to be police officers, of all things. Obviously, the police haven't seen any Stooge shorts before this one. I mean, somehow all of this explains the rise of Daryl Gates.
And the Stooges couldn't have joined the force at a more urgent time. A mysterious Ape Man has been committing burglaries across the city. The head of the Citizens League is breathing down the Police Chief's neck right to his face, and cracking walnuts for Curly at the same time! What a multi-tasker. Good thing for that guy constantly hitting the desk, as even Curly's cavity-ridden teeth are no match for walnut shells. Curly, of course, throws away the edible part of the walnut and happily wolfs down the wooden shells. Good fiber! Good enough for that tapeworm, of course. In case you couldn't tell, this is one of those time-stretching moments. Why, even the dialogue between the chief and the Citizens League guy stops to wait for the laughs! We, on the other hand, move on. There's a nice stunt where the Citizens League guy, Mr. Dill, knocks a glass of water into Curly's hat; Buster Keaton-collaborator Clyde Bruckman didn't work on this script, but Keaton's presence is at work in this gag somehow.
ACT TWO
We're at about the Act Two mark, so let's go to the phones. The first call is so the boys can do their three part harmony: Larry first, then Moe, then Curly. The second call sets the rest of the movie into motion. Moe uses great movie acting to let us know the nature of the phone call: "You say the Ape Man's robbing a store? Where? ... Yes? The Brooklyn Building!" Or is it the Bruckman Building? Wow! We were just blogging about him... and so, just as the telephone has made life better for society, it's made life harder for the Stooges as it proves to be their greatest obstacle to leaving the building and catching the Ape Man. Moe gets so upset with the phone, he throws it as hard as he can... just as the chief walks into the room. We'll leave it at that.
Cross fade to Gypsom Good Antiques, where the Ape Man apparently is at. The Ape Man locked the door behind him, so the Stooges need to find the "pass key." I'd hate to spoil what happens next, so I'll just say it's similar to what happens with Daffy Duck in A Pest in the House. God bless you, YouTube! Warners is finally willing to risk letting people see Looney Tunes for free in a smaller picture with not-as-crystal-clear image quality. We'll have to wait for A Bird in the Head for the "gorilla breathing down my neck" gag, sadly. Sorry, we're back to the Stooges now. Moe says "I'll lead the way... go ahead!" You know, Bill Murray did something similar in Ghost Busters during their big final confrontation.
And now... time for another time waster. Curly gets the orders to stand guard, while Moe and Larry go off and do their own thing. Curly finds a rocking chair to stand guard in. A strange-looking cat is seated in semi-loaf form flush with the rocking chair. Curly uses his normal voice: "I'm not afraid... What's there to be afraid of? Babies are afraid! I'm no baby..." Why, it's like Bobcat Goldthwait using his regular voice... just not right. Okay, so we got a cat and a rocking chair. The cat's tail appears to be hooked up to a wire... sorry, I probably shoulda said SPOILER ALERT. What's the point of giving an ASPCA Alert? This is the comedy exemption. And so we have the ballet of cat's tail and the rocking chair for several seconds. Somehow, something's missing... enter the cigar. Curly takes a lit cigar stub out of his hat and starts smoking it. Finally, that awful moment happens when chair beats tail. The cat starts screeching. Curly swallows the cigar and gains his footing. Curly lets out his own screech at 9:17. Sometimes that's all you can really ask of a Stooge film: a good moment like that. It might not go viral, as the kids say nowadays, but it should.
Curly finds Moe and Larry and lays out his ordeal. Curly says that a woman screamed and scratched him on the leg. Now, the modern touch that even Maxim magazine might appreciate: Larry says, very salaciously, "Is that bad?" and straightens his tie. Moe says "Is she pretty?" then comes to his senses. They investigate. Nope, no lady by the rocking chair. Curly swore she was there; well, he could swear, but Moe reminds Curly with a slap that it's a bad habit. Always with the jokes. Moe asks if Curly has a gun... Moe asks Curly if he has a gun. Is that too confusing? Do I have to say "Moe asks Curly if Curly has a gun"? Do I need to get to bed? Yes. Better forge ahead anyway. Curly has a long, belabored explanation of where his gun went to. The NRA should be proud. The NRA will like this next part even more: Moe hands Curly his gun and says "Maybe it'll give you some courage." Before that, we see the Ape Man picking up a female mannequin... so cynical. The Stooges are more of a checkers kinda comedy team, as opposed to chess... the Marx brothers aren't exactly chess, but they're at least Grand Masters of checkers. Officer Moe's laying down the law, while the Ape Man's laying down the mannequin on the floor. "Don't let anybody comes in, don't let anybody come out. You get it, dontcha? All right. Now no more of your screwy ideas. THERE'S NO DEAD WOMAN IN HERE!......NYAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!" Moe and Larry jump up onto Curly. Sadly, their fear is short lived. Moe figures it out. "It's a dummy, like you!" Moe THROWS THE DUMMY INTO THE OTHER ROOM... and it lands on the Ape Man. The Ape Man throws the dummy right back. Just before it hits Moe, Moe says "A dummy can't hurt you!" What a strange thing to say! Larry finally gets one line: "Say! For a dummy she sure gets around!" Moe takes charge again, saying "There's something rotten in Denmark, and we're gonna find it!" Curly gets excited. "Oh boy! We're going to Denmark!" Moe should've hit Curly at this point, but instead he says to Curly, Damon Runyon style, "We are searching for more clues, and don't disturb us!" Curly displays more inappropriate gun etiquette, but doesn't scare Moe with it. No time for that now! We gotta catch up to the plot! For some reason, Moe and Larry leave Curly alone a lot. Must be part of their secret comedy formula.
Curly wanders around a bit. It seems aimless at first, but his feet manage to find the cat's tail again. Curly gets scared, and hides under what looks like a bearskin blanket. He gently kicks a hat stand. The hat stand falls against the wall, and drops a hat loudly onto Curly's foot. How come plots aren't this ambitious anymore? What happens next is arguably another time stretcher, but for me it was absorbing enough to not be. Curly confuses the hat on his foot for a stranger. The third time he's ready with his gun and... DOWN GOES CURLY'S FOOT! No, let's get serious here. It's not all comedy violence. Curly's agony dies down a bit when Moe and Larry show up. Curly forgoes the explanation about what he thought he saw and goes right into that his big toe's been shot off. Moe says "Next time you handle a gun, shoot yourself in the head." Curly asks "I'll make a note of it... how do you spell 'head'?" Moe says "B.O.N.E. head!" and hits Curly in his bone head with the handle of the gun... destroying it beyond recognition, of course.
Suddenly... the Ape Man backs into the room. Moe and Larry point their guns at him and tell him to stick 'em up. The Ape Man growls and bends the gun barrels, rendering them as useless as cartoon guns with their barrels bent... well, arguably, that's not always the case. When Elmer's gun gets bent by Bugs in The Unruly Hare, it works fine! It still fires, anyway, just in reverse. Check it out: 3:11! Love that toon. I haven't heard the DVD commentary on that one, but I think the guy would say it now looks like a Bugs Bunny cartoon made in the 1980s. JMHO. Anyway, the Stooges realize they're dealing with an actual ape. Not bad for non-biologist knuckleheads! Curly yells "A chim-a-nee-panzee!" Larry gets another line: "That's no chimp, you chump! That's a gorilla!" The boys run away ... but before that happens, listen to Moe's reaction at 3:08, more ape-like than human, JMHO. Anyway, the boys run away with the gorilla in pursuit. Now, THAT's an Act break! Good teaser. I should do the news!
ACT THREE
I hate to be tawdry, but I think the gorilla's junk is visible at 3:22... anyway, the boys run through some doors. Apparently, the gorilla gets hit by the doors and decides to go the other way... getting the opportunity to scare the Stooges a second time. The boys ... Moe and Larry hide behind a crate. Moe whistles at Curly, who immediately goes into the Curly spiral on the floor, then he waddles his way over to Moe and Larry. Uh, way to kill some more time! I hate to drone on too long about this one, but it's an interesting exchange. I'm easily interested, anyway. They're all trying to catch their breath. Larry says "Boy, we've sure been running!" Curly replies "Yeah. And when we catch our breath... we're sure gonna run some more... all the way home!" But before that happens, the plot rears its ugly head. Turns out this Mr. Dill from before is actually the chief thief! Figures. These citizen leagues oughta be outlawed. Especially that Peace Fresno thing from Fahrenheit 9/11! Anyway, turns out the ape is a former circus ape, now being trained for larceny, petty or otherwise. Wait, it gets worse! Dill's planning on becoming Police Commissioner! The Stooges, ever the impatient heroes, decide to take down this crime triumvirate then and there... with bent guns. Moe quickly uses the ol' gun finger in the coat pocket trick... do I really need to hyphenate all that? In this era of global grammatical errors?
Anyway, moving on. They confront the crooks. Moe gets to call the guy "Dill Pickle"! I love it! In his eagerness, however, his finger pokes through the coat pocket. The gambit is compromised. A half-epic fist fight breaks out. Fists flying everywhere! Three individual Stooge-crook fist fight pairs waltz away, leaving us once again focused on Curly. Curly's bad guy hits him rapidly in the face seven times, but Curly stops him by saying "WAIT A MINUTE! This is getting monotonous!" Must be part of Man Law or something. Alas, Curly stops his fight only temporary. At least the crook is a good listener, and rectifies Curly's complaint by hitting him in the stomach instead of the face. Don't count Curly out yet. He's got some length of brains yet, and uses Moe's ancient "See that?" trick, and ultimately gets the better of his bad guy. Triumphant in victory, Curly turns and, Punch Drunk style, revs up to help out his fellow Stooge in the midst of his pummeling. We find out it's Larry, who is failing miserably against the NBA-sized goon working him over. Curly has trouble with this guy, too, and lands ass first on a sword. Standing up, no less! Something vaguely gay about that, but we won't explore that here further. Curly's able to take that ordeal, however, and have it happen to the bad guy! The guy bounces quickly back from the sword, and Curly takes him out in style with a final punch to the kisser. Curly's celebration is much quicker this time, as Moe's rolling around on the floor with his bad guy. Curly grabs a giant-ass wrench and tells Moe to roll the bad guy over so he can hit him in the head with the wrench. Yup, you guessed it... The bad guy gets it in the head with the wrench anyway... I dare not spoil it. Victory to the Stooges! Moe and Larry give each other two kisses on the cheek, European style. Curly grabs Moe's head and kisses him on the lips. Ah, sibling rivalry. But just before Curly and Moe get their gay wedding, the gorilla returns, and he doesn't want to be the ringbearer. Moe eases the fear of the other two and says "Don't be scared... don't be scared... just RUN!" And run they do. Curly called it before. But this is no mere cartoon! There's no long horizontal background to run against!... too many examples. The next room has a giant trunk in it. Moe and Larry claim it for themselves. Curly has to fend for himself again. Curly hides behind the replica guillotine, then manages to get his head stuck in it. Maybe if he pulls the string, he can get his head out... Moe and Larry emerge from the trunk. The blade falls. Moe passes out. Larry tries to catch Moe on the first bounce. Curly yells "I don't want to be dead! There's no future in it!" Must be a Greatest Generation thing. After The Hunger Games, who knows how people feel anymore. Curly has a downright Cartesian moment, or maybe like Roman Polanski in The Tenant. He says to himself "How can I be dead? I'm talking!" And perhaps because of this realization, he stops talking. Cut to the gorilla, playing with the mannequins again. This time he knocks the head off one, causing it to fly over to Moe and Larry. They both faint and fall back into the trunk. I dare say Larry gets his own head injury at about 7:43! I hope I'm wrong.
Next scene: back to the gorilla. It finds something other than mannequins to play with this time: a bottle of nitroglycerin. The gorilla takes an interest in it, uncorks the bottle, smells it, then starts to drink. The gorilla likes it. We've got a gorilla with a taste for nitroglycerin on our hands, folks. Thank God there's just the one bottle. Back to Curly who emerges from the fake guillotine intact. And much like Screwy Squirrel in Happy-go-Nutty... do I have to hyperlink everything for you people?... Curly champions the plotting power of rubber, but is still scared of the guillotine nevertheless. Damn French. (I should know! I've got French relatives on my mother's side) The Stooges are reunited. All preconceived notions erased, we're back to a clean Stooge slate. Enter the gorilla with a bellyfull of nitro. Again, gripped by the fear, but Curly's had enough. Much like the shell-shocked America of today, there's nothing left that the establishment can throw at us. Curly charges that gorilla head first and... fade to white, just like Syriana.
EPILOGUE
Fade to white like Syriana, but unlike Syriana, the Stooges give us the loud boom. The dust settles. The boys emerge from the rubble. Moe declares that they got the ape man. Curly declares that it was a solo effort, and holds up the gorilla head to prove it. The severed gorilla head has got one last trick up its sleeve, and the boys start up their running ways once again... is it just me, or do they run off making chimp-type noises? Get those knuckleheads some bananas!
***
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan
I dunno, Ainge, I kinda like it...
But seeing as how I've become a flaming name-ist, I'm all over the fact that autobiographer Augusten Burroughs was born CHRISTOPHER ROBISON. Richter! Christopher Richter Robison! Well, I'm obviously just jealous, because I'm not gifted. As with Alissa Zinovievna Rosenbaum, some people learn in this life that if you want to make it onto the world stage, more often than not, only a different name will do. And just like Ayn Rand was 'born,' Augusten knew that he'd have to take a more colorful nom de plume if he was to survive another New York winter. The next step of course is alter ego. Stephen King has his Richard Bachman, Garth Brooks has his Chris Gaines, only time will tell if Augusten has THAT much talent to give the world. So far, nothing.
But I will say that the film itself, well, the ads I've seen for it didn't do it justice for me. They used all the scenes of Alec Baldwin talking in those little ads. Quite different from the movie as a whole. Generally, the acting is above par by everyone. I guess Brian Cox steals the show as the opposite of Mumford; he's hiding the wrong things about himself. When you get right down to it, all films are comedies these days, but for some reason I found it effective as a family drama. Thank God for Cox and Paltrow who bring a few laughs to the proceedings. I also finally see why Evan Rachel Wood is a star, utterly wasted in Whatever Works.
...okay, I'm back. Had to brush and floss. Somehow I feel like I've spent too much time on this one, so let me just wrap up by saying that it seems like the dude's parents fell apart because Mom was a lesbian, but she realized it too late. Apparently, according to the end credits, reconciliation with Dad was easier. And maybe I'm just a cynical old fart now, but when Augusten was on the phone telling Natalie that he was scared about moving to New York, I couldn't help but think to myself, dude, after what you've been through in this movie so far, New York will be a piece of cake.
Good double bill with: Albert Brooks' Mother... the film, not the parent
***1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Auteur Watch - Bill, Brett and Mark Hudson
To be honest, I ran across these three researching the image for the box office report this week. I was looking for that Kate Hudson romantic comedy with the same font as Think Like a Man and He's Just Not That Into You, and came across these three..............................
Happy Earth Day, everybody!
Michael Douglas as 'The Dude' in The Treasure of the Sierra Costco
For some reason I hate to say it, so I'll just get it off my chest off the top. Somehow, Michael Douglas in this role didn't work for me. I have no idea who would have been perfect for this role... Beau Bridges? No. Norm MacDonald?... sorry, I don't know where that came from. We had Dirty Work TiVo'd but now it's gone from the list! Probably for the best. Maybe Sean Connery would have been right for this role. Then again, I thought he was right for The Ghost and The Darkness, but why nitpick. At one point, my viewing companion openly complained that the Michael Douglas character's not sympathetic. I couldn't help but think to myself, yeah, but it's Michael Douglas!
Frankly, I didn't think the Evan Rachel Wood character was too sympathetic, either. Thank God for the plot to carry us through to the bitter, bitter end. It almost made me lose track of the time. At about the one hour mark, though, I couldn't help but think to myself, Geebus! We've got a long, long way to go! Heard all I wanna hear today...
I probably need a spoiler alert here, so quit reading and go see the film if you dare. It's a modern day take on the heist / buried treasure genre, to be sure, with some dashes of the modern day lament of progress, a very slight nod to overcrowding. Michael Douglas and daughter Evan Rachel Wood live in a house that would normally be considered the middle of nowhere in the California desert. Off in the distance, however, are many, many houses and condos. There are new condos and/or townhouses being built right behind them, for God's sake! The Dude... ahem, the Douglas character is given as rich a backstory as possible, upstaging the daughter at every turn. To explain the black dude at their house, Douglas used to be a jazz musician, playing a mean bass. The bass serves as a metaphor, probably for dignity, but in this age of practicality and lack of upward social mobility, it's a metaphor for just trying to hang on to your last scrap of individuality. My viewing companion thought that the filmmakers were trying to shoot for the moon of the Coen brothers. Somehow, the filmmakers failed. Sure, the film's got that indie feel to it, but the Coens are a lot more careful about their plotting, and they at least try to disguise that indie feeling in their films. Take The Ladykillers, for example, another heist / treasure pic. Say what you will; at least they didn't stretch credulity too much. Also, what does it say about the indie genre when Costco and McDonald's play large parts in your 'indie' film? Well, the 2000s were a big decade for Costco: Employee of the Month, Idiocracy... that turd on ABC about 9/11. The terrorists got good bargains at Costco, apparently! Also, you can't just waltz in to Costco without showing a membership card. Believe me, I've tried. Only one guest per member, too. Little bit of a plot device. Also, you can't just waltz on in and get a job there like the girl does. Believe me, I've tried. You probably don't get to choose the branch you want to work at, either. It's a seniority thing. Companies deliberately make people commute these days. Low seniority, longer commute. That's the rule.
Where was I? I dunno, but I guess I better wrap this up. At least The Onion knows how to write an efficient movie review: three paragraphs every time. Efficiency! When they skewer something, you'll know why, and you'll remember the grade. So while the Michael Douglas character wasn't sympathetic, at least he tried to reform his ways. He was somehow able to sell his daughter's car, but he was somehow just as able to get it back, because he saw how much it meant to her. And while the corporate world may have backed this pic up, it's still an indie treasure pic because of the ending. Ever the showman, Douglas apparently hides the treasure he's found inside that dishwasher the daughter always wanted, and apparently he hid the treasure right under the cops' noses and everything! Hah! Don't need to go back and rewatch the whole movie. The father's choice of treasure hiding place has extra significance, as the major postmarks in the daughter's memories are the constant piles of dirty dishes in the sink that she had to take care of. Spoiler alert: Mom was a hand model, and Dad was always exhausted from a night of playing jazz, so the daughter had to grow up fast in this cruel world that grinds on without you, and the price she paid was getting stuck with having to do the dishes. When she finally opens up that dishwasher and is lit up with a golden glow, much like from the Pulp Fiction suitcase, we can only assume from her reaction that it's some sort of treasure in there. Not for us to see, of course, so that our imaginations are stimulated. But somehow it's symptomatic of the age. Kids these days wouldn't know what to do with treasure if they got it... myself included. Redemption in his daughter's eyes doesn't exactly come for Jack Nicholson in About Schmidt, but Douglas gets it here with the mysterious strangers showing up on the beach, if only from beyond the grave. Another mystery to be resolved in the sequel or webisode, I guess...
**1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan
Friday, April 20, 2012
Mr. Johnson goes to India, or Take it up with the great Deceiver, who looks you in the eye...
Ah, the 80s. A big year for "The" movies. 1987 brought us The Believers. And was I the only one who thought of 1991's Deceived? Goldie Hawn's Extremities? Then of course, this came up as I was typing into the IMDb. Alas, we're stuck with 1988's The Deceivers, a Merchant Ivory production without the Ivory. And even though most movie critics worth their weight in salt probably shouldn't like this movie, I thought it had some moments where it tries to reach for greatness. Of course, ultimately, the only movie about the Thuggee cult worth watching is Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, even though it's slipped through the cracks of the internet as of late.
The plot: Pierce Brosnan plays a dude who's about to marry well in nineteenth century India, occupied by the ... the British East India Company? One of those conglomerates back then. The opening episode is how Brosnan deals with a woman about to commit the act of "suttee," or ritual suicide in response to her husband's death. Brosnan comes up with a plan to stop the woman. As it happens, Brosnan himself kinda looks like the woman's husband. Will this plan involve some sort of... deception?
I hate to spoil the movie's surprises, and I guess I was enjoying myself because I didn't see them coming. I just like to think that I'm not that cynical about human nature yet, job hunting aside. Actually, now that I think of it, there's an initial opening sequence, and there's Brosnan's introductory episode. Both tie in to the rest of the plot. Sorta unusual... or maybe not. Seemed unusual at the time.
Since James Ivory's not in the director's chair on this one, you'd expect the quality to dip a little bit, or a lot, depending on your point of view. I hate to give away the plot further, but the film's credibility hangs on the notion that Brosnan can blend in well enough to infiltrate the Thuggee brotherhood, armed only with his English accent and some face paint. As it turns out, he's quite successful at it, even though he seems to adopt an Indian accent in only one crucial scene. But what price deception? How many indignities must he suffer? After getting strung out on some blood and falling into the "Black Sleep"... oops, I mean tasting the "consecrated sugar," he starts to change, man! He used to be so uptight. Now he gets cool, starts clapping his hands, and actually seems to ENJOY the Thuggee lifestyle! In one bid for artistic greatness, Brosnan starts to find parallels between his native Catholicism, and the Thuggee rituals. In the film's metaphorical 'climax,' so to speak, Brosnan is making love to a strange woman, but he begins to see his wife, then the wife of the man he's imitating. I haven't seen anything like it since Point Blank! ...okay, YouTube doesn't seem to have it, but they do have that epic slap fight between Angie Dickinson and Lee Marvin. Icons fighting icons! Not enough of that these days.
One last thought. I didn't recognize much of the cast or crew, except for the production designer, Tony Adams. Love that guy. Classy-looking film, that's for sure.
***
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan
Thursday, April 19, 2012
The Not-So-Defiant Ones
The big "Where Were They Then" factor, of course, is Kevin Spacey. Just after Rocket Gibraltar, just before Henry & June, and then into the cinematic heights with Glengarry Glen Ross... and to a lesser extent, The Usual Suspects. Do people still like that one, or have they turned on it yet like they turned on American Beauty? Here he plays an English fop with a gun and a giant welt on the side of his face. He'd probably go to the cast reunion of this one; Rocket Gibraltar, not so much. Roger Ebert had a thing for Joan Severance at the time; wonder what he'd say now? Checking her bio, it makes sense that she was a model first, and the acting showed it. She plays The Woman in Red this time. As with Robert Redford, it's a contractual thing; besides, there's damn few Jewish heartthrobs these days. Joan's blatant nude scene was a bit of a risk, frankly... fans of naked breasts may spend less time being aroused, and more time wondering where the makeup artists went wrong. Too much time in the tanning booth? Maybe that's it. But with a name like Joan Severance, you'd think she'd get more work, but at least she's not in Victoria Principal territory!
And now, on to the crew. Director Arthur Hiller to me is one of the god-like directors. The original In-Laws and Silver Streak place him there for me. Arguably, there are quite a few more that should counteract it... Carpool, for example, but I'll let his reputation stand. He has a knack for spitting out two films in the same year, then taking a break. Must be the Canadian way. His cameraman here is New Yorker Victor Kemper... okay, a Jersey boy, but with a film like Dog Day Afternoon under his belt, he's used to working harder and planning more setups than he should. Lately films like this double as travelogues for me, which means it fails at the plot level. More chefs do not make a better soup. Five worked on Borat, not here. Still, there are spots in New York you don't typically see on display here. And this film proves that New York can host a damn fine car chase as well as the next crowded city. Stewart Copeland of The Police provides a soundtrack vaguely reminiscent of some of The Police's work. He's no Danny Elfman but he stays damn busy, and reunited with Hiller on 2006's Pucked; God knows why.
And now, let me dwell some more in the House of Usher that is my fascination with Adam Sandler comedies. Thanks to the world wide web, thoughts like this more and more tend to invade every last corner of my brain. But few other comedians have made so absolutely crystal clear the need for bullies in the movies. They're like strep throat, in a way: apparently the body is never completely rid of strep throat, and every once in a while it takes over the body, leaving you in a state of hot sweats, unable to move, barely able to lie in bed and have liquids like the doctor says you should. As near as I can remember, there's just the one blatant bully scene. To be fair, it takes place in a bar, the place for pointless fights. I should probably mention that Richard Pryor plays a blind guy, and Gene Wilder a deaf guy. Stir Crazy 2, here we come! Again, Ebert misses the point. True, Gene Wilder should have been throwing the punches, and would have been better at it, obviously. But that's just bias. Also, I'm just blatantly trying to get him to notice me. The point is, damn it, the BLIND guy wants to fight, too! Is he not human? If he is pricked, does he not bleed? If he makes the guy he's fighting bleed, is he not a prick? Zach Greiner has a nice bit part as the guy who fights Wilder in the same fight... does that guy ever age? He looks like he did in Fight Club!
I don't know what else to say... frankly, I've said too much. But I should mention Anthony Zerbe, because there are no small parts, only small actors, and he makes quite an impression for being basically in just one scene. Must be all that EST crap he does. It got him in the Matrix sequels, right? Here he plays... oh, I dare not spoil the surprise, but if this film were made today, he'd definitely be the father of Gene Wilder or Pryor.
***
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
At Play in the Fields of Icons of Infamy
ACT ONE
The boys hit the start button and end up as cut-rate fix-it men. Does Moe actually say what I thought I heard him say? 'Fraid so. "Cut-rate repairing while you wait!" Ah, puns. They march giddily down the street peddling their lack of wares without a care in the world. Only one thing can distract them: a gorgeous customer. They were going left, she's going right. Curly starts going right. Moe's next, followed by Larry. What is this, a cartoon? They follow the woman to her door, and she gives them the ol' triple slap. The woman's door says she's a mind reader, so she spares herself the wrath of the Stooges' handiwork. Here's a sequence worth noting: Larry's wearing a wooden sandwich board. Moe goes in for the punch, but Larry raises the sandwich board just in the nick of time. Moe cradles his injured fist. Larry, triumphant, lowers his defenses and indulges in a jolly laugh, but Moe gets him with the other fist. Larry threatens to strike a laughing Curly, until.... another customer! She doesn't appear to be a kindly old woman about to be shut down by the government, so whatever happens to her is nice and deserving, and possibly comedic. Mark the Stooges' words here, as ye will hear them again at least once with Shemp. The stern customer who scared Curly announces "The doorbell isn't working. Can you fix it?" Moe asks mockingly "'Can we fix it?'!" Larry, ever Moe's lap dog, does the same. "'Can we fix it?'!" The very idea. Curly asks, "Can we?" Why can't problems ever be solved easily? Why is that part of God's design of the universe? Hard problems? The way the woman does a 180 and marches back into the house only compounds her need for retribution, Stooge style. Before that happens, there's some comedy when Larry and Moe try to get through the door at the same time, Larry with his sandwich board doubling nicely as a Curly surrogate. Curly uses an anvil as a battering ram to force all of them through the door at the same time, falling down flat in the foyer, making the noise they use in Gymkata. (0:23:15) ...at last! The big plot reveal at 2:05... I hate to spoil it, so maybe you better watch the film first before you bother with my ramblings. God bless you, 69789Darius! May you be a thorn in Crackle's side forever... okay, back to my ramblings. The Stooges have once again indeed invaded a Nazi den, and Vernon Dent plays one of the chief Nazi denizens. We follow him back into his chambers, where he's plotting with a... hoh boy, I'm assuming he's supposed to be a high-ranking Japanese officer, and the other one is supposed to be one of Mussolini's best and brightest. At least the Japanese guy has a better accent!... never mind.
Back to the Stooges. Curly makes like a human cartoon and follows a cord under a rug while la-leeing to his heart's content. This should eat up some time! Curly finds his way to a radio. He turns on the radio. Angry Moe comes over to assess the situation. Curly hears a little snippet of a game show (the $64 question, announced by Stooge regular Eddie Laughton). Moe takes over for the announcer. Nice setup for a knock on the head. Remember, screenwriters: it's not about the knock on the head! It's how you set up for it! Much like Lucy with the football: always a fresh, new, cutting-edge seduction to lull dumb ol' Charlie Brown into flying through the air and cracking the back of his skull. God bless him, he never did learn how to punt properly. Speaking of questionable setups, Moe tells Curly to go away and take the radio that doesn't belong to him. Curly, ever the literalist when it comes to Moe's orders, takes the radio to the limit of its electrical cord. Electrical cords must've been made of really, REALLY elastic rubber back then, because... yup, you guessed it, the radio bounces back, bouncing off Moe's head. Only in the Stooge-iverse. Moe then takes this radio THAT DOESN'T BELONG TO HIM and breaks it over Curly's head. The radio never had the snowball's chance. Did I mention that it wasn't his radio in his house? I mean, I hate the Nazis as much as the next guy, but man! A little respect for the radio!
Larry finds the wire... well, 'a' wire that he thinks is the right wire, that's the important takeaway there. Curly approaches Larry. Larry's in a happy mood, perhaps still triumphant from his discovery. Love Curly's reaction at 3:50, 'nuff said. Curly goes to work destroying the wall. Curly pulls the wire and dislodges a framed picture from the wall, which lands on Larry's head. We hear the sound of shattering glass. Didn't that also happen two pictures ago? Meanwhile, Moe's standing by a light switch, and is he looking ready to be hit with something. Curly, not content to create destruction in two dimensions, finds an endless wire to pull on... how long will this go on? Longer than the wire from A Plumbing We Will Go? Lamentably, no. There's a phone at the end of this wire! It erupts from the wall. It rings in Curly's hands. Curly yells into it "This line is busy!" and throws it at... yup, Moe. Moe throws it back. Curly appears really traumatized by this, but gets over it quickly. He grabs the next wire and says to the camera "Another one!" LOL...shh! Don't want to wake the neighbors. (Curly 5:01) What will be at the end of this one?
We're close to an Act break, I can feel it. Enter... hoh boy. Enter Dudley Dickerson. Now, normally a brother shouldn't take getting shoved away by Moe, but maybe it's a blessing in disguise this time. Still... dude! WTF? We hear a loud crash after Dudley exits stage left. That doesn't make matters worse at all! Moe pries the doorbell off the wall... I hate to call it, but I think I know what's coming.
ACT TWO
I need to see some Nazis soon or I'm going to lose faith in the plotting on this one! Moe pries the doorbell off the kitchen wall, and it makes those very VERY loud prying noises we sometimes hear. Somehow it doesn't fit the size of the object, but that's just a lover's complaint... something like that. Yup, I think I guessed it... time for Moe's Adventures through the Kitchen Wall. Don't worry, this won't be the last time. Curly asks Larry to give him a help. This is of course the turning point in the battle. Moe wins the battle against the table he's standing on, and Dudley of course is collateral damage. Moe finally enters the wall at about 6:37. Someone seems to think that the giant 4-by-6 that lands on Moe's head is real... I seriously doubt it. Moe's feet give the kitchen wall a few last kicks for good measure, and mere seconds later Moe ends up where Curly and Larry are. Curly confuses Moe with a dandruff-stricken termite far too quickly. Moe confuses Larry with a termite with big blue eyes later on... at the PROPER PACING! Sheesh.
Now, each time Curly says nyaah-nyaah in panic is different. At 6:58, it's especially so, knowing that Moe's not going to take what he just went through very well at all. Alas, Moe's powerless to pull Curly into the wall on his own, so he just beats him over the head.
Next scene: outside by a power pole... hoh boy, I think I know what we're in for. As a prelude, Curly drops a heavy object on Moe's foot. Moe goes to work on Curly's nose with what looks like an airplane propeller! Apparently it's some sort of industrial-strength two-handled wrench for the big nut jobs. Moe then puts Curly's nose on a big metal wheel that generates lots of sparks... guess I should learn what some of these things are called, huh? No time, we gotta forge ahead to what some have called the most violent sequence in Stooge short history: Curly going to town on Moe's head with his spiked shoes. There's just the one spike, but it's enough to cause emotional damage for all of us. The fact that there's a plunger noise when it's "pulled out of Moe's head" accentuates it nicely. Moe loses the battle with Curly's armed leg, reduced to a mere shell of his former civilized self. Moe is in primal fight or flight mode, and says "Lemme at him!" It's full-on fight mode now. He goes at "Curly" with a flame thrower, causing "Curly" to scramble quickly up the pole.
Time to switch to Part Two. Curly's at the top of the pole in some sort of swing. All part of the New Deal, apparently. Curly goes to work snipping some wires. Of course, these wires are special, and for the sake of the children out there, they generate big sparks when cut. Don't want to give kids the wrong impression about everything, now! Curly drops a tool, of course, and it lands on Moe. Moe takes out his frustrations on Larry, but does he really have to karate chop Larry in the neck? The grand jury's still out on that one. Curly confuses the wire he's holding with threading a needle, and he wets the tip of the wire with his tongue! He gets shocked, causes a small explosion, falls out of his swing, and causes a big explosion of his own on the ground below. They're perfectly okay in the next scene, of course. Alive, anyway. Curly, however, has some leftover electricity from his ordeal, so Moe sticks a light bulb in Curly's ear, of course. The light bulb starts going off and on, of course. To counteract this, Larry sticks a screwdriver in Curly's non-light bulb-filled ear, of course. There's an explosion, of course. Everything's okay after that, but Curly doesn't say "Ready for testing!" and we don't see a sign on the door that reads "Please nock." (sic) Listen, judge...
ACT THREE
The comedy of repetition is a tricky business. I was young at the time, but Saturday Night Live once did this so well. I think the biggest laugh I've ever had in my life was from that split second when we first saw Dana Carvey as Mickey Rooney the SECOND time they did the "Theater Stories" bit. The makeup was so much better, and he had short stumpy legs... freaking hilarious. The other big laugh I had once was ... well, it kinda doesn't relate in this situation, but I'll tell you anyway. Homer Simpson was trying to get rid of a trampoline. He throws it into a canyon, but it bounces back, and smashes Homer into the cliff edge he's standing on... like the Road Runner and Coyote. Homer says, "If this were a cartoon, the cliff would break off now!" It was daytime when he said this. Cut to nighttime, and he's still stuck in the cliff, with a trampoline over his head. The indignity of it all. Homer whimpers, "I'm thirsty!" The cliff immediately starts breaking off, and he plummets to the canyon below. Biggest belly laugh I've ever had. Well, it was pretty damn memorable, anyway. It's best to leave things alone for a while and come back to them later.
Anyway, we start Act Three here with a fade-in from black, and we fade in on Curly back up in his swing amongst the wires. There's more wires this time. Not bad.
Curly's become more of ... I hate to say a master, but less of an apprentice when it comes to messing with the wires up high. Cut to a montage of people on the phone, complaining about their lack of service. There's a siren noise that they used later on in Listen, Judge, when Shemp is in the throes of extra-electricity-induced agony. Operators are going crazy. Things are spinning around. Back to the Nazis, whose radio service is out. The stern woman is sent to have someone fix the radio. Let the dramatic tension begin. Back to a singing Curly in the sky with radio wires. Curly tries to get decent phone service while up there, but no luck. Dudley Dickerson's phone service is strangely okay... but we'll fix that. Wait for the laugh!
Back to Curly. Moe and Larry are starting to wonder what exactly he's up to. So am I, for that matter. Turns out his swing can traverse the length of the power cable, so he starts to roll. He goes to the window of the Nazis' comm center. He swings back, gets shocked, swings violently forward, and Curly's double smashes onto the floor of the comm center room, and nearly loses his balance, on top of it! Time to inadvertently be a hero for your country, Curly.
Meanwhile, Moe and Larry enter the hallway. Moe rightly asks "Where is that dumplinghead?" Great question. Moe and Larry enter a room and eventually see the picture of Hitler on the wall with the giant swastika flag next to it. Moe hits the picture of Hitler in the head and says "It's Schicklgruber!" According to Wikipedia and some historians, Schicklgruber was the name of Hitler's mother. Hitler's father was named Hitler, though! Ah, the sins of the father. But we'll leave that for now. Moe's line seems to be dubbed in at 3:30.
Moe and Larry start to leave the room, but they see Dent and one of his flunkies (the Japanese guy) approaching. Larry steps back into Moe's chin at about 3:34, and Moe seems to get pretty hurt by that. They proceed to hide. Dent and the Japanese guy enter the room. They heil the picture of Hitler...which seems to be different somehow, but I can't quite place it. I never was good at those things in the paper with the six visual differences between the two same panels. Moe gets another chance to trot out his Hitler impression, while Larry comes from behind with the mallet and knocks out some bad guys. Back to Curly, fiddling with his radio. Cut to a bad looking model submarine. Curly finally realizes what's going on and goes into panic mode. Footprints approaching! He hides behind the door. Moe Hitler and Larry the J... Japanese guy march in. They only get one line in and then BOOM! Right on the head. See, Curly didn't know who it really was. He goes to the window. He walks back toward the door. Hitler Moe and Japanese Larry are standing up, and they ain't happy. Curly says "Heil! Heel!" Moe hits Curly. Curly finally realizes "It's Moe!" Time for a little exchange of violence. Moe hits Curly in the mouth with the hammer Curly used to hit them, then Curly hits Moe in the head twenty-two times. You can tell from the sound effects. Back to the submarine captain trying to call in. The Nazi captain, speaking in English, tells the boys to take over the sub through remote control. The boys gleefully oblige, causing the submarine to jump up out of the water like a flying fish trying to reenact a sine wave. Radio noises abound as the Stooges' busy hands turn knobs and dials like nobody's business. Cut to a bunch of planes in the sky. Cut to one pilot realizing he's looking at a Nazi sub doing a comedy jig in the water. Time to drop some bombs. Cut to a submarine filling up with water. Definitely stock footage from another, better movie; they don't seem to be Nazis.
Next scene: the Stooges are satisfied that they've saved the day. We'll leave that alone for now. Triumph quickly turns to horror as they realize that the bad guys have come to and are staring them down. Vernon Dent says "FBI, huh?" Curly brilliantly, or not so brilliantly, retorts "No! I be Curly!" Cue to hit him on the head. Vernon falls backwards on a man holding a box of explosives. Box of explosives, meet floor! Floor, meet Giant Explosion! Take that, The Way Things Go!
EPILOGUE
Well, guess I better wrap this up, so after the giant explosion, the Stooges have four bad guys trapped under a giant girder. Time to have a little fun turning them into a human xylophone. Only in the Stooge-iverse, where all heads have perfect pitch when hit with any kind of mallet substitute. The Stooges have plundered this territory before, the territory of the iconography of WWII fascism, but a little more successfully in my not-so-humble opinion. Here, they focus on havoc fundamentals, and lay the groundwork for future shorts, perchance to even lift footage from the old films to do it that much quicker!
***1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan
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