And now, the OTHER Oscar pix...

Well, here's my reasoning. When you have something like the Oscars, I defy anyone to correctly pick all the winners. You should get at least two picks... no more than four. I'll stick with two this year: the regular, and my Coen-centric picks, for lack of a better term. Call me, guys! (boo hoo) Maybe I'm crazy, but I see just a friggin' Coen sweep this year. You know why? It was outta respect...


best pic: ncfom
best actor: viggo mortenson. (sorry, Clooney)
best actress: julie christie (or, ANYTHING BUT JUNO)
best supporting actor: chigurh! Hands down.
best supporting actress: atonement -saoirse ronan
bset director: coen
best writing: michael clayton
best writing (adapted) : coen
cinematography: coen
art direction: atonement
costume design: wolsky. Why? Because his name's Wolsky.
sound: ncfom
edit: ncfom
sound edit: ncfom
visual effects: golden compass (Dennis Gassner - Coen collaborator)
makeup: la mome, or ANYTHING BUT NORBIT
best song: enchanted - happy working song
score: atonement
short film, animated: moya lyubov
short film live action: les mozart des pick-pockets (Great title)
short doc: sari's mother (great title)
long doc: taxi to the dark side (great title)
foreign film: die falscher - austria
best animated feature: Ratatouille, but it's close.

Finally! My 2007 Oscar picks

Damn! Never enough time. Okay, foregoing the hyperlinks, I'm going to quickly hammer out my picks. I think I got all the categories, and I'm not even going to take a scoreboard with me this time. Just going to enjoy the ceremony this year at my friends' house.

Best pic: I'm giong with Atonement, but it was close. Either this or Michael Clayton, but I'm following my astrologer's advice, and the stars tell her that it's not 2005, Clooney's year.
Best actor: Daniel-Day Lewis. I'm going to take that on faith, as I haven't seen TWBB yet.
Best actress: Ellen Page. Why? Because Annette Bening or Julianne Moore weren't in contention this year.
Best supporting actor: Chigurh! Hands down.
Best supporting actress: Ruby Dee (american gangster). I mean, it's the only Oscar nominee that cleared the $100 million mark. Gotta give it something.
Best director: Coen. My astrologer also saw this one. I mean, Schnabel's done a respectable job and all, but this is about industry respect, too.
Best writing: Juno, as much as I hate to say it.
Best adapted writing: Coen.
Cinematography: Deakins, but for Robert Ford. Two reasons: sometimes the longest movie wins, and there are people still fuming about Barton Fink being a non-union movie.
Art direction: There will be blood. Less is more.
Costume design: Colleen Atwood. For what movie? Who cares?! It's Colleen Atwood!!
Sound: 3:10 to Yuma. Good stagecoach work.
Edit: Butterfly and the papillion. The editing's the thing on that one, kid.
Sound edit: Transformers (ethan van der ryn - he won for the Two Towers.)
Visual effects: Transformers. Why not?
Makeup: Anything but Norbit!!! Pirates of the caribbean, although that wasn't a rubber mask that Keith Richards was wearing.
Best song: August Rush, but it really should've gone to ... Once? What was that other movie about the joy of music.
Score: Atonement
Short film animated: madame tutli-putli
Short film live action: the tonto woman
Short doc: freeheld
Long doc: sicko, but they're holding their noses when they pulled the lever for that one. Right, Friedman? You bastard?!
Foreign film: kazakhstan - mongol. Piggybacking on Borat's success....
Best animated film: persepolis, but it's very very close

Gotta go! Anyone going to vegas? ;)

Step Up 2 Da Jump

Dang! Still gotta post my Oscar pix. I finally found one related image I wanted to use. Damn, it took me forever. Well, some people just never get organized. But before we get to that, another box office frog corpse to dissect. Jumper is at #1, as was expected. The demographics just made sense, and I can't be the only one pining for young Darth Vader. Surely that story ain't completely told yet, is it, Terry Brooks? Now all the critics complain that there's no story, and the big Jumper World Tour didn't put a smile on the critics, either. YKW? STILL #1, baby!
At #2 it's Spider Man! No, it's Charlotte's Web. You're both wrong! It's the Spiderwick Chronicles of Narnia! Well, if it's as visually interesting as Limmony Snicket, I'm sold! Careful, Freddie. You know who else played twins...

At #3 it's Step up 2 the Streets. Sneaky cheeky sequel, guys! Well, I didn't watch the Save the Last Dance franchise either, so lotsa luck. The selling point on this instant case is that Jay Lowe was one of the producers. Well, she must of started her own damn studio! I didn't see her name in the credits at all!! Only Erik Feig. Feig? Of the San Bernardino Feigs? Careful, Paul. You've got competish!

At #4 it's Fool's Gold. Don't care. BTDT. Moving on to #5... oh, Richard Curtis. Hard times for ye! It ain't the mid 90s anymore when 4 weddings & a Funeral was all that and a bag of chips. Back to Mr. Bean with you. Away, away!

#6 is Martin Lawrence's winter project. Stay tuned for his Spring Project: Wild Hogs 1 1/2.

#7 and #8 brings us Juno and Bucket List. Ho, hum. C'mon, TBL! You're 40 million behind! Catch up!

#9 is the Miley Cyrus thing, the Jewel of the IMAX Crown. I'll see it on ABC soon enough. Maybe Jimmy Kimmel will introduce it. And finally at #10 it's 27 Dresses. Nope, still don't care.

Sorry folks. I'm trying out this new medicine. Just a little cranky. Plus I'm still upset about In Bruges not placing this week. Strange Wilderness, not so much. heh heh...

Fool's Gold - Brought to you by Sudoku Foot Pads

Well, as long as I can't sleep... Had a horrible nightmare about the toilet in the living room. I'll leave it at that, but in the background was the latest and greatest Will Ferrell movie, only it seemed to be directed by Peter Greenaway, if you can further imagine that.
Anyway, this week's Box Office is much like last week's box office. All those films they promoted the hell out of just didn't seem to make it at all! Where the hell's In Bruges? That was #3 on the Ad Budget. I haven't seen Commercial One for either 27 Dresses or that Miley Cyrus debacle! WTF! Wzaaup w/dat, homie? And on top of that, someone seems to have dipped my modem in pancake batter, it's slower than dial-up! This will not stand. I'm one of those eccentric CEOs you read about with an adult-size play pen in my office, and I cannot abide a slow modem. Not in this day and age.
Anyway, as expected, Fool's Gold is #1 with a bullet. Now, I know, all you rockhounds out there are asking me, why didn't they just call it Pyrite? Also known as Fool's Gold! Well, that's why I'm the Movie Hooligan and you are who you are! It's okay, I'm not here to judge. Pyrites of the Caribbean? The Pyrites who don't do any Box Office? Nothing? That's right, nothing.
Meanwhile at #2 it's Tyler Perry's Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins. Man, I just don't know what's better anymore, the original video version, or the version currently in theaters. But don't worry, Tyler's already hard at work on his fall 2008 theatrical release, tentatively called Tyler Perry's Who Cares? It's Tyler Perry! Or rather, not hard enough at work. He's still trying to get House of Payne to not look so blurry. Why does it look like the network taped it at the 6 hour speed and is playing back that copy of it? ...am I the only one who remembers VCRs? Okay, skip it.
As for the rest of this box office, it's pretty much the same lot of misfits. Of note, Juno has crossed the 118 million mark. Suck on that, Dewey Cox! And remember, girls, have the baby and the perky foster parents will show up! Eat that, Planned Parenthood!
That's all I got...

Short Reviews - January 2008

Well, tragedy strikes once again. Someone else cut down in their prime, and just before the big summer premiere. My condolences to the Ledger family. He will be missed. Brad Renfro too. ...Christian Brando, not so much. Anyway, haven't compiled enough observations for a full-fledged Clio segment, but this much I know: the Subway "photocopy my butt" guy's going far. He might even get a movie like that one woman at the beginning of The Ninth Gate. Or Cliff from IHOP worked with Clint Eastwood, right? Not that one wicked chubby dude, though. He's doomed to be stuck in commercial hell. You know, the guy who looks like a fat clone of Michael Rappaport. Seen most recently in a sauna for something, maybe a bunion cream. As for this latest AT&T where the eager, hip salesman helps the timid local brewer sell his beer, well, you'd have to be pretty bad to NOT be able to sell beer these days!


Head Case & Hollywood Residential - Now Starz! is doing sit-coms. These, however, have already been cancelled. Partly because Stephanopoulos didn't do a guest spot. Or because he did, I don't know which.

Fool's Gold - How to lose a guy in 20 days?

Vince Vaughn's Wild West Comedy Show - Hasn't this been done already?

In Bruges - Well, in my mind there's only one man to thank for this!

Cloverfield - The next Blair Witch... SPOILERS: Blair Witch meets Godzilla

Meet the Spartans - Epic Movie 2?

In the name of the King - Statham. Sobieski... there's a joke here somewhere... Too late, it's already bombed. Another bomb for Paul Allen?

First Sunday - Katt Williams?.... breakout star

Vantage Point - ...brought to you by Paramount Vantage?

Bottoms Up - Now, what would Silent Bob think?

Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins - Cedric & Martin Lawrence? In the same damn movie?! Say it isn't so! ...Breakout Star: Mike Epps. ...what? Okay, so I'm out of touch. All I'm saying is, he was good in all that other crap he was in, but HERE! Here, he is DA MAN!

Rambo 4 - Too late. I think it bombed already.

Wedding Daze - Jason Biggs: Is he typecasting himself?

The Mist - How's that doing? Is it as high as Shawshank on the IMDb yet? No, not yet. See, it's not one of Stephen King's Prestigious Stuff, like Shawshank. No, this one falls into the Non-Prestigious Stuff category, along with The Graveyard Shift and Cujo and Pet Sematary. Langoliers?! What the hell is that? WTF!?! But at least Bill Sadler's getting work, for which he's of course terribly grateful...

Strange Wilderness - All right! Well, it took 44 years, but Fred Wolf, you're a G. Damn director now! You're not gonna need that WGA card anymore. Might as well shred it right now. ...too late, it bombed already.

Mad Money - Oh boy! Another caper movie. Just what... somebody ordered. Personally, I'm going to wait for Inside Man 2. But that's just me.

The Eye - Jessica Alba's doing too many movies. And too close together. I'm already trying to get used to her in comedy such as the wonderful Good Luck Chuck, and now with Awake and this one... well, what the hell am I supposed to think?

"BReaking BAd" - Well, at least someone from Malcolm in the Middle's getting work!

Michael Keaton's directorial debut - Well, we either have a new Tony Goldwyn on our hands, or a new ... Eric Schaeffer? No, that's too cruel.

The Dark Knight - I'm down! Seriously! The only thing I want to see in 2008... Well, that and Burn After Reading.

...oh yeah, and IJ4; it just better be good, that's all!....

Untraceable - The Silence of the Lambs of the internet age. Well, every film needs some kinda gimmick or a hook, be it literal or physically real and covered with blood and entrails. It'll do for the internet what Cellular did for cell phones. Hey! What about fear dot com? Still having work done, Natascha? heh heh heh...

Drillbit Taylor - Good name!

Leatherheads - Clooney's having a little fun now. Probably not going to get the accolades that Good Night and Good Luck got, though. Just saying...

Smiley Face - No comment.

"Unhitched" - The Farrellys are back! sort of...

Youth Culture killed my dog, or Stay Away from the Five and Dime, Billy Ray

Ah, Super Bowl Day. Dear me, it's already started. When was the last time the Simpsons had a new episode on Super Bowl Day?
Anyway, in a stunning development, that I bet even boxofficeguru.com couldn't see coming, a Hannah Montana 3-D movie is #1 at the box office, well over 2 to 1. Why, I bet that just breaks Alba's Achey-Breaky Heart! Yeah, that's right. I did the research, folks, and discovered that your beloved Miley Cyrus is indeed the spawn of Billy Ray Cyrus, star of the movie Mulholland Dr.(ive).

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Meanwhile, Ashley Tisdale don't look too happy. I bet she's thinking, well, High School Musical woulda been just as good as a 3D movie. And it wouldn't cost 700 dollars a ticket. She's also thinking, Fasten your seatbelts! It's going to be a bumpy ride. Oh yeah, Drew Barrymore called. Wants her DNA back.

Hey! Wait a minute! Wait just a minute.... Strange Wilderness didn't even crack the top 10? After they spent all that money on a big TV ad campaign and everything? I think they even got their own special celebrity segment on Spike Feresten's Comedy for Stoners. Nothing worked. Another Q1 slump for the stockholders over at not-so-Happy Madison. Oh well, this ain't Variety so we won't survey the damage. (#13 - that's lucky, right)

At #3 it's 27 Dresses. Don't care. Even if Keira Kinghtley was in it. Or Brittany Murphy. Still don't care.

Juno racks up yet another accolade: over 100 million dollars at the Bocks Office! There's gotta be a pregnancy joke in there somewhere. Alas, it doesn't know what kind of joke it wants to be yet, so we'll just have to wait. Maybe Diablo Cody can take Letterman to the Oscars as her date. Yeah, that'd work. Too bad he shaved off the Santa Claus beard already! She digs the bearded dudes, according to her blog.

At #5 it's Meet the Spartans, which falls 80% from last week... did I do the math on that right? Let's see, if it goes from #1 to #2 that's a 50% drop, from #1 to #3 that's a 66.666666% drop... ah, close enough. YGTI: You Get The Idea.
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As for the rest of you dregs, so sad Rambo's already joined the crowd, destined to become a POW in the video store, Vietnamese or otherwise, but just remember, that's a good thing! Do I smell a Copland remake? The most profitable of the dregs this week is The Bucket List. Guess that means Rob Reiner's directorial career won't fizzle out like his dad's kinda did in 1997. Ouch!
And finally, as we end every week, or mean to, we're still waiting for NCFOM on DVD, but in the meantime, people just can't stop giving that damn movie more awards! Awards and more awards! Awards I didn't even know they handed out!! Certainly seems like more than Fargo ever got. This time, the Coen brothers got to stand with Walter Mirisch and get a PGA award. Didn't they already get DGA and WGA awards? What are they, labor or management? Better make up your minds, boys! Get right with your fellow man soon, or have your expensive cars get keyed, heh heh ... if only by me. ;)