Auteur Watch - Kate and Derek Burbidge

Even though I just found their names a little past the nick of time in terms of my alphabetized auteur list, don't the Burbidges' deserve honorable mention here? I mean, those The Police videos! Now, I know what you're thinking: oh yeah! Synchronicity II, Every Breath You Take, Wrapped Around Your Finger: these are classic, iconic back-in-the-day videos that will live forever! Uh, no, they didn't do those ones. They did the three videos for Ghost in the Machine that feature footage of the boys in the recording studio... that's right, the lame ones. And give them some credit! For God's sake, they also shot similar footage for One World and Demolition Man! And yet, Grace Jones gets all the credit for that last one. Go figure. This was back when the thrill of TV wasn't totally gone, and us young punk kids were just happy to catch a glimpse of our favorite rock bands walking around a subway car with glasses and walkie-talkies.
They also did Urgh!, which is good, but it's no Anvil! or Hype!, that's for sure.

How can it be wrong when it feels so rite?

I should be ecstatic as the Coens have scored their biggest box office hit yet, and it just keeps raking in the dough! Well, the excitement wears off the older you get, and besides. Where's the info on their next pic? Guess I gotta subscribe to IMDb pro to get that. I've delayed it long enough, I suppose. Sorry, Ethan, but out of habit I still go to Joel's entry page. I guess I also owe an apology to Bobby Farrelly, but everyone knows Peter's the alpha Farrelly brother. Guess you Farrelly boys lost Mary Zophres for good, huh? Tee hee hee... Anyway, back to the present. You know, that Bill Maher can ruin anything, but apparently the various religious communities of our increasingly theocratic American nation aren't up in arms over The Rite for some reason. I was going to say that it must be good, in that case, but we've come too far for that. If there's one thing the church is not, it's not a movie critic. But it's Hannibal as a priest that's still #1 with a liver and some fava beans and a nice Chianti this week, no doubt about it. No recount necessary. And it was directed by... Lasse Hallström? Mikael Salomon? Jonas Åkerlund? ...Mikael Håfström! That's it. I always get that wrong. The other debut this week is the latest Jason Statham explosion delivery device that Luc Besson apparently had nothing to do with! And it's called The Mechanic. How it's different from a cleaner I'll never know. Meanwhile, the box office of the Bridges is coming to a close as Tron 2's almost out of the top 10. Gone but not forgotten. We'll always remember that film as the debut of new puppetry technology. They're able to take old film clips of an actor and make life-like-esque puppets out of them. They went with Jeff in Against All Odds, apparently, which was a mere two years or so after the original Tron. They would've used footage from the original Tron, but he spent about 90% of the picture in that stupid virtual reality! Unusable. At least, as far as I can remember. I can't go back and watch it, I just can't.

STILL a Columbia Pictures Presentation!

Why, I just realized! The Tommy Lee Jones / Will Smith juggernaut is a Columbia Pictures property, as is this and all Three Stooges shorts... okay, better get this over with. I thought I was going to be able to get my act together and do one of these a week! Harder than it looks. Welp, like Two Face in Batman Forever, I'm of two minds about everything now; if only I could get a kick-ass coin to flip. Something high quality and not widely available, maybe a gold doubloon or two. On the one hand, it's a fine Stooge short. A classic. An icon. The third Three Stooges short ever made. On the other hand, there's a desperation in the delivery of the jokes. The Marx Brothers had a natural ease about them. The Stooges don't exactly have that, but they try. But why don't we go through it, plot point by plot point.
Let this be a lesson to any hospital incompetent enough to hire med students that have stuck around college too long. Animal House ring a bell? The Three Stooges are hired on one condition: they not fu... screw up too badly. Getting off on the wrong foot right from the start, the boys break the glass of the boss's door (you better believe he's got a good comedy name: Dr. Graves, Superintendent), setting up an hilarious running gag of door glass replacement; the man in charge of that task seems to go through the five phases of grief in his own way. Another running gag: the boys head off to the "Store Room" three times to get special transport for making their rounds; like all class acts, they travel in style, even if they are buffoons. At 2:09 in the proceedings, they've already recycled that bit of Curly sound from Punch Drunks! It's just that good, iconic, what have you. They then proceed to recycle the old giving a speeding ticket to a person in a wheelchair gag. Actually, did the Marx Brothers rip that one off to use in A Night at the Opera?... nah, that can't be it. Larry is especially rough to Curly at 3:35! The next gag: Larry says "I'll do it when I'm ready!" Moe replies "Are you ready?" You'll be hearing a lot more of that one in the coming weeks, don't worry. At 3:56, enter Kristen Schaal... I'm sorry, it's actually... you know what? Here's the full cast and crew list, you try to figure it out. But she does pose an interesting dilemma: why DON'T the patients get an apple a day while they're in the hospital? I've been watching Fox News a lot lately so I can answer that forcefully and succinctly: NANNY STATE! Nanny state, Nanny state, nanny nanny nanny state! Ignorance is bliss, Fear is courage, Weakness is Strength, Down with Big Brother... got that wrong again. Anyway, after the boys finally claw their way out of this foul temptress' evil web, they STILL haven't made it to their rooms yet! )66, 72 and 83(. They report back to the boss' office, deliver a few good jokes, break another plate-glass door, and it's back to the store room. Note at about 5:50 or so: you can see the shadow of a boom microphone on the wall! Curly almost hits his head on the ceiling as he's on a horse. The boys then run afoul of a telegram man, but they manage to outsmart him. Not the kind of thing the Marx Brothers might do, so they'll have to really use the Jerk Mandate on the guy: he acted like a jerk, asking for his 75 cents, so he gets what's coming to him. Me myself, I just love a good sound effect, and Curly gives a classic at about 6:57. I gotta put that one on my MP3 player. Where's my assistant?
Ah, yes. This is why I'm glad I'm doing this blow by blow. They learned a valuable lesson from this sequence with Bud Jamison: don't make the violence too real! Jamison gets hit on the head with a couple hammers, then spends the rest of the scene wandering around the room slowly, clutching hands to head. Not so funny. At about 7:53, Larry delivers his trade mark line "Ba-ba-ba-boo!!! Ba-ba-ba-boo..." followed by a slap on the forehead from Moe. How sad is that, that Larry's trademark line depends on Moe slapping him on the head, but being second in command's not so bad sometimes. Larry and Curly almost score with the receptionist, but have to head back to the boss's office. At 9:02, Larry gives a nice comedy run around the corner. Curly does his trademark going down the wrong way of the hall, then walking back with class at this point in the proceedings as well. Oh, incidentally, here's the youTube link I'm using as a reference guide.
Which of course brings us to the end of Part One. Part Two is here on YouTube! It starts up with some 'hilarious' phone-related gags. Third glass door broken. How the boss keeps getting surprised by that, I'll never know. At 1:18, enter the great Billy Gilbert playing a dangerous patient. Not as meaty a part as you'd see him play in a Taxi Boys short, but whaddayagonna do. There are no small parts if you're not a small actor! At about the 2:02 minute mark or so, enter the boys' love of funny-sounding ingredients as they mix their very first toxic spoon-dissolving cocktail. 3:00: hilarious bit with a green 'canary.' 3:20: the squeaky-voiced nurse reappears with a hilarious case of the hiccups. At about the 4 minute mark here in part two, the guy who keeps repairing the doors finally gives up and breaks it himself. The boys oblige by not even opening the door, but walking through the giant empty space the window once occupied. Now, every film needs a big climactic episode to end on, and even Men in Black has one. I do hate to spoil it for you, but I must. The boss, in a moment of panic he will surely regret to the end of his days, swallows a piece of paper with the combination to the hospital safe on it. The boys decide they have to cut open his stomach to get it out. Now, I know exactly what you're thinking: why don't they just give him an emetic and he can throw it up? Well, that's exactly the sort of modern barbaric thinking that prevails today in the absence of the all-powerful Hays code, and besides, not climactic enough. But even in the face of impending tragedy, they can still find time to play an hilarious game of tic tac toe at about the 5 minute mark. The boss wakes up at 5:22 to ask for Schnapps. Good comedy beverage. More anesthetic for him. At 5:32, Larry delivers a tasteless equivalent of dramatic insurrection and is properly slapped down by Moe. Moe asks "Why are we whispering?" The nurse was whispering the whole time, see. Her answer to the question inspires the boys to take Larry's previous advice he got slapped for. Enter the hilarious surgical tool names. Further enter the hilarious "COTTON!" gag. The surgery ends up being a success, and they get that piece of paper back, but end up leaving some tools inside the boss. And by some, I mean ALL the tools. Well, it's times like that you have to go for the gusto. And what better ending than destroying the very loudspeaker system of the hospital they depend on for their assignments? It's not Escape from L.A. grand, but grand in its own way.
I dunno. Better just stick with three and a half stars and get on to the next one.

***1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Coming up next: Three Little Pigskins!

Auteur Watch - Dick Clement & Ian La Frenais

Okay, technically they're not brothers, but they probably work together better than most brother teams you know! But there are some scary similarities: both are British, both were born 1937, and BOTH were awarded the OBE for... screenwriting? Really? Well, it was 2007 and the Queen Mum must've seen that delightful Flushed Away. Really, that deserves SOME kind of award... no Oscar for Best Animated Feature? That's unusual.
Well, they've essentially been working straight through five decades now, so it's hard to say which is their favourite. Is it the go-go 60s? Psychedelia, Beatles, rioting, icons and iconoclasts galore... they were pretty much sidelined the whole time with piddly TV work. Then again, they did have Hannibal Brooks, directed by Michael Winner. Is this not an icon worthy of note?
Or how about the 70s? All in the Family, Black Panthers, Sly & The Family Stone? Like the Stones, Clement & Frenchy were sucking in the 70s, with nose to the Underwood, plugging away at TV show after TV show. How mercilessly they come. You could learn a thing or two from these two, Richard Curtis!! But the decade wasn't without highlight: in 1979, this dynamic duo DIRECTED a semi-concert thing: To Russia... With Elton. Icons poking fun at icons. Needles to say, directing must've left a bad taste in their mouths, because it was back to the Underwoods and out from behind the camera. They never directed again. Sigh. What could of been.
How about the Me Decade? The go-go 80s? Reagan and punk, Repo Man and Sally Cruikshank? The time when the art community retreated to their studio apartments in the big cities and never looked back? Well, with working on scripts like Never Say Never Again and Vice Versa, Clement and La Frenais must've never looked back in their own right, and Hollywood began to take notice of these veteran British screenwriters and say "Look! They're British!" Vice Versa's one of those films heralded as pretty good compared to Big. Too bad it'll never be seen again.
Maybe it was the 90s that they're best known and loved for. Between The Commitments and Still Crazy, they nailed the declining rock world, and the rise of the new rockers, not necessarily in that order. Yes indeed, they were the go-to guys for novel adaptations. But Roddy Doyle wasn't to last, but merely pave the way for T. Coraghessen Boyle, who further paved the way for Nick Hornby. But as we all know, they're all mere pretenders to the throne currently held by Nicholas Sparks and that Twilight tart.
And so, the new 60s gave way to the new 30s, or the 2000s, the Dubya Decade, as it shall be dubbed. Work for these lads like in the 90s was slow, not very remarkable, but steady. And, with the occasional $100+ million budget animated feature like Flushed Away, time to sit back and gather the awards and accolades in your overdue arms. Nothing to do now but become honorary professors and talk to the young people about how to break into the biz. All wanting to be the next Joe Ezsterhas, but frankly you'd be lucky indeed to settle for being the next Dick Clement and Ian La Frenais. Cheerio, you lucky bastids.

The Year of the Portman

Now normally this kind of thing would ruin an actress' chances at Oscar gold... but is that necessarily true? Oh dear. I must be getting older. I confess I haven't researched that per se. Maybe Marisa Tomei's career is comparable. Perhaps we should look to the 2001-2002 season and Halle Berry with her two films Monster's Ball and Swordfish. Does not Natalie Portman find herself in a similar dilemma? I wouldn't know, as I haven't seen either Black Swan or No Strings Attached. But there's no doubt about it, the 80s are back, and the top flight directors of the 80s, Ivan Reitman and Ron Howard are back and hungry to stake a claim in the instantly forgettable but highly profitable rom-com market. Reitman's NSA is the ONLY DEBUT this week! Meanwhile, the Oscar race continues to get contentious: The King's Speech is making so much money, there's no way it doesn't get Best Picture this year! Black Swan's doing pretty well too, for that matter! True Grit just turned a profit at $140 million in the bank. Yogi Bear for Best Animated Feature? I think so... oh, sure, it'll lose to Toy Story 3, of course, but it should at least be nominated, if only for Justin Timberlake.

Closed Mondays vs. Mountain Music: Which Kicks More Ass?

Well, I'll spare you the suspense this time and declare Closed Mondays the kicker of more ass. Don't know why exactly; maybe because I saw it before Mountain Music if memory serves, maybe because simpler is better, maybe because of Todd Oleson's enigmatic performance as the Ed Begley (Sr.!)-ish drunk. But let's dive into both unequally, shall we?

STILL CLOSED AFTER ALL THESE YEARS
Ah, what a wonderful technological age we live in. Isn't it, though? As long as we've got enough food, anyway. As the current post on YouTube says, I was also a kid of around 10 years old when I first saw Closed Mondays, so it would've been a high technological achievement for the time. What it must be like to be a kid these days. With great shows like Jane's Dragon and Penguins 1,2,3, who needs a mind-bending experience like this anymore? I still do, damn it. I still do.
The plot is simple, of course, but like all things great, it's not about the plot so much as it is an experience. Yes, not the destination, but the journey, although the destination's equally great, too. A drunk wanders into an abandoned gallery and experiences three art pieces, and a fourth and fifth to a lesser degree. For fear of diagnosing myself on a couch of my own making, I gotta say the first art piece with the musical notes is my favorite, with the computer running a close second. I'm more of a comedy guy, I suppose. Not that the dramatic piece isn't good, too. Will Vinton and company make good full use of the camera's range. A classic. But you know how these things are; if they're not full length, they're not going to be shown on a regular basis on cable... not like, say, Death Wish 2. Sheesh!!!!

****

Closed Mondays on YouTube

NO ONE ROCKS HARDER THAN MOTHER EARTH

While I have yet to study Vista-Glide on Wikipedia, needless to say it really took off in the 80s. Most notably with Back to the Future Part II with Michael J. Fox and others playing multiple roles, practically seamlessly with each other. A lot of extra light poles in that town for some reason! But before that, it hit the world of live action animation. The earliest example I can recall is the Peter Gabriel music video for his song 'Big Time.' It looks like they employed it in Mountain Music as well, or as closely as they could. Still a bit clunky. Vinton's got a larger canvas this time than with Closed Mondays... and isn't that part of the problem? Oh, I'm just picky. The animals are cute, though, and you gotta like those frogs. Never underestimate the value of cute animals... then of course, there is that Rodney Dangerfrog, for lack of a better name. Not so cute, but still gotta love it. You can see shades of the California Raisins to come in the rock trio that end up destroying the world. See also: Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas for that theme. But in the end, nature will renew itself no matter how long it takes. And just remember: no one rocks harder than a volcano, literally and figuratively. As for the possible implications of Original Sin because of the woman in the group and her final push of the button, well, I'll leave that to others to bicker about. To be fair, it doesn't cause the end of the world right away! Damn. Guess I will throw in my two cents. Drop the whole thing.

***1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Mountain Music on YouTube

I LOVE Punch Drunks!

Here's the philosophical questions that Punch Drunks raises. When is it exactly, in the course of film production, when you know you've stumbled upon an iconic clip of sound that you'll use forever and ever, amen? There's the Wilhelm Scream, of course. And some lucky devil beat me to it, but they found the sound effect that the Coens seem to use in all their films... they didn't find it in The Ladykillers yet!! Actually, in Ladykillers AND No Country have the same car alarm horn sounds, but that's neither here nor there. Same trigger, too! But here, in merely the second Three Stooges outing, at about 3:08 or so into the affair, the "Woo Woo Woo" that Curly first emits when his superpower is "discovered" by Larry... well, needles to say, if you're at all versed in all things Stooge like I am, and on a similar cinematic venture, you're going to be hearing a lot from this clip of Curly in the future. Look, you can't expect me to point out all these things to you all the time! I am but one man!
Oh, right, the plot. Well, the Stooges, having just embarked on only their second short, find themselves struggling to get by by themselves. Moe is a boxing manager on the brink of an insurrection by his stable of boxers. Curly is a waiter who happens by fate to, fortunately or un-, depending on your perspective, end up serving this coven of misdirected testosterone. Lawrence wanders into the restaurant with his fiddle in order to make some money as a lone musician, entertaining the patrons of the restaurant. Not to spoil it, but Moe and his goons end up killing the messenger, so to speak, when Curly informs them that "the hamburger's too fresh"!!! I'm pretty sure the Humane Association wasn't on the set when they tied a bird's feet to Larry's bow. It angrily tries to fly away; that's why they had to cut away and couldn't show the bird flying off. Anyway, as though we've missed the first part of the movie, Larry sees Curly getting beat up and starts playing "Pop Goes The Weasel." No wonder there's so much anti-Semitism in the world! Seriously, though, it's a plot device. It's probably the only time the Stooges have had to advance the plot ahead with a leap of faith like that. Don't worry; they'll spend the rest of the film dragging things out as long as they can. And even though Moe gets decked in the jaw by Curly, he has the brilliant idea of forming the Stooges "corporation". He doesn't usually refer to their trio as a corporation; the only one I know off the top is Boobs in Arms... trust me, just follow that link. Don't try finding it yourself on IMDb.
And so, that's the establishing vignette. We then go through an hilarious training session, in which Curly lifts a car out of the mud. He ends up doing it twice, once to drop the tire on Moe's foot, and a second time to get it out of the mud for good; also, to pad out the film to 16 minutes... oh, right! Almost forgot. Good joke in this part, worthy of the Marx brothers: the woman of the stuck car says "Oh, I'm in an awful dilemma." To which Moe replies, "Yeah, I don't care much for these foreign cars either."
More padding ensues during the big final fight. You'll just have to accept that boxing was a little more lenient back in the day with regards to musical accompaniment during the fight. All the headlines leading up to that saying "Stradivarius Wins Regional Fight" made me think of this one Warner Brothers cartoon about a boxing match, where the winner of the big final fight is... the device that helps the puny hero win the fight against the big bad fighter! Jerry Beck probably remembers which one it is.
And so we get to the big final fight when... yup, you probably could've guessed it. Larry was just unprepared, having only ONE violin. In a comedic mishap, Curly ends up crushing his violin, so Larry quickly fake fast runs out of the ring (2:43 in Pt. 2) and out into the street, into the dark of 'fake night' to find a new source of Pop Goes The Weasel! Apparently, whistling it won't do... at least, not for a big finale, anyway. Okay, I won't spoil it any more than I already have, except to say that Larry's other solution... not a problem with the audience or the officials! I would further like to point out that P.D. may have the best ending of any Stooge film: Curly advances toward the camera, shaking his fists, going "Woo Woo Woo!" Does it get any better than that? I think not.
Wikipedia says the following about Punch Drunks: 'In 2002, the film was selected for preservation in the United States National Film Registry by the Library of Congress as being "culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant."' Personally, if I had to pick one, I'd probably begrudgingly go with Micro-Phonies. Ain't that always the way? Stooge fans forced to pick one Stooge film. Always happens.

***1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Punch Drunks on Wikipedia
Punch Drunks on YouTube

Auteur Watch - Jez Butterworth and Tom Butterworth

Boy! They've been working out. Okay, so they're not as prolific as other sibling teams, but they've got that special something. And with titles like Night of the Golden Brain, they can KEEP it as far as I'm concerned. Rather than being fairly strict collaborators like the Coens, it's Jez who's responsible for the Butterworth directing duties.
So which decade is these guys' fave? Is it the go-go 90s when they were lean and hungry, and things were fairly simple? When people weren't yet so concerned about global warming and the Butterworths were merely grateful for the chance to be in the biz? Or was it the 2000s when they broke out with their sorta comedy slash drama Birthday Girl? It's about a guy and his Eastern Bloc mail-order bride; there's no spousal info on the Butterworths on the IMDb but I'm guessing it's autobiographically based to a degree. Perhaps one of their creepy uncles. That was the first half of the Dubya decade; the second half saw them venture into more video game / Lord of the Rings territory with The Last Legion. Too many riches, boys. Too many riches.
No, surely the 2010s are the best decade of all. Having worked on a somewhat high profile pic like Fair Game would be a feather in anybody's cap. And best of all, they're working with the NEW Nicole Kidman: Naomi Watts! Although I understand she wasn't the director's first choice.... Keep up the good work, Butterworths! And may we all have a tough time keeping up with the Butterworths. It's all award shows and college campuses talking to eager young film students from here.

The Vaughn-ie, Vincent Invasion

Oh, right! The Green Hornet! Almost forgot about it. Michel Gondry! Coen brothers! Darren Aronofsky! Let's face it, folks. The Top 10's being taken over by the artsy-fartsy art house cinema types. Thank God for Ron Howard, stepping in to represent Hollywood mainstream once again... or is he technically an art house guy as well? I can't keep track of these things anymore. All I know is that Lowell Ganz and Babaloo Mandel must feel betrayed. Allen Loeb? Really? Just one writer? You don't even need us to ghost write the script? Add some jokes? Betrayal. Period.
In other news, Jimmy crack the Golden Globes, and I don't care. On the other hand, I'll have to watch them this year to help my Oscar predictions. Is it time for Oscar predictions again? How time flies. Maybe Inception 2 can explain that one. One last dig: even Gwyneth Paltrow hosting SNL couldn't keep Country Strong in the top 10. We've got our first one week wonder of the year! Don't worry, Gwyn, we'll always have... Shakespeare in Love?

Down With The Traitors of the Woman Haters Club!!!!

Having cast off the yoke of Ted Healy, the Stooges strike out on their own! Three idiots without a place to call home, but they don't have to go far to find their ilk. First stop: an organization called the "Woman Haters." Well, comparatively speaking, I suppose there are worse misogynists out there. Everybody complains about stuff being too expensive, that's nothing new. Nevertheless, the boys get initiated into the club, and soon-to-be Stooges foil and Lou Dobbs' grandfather Bud Jamison gives them their superpowers by poking them in the eyes. It's part of the initiation into the Woman Haters club; at least, that's how it was originally intended, but they couldn't keep karate under wraps forever either! Every ritual has a destiny of its own. Thinking he was assaulted by Curly, Moe unleashes some serious slapping on the boys. The one administered at about 2:43 in the proceedings is especially nasty. I don't think he ever slapped Curly in a figure 8 motion since, but I could be wrong about that. But we'll find out together in the coming weeks!
And so the boys strike out into an unsuspecting world, armed with their new-fangled memberships in the Woman Haters club. As if that wasn't enough, they have to take ANOTHER oath of chastity, brought about by Larry's fall from the Woman Haters club graces. He's supposed to get married at the same time he's supposed to go off and peddle some wares... something like that. Needless to say, it's a fine setup for a comedy. Did I forget to mention that this was a musical as well? I think it's the only one the boys did. At least, a full on musical. Who can forget the phonetics of Violent is the Word for Curly? I kinda wish I could.
Anyway, to cut to the chase, each of the boys fall for Larry's wife, singing her the same song.... damn. Wikipedia's got everything. See, what's funny is that they can't whistle at the part that calls for a whistle... until the end, when they return to the 30th meeting of the Woman Haters club, having aged horribly. That is to say, their make-up looked pretty good! Curly's got mutton chops, Larry's got a long beard, and Moe looks old, too. Monte Collins' wig looked pretty bad. For me, his best role has got to be in Cactus Makes Perfect as the Three Stooges' mother; I hate to say he was born to play the role, but this could very well be the case! Second only to one of the boys themselves as the Stooges' mother. I hate to say it, but I don't know why it's taken me so long to get back to Woman Haters. I was resisting it, not being a particular fan of musicals. Except Gypsy, of course. Gotta like that Christmas tree outfit. No, I waited far too long. God bless you, YouTube! Here's to the finest website in the whole United States! Also, it was worth it if only for Bud Jamison's great line: "Now boys, relax. I said, relax! Now please! At ease! Relax! RELAX!!!!" A fine first Stooge film.

****
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Woman Haters at Wikipedia
Woman Haters on YouTube

New Feature Time!!

You know, people generally love this blog. Can't get enough of it! I know, I can hardly believe it myself. But it's not universally loved. Even the prettiest of diamonds have flaws. You know the complaint I hear all the time? People always tell me, but The Movie Hooligan! There's just no rhyme and reason to these reviews of yours! A horror movie one minute, a light-hearted musical the next! Even your box office reports and auteur watches don't appear on time all the time! Well, we've finally heard the clarion call in this new year of 2011, and after doing the principal component analysis on all the feedback we receive here, we're working to rectify the many, many complaints.
But let's get back to that main complaint. In an effort to finally compete with Yahoo and Facebook by providing regular features appearing at dependable intervals, we're providing regular features that appear at more dependable intervals. Maybe check in on Saturday nights just to be safe. First new regular feature: The Three Stooges... hey, I didn't say I had the best ideas in the world here!
Yes, The Three Stooges. Why, did you know that there's a country in which they have to be known as The Three Hooges? It's true! To 'stooge' means to womanize there... something like that. Qualities our boys aren't exactly successful at... on screen, anyway. But you ask, why The Movie Mooligan! Why the Stooges? Why now? That's the comedy of the past. The comedy of the now is just fine. Tina Fey! Kevin James! Zach Galifianakis! Well, all I can say is I've always seemed to have one foot in the past myself, and you might recall that old saw about being doomed to repeat the comedy of the past if we don't remember it. Not to mention the fact that the Stooges borrowed rather heavily from BOTH the Marx brothers and Laurel and Hardy! Don't THEY owe somebody some royalties for a change?
Besides, these days, nothing's funny anymore anyway, past or present. The spectre of low-key reactions to things is rampant in our culture. To make matters worse, passive Steven Wright has given way to proactive Demetri Martin. The abyss is staring back at us, and it's hungry, licking its chops in anticipation. No, comedy is dead, my friends. Let's face it. And what could be less funny than the same old black-and-white NON-HDTV doings of The Three Haircuts? That's really what they should be called, you know. The Three Haircuts! Moe represents the ideal young man with a full, lush head of hair. Larry represents middle age when the hair starts to go; the Mad Scientist as a young man, if you will. And of course, Curly tries to cheat the system by beating God to the punch: I'll take my own hair before you can!
Also, I don't think anyone wants to admit it, but I will. I'm as monkey-see-monkey-do as the best of 'em, and in my youth I lashed out at the kids who teased me. I actually did the eye-poke on one of them. Man, I got away with murder as a kid! But I turned out all right. I got this blog! How could I NOT turn out all right? So let that be a lesson to all you parents out there. These are the babysitters you're letting loose upon your children. Moe's a sociopath always working some ill-informed hustle, lavishing physical violence on his two pathetic hangers-on for no reason at all! Their only 'crime' is talking out of turn! For this they get slapped, hit on the head, poked in the eyes... and that's just the beginning! Larry is of course the pathetic best friend, with nowhere else to go, desperately hanging on Moe's every word who's just trying to siphon off Moe's awesomeness and usurp Moe's throne, taking out his frustrations on Curly. Curly never should have been let out of the insane asylum he escaped from... I guess I better put 'surely' escaped from just to be safe, but why else would his head be shaved? Surely his lobotomy scars are visible!
As for Shemp, I've run into a few people who don't like Shemp. This I never could understand. For one thing, he's one of the Howard brothers, for God's sake! Isn't it fitting that a Howard brother take Curly's place in his untimely absence? I guess the transition was too abrupt or something, like when Leno took over for Carson. As for Joe Besser, well, I just can't do it. Apparently his philosophy was to play Curly as a ten year old boy. Seems more like a three year old boy to me. Too bad, too, because the Stooges cinematography began to mature with Joe's arrival. Figures... oh, I hope that's the cat! The cat pushes the door open this time of night.
And with that, we're about to embark on a great journey, my fellow blog readers! One Stooge film a week for the next 190 weeks or so. Let us revel in the glory that is the Stooges, this comedy franchise from the roaring '30s that you can buy on DVD at your local Safeway. How things have changed!... or have they?

Well, I saw the damn thing, so I might as well review it! Dept.: Fantastic Four 2

It's really more for the kids, really. After all, it is a PG movie! These days, that is an achievement in itself. Of course, PG has slowly moved to PG-13, and PG-13 has become the de-facto R. Case in point: The Dark Knight. Am I alone? Some twisted stuff in there. Anyway, I forget why I wanted to get this one, yet not brag about it. I guess they'd never forgive me. I barely forgive myself now! The only nice thing about it is, I didn't really need to see the first one ... did I? At least, to understand the story.
The ecological angle! Maybe that was it. Also, because I know Don Payne is a Simpsons alum, and I did like My Super Ex-Girlfriend, but what happened here, Don? Too much tradition in the Fantastic Four history books to be loyal to? Anyway, the Four have to save the world from a new character: The T-1000! I mean, The Silver Surfer! Ah, yes. Another reason I wanted to see it! Well, it's nice to see that the T-1000 has finally grown up and stopped knifing people to death.
Maybe I need to watch it again, I don't know. What's that quote about the humdrum of constant excitement? Films are too perfect these days. Or maybe I've grown up... nah, that can't be it. Maybe I've used up all my potent childhood memories in the film department. As George Lucas has noticed, the young peoples like the new Star Wars trilogy. Even he's confused about the youth's reaction to that new Indiana Jones. I like the opening music! That was pretty good! And I grew to appreciate Jessica Alba's acting! Some of her vocal inflections made me cringe, I must confess, but hey. We're all knee deep in bad acting these days, right? Between the football stars and the reality shows, there's nowhere to turn anymore! I probably shouldn't badmouth this one anymore; there's no FF3 on the horizon, so that's badmouth enough.

***
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Short Films are Easier to Review: Laurel and Hardy's 'Dirty Work'

God bless you, Turner Classic Movies! Wait, let me check the YouTube... DAMN YOU, YouTube! Oh well. Close enough. That's the way it is these days. No longer enough to have the whole version as it was intended. Then again, sometimes the highlights are enough. Man, I ain't seen Dirty Work in a long time. I guess it wasn't one of my favourite Laurel and Hardy shorts. I try to reject the modern thinking that it's The Music Box or nothing; not that The Music Box isn't good, mind you. It's just the one every one likes now, the ICON if you will. But, how many amongst you can say you've been to that staircase? I can! ICON! Got a photo of it somewhere... aw, man! I gotta look through old dusty photos now? Good grief!
Anyway, I must be in a giddy mood, because even the plot of Dirty Work is just funny to me. We start with a good comedy name: Professor Noodle. He's working on the ol' Fountain of Youth formula, with his butler Jessup faithfully by his side. You know, the one from Nutty Professor 2. Well, Noodle's nutty in the unpleasant way. You might have trouble enduring it! These days, if everyone isn't acting low key and half-asleep like Steven Wright, it can be off-putting for some. The boys enter the picture under the guise of chimney sweeps. Needless to say, you'd probably be better off hiring The Three Stooges to sweep out your chimney. Needless to say, all hell breaks loose as they get started. Between the surly butler and the chimney, Stan and Ollie get pushed around pretty good.
I guess there aren't a lot of great lines in this one, but Ollie's is pretty memorable: "I have nothing to say." The acrimony between them of course culminates in Them Thar Hills when Ollie's been reduced to simply telling Stan to shut up. The other classic line is delivered by the butler after he's consumed in a giant wave of cocoa powder: "Somewhere, an electric chair is waiting!" He storms off to take a bath. For some reason, the piano getting wrecked was a big laugh for me. LOL! I'm a sick boy, I know.
Of course, even the short comedies need a big idea: finding the Fountain of Youth, and the old assumption that one rogue scientist can do it. Something to do with blocking free-radicals or certain letters in the genetic code. Krulwich! Anyway, Professor Noodle eventually perfects the youth formula... the old coot measured the half drop with a pair of scissors right! In his glee, he turns to the boys to give them a demonstration. Not at all concerned about the chimney mess! I think when I was a kid, I was puzzled that Stan and Ollie weren't impressed by the formula working. I was a pretty sick kid, too. Now I'm struck by the wisdom of their reaction: Ollie swallows, Stan of course looks confused... The Professor, having turned a duck into a duckling, then said duckling into an egg, exclaims "Now! A human demonstration!" Ollie goes, "Well, we'll be seeing you!"

****
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

High Stakes Poker: The Motion Picture

Now, I don't know much about poker, I'll give you that, but I do know my cult movies pretty well, and I've heard Rounders is one. Boy! What was it about 1998 and cult movies? The Big Lebowski, this, Blues Brothers 2000... hmm. That last one sounds a little fishy. Let me just explore this connection a little further; indulge me, if you will, as we go to the IMDb Top 250 once again. Let's see: American History X... think I've seen about enough of that one. Saving Private Ryan: check. Lock, Stock... check. The Celebration: check. Truman Show: check. Yeah, 1998 was a pretty damn good year for movies, cult or otherwise. But back to the instant case.
Now, I'm afraid I must bust the chops of one prominent critic a little bit. He knows I love him, though. I used to go to his page all the time, usually on Fridays when all the new movies come out. But now, like most people, there's only three places on the web I ever go anymore: my email, my own blog, and Facebook. But he didn't like Rounders because it glorifies gambling. I think he kinda missed the point: the fact is, Rounders has its cake and eats it, too! But in a good way. See, Matt Damon is the White Gambler... okay, bad choice of words. I apologize. Which is more than most can do. Okay, Damon's the good gambler, and Norton's the bad gambler. Norton is the finest actor of his generation, and he pulls it off here! Damon eventually has to... well, I hate to show my hand and spoil it completely. But if you are susceptible to such things in your life, you might want to drop it all like Damon does in the movie, go to Vegas and chase your dream. Not me, though. He DOES end up losing the girl, mind you, so he's able to head off to Vegas unencumbered. It's just his life he may end up ruining. Still, he is a pretty damn good player!
I think it was on this movie where Norton and Rispoli became fast friends. They did Death to Smoochy together, for Gawd's sake! If that's not an experience for bonding, nothing is! Okay, I gotta go. I need to get on Facebook for my Zynga Poker fix...

***1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Highway AWAY FROM the Cyber Zone

Ah, cable during the 1990s. What a golden age for cinema, indeed. Seems like they filmed a lot of grade B movies out of the same warehouse in Zagreb. Cyber Zone is but one of them, AKA Droid Gunner... Blade Runner? No. DROID GUNNER! What's it about? Well, it's about a guy who used to be a cop who hunts these cyborgs... ahem.
It's derivative in about every way imaginable, but I do admire the effort they put into finding a futuristic-ish building that's supposed to represent ivory towers in the sky. Poor guys, didn't even have a matte painting budget. Gotta have at least one great establishing shot... but you need a budget for that. There's also the obligatory scene where the good guy is in the lion's den of bad guys, one of whom goes "HEY!!!..." You think the gig is up... jig? But it's not. "You dropped this." In this case, the guy was out of uniform. Derivative.
There are a few exceptions that keep this film from being 100% derivative. The elf slash vampire stripper is but one of them. She works in the derivative bar where derivative contact is made by the main guy, the Beastmaster himself, Marc Singer. He plays bounty hunter Jack Ford... great movie name. How Clay Dalton is the alpha movie name, I'll never know. For me: alpha is Jack. Beta is Frank. Where it goes from there, I have yet to learn.
So much to learn! You know who I didn't know before? Robert Quarry. Fine actor, great actor voice. Apparently he had a high IQ, but even he couldn't avoid the fate of Bela Lugosi, falling into the hands of a B-movie director mad man like Frederick Olen Ray. Quarry plays an underworld boss named Chew'bah... Chewbacca? No. Chew'bah! ((sounds like/seems like it should be spelled) Chuba) One of his henchmen looked like Tim Meadows to me.
Anyway, the plot. Yes, there's always the gruesome matter of detailing the plot. There's a guy, a rich guy, and his four "Pleasure Droids" have gone missing. He gets Hunk Lankman... I mean, Jack Ford, to track them down. Now, Jack normally works alone... yup! He's got a partner now: a stuffy ice queen who's never left the ivory tower world of the rich. Oh, did I mention the back story? It's basically, if Lex Luthor won in Superman, 600 years after, and Phoenix, Arizona is the new Los Angeles... it's even called New Angeles now! The droids are found by another, then lost, then found again... it's all quite emotional in varying spots. All a bit derivative if you're a snooty film critic like me, but it's all balanced out with T&A... which is good, because it's not very satisfying in the violence / fight sequence department either! In the T&A department, however, it's tame compared to Ray's 2000 stuff, and I can only assume his 2010 stuff. No, there's really no reason to watch this movie, unless you're a sentimental old fluff like me. I had a heck of a time finding it on DVD, that's for sure! My old reliable video store let me down!
Oh, one more complaint. The throbbing opening theme of the movie was pretty bad. Bad use of the trip-a-let. To be fair, though, I'm a fan of the opening music to Olen Ray's Alienator. I had to burn a DVD of it just for that! (still showing regularly on one of the Encore channels after all these years) This was just before the HDTV boom wiped us all out who "taped" stuff off cable with DVDs.

**
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Auteur Watch - Shane Black and Terry Black

Well, technically they've never worked together, but they're still brothers, damn it! And they still rule Hollywood, even though their best days are behind them. Well, everybody's different. Some people have to bust their ass writing scripts for 30 years to make a living, and some can coast the rest of their lives on royalties from one giant megahit; not many of those, arguably, but that's what the infrastructure's designed to support. Now, as with the Kasdans, there's one alpha brother and one omega brother. In this case, it'll be obvious to anyone even the slightest bit up on their Movie S.A.T.s that Shane Black is to Lawrence Kasdan what Terry Black is to... Mark Kasdan? Let me look him up first... Yup. Mark Kasdan. But at least they worked together at least once! Shane and Terry, not so much. Life's too short for the Blacks, I guess. But they're both washed up at this point; why don't they write a Silverado together? Resolve the impasse, guys! Shane's kinda looking less like Billy Crudup and more like Kevin Pollak these days.
But I can totally see why they wouldn't work together. Look at Terry's body of work. The 2000s have been very good to him indeed. He's in on the ground floor of the video game craze! Having written Red Steel and Red Steel 2, he'll be a billionaire in no time! Just like those Doom bastids. It also says he's a member of Mensa. That's what so cool about being so smart: you don't have to do any of that humanitarian work stuff. Seriously, though, he gives generously to many charities. Good guy.
Oh, and of course, the 80s clearly worked out great for them. Nineties and 2000s, progressively less and less so. Not to say their 70s weren't great, too, but it's so cliché these days to romanticize the 70s. Gas lines? Carter complaining about the gas lines? No thank you! No, the Blacks were young, dumb and full of confidence for their respective futures. They would RULE this town with not even an iron fist! Mere bronze will do. And the 80s were great for Terry. Remember Dead Heat? I barely do... oh, he didn't even get to direct it! Well, never mind, then!

Retribution has come... to the BOX OFFICE!!!!!!

It's a Coen-kinda box office again! Still, there's no beating that first one which happened with Burn After Reading and, to a lesser extent, with The Ladykillers (#2 in March 2004). This is really either going to help their careers, or doom it to failure. Then again, does anyone remember the ad Bob Dylan did for Victoria's Secret? Just saying. I will admit that the lettering of the True Grit poster makes it look like a Burger King print ad. Even with the hand at the top of the poster; BK's done visual flourishes like that! Oh, nothing's original anymore. We just gotta go even more retro now: how about posters that look like stuff drawn circa 1066 with weird-looking crowds all mashed together, and one dude pointing to a shooting star?
Of course, this all could change at a moment's notice. Nothing gets more contentious than the box office recount. Who knows? Maybe $1.2 million worth of tickets to Little Fockers will mysteriously surface. DeNiro could make it happen. He'd have to buy them all himself, but he could afford that... couldn't he? Oh dear, Season of the Witch wormed its way in between the cozy three, bumping Tron: Legacy to #4. Will things ever be the same? The only other debut this week is Country Strong, a Nicholas Sparks-esque drama based on a country western star coming to terms with her mid-life crisis. Maybe Logan's Run wasn't so crazy after all! But Generation X is not ready yet to loose the reins of power. More for me, more for me! Frankly, debuting at #6 on a rather lean box office week as this doesn't bode well for the state of the nation. Whatsamatta, red states? 'Fraid to pony up the cash to make a strong impression? You did it for Ernest! I guess it's because Gwyneth Paltrow hasn't assimilated long enough yet. She's a damn carpetbagger compared to who they coulda had in the movie. And we all know the Leighton Meester role is supposed to be Justin Bieber... isn't it? Taylor Cyrus? Oh, I'm so out of touch...

Michael Caine's Italian Vacation

Ah, the 70s. Disco music, disco balls, platform shoes, afros, and Mickey Rooney in shorts. You heard me! Actually, he's about as buff as can be in 1972's Pulp. Having success with director Mike Hodges the previous year with Get Carter, they teamed up for this mess. Apparently, it was the last straw for Caine, but Hodges would later redeem himself as a British George Lucas of sorts with Flash Gordon and Morons from Outer Space... please note that I said "of sorts."
But back to the instant case. Part of the whole 70s motif is indeed the insufferable Italian film; the kind that Lina Wertmuller made, for example. And, of course, The Godfather duet of 1972 and 1974 fame. The Aussies would take the latter half of the decade. As for this film, it must've seemed a nice cultural mix of sorts, but it's basically an Italian film, but with a British star and director, and of course the insufferable Mickey Rooney. Arguably, not as Italian as, say, Red Sonja.
As for the plot, well, I'd hate to ruin it, and I probably will anyway by pointing out that it's in the noir tradition of the usual lot: Hammett, Chandler, The Big Sleep, what have you. Caine is quite similar to Mike Hammer in this one, actually! Clearly he's a babe magnet, and revels in it to the PG-13 rated hilt, but he put all that behind him when he married Shakira. The dialogue is perfect, perhaps a little too perfect. Somehow, the rest of the film fails to live up to the dialogue! Too many diversions, I guess. This is the second time I and my viewing companions started to watch this after TiVo-ing it off of Turner Classic Movies, but we soldiered through it this time all the way to the end. I think I was the only one who made it.

***
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Our Crumbling Education System...

There's a good argument for the Republicans to use! Look at The Blot from 1921. The school system was crumbling then, and it's crumbling now. Therefore, why bother funding it at all? Why, we might as well pay schoolchildren to build sand castles on the beach! Q.E.D. Seriously, though, the philosophy of The Blot is a little suspect, even though they do spend a good deal of time dwelling on the meager existence of the college professor and his family. But, as Dostoyevsky apparently once said, beauty will save the world. (SPOILER ALERT) And fortunately for the Professor, he's got a hot daughter that all the guys have a thing for. But the field must be narrowed, and it's narrowed down to two: will it be the nice young priest, or will it be the rich, snobby kid? The answer may surprise you!
It's all part of this damn 7-part documentary on Turner Classic Movies called Moguls and Movie Stars. WILKMAN!!!!!!!!!! If memory serves... and, in this modern age of even shorter attention spans, does it really serve anybody anymore? ... director Lois Weber was one of the directors profiled, although The Blot wasn't her alpha film, and I don't think it was mentioned. But it's the kind of thing that audiences don't want to see: an uncompromising look at the way things are. Well, maybe a little compromising. Check the World Socialist Web Site for the full scoop, but get this. Movie morality and The Hays Code would tell us that the girl should fall for the nice priest, right? But the rich snob changes his ways! In addition to dwelling on the shabbiness of the Professor's existence (holes in his shoes, holes in old furniture, what have you), we get a little taste of the good life. Wild parties! Cars! Mushrooms under glass, for Gawd's sake! However, the snobby rich kid, played wonderfully by Louis Calhern... lucky bastid... grows weary of his circle of friends and, longing for something more, latches his affections on to the Professor's daughter. Oh, it gets worse. No longer will he pick on the Professor in class, or draw unflattering portraitures of him. And that goes for his buddies, too! And furthermore, they're gonna chip in and help out the Professor! The snobby rich kid's father's on the Board of Trustees... isn't it time the Professor got a pay raise? A decent pension? A 401-K for his many long years of indentured professitude? Yes, it's the rich people who save the day... at least, for those who seem to deserve it. Horatio Alger must be spinning in his grave.
Why, I didn't even get to the best part about the middle-class shoemaker who lives next door, and the comedy-drama around a pilfered chicken. There's also a cute cat who eats out of the shoemaker's garbage. What a tangled web. Is there no relief?

***1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

In Memoriam: 2010's One Hit Wonders

Oh, I just love these wrap-ups of the year... or do I? Reveling in the failures of others, oh how I grow weary of it. I'm getting nostalgic in my mid-life crisis. Time to split this list into two: the Hollywood failures and the critical indie small releases

Hollywood failures:
Daybreakers?
EXTRAORDINARY MEASURES ... no doubt on that one. But at least Indy had that other big film of 2010: Morning Glory! You're still the king, Ford!
Ramona and Beezus
Lottery Ticket
Let Me In - Bad timing, Hit Girl!
The Warrior's Way
How Do You Know... oh, don't say this five times while looking in the mirror

Critical indie small releases:
Youth In Revolt
Letters to God ... I dunno. Seems a little too church-y to me. Does it belong in the other category?

Bebes
Kites
The Kids Are All Right
Conviction
Fair Game

Auteur Watch - Larry Karaszewski and Scott Alexander

Damn! I always get the order of that wrong.
Welp, it's time to ring in a new year,in the dead of winter no less, and you know what that means around here! Time for a new year of auteurs. It's been working out great for me since I've been planning a whole year of them in advance. On the other hand, I paint myself into a corner. For example, I'm trying to do a year's worth of brother filmmaking teams. But as good as I am, I wasn't able to come up with 52 of them! So I filled out the roster with teams that are PRACTICALLY brothers. Or sisters. (Ephrons: check.) Or husband and wife!! (Hess: check)
Take Scott Alexander and Larry Karaszewski, for example. Perfect example of what I'm talking about. They've been like peas in a pod since the inexplicable success of Problem Child. Well, John Ritter had that rare Hollywood commodity: integrity. Integrity can sell the damnedest products. And this was before director Dennis Dugan started working for Adam Sandler on a full time basis. Why, even Alexander Payne was never quite the same after getting sucked into that black hole.
But pure madcap comedy was a dead end for the tireless A&K writing team juggernaut. And while they didn't want to leave comedy behind for good, they also knew they had a knack for the biopic. Was there a way to get the comedy chocolate into the biopic peanut butter and come up with a sorta Oscar-worthy Reese's peanut butter cup? Girl, you know it's true! After the Problem Child virus had run its course, out came Ed Wood, firmly establishing them in this hybrid genre. Or, let's just say, they ain't doing Cleopatra. Time to do the left-overs in biopic territory.
Yes, the 90s were shaping up pretty good for them. And Martin Landau winning the Oscar for his portrayal of Bela Lugosi couldn't hurt, either. Then, almost out of a Charlie Kaufman movie, they wrote themselves a two picture deal with Milos Forman. Will the world ever be the same? Larry Flynt and Andy Kaufman might not seem like subjects worthy of a biopic, but we're not talking about Oliver Stone or Richard Attenborough in the director's chair here. This is the guy who did Hair and Ragtime. And thanks to K&A, Milos delivered a coupla slick biopics!
Drunk on their success, K&A decided... hell! We MADE a movie about a film director, why not direct one of our own? We got the experience! We got the moxie! So, what did they pick? Screwed. Basically, they directorially shot themselves in the foot. Like I need to tell you. Yes, the go-go 90s came to an end for them that day, the day Screwed was released. Everyone's tried to distance themselves from the stench... even Elaine Stritch! No, it was Letterman that revived her career! That's how she GOT that gig! But, apparently, K&A didn't completely a-hole their way out of the business, and so... back to work on sub-par scripts they go. Cody Banks? Puh-leeze. Poor Frankie Muniz. Send him your love, people.
So the 2000s weren't kind to K&A, nor to the people of Iraq, but who knows? Maybe the 2010s will be a decade of rebuilding, because frankly, they have to be. And K&A seem to be on the way back. They got Big Eyes coming in 2011... boy, that's a strange photo of Kate Hudson. And apparently, even she's tired of Matthew McConaughey. I never thought it could happen.

Not to be confused with: Scott Lawrence Alexander, writer of 1990's Spaced Invaders. It kinda killed his career... REALLY killed it.

Déjà Vu Already?

I was debating whether or not to include the special characters in "Deja". On the one hand, I was thinking to myself, this is America, damn it! No special accents. Just LETTERS!! On the other hand, I did remember that "é" is Alt+0233, so halfway there, and all I had to do was open up "Character Map" and I'm home free! The "à" is Alt+0224. And of course, the cents sign (¢) is Alt+0162. Well, I'm still just a thousand-aire, and that cents sign sure comes in handy when doing my taxes. Speaking of which, it's deja vu at the box office this week. Little Fockers, True Grit and Tron are 1, 2 and 3, respectively, again. I feel sorry for Teri Polo. She looks tired. She works so hard, much harder than she should have to, being one of the beautiful people and all. And yet, this is probably what she will be remembered for: the Focker trilogy. We'll always have Mystery Date, my sweet. The only new entry this week is the so far front runner for the 2010 Oscars, The King's Speech. I'm a little taken aback because Peter Morgan didn't have anything to do with the script. That man is BIZZAY! Of course, he's no Richard Curtis. Wonder what he's been up to?... DAMN YOU, RICHARD CURTIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Short Reviews - December 2010

Well, another year has come and gone. Damn, they do go by faster the older you get! Guess I ought to go to church more often to slow down that pesky ol' Father Time.


Bickford Shmeckler's Cool Ideas - Good thing I was looking up Paul Weitz. Otherwise, I might never have found this one!

Cannonball Run 2 - It hurts my eyes... let me just say this about Cannonball Run II, and that is... FOUR STATES DO NOT A CROSS-COUNTRY RACE MAKE.

I Am Number Four - I AM NOT A NUMBER... I AM A FREE MAN!!! (MWAHAHAHAHAHA....)

Fast Five - Hollywood can get this made, yet Cannonball Run 3 languishes in the Sequel Ghetto. Why is that?

Country Strong - Movie weak...

(Hemingway's / The) Garden of Eden - Well, what do you expect from the director of Raw Deal and Next of Kin?

The Expendables II - Santa gave me the bestest present of all time!!!

Rango - With Johnny Depp as Billy Crystal

Crash - Paul Haggis' Grand Canyon

Chaos - Haven't seen it yet... the one with Wesley Snipes and Jason Statham, not the awful one with Waingro and God knows who else.

Crank - I wanted to like it, but sometimes you shouldn't stretch credulity so far. But it's always nice to see Amy Smart get in touch with her inner slut... isn't it?

Transformers 3 - Starring the cast of Burn After Reading