Short Reviews - November 2016

Almost Christmas - Boy, I tell you... much better than Nothing Like the Holidays, for one.  And that clip with the girl stuck in the window, and the guy trying to get her out?  Well... oh, it's definitely going to go viral... actually, variations on that theme are already an internet sensation.  Let's just leave it at that.

Almost Heroes - They show this one on cable lately?  Probably just on TNT or TBS or something

Angie - Every time it happens.  I'm watching the scene where she's in labor at the hospital, and someone's walking down the hall and they only hear the audio.  I keep having to say "No, it's not a porno!  The character's in labor, for God's sake"...........................

Arrival - ...looks smart and stylish and all that!  And the director is... oh, this guy's way too busy.  Also, the font variety of these posters is getting about as slim as the letters themselves!  Has anyone else besides me noticed that yet?

Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk - ...oh, Steve-o.  I guess this would be a good double bill with... A Hologram for the King?

Bottle Shock - Bottle Rocket?  Love that movie.  Wes Anderson and what not!

"The Company" - It's not just "Mad Men" about the Cold War... it's NOT!!!!

Defense Play - ...wow!  How do I stumble upon these things?  I hate to say it, but this is a lesson in the importance of movie stars.  Otherwise, we'd be watching something like Bombs Away! all the time.  The girl from Teen Wolf kinda isn't enough of a draw for me, I hate to say.  Also, the only review left of this seems to damn the film with faint praise when they say "Also watch WarGames"... you know, basically the same movie, only it came earlier and is much more beloved.  And actually available on video.

Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo - Okay, okay, finally time to read Schneider's tweet to "the Democrats" - ...that's it?  It says "I haven't seen the Democrats this mad since we freed the slaves!" ...OH MY GOD.  ROB SCHNEIDER'S THE HIGHLANDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo - And don't forget to check out Rob Schneider in Adam Sandler's "Here Comes the Funny" tour, featuring David Spade and Norm MacDonald as the funny.

Friends with Benefits - Damn... Mila's not going to name names.  Well, I hate to disagree with the spokeswoman for Jim Beam, but she's right.  The pay gap between men and women should be closed, and hopefully it will take less than 134 years to do that.  But if you're going to be that sensitive about one email, well... I guess you weren't working with Spielberg, for one.  I mean, with all the attention paid to Hillary Clinton's email, who wants to use email anymore at this point?

Hacksaw Ridge - Well, I did it... just saw Mel Gibson on Stephen Colbert.  Don't tell Mel about all the jokes that Colbert has done over the years about Mel's crazy dad.  Speaking of dads, I watched the interview with my dad.  Mel started talking about his idea for a film about the Resurrection, or the three days in Jesus' life after he was crucified when he apparently descended to Hell, and... whatever.  Negotiated a peace treaty between the Devil and the Surface Dwellers, something like that.  I'm no historian... and so Mel was talking about this film he's working on about the Resurrection, and the exciting storytelling opportunities inherent in such an undertaking, and my dad says "...is he crazy?"

Loving - I'm sorry, but for a person like me, there's only ONE "Loving," damn it!!!

Pixels - Check it out if you want a preview of a Trump presidency

"Pure Genius" - Yeah, being an obnoxious internet billionaire is fun.

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story - Are the hardcore Star Wars fans going to geek out over this one?  Or are they going to just wait for Episode 8 instead?

"Seinfeld" - One of the random brain farts you'll occasionally hear from Right wingers on the subject of taxes, and how the rich aren't taxed enough, they'll usually say "Well, why don't people send ALL of their money to the government if they love taxes so much?"  I believe Rudy Giuliani mentioned Warren Buffett recently in regards to that idea.  Well, here's something that Rob Reiner and I have been wondering... if Steve Bannon hates Jews so much, why does he own a piece of "Seinfeld"?  Um... he knows that Jerry Seinfeld is Jewish, right?  I'm not up on all the stereotypes, but... isn't that Seinfeld money, like... TAINTED or something?  Apparently, not tainted enough.  Not for Breitbart's Steve Bannon.  Maybe for some of Trump's voters, but I'm sure they can come up with a reason why that's not a problem.  They'll be doing a lot of that in the coming months as it is.

The Sixth Man - RUN!!!! KILLER DIRECTOR ON THE LOOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Snakes on a Plane - What does it say about a movie when it can be reduced to basically one 14-second scene?

The Walking Dead - Man, the black dude's film title always gets stolen first.

ZAYN: Pillowtalk - This just in: President-Elect Trump mistakes Gigi Hadid for the next First Lady, starts French kissing her in front of reporters.  When Melania heard about this, she purportedly said "I know deal.  Donald Trump is my man, but he's having lot of hormones in body."  Correction, Melania: the classiest, most gold-plated hormones of any man of all time, including Cretaceous and Devonian.