Anyway, there you have it. The fight for the Supreme Court is over. It is now five to four again. What could possibly go wrong? All the fears being stoked over Sharia Law creeping into our democracy at the city council level are quelled for now... or are they? A lot of the people I listen to, your Daily Shows, your Bill Mahers, what have you... they're talking about how Mike Pence, the second most powerful man in the world now, won't go to dinner or have a drink (with another woman) without his loving wife there by his side. We used to call that p--- whipped, I believe. Now they call it some rather Islam-ish type qualities of Christianity. Won't be long before Christians are whipping women's ankles for being exposed. They'd get on board with that! Putin could probably make it happen! He's got the resources to waste on it, that's for sure. Next thing you know, Putin will be flooding the internet with solar panel schematics, and ways to unhook them from either the grid, or the individual homes they were meant to power. You know, good old fashioned prank-type stuff. Gotcha! I got ya, didn't I?
As for this whole Tomahawk missile thing in Syria, well... I'm confused. So far, no Republican lawmakers seem to be saying "I saw a Commander in Chief tonight. I saw the steady hand of leadership that you can be proud of, a hand that crippled Syria's empty airfield that won't be usable for... what's that? It's already back up and running?" As for the Supreme Court, well... you win for now, guys. You want the vast rest of humanity fighting for justice and equality to work a little harder? To wiggle a little more frantically like a human hand holding on to a termite's wings? You got it. But you might have a little more trouble at those Town Halls you're supposed to hold, I'm just saying. Not that you go anyway.
All right, back to the box office... wait, this just in. Apparently, the new Supreme Court just expanded our Second Amendment rights a little bit. Now anytime says "Gun to my head?" in casual conversation, carriers of concealed firearms or otherwise are legally allowed to do it. Must be part of that whole "Stand Your Ground" fad that's bubbled up to the surface within the last few years. Couldn't be prouder. I knew I should've gotten one of those special driver's licenses where you can go to Canada.
Okay, box office time. Welp, as hard as Mandy Patinkin tried to flog it on the talk shows, in addition to another final episode of another awesome season of "Homeland"... dare I say it's almost as good as "Breaking Bad"? Almost. Still, they'll be talking about Walter White for a long time, now that I reflect on it... and even though you can really see how human the Smurfs eyes look now in glorious Real (TM) 3D and all, the latest installment of the Smurfs on the big screen couldn't get past third place. People still want to see whatever numbers one and two are... oh, right. The Boss Baby and that new Beauty and the Beast. Sometimes I wonder if The Boss Baby would've been the same if Trump didn't become President. Apparently, no one thought to do a version with a Hillary-like baby. That's old fashioned Hollywood sexism for ya. Leave Hillary for Boss Baby 2, they said. And why not? Maybe they did both simultaneously like Lord of the Rings!
Meanwhile, the hot new trend of grumpy old men on the silver screen continues, but this time with a reboot... re-envisioning of the 1979 classic Going in Style. They would've made it sooner, but the lawyers involved, copyright and otherwise, were just waiting for Martin Brest's name to be absolutely purged from the credits of the new one. Absolutely. No associate producer stuff, none of this "based on an original screenplay by" crap, nothing. Why, it's the kind of thing that might make one cynical about this business, if not for the mood-altering substances that seem to abound.
And finally... oh, Onion's A.V. Club, you're letting me down, man. A C+? I guess the filmmakers involved are trying harder to get a better grade from them, go figure! The very bottom of the bottom half of USA's Top 10 still belongs to the church bus set, and the title this week is The Case for Christ. In other words, the Christian modus operandi. Personally, I think Christ's case lost a little bit when he didn't show up in person about seventeen years and some change ago now, but that's just me. But don't worry, because with the fresh new Conservative majority on the Supreme Court, and with control of most state legislatures, and the House and Senate, maybe NOW, FINALLY, Christ's message of intolerance, tax cuts for the rich and denial of proper, modern women's health care will really resonate, and bigly. You know, keeping the USA somewhere lower than Europe's standards of living, but higher than the Middle East.
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