Hey Russia... We Need to Talk

Well, we can all breathe a sigh of relief now.  That Macron guy just won in France today, as opposed to Putin's blonde puppet.  Apparently, the plan is, now that Putin's blonde puppet didn't win, the plan is to undermine Macron's presidency.  Now, I'll be the first to admit that I don't know the first thing about French presidential politics, but I do know this.  I'm thinking the Russians aren't going to do as well with influencing France as they are with the United States.  I'm thinking the French have a little more unity in their government than we have in ours.  With Obama, we had eight years of Republican obstruction.  Eight.  Years.  Of it.  Now we've got Pervy McPussygrabber for President.  And now we've got the Republican-controlled House jumping up and down about this terrible bill they just passed.  Well, the Republicans believe in traditional values, and one of them is the traditional value of how we used to talk about having 50 million people without health care coverage.  We want to get back to that!  And some of the Republican critics are saying, "Well... okay, it passed the House, but SURELY it won't pass the Senate!"  I'm hoping that too, but then again, they got Neil Gorsuch onto the Supreme Court, so I'm thinking they'll get this too.  Reminds me of how the arch bad guy in the latest installment of the Mad Max series was telling people that water is a terrible addiction.
Also, when I think of the Republican-controlled House passing this terrible bill that takes away health care from 24 million Americans, I can't help but think of my cat.  Now, I love my cat to death.  Cutest cat we've ever had, but she's a terribly efficient hunter.  And she brought in a dead hummingbird one time.  Also, she killed a thrush, which looks similar to a robin... or maybe more like a flicker.  They're a little rarer round these parts, so naturally our cat has to kill the rare birds.  And of course, the occasional mole or vole in various states of dead-ness.  Sometimes half-eaten, sometimes barely alive, usually dead.  But she'll try to bring them all in, and if the vole is living, it'll start to run away, and make for that little space in the wall that's made of brick, and crawl inside there to hide.  And every time the cat brings in an animal, we'll try to explain to said cat that it's wrong, and we really wish she wouldn't do that.  I've even tried the trick of my genius friend, who swears that his technique works when dealing with an overly prolific hunter cat.  He'll take the trophy that the cat's collected, hold it in front of their face, then hide it behind his back.  I couldn't get that to work; probably didn't do it with the same panache.  Anyway, so we try to tell the cat our position, calmly and logicly, that we don't like it when she brings in animals.  And her response?  Well, it's always the same.  She says "Yeah, but... look what I caught!  I caught that!  I waited in front of the mole hill for about a half hour and boom!  Up popped the vole, and I caught the bastard!  Ain't I talented?  Aren't you proud of me?"  Same thing with this Republican House.  We reasonable people try to explain that what they're doing is wrong, wrong and terribly wrong.  And their response?  "Yeah, but... we repealed Obamacare!  We've been trying to do that for seven years!  And we DID it!  Ja rule!... I mean, we rule!"  Yes, they do.  Hopefully not for long.  Yes, Obamacare is a terrible thing.  I guess they were just upset about the taxes on rich people that pay for Obamacare.  I guess that's why Trump calls it a "disaster."  I guess Trump's thinking, like, how Prince was once referred to as "The artist formerly known as Prince."  So, he too calls Obamacare "the disaster known as Obamacare."  It is kinda catchy, I'll give him that.
Ooh!  Just found out that the Republicans apparently had something called the "Pledge to America."  And apparently they didn't live up to this pledge.  Of course they didn't!  Well, first of all, rules are for everyone else.  These Senators and congressmen didn't claw their way to the top to follow a bunch of rules for the damn Proles.  Second, this was way back in 2010!  It's OVER now!  Stop living in the past.  See, one of the... the pledges of the pledge was apparently to post all bills online three days before a vote.  Well, that goes for regular legislation.  Repealing Obamacare is not regular legislation.  It's kind of an annual ritual for House Republicans now, if not monthly.  Haven't they tried, like, fifty or sixty times to repeal Obamacare?  Sixty-first time's a charm, as they say!
Anyway, the sequel to Guardians of the Galaxy was #1 this weekend, and it crushed the competition, as expected.  Sucking the air out of the room, taking all the sunlight away from the rest of the Groot-lings... I mean, saplings.  Why, The Fate of the Furious only made 8.5 million this weekend!  And films like The Boss Baby and Beauty and the Beast actually rose up in the ranks!  And Gifted as well!  Up is down, black is white.  Oh, I also heard that Trump either called Macron or just tweeted at him to congratulate him.  Somehow I don't think his heart was in it.  After all, Putin's guy didn't win.  Why would Trump like that?  But Trump does have a special place in his heart for France in general, and Paris in particular.  On the other hand... he doesn't care for those girls with hairy armpits.  I'm guessing.  Well, unless they look like Juliette Binoche.  Or Laetitia Casta.  I'm pretty sure Casta shaved her armpits to do her Victoria's Secret photoshoots and what not.  I better go.  I seem to have run out of topics.