As for our current president, well... I hate to seem like a partisan, but we did just watch Robert Redford's documentary about the 40th Anniversary of All the President's Men. Spoiler alert: Dustin Hoffman actually showed up for it! Of course, Redford tricked him and made him think he was doing an appearance for the 30th Anniversary of Ishtar. Anyway, the BIG question is: how is this president different from all other presidents named Nixon? Welp, for one thing, Nixon actually said in his final address to the nation that all this Watergate nonsense has gotten so bad... HOW BAD IS IT?... it's so bad that he won't be able to get his legislative agenda done for the nation. Therefore he will resign before getting impeached, then get the next guy to grant him a full pardon... something like that. A full pardon for all crimes past and future, for all perpetuity, as long as men and women live and breathe, throughout the known universe and far, far beyond. Trump has no such agenda for the American people, so he thinks he'll stay! He'll stay until Putin cuts him that big check. Trump doesn't need it, of course... but it is a pretty big check. It's like how the Kardashians say "Oh, it's not about the money." On the other hand... it is.
...okay, looks like the numbers just come in. As expected, the latest Pixar juggernaut is #1. This time, it's Cars 3. And this time, the girl cars are flashing more than just those little lights! Ooh baby. As UN-expected, however, was the low take that first week. All involved were honestly expecting much more than 53 million dollars, really. Well, thank God those more grateful international markets have opened up for cinema, like Saipan and the Southern Langue d'oc part of France... oh, they're actually working on an Incredibles sequel? You'd think they'd want to get on that much sooner! Well, you know that Brad Bird. Ever the artisan, has to wait until the script is just right. So Goldilocks. (TM) If I were more on top of my game, I actually would copyright and trademark that... ah, what's the point. I'll never get the Hipsters to do my bidding. But you'll probably hear that at some point. "So I was faced with the ultimate dilemma: bacon-chocolate combo, or just bacon? I was very Goldilocks about it. Too much or just right?"
Our second deubt... debut this week comes in at #3 and it's about Tupac Shakur, called All Eyez on Me. Directed by Bernard Boom. And to the tune of 27 million or so, that's hard to argue! A lotta butts in the multiplex seats, a lotta eyes on this guy! So, here's my two thoughts. One, it's clearly an incomplete telling of Tupac's story because no one's showing Dan Aykroyd's part in all this. Also, Dan wanted to play himself in the movie, and he was like Colin Quinn with Crocodile Dundee 2. He came in with his own script, wanted to direct, wanted to give brother Peter a prominent role. Clearly, at some point, the film's producers told the Aykroyds to, and I quote, "Get the hell outta here, you're nothing but trouble." And second, I'll be the first to admit that I'm no student of Tupac's work. I don't have the whole Tupac zeitgeist in my brain yet, and I am white, so I still to this day get my small share of white privilege. I could get more if I played golf and went to church with the right people, but I made all the wrong choices in this life, and continue to do so to this day. But I did come across the lyrics to a song Tupac co-wrote with... someone. It's called "Me Against the World." And the chorus goes something like this: "It's just me against the world, baby. I've got nothin' to lose." Now, maybe I'm just cynical and or jealous... jeal-ical? Cynic-ous? Anyway, I read that and couldn't help but think to myself, well... you've got ONE thing to lose! I think Chris Rock also had some thoughts on that.
We're halfway there! The third debut this week is called 47 Meters Down. Um, Jaws called...
And the last debut this week... you know, when you reach a certain level in showbiz when you're a comedian, there comes a time when you start to pay it forward. Amy Schumer's already done that with Rachel Feinstein and Mark Normand, as the Google SmartSearch informs me. Kevin Hart is also mentoring some comedians. Well, Amy Poehler's "Broad City" thespians have their own movie this weekend! It's kinda like Bridesmaids or that one with Judd Apatow's wife and Rebel Wilson... How to Be Single, that's the one. When I was growing up, we had films like Crimes of the Heart and The Linguini Incident. But this is 2017 and movie studios have to push that R rating to its absolute breaking point, so we get a movie like Rough Night... ooh! It's basically an episode of "Girls"... something like that. Oh, I'm totally down with the here and now. And yet, it feels like the cast of "Girls" AND of Rough Night seriously need to be broken up by a revamped version of the Sherman Anti-Trust Act. Maybe it needs a new name! After all, trust is an important part of any relationship; maybe it should be called the Anti-Corporate Greed Act. And speaking of corporate greed, the Wall Street Journal, in between its campaign of softening Trump headlines, mentioned that Amazon is about to gobble up the Whole Foods market chain. Alas, it probably means I still have to drive to Seattle to get my daily order of cheese mashed potatoes... where was I? Oh, right. Because this project is tangentially connected to Lorne Michaels, I won't badmouth it too much. Probably gotta run!! ...damn, just thought of something. They had an old episode of SCTV on DVD where they said "And now, our musical guest, Rough Trade!" ...egg-zactly. I never heard of them either.
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