The Fall of the House of Priapus

The floodgates are still open, and more stories of Hollywood sexual harassment are coming out.  Fortunately, we live in the Internet Age, and Excel spreadsheets and SQL databases are finally being filled with useful information.  The latest anecdote comes courtesy of Rebel Wilson, who recently told her story of a guy in a position of power who's far, far too big a fan of that one scene from Last Tango in Paris.  I try to keep this a family-friendly blog... okay, maybe not that hard, arguably.  But the guy in a position of power put his own unique spin on it, by wanting Rebel to stick some fingers where the sun don't shine while his friends filmed it on their iPhones.  So far we don't know who this mystery guy is, but judging from what little I know of "Entourage" I'm thinking maybe it was Mark Wahlberg on the set of Pain & Gain... you know what this all means, right?  This means that Hollywood is losing its power!  Its allure as a business unlike any other, with rules that normal people don't have to live by.  I guess we have to look to the world of computer programming now as the place of hopes and dreams.  For one thing, there's apparently a sharp increase in these Silicon Valley types getting plastic surgery.  Can't get more showbiz than that!
As if that weren't bad enough, another Right-wing figurehead that seemed unstoppable looks like he's just about to topple.  There are early reports that Sean Hannity is going to lose a few advertisers over his softball interview of Alabama Senatorial candidate and heterosexual pedophile Roy Moore.  And if Bill O'Reilly is any indication, a complete loss of his show just might be imminent.  But who knows?  I'm not privy to the rumor mill, but Sean seems slightly more straight-laced than, say the aforementioned O'Reilly, who of course recently appeared on Hannity's Fox News show post-career implosion, and he seems slightly more under control than Eric Bolling who got into the sexting hobby while still gainfully employed by Rupert Murdoch.  These guys always have to learn the hard way: all penises aren't special.  No, Sean Hannity's thing is sending around pictures of his bowel movements.  Gonna be sad when that comes out, and all the news anchors have to tiptoe around that.  But one of my Facebook friends makes an interesting point: didn't the party of Lincoln once consider itself to have a monopoly on family values?  I guess they still do, but here's my idea for a Bill Maher-esque new rule: the GOP really has to cut it out with all this "Party of Lincoln" crap.  Um... you know which side of the Civil War he was on, right?  The non-Confederate one.  I don't know much about Lincoln, but something tells me he wouldn't be in favor of all these Confederate monuments erected in 1911.  You know, the Golden Jubilee of the Civil War.  I know Republicans are never hypocritical, but you can't like Lincoln AND the Confederacy at the same time.  You gotta pick.  And so far, they seem to be picking the traitors.  Russia, the Confederacy, what have you.
Oh, but I dwell.  Let's get back to the Top 10.  As expected, Thor: Norse Armageddon is #1 again.  And I couldn't help but notice that a recent TV spot for the film seemed to have a lot of clips of Jeff Goldblum in it.  Which is fine by me; he's probably the best thing in it.  May Act II of his career never end.  The only two debuts this week are the new Murder on the Orient Express and that new Will Ferrell movie called Daddy's Home 2.  Which brings me to a mini-Auteur Watch... Sean Anders.  I mean, look at this confident guy.  Doesn't even need a decent haircut!
...sorry, had to restart Firefox.  I know it's an efficient program and all, but... really?  4 GB?  Why does it need 4 gigabytes of RAM to run?  Maybe my hyperlinks will post a little quicker now.  It was taking me five seconds per link before.  Okay, back to Sean Anders.  Take note, all future writer-directors.  Mr. Anders is nothing if not a prolegomena.  This is what hard work looks like.  It takes 10 years just to get that first film made, and then another ten years to claw your way to a prominent place on the national storytelling stage.  But I can't help but wonder what it says about a guy's résumé when a title like Mr. Popper's Penguins might hurt all your street cred.  Also, you can't help but see that old Hollywood Boys' Club mentality at work with this guy.  I mean, one of his IMDb Top 4 is a film called Sex Drive.  Because, you know, a) even a phrase like "sex drive" can have a double meaning, and b) it's been 20 years, so why not remake The Sure Thing?  Why not, I say?  I'm not saying that Anders' stuff isn't great and all that, but recently he and Jon Lucas / Scott Moore went to each other's meetings in Hollywood by mistake... and no one could tell the difference!  Actually, that's not true... Anders hasn't had as big of a hit as The Hangover.
And finally, I want to give a brief shout-out to Lady Bird, which isn't a debut in the most technical sense because it's been out for two weeks, but it's the first time it's been in the Top 10.  I dunno... doesn't Saoirse Ronan deserve better?  Maybe she will later on when she plays Mary Queen of Scots.  But who knows?  Maybe a thinly-veiled autobiographical slice of Greta Gerwig's life will be just as important in the historical scheme of things when all is said and done.