The Movie Hooligan Blog: February 2018

Wednesday, February 28, 2018

Auteur Watch - William Greaves

Whelp, if nothing else, Mr. Greaves was responsible for one of the greatest titles in recent cinematic history: Symbiopsychotaxiplasm. Sure, arguably not as cool as Stan Brakhage's classic Pneumonoultramicroscopic-silicovolcanocoliosis or perhaps even as wordy as one of Henry Jaglom's early efforts entitled... I think it was Antidisestablishmentarianism. Probably. This was when he used to leave the house to make a movie, of course. What's the point now?
Oh, but Greaves was only beginning to rock the world of the documentary...

A Handle on the Moment

Another missed deadline. This is why I never get anywhere, either in life or in my career. But another box office has come and gone already, and is it just me or is the fare getting a little more violent these days? I'm a pretty regular user of the IMDb, and these violent yet strangely seductive ads for a Heathers reboot on something calling itself "The Paramount Network" is/am/are/was/were all over the place... they're not trying to make cannibalism sexy, are they? Then there's this other thing called ... nope, forgot the title already, but it's one of Anton Yelchin's last last movies. Hollywood lags behind the working dead like that sometimes... John Candy, for example, only when you get a death like John Candy's, a fight breaks out over which one is his last last movie. Haven't seen the likes of that for a while. Thoroughbreds, that's it! A pretty strongly advertised first feature from someone making a debut of sorts on the world stage! Then we've got this week's top debut at the Box Office: Jason Bateman's Latest... I mean, it's called Game Night. And with returns like this it will no doubt spawn a few sequels, probably a Netflix / Amazon spin-off / prequel series or two, maybe a couple co-branding deals with Milton Bradley, Hasbro and or the Parker Brothers. And of course, whoever's behind that douche-y Cranium game. That's the best one. Cards Against Humanity hasn't gone mainstream yet... at least, not that mainstream. All the cool people know and love it, of course. A little bloodshed; that's all they want out of their entertainment.
Meanwhile, in second place, it's something called Annihilation. Again with the promise of bloodshed! Almost makes me wish that Kirk Cameron was making a sequel to Saving Christmas. Sure, it would be ridiculous as a February release, but man! Gimme one glimmer of hope here! Anyway, Annihilation is the story of a wife whose husband goes missing, so she has to go looking for him, and... oh, I've probably given away too much already. So does the plot description. For those of you cynics out there like me, it's also the story of Natalie Portman not having the strength of a franchise like Resident Evil or Underworld to fall back upon in, especially in the lean times like this. Ouch!
And finally, debuting at the wrong end of the box office, it's something called Every Day. Here's the one-line plot description: "A shy teenager falls for someone who transforms into another person every day." Now, sure, you're thinking Groundhog Day or 50 First Dates or something like that, and why couldn't this be as popular as those movies were... on the other hand, people forget their high school years sometimes. Ever find yourself hanging with the wrong people? Or seeking out people that didn't seem as boring as the people in the Chess Club? All while trying to manage your own internal turmoil... exciting times! Not to mention finding either a) yourself having to move because of the Army or because of the nature of your parents' douche-y corporate jobs, or b) your best friend under those circumstances. I think that's what the filmmakers were going after, but also trying to siphon off of the magic of The Spectacular Now... the good parts, not all that boring stuff where even the people in the focus groups fell asleep. A little emotional bloodshed; that's all they want out of their nonfiction-based entertainment...
Which brings me in a roundabout way to this week's civil rights march. I'm going to pick up a couple of scraps that "The Daily Show" left for me, because it seems that the NRA is losing some of its hard-fought institutional "rights"... maybe more like perks or privileges. See, there were a bunch of companies that would give NRA members certain discounts on services and what not. Airlines, for one. But they showed a picture of a bunch of corporate logos, and I couldn't help but notice a large amount of car rental companies that gave such NRA discounts. Makes me think of that line about "speedy trials," for some reason. Because NRA members deserve to have a speedy getaway car that's practically untraceable. Just be careful with it; don't get stupid on us. Don't leave fingerprints or spatters of blood after using our rental cars or anything, please. Unfortunately, the Parkland students have to go back to their lives to try and rebuild. They're heading back to school, which the people over at Fox News are surely relieved about. They don't care for high school students that achieve national celebrity in general, but especially not ones fighting against the Second Amendment. As for me, I'm doing my part by posting cinematic images of gun nuts in movies going off the rails. This first one, of course, is from what is perhaps Todd Solondz's masterpiece, Happiness... although you might not know it from the composed music. This is, of course, from a dream sequence, being described to a psychologist, no less! I was pleasantly surprised that my local hippie-esque video store even had it; I don't get to drive to Seattle as much as I used to... well, I used to live in Seattle, but that was a different era completely. DVDs were still being made, even VHS was still available to an extent in stores. Oh, but there I go again! Glennis would have to leave me... That's my new favorite line this year.

Sunday, February 18, 2018

Auteur Watch - F. Gary Gray

I've probably said/blogged this before, but you hang around long enough, even in a shark-infested swamp like Hollywood, learn to play the game a little... and BOOM! You get the coveted job of directing a "Fast and Furious" sequel. Forgive me... Fast and Furious. Didn't John Singleton do one of those? ...why, yes he did! Thanks, IMDb! Of course, having a debut like Friday under your belt doesn't exactly hurt, either. Keep the star happy, keep the producers happy... that's basically the game, and probably its name as well. Then you can go be an artist. Once you have enough hits. Like Spielberg! Of course, every film a director does is a work of art... even the ones with Marky Mark, I suppose. But after all the music videos he did, I suppose Be Cool was his little jab at it. Just a light, loving jab in case he ever has to go back. I'm sure Elmore Leonard knows more about music videos than F. Gary Gray, but still, I suppose another point of view doesn't hurt. Or maybe David Fincher was unavailable.
But if his IMDb birthday is to be believed, Mr. Gray is dangerously close to the not-so-nifty age of 50. Just ask Bowfinger! ...damn my lack of HTML experience. Note to self: make a billion damn dollars by creating a special HTML tag that says, like... you know, # Go To the Word "Smell". Ah, who'm I kidding? Those billionaires keep it all to theyselves. On the upside, not all these CEOs can afford to give themselves one dollar a year!
And so, Mr. Gray has had two big hits back-to-back: Straight Outta Compton and The Fate of the Furious. Surely there's one more title to make this a trilogy, you're asking? Well, the answer is yes, I just found out! Thanks again, IMDb! I'm so glad I didn't have to invent you myself... most of the time. Damn, can't find it. Never mind. Anyway, hope he likes sequels and/or spin-offs! The Powers that Be are firing up a Men in Black spinoff, and Mr. Gray gets to do the first one. We don't have any cast information yet, but he's probably not too much in control of that. As long as you come in under budget, ahead of schedule, don't get tired of the Green Screen room, and are able to say it was either like a Clint Eastwood set or a Coen brothers set... you'll do/be just fine. Do/Be? Doo-be-doobie doo! Boy, I hope I don't have that Superflu. That's one of the signs. Sorry, Boss, might be calling in sick tomorrow.

(ten minutes later) ...HAH! Found it. Oh boy, fresh ravings. I mean, check THIS guy out! Either he's the Highlander or... nah, can't be it. But it could be! I mean, the Powers that Be that run the IMDb clearly have bigger fish to fry. I submitted a work ticket for this guy, but still nothing. Too much of a pain to fix, apparently. But look at this guy's résumé! I mean, LOOK AT IT!!!!!!!! A hundred years old and he's now a sound recordist? Dang. Strong union! Or maybe he's got motel pictures on someone.

Always Bet on Black

As expected, Black Panther is #1 at the box office... a lot! Well, they did run a pretty big ad campaign for it. And the IMDb helped out a little bit too. I forget what product they were selling, but it was definitely top shelf, don't kid yourselves. Anyway, this will hopefully finally settle any debates people might be having on social media (particular) and the internet (generally). Black Panther is black enough. I mean... T'Challa? That's more black than Shabazz! Spider-Man is white, but Peter Parker's not an especially white name. Not as white as, say... Rutherford van Geraldictine. And the film clocks in at over 2 hours, so it's probably long enough. But the sequel better be about 3 hours, to keep apace with films like The Dark Knight and The Dark Knight Rises. Another area of white privilege: why do the white superhero movies get to be 3 hours?
But let's take a second to acknowledge the director of Black Panther, whose name is... I hate to keep being a Name-ist, but 1) it is becoming my religion, and 2) the dude's name is Ryan Coogler. Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in. Coogler directing Black Panther? That's like an ice cream guy named Cone! But Coogler's made the subtle transition from serious drama (Fruitvale Station) to semi-superhero movie (Creed) to Black Panther, an out-and-out superhero movie. Now it's time to throw it all away with a movie based on an article. Tentative title? Wrong Answer. But so far it's got the faint aroma of Oscar, so maybe it's time someone took a stand and delivered this movie to us.
Our second debut this week was the much-advertised-on-the-IMDb latest from claymeister Nick Park called Early Man. Must be British cavemen judging from the teeth. Alas, they picked the wrong venues to advertise or something. What, no one wants to be swept away by the cinema anymore? You know how long it takes to make something like that out of clay? CLAY, for God's sake? In this day and age? What, people just like The Croods that much more? You'll accept no alternate spin on the animated caveman genre? Or are people just so lazy that they merely dial up THIS on YouTube for their caveman needs? No one gets dressed up anymore; no one ventures outside the cave to risk going out to the local (movie) theatre to see stories, true or otherwise, about their ancient relatives. But there's no reason why movie producers shouldn't try anyway! The way tax laws are going, they'll be able to write it off as a business expense: "Line 35A: Unprofitable movie production activities deduction. Attach Form 8666F." Form 8666F will be mainly a series of check boxes: was your movie about a) cavemen, b) the '70s, c) features a scene with cars getting on or off a ferry.
The last debut this week is an oldie but a goodie. It's a remake of Samson and Delilah... rather, I should say that old Biblical story about Samson and Delilah. This one's called Samson. Alas, it debuted at the wrong end of the Top 10. You can fool those old Church-goers some of the time, but not when it comes to movies, oh no. They know. Passion of the Christ? Good. Last Temptation of Christ? Bad. Fireproof and Courageous? Even Saving Christmas? Good. Noah, Exodus: Gods and Kings and this? Bad. They know when to get on the bus and when ... when to not. Something like that. Besides, it's nothing to do with Jesus, so who cares. They even tried co-branding, but to no avail. You know, brought to you by Samsung and what not. Samsung. KA-BOOOOMMMM!!!!
And what's the deal with all these Taylors already? Taylor Lautner, Taylor Kitsch... and now Taylor James. No, not the singer, that's James Taylor. Whatever happened to Niki Taylor? For more information about Niki Taylor, go to her official website here. Or just straight to the photos! Magazine covers, Cover Girl (ads), Fashion, Beauty... all the categories are there... I think I got sidetracked again.

Sunday, February 11, 2018

Auteur Watch - Laurens Grant

I know, I know... someday I'll get to an auteur I actually do care about. What then? Meantime, I've got Laurens Grant. Well, someone's got to expand my horizons, why not then? We'll start with their latest and greatest title: "Stay Woke: The Black Lives Matter Movement." Oh, I'm woke A.F. ...at least, that's what I keep telling my boss when they ask me if I'm going full speed or not. But personally I think Saturday Night Live's Leslie Jones ruined the whole "Woke" movement for me when she did that show sponsored by Breitbart News. But I'll get back to the right place eventually.

...okay, I'm back. I'm thinking now that... not to be too glib and or dismissive, but Laurens' IMDb résumé is impressive. Laurens is sticking to all the right subjects... but haven't they already been done before? They've been done before, just not in HD with Surround Sound yet.

Today We Say Goodbye to a Legend

An unfortunate weekend this weekend for moviegoers in particular, and the general public in specific... something like that. Not to mention the families of the recently departed. But they live on forever on video, of course. I'm talking about Reg E. Cathey, probably most recently best known for his appearances on that show we can't talk about anymore... but I'll mention the title anyway. "Outcast"... there! I said it. Oops, I mean "House of Cards." Well, he got himself out of the tangled web of that show just in time, anyway. But as you can see, I'm including a still from What About Bob? because that's when he first came onto my own personal radar. Ah, nostalgia. How I cling to you when the house isn't a beehive of activity... oh, right, and John Mahoney as well. I'm a little disappointed that he didn't get the chance to play Joseph Gordon-Levitt's father in something. No, this episode of "3rd Rock From the Sun" is as close as we're gonna git now!
Anyway, back to the current box office. It's close to Valentine's Day, and the release of the final installment of the Fifty Shades of Grey saga is at #1. Remember when the first one came out? And to counter the arguments that people made about Trump's infidelities, someone came up with the idea to cite Fifty Shades of Grey and its success as proof that... something. I think it was to prove that Trump's infidelities are okay, because of Fifty Shades of Grey. I guess because the data breach over at Ashley Madison was too long ago, or less legitimate somehow. Well, depending on the ending of this final installment, arguments will have to be amended. I understand, and my sources confirmed this, that the filmmakers were scrambling at the last minute to include a Stormy Daniels-inspired subplot at the last minute. But, you know... they're no Ridley Scott, and this is no mere matter of Gumping out Kevin Spacey as J. Paul Getty, and replacing him with Christopher Plummer. But director James Foley is/was/continues to be until the #MeToo movement gets him, a director of some esteem. Not as hard-working as brother Jerry who had to deal with that huge pain-in-the-you know what David Letterman lo those many months, but hard working. He knows where to place a camera, to be sure... usually behind a dark object, and having it come out from behind it to introduce the next scene... nothing for it on YouTube yet. I gotta do everything myself.
At second this week, following the success of the Paddington sequel, now comes Peter Rabbit. Now, I don't watch the James Corden show, but now that I took a look at the cast list, I'm thinking he put in a plug or two for it. Every little bit helps. But as with such things, I can't help but wonder what would round out the trilogy. What old British faerie tale will be next to get the modern digital video CGI treatment? Peter Cottontail? Is there a third Alice in Wonderland book? Will the Jabberwocky get an upgrade after one to two generations now? ...that's the last one I got.
The last debut this week is Hollywood auteur Clint Eastwood's latest. He's been directing a new film on an average of one per year for a while now, but now that he's going to be 88 in May, well... I guess it's time to slow down a bit. The 15:17 to Paris took a bit longer because apparently the cast is filled with the actual victims... maybe a few of the actual perpetrators even! Looks like Alek, Anthony and Spencer were actually on the train... they play characters with the same name. They take longer to direct... once they get out of the speedy acting courses taught by people who've only heard of Stella Adler and... you know, Al Pacino's friend. The guy who played ... that guy. Meyer Lansky? If only I had access to some sort of database... THOMAS LENNON? Boy, how time flies. I keep forgetting that "Reno 911"'s Lieutenant Jim Dangle is a serious actor now. It'll take me a while, but I'll remember it eventually... then forget it again. No room for his buddies in the film, I guess. Ah, opportunity cost is a harsh mistress. But kudos to Clint Eastwood from stealing this story out from under Luc Besson's nose. Figures, don't it? Besson's been trafficking in made-up stories about terrorists forever; now here comes the perfect true story for him to ruin, and he misses out.
Whelp, the things that float in front of my eyes are telling me it's way past time to quit... what are those things? Little bacterium that float in front of your eyes. You can see them better with a blue fluorescent light of some kind. As my years are advancing, a little faster than I would have hoped, a couple of those floater thingies seem to be getting more aggressive. One of them looks like a bunch of balloons tied together, only the ones I got aren't continuing up into the sky. Maybe I should get some of that Lasik (TM) surgery they keep talking about. The only downside is I won't get to say "Hey, you wouldn't hit a guy with Lasik (TM) surgery, would ya? I mean... glasses, wouldja?" See, doesn't have the same ring to it. Same with contact lenses.

Sunday, February 04, 2018

Auteur Watch - Corey Grant

Oh, I LOVE him! North by Northwest, The Philadelphia Experiment... oh, wait. No, it's someone else entirely. Oh well.
Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for the guy. I mean, if you're going to get a Masters degree, it might as well be in film. Not many have worked with Stacey Dash and lived to tell the tale. Unfortunately, due to several nondisclosure agreements, Corey won't be able to tell that particular story until ... let's see, that was 2012, so I'm going to say 2037.
If you're a fan of director biographies on the IMDb, Corey's is a typical example of an up and comer that you should watch out for. One point that sort of separates it from the pack is a personal quote: "Stand behind your work and not in front of it." Which might seem like cowardice at first, but I suppose it's true when you're an artist giving birth to art. However, this biography seems a bit like Corey's standing in front of his work to me, but what do I know?
Incidentally, here's the trailer for Scrapbooks on YouTube, if you're interested... and you should be. Did you know the director put together this trailer, and did the titles in Final Cut Pro? He didn't have to, of course, but as a big-time film director, some tasks best not be left to the help. Did you know that? ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!!!!

Junglegate

Let me just start with the following Brain Fart (TM)... if you're like me, scary thought I know, you've probably been on the IMDb a lot, double-checking that your links are good. Seems like a lot of 'em aren't, or they're doubles / re-directs. Typical database for you. But I've been seeing a lot of ads for two things: 1) "The Alienist" with an older, wiser Dakota Fanning... she's finally catching up to Amy Poehler's occasional portrayal of her on old "SNL" episodes, as the kids abbreviate it these days. A little disappointed they weren't on this week; I've come to rely on the latest comedy inoculation for the virus-laden reality we live in today. And second, it's Josh Duhamel's latest project called "Web of Fries." It's been getting a lot of IMDb ad space, so I started to notice it in the midst of the little game I'm running. You know, in search of a good time, just running my game. The tag line seemed clever enough: "They DON'T want you to have fries with that." Oh, this goes all the way to the top. No fries, no second scoop of ice cream... but wait a minute. Long story short, it's a big Taco Bell(TM) ad! Just one big ad! So I guess the real question is, it's time to play "America's Next SECOND Big-Time Celebrity to Take On a Full-Fledged Ad Campaign for a Major Corporation." Who could it be? Clay Aiken? Robin Lord Taylor? Maybe David Patrick Kelly will come out of retirement to play a sufficiently menacing role. On the bright side, Duhamel's finally given up the ghost and learned to love playing a dad. Sigh; no more dates with Tad Hamilton, I suppose. Had to happen eventually.
As for this week's box office, there's only one debut, and it's about the Winchester house. FINALLY, it's being given the horror CGI treatment it deserves. I've actually been on the tour! Just shows to go ya, you stick around long enough in Hollywood, and your ship will come in! Of course, having a coupla A-Listers in the cast doesn't hurt. We got Helen Mirren and... someone else. I just realized that Winchester's official IMDb page isn't getting the full IMDb treatment. They're annoying, but it's fun to find the 'X' to click on to disable the Flash animation, or HTML 5 or whatever it is now. Sigh... no more Flash. Okay, so according to the poster, Jason Clarke and Sarah Snook... tee hee hee... are the other A-Listers that round out the already bulging cast. Funny story... here's how Helen Mirren ended up taking the role. She asked "Who's directing?" And the tinny voice on the other end of the line said "Michael and Peter Spierig." And she replied "Steven Spielberg? I'll do it!" A little disappointed to find out who actually was directing, but... meh. A paycheck's a paycheck. Besides, hanging around the house with a sulking Taylor Hackford's no fun. Look, they're going to be called casting "DIRECTORS" sooner or later, so get over yourself!