Always Bet on Black

As expected, Black Panther is #1 at the box office... a lot!  Well, they did run a pretty big ad campaign for it.  And the IMDb helped out a little bit too.  I forget what product they were selling, but it was definitely top shelf, don't kid yourselves.  Anyway, this will hopefully finally settle any debates people might be having on social media (particular) and the internet (generally).  Black Panther is black enough.  I mean... T'Challa?  That's more black than Shabazz!  Spider-Man is white, but Peter Parker's not an especially white name.  Not as white as, say... Rutherford van Geraldictine.  And the film clocks in at over 2 hours, so it's probably long enough.  But the sequel better be about 3 hours, to keep apace with films like The Dark Knight and The Dark Knight Rises.  Another area of white privilege: why do the white superhero movies get to be 3 hours?
But let's take a second to acknowledge the director of Black Panther, whose name is... I hate to keep being a Name-ist, but 1) it is becoming my religion, and 2) the dude's name is Ryan Coogler.  Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.  Coogler directing Black Panther?  That's like an ice cream guy named Cone!  But Coogler's made the subtle transition from serious drama (Fruitvale Station) to semi-superhero movie (Creed) to Black Panther, an out-and-out superhero movie.  Now it's time to throw it all away with a movie based on an article.  Tentative title?  Wrong Answer.  But so far it's got the faint aroma of Oscar, so maybe it's time someone took a stand and delivered this movie to us.
Our second debut this week was the much-advertised-on-the-IMDb latest from claymeister Nick Park called Early Man.  Must be British cavemen judging from the teeth.  Alas, they picked the wrong venues to advertise or something.  What, no one wants to be swept away by the cinema anymore?  You know how long it takes to make something like that out of clay?  CLAY, for God's sake?  In this day and age?  What, people just like The Croods that much more?  You'll accept no alternate spin on the animated caveman genre?  Or are people just so lazy that they merely dial up THIS on YouTube for their caveman needs?  No one gets dressed up anymore; no one ventures outside the cave to risk going out to the local (movie) theatre to see stories, true or otherwise, about their ancient relatives.  But there's no reason why movie producers shouldn't try anyway!  The way tax laws are going, they'll be able to write it off as a business expense: "Line 35A: Unprofitable movie production activities deduction.  Attach Form 8666F."  Form 8666F will be mainly a series of check boxes: was your movie about a) cavemen, b) the '70s, c) features a scene with cars getting on or off a ferry.
The last debut this week is an oldie but a goodie.  It's a remake of Samson and Delilah... rather, I should say that old Biblical story about Samson and Delilah.  This one's called Samson.  Alas, it debuted at the wrong end of the Top 10.  You can fool those old Church-goers some of the time, but not when it comes to movies, oh no.  They know.  Passion of the Christ?  Good.  Last Temptation of Christ?  Bad.  Fireproof and Courageous?  Even Saving Christmas?  Good.  Noah, Exodus: Gods and Kings and this?  Bad.  They know when to get on the bus and when ... when to not.  Something like that.  Besides, it's nothing to do with Jesus, so who cares.  They even tried co-branding, but to no avail.  You know, brought to you by Samsung and what not.  Samsung.  KA-BOOOOMMMM!!!!
And what's the deal with all these Taylors already?  Taylor Lautner, Taylor Kitsch... and now Taylor James.  No, not the singer, that's James Taylor.  Whatever happened to Niki Taylor?  For more information about Niki Taylor, go to her official website here.  Or just straight to the photos!  Magazine covers, Cover Girl (ads), Fashion, Beauty... all the categories are there... I think I got sidetracked again.