One With the Ladies

And so, how did the massive ad campaign for Disney's A Wrinkle in Time pan out?... Ouch.  As the numbers tell us, Black Panther is still #1.  But Spielberg's Ready Player One is hoping to change that next weekend!  He seemed a little depressed at the Oscars (TM) last weekend.  But if Ready Player One does good enough, they'll let him hand out an Oscar next year, maybe.  But back to A Wrinkle in Time.  Even though it didn't beat Black Panther, I think everyone involved will probably get to work again.  Director Ava DuVernay, for example, is... WHAT?!!! ARE YOU NUTS??!!!!  Her next project is a TV Movie.  ARE YOU INSANE?!?!!!!!????!!!  You've just conquered the silver screen, girlfriend!  And now you're going to throw it all away!  On a TV movie about the battle of Versailles, no less!  Tentatively titled "Battle of Versailles."  ...oh!  Just read the plot description.  Sounds a little more like Battle of the Sexes than a war epic about... about World War I.  The least obscure battle to come up on Wikipedia.  Man, oh for two today!  But the main thing to remember is DuVernay's next project is about 1) the Beautiful People, and 2) the 1970s.  Oh, if only these two subjects would ever get the respect they deserve, from Hollywood in general and from the world in particular.
...ooh!  Did you notice?  They finally fixed the underlining problem that was plaguing the internet up until now.  For you see, up until now, in the whole history of the Internets, that series of tubes we all continually rely upon for everything from automated control of our public infrastructure to the Huffington Post's Pulitzer-Prize-worthy sideboob pics, when you had the dangling lowercase letters, they had to fight with the underline.  Well, not anymore.  As David Letterman would say, before he had his award-worthy Netflix show, made in small batches by contented artisans, you've got your 'g' (ding), you got your 'j' (ding), you got your klmno (loud, annoying buzz)... 'p' (ding)  You got your 'q' (ding), rstuvwx (loud annoying buzz), and finally, you got your "y" (ding).  None of the uppercase letters has this problem.  But hey!  What about the special characters like that douche-y "|" vertical line thing?  (ding)  Well, this must've been some kind of internal font fix or something, but whoever did it is going to make a "million damn dollars," again as Letterman used to say.  Seriously, he would really run certain phrases into the ground.  Say, how much do you weigh?  And what do you think of your old buddy Clinton there?  Okay, underline off.  Ooh, can't wait to see how that looks!
At #3 this week, our second debut is the latest horror movie, and it's called The Strangers: Prey at Night... Tyler Perry isn't involved in this, is he?  He's got "The Family that Preys," as you all know.  You notice that he hasn't presented on the Oscars (TM) lately.  Well, he hasn't been allowed back ever since he quipped, in Woody Allen-style fashion, that that was as probably as close as he'd ever get to one.  And he cast Oscar(TM) winner Kathy Bates in one of his projects, for God's sake!  Oh, Oscar can be so cruel.  Anyway, so that was the second debut... meanwhile, whatever on Earth happened to that one movie?  One of Anton Yelchin's last, all over the IMDb the last few weeks... Thoroughbreds, that's it!  That was supposed to clean up this weekend!  What happened?  Well, we'll never know through the IMDb, thanks to their cutting off of the budget information.  Guess they got too many complaints.  Also, arguably they do have to try and cure film enthusiasts of their "budget fetishism," to coin a phrase.  I was part of the movement myself, I'll confess.  I mean, for a while there I just wouldn't see a movie that cost less than 300 million dollars.  But if it had "Transformers" in the title, sure, I'd skip those as well.
And the final debut this week is Rob Cohen's latest non-Vin Diesel-related megabomb, and it's called The Hurricane Heist.  Boy!  And I thought reading the Trivia page of Stealth was bad.  This one's going to be way, way worse.