Mayochup

...oh, it's just that big a deal.  A portmanteau of this magnitude comes around about once every... two, three years or so.  Because even Heinz likes to play God once in a while, pretending that the laws of mutation apply to their products as well.  Of course, some say mutations occur for various reasons; the one I'm thinking of is that, when DNA is replicated by RNA, one out of 100,000 genes is copied wrong.  And if it happens often enough, boom!  A subspecies!  So it was either "Mayochup" or "Dennison the Menace-on".  Maybe I'll do that latter next week; depends on the news.
But time is finite, and I'm busy scrambling to finish this on a weekday.  One more day of work, and it's three days vacation!  Yay for me!  But the box office never sleeps, and The Quiet Man rises anew to the #1 spot... I'm sorry, my intern's telling me that it's actually the 1080p, 4K digital transfer from flammable nitrate stock of the 1985 classic The Quiet Earth starring Bruno Lawrence and Alison Routledge... I think I went to high school with her brother!  We were in band and... sorry, wrong again.  I want to say it's The Brave One but that came out in 2007.  A seemingly more enlightened era, especially when the plot involves the white woman shooting the black cop twice... you know, so she can make a getaway, and the cop can say "Dude!  She SHOT me!" or whoever.  It's that old BCAGIF rule... you know, the Black Cop Always Gets It First.
Okay, stay focused here... it's called A Quiet Place.  Whew!  Nailed it finally.  Bing!  I mean, co-stars and married couple Emily Blunt and John Krasinski are probably guaranteed work in Hollywood for life in general... but a hit like this doesn't hurt either.  I mean, she's the new Mary Poppins, he got jacked for that Michael Bay Benghazi movie.  Great excuse to stay in shape, that Hollywood.  I haven't seen a battle for first place like this since Forrest Gump and True Lies were trading places for a few weeks there back in 1994... I'm dating myself again.  Well, what can me say?  We pine for the box office battles of our adolescence, because I used to be with it.  Then, they changed what it was... sorry, more Simpsons quotes again.
Anyway, let's devote some quality time to the debuts this week.  Got three, you know!  First, the latest Amy Schumer vehicle.  This one's called I Feel Pretty.  Oh so pretty.  Pretty and busy, too!  Isn't she still working on her Comedy Central show and all?  And shepherding the next generation of comedians under her giant wings?  That's where the real gravy is, of course, if only as a stand-up comedian.  Let's just not try to have any more Rodney Dangerfield shepherding Sam Kinison-type deals, please.  Meantime, thank you for your service, Amy... seriously?  She was in that?  Never too early to try for an Oscar, I guess.
Our second debut this week marks the return of "Broken Lizard" and their celluloid offering Super Troopers 2... I am not a fan.  Our THIRD debut this week is a film called Traffik... no, not a 4K, 1080p transfer of that old series "Traffik" upon which the 2000 Steven Soderbergh film is based.  No, this is more of that old Straw Dogs magic, if the plot description is to be believed.  Less extreme than, say, Derailed, which is nothing if not the Hollywood nightmare.  The perfect couple, Jennifer Aniston and a British guy, are attacked by some vaguely ethnic thugs straight from Central Casting.  This time, it's Paula Patton rocking the beach body, post-Thicke breakup, who's probably the victim.  And what did the American movie-attending public say to that?  Well, they said, "We'll go to see it, but we've got eight movies to see before that happens."  Well, you gotta reach for the stars and or Oscar gold like that sometimes, and risk depressing the sh... oe leather out of people to do it.
...guess that's all the witty-ish observations I have for now.  Gotta get ready for "The Daily Show" again.