Guess I'm not on too much of a roll, huh? I'll try one more tonight anyway, and then it's off to sleep, which is apparently not much of a concern for the protagonists of the latest and greatest adaptation of those new storyboards you used to be able to buy at Barnes and Noble, the graphic novel. This time, it's part of a series, of course; I mean, this isn't an Alan Moore one-off that he's going to want to remove his name from that we're messing with here, right? Of course not! This is something called The Old Guard, and I'll actually try not to spoil too many of the plot's details. It is pretty detailed, or at least it sure tries to be, just as it tries to be wise beyond its ears... and years. Damn. See, I'm just not that good. Hard to talk about a film like this without divulging its secrets.
Let me put it this way... remember Highlander? Of course you do! The original 1986 film was directed by someone named Russell Mulcahy, who started in this biz by directing music videos. Which is fitting, because the movie itself was shot and staged like the ultimate music video. I mean, Ramirez's death as he ascends that staircase to nowhere? Total heavy metal. And in its own way, The Old Guard is a stylistic by-product of its times. I don't know if it's terribly dynamic, given the sea of media riches we're all collectively drowning in these days. In fact, the action scenes seemed to remind me of a Netflix (TM) (R) (C) series called "Fauda." We binge-watched that one; I and my crew, that is. A cinematography historian could probably speak to this better than I could, but it does seem like the hand-held style of all these things is getting more and more homogenized. I've been through eight seasons of "Homeland" and seven of "Ray Donovan" and maybe I'm just jaded, who knows, but conformity seems to be the new diversity in the affairs of lighting camerapersons now.
Oh, right, the other way that The Old Guard is similar to Highlander is the plot... hmm! I just had a flashback. Did that guy think that Lorenzo Lamas was in the "Highlander" TV show? I think he did! He must've been thinking of that "Renegade" TV show instead. As far as I'm concerned, this guy was the real star of that show. Anyway, there are some characters in The Old Guard... I won't say who... SPOILER ALERT... that are immortal, too! See? It's different, organic AND original! There's more than one... oh wait, Highlander had more than one, too. But in Highlander, they weren't roommates! See? Totally original. And I couldn't help but think of ... I think this is the one! An early form of Groundhog Day that's not a comedy, this 2nd generation "Twilight Zone" episode where a man is stuck on trial forever. The trial never changes, but the various participants in it do. Freaky, right? I got a feeling the screenwriter saw that too! Remembered it, put a new dress on the old gal, and you've got your million dollar opening scene, as David Letterman might quip. Not about a fellow Netflix (R) (TM) (C) release, of course. Never badmouth your non-competition.
There's other glorious attempts to reach beyond the stars, as these characters have clearly done. They get the band back together, and have a little food contest: name the food AND... the region of the world it's from! With this crowd, you don't want to lose that game. There's the usual attempts at poetry that were often strewn about through a show like "Person of Interest"... thankfully, they all escape me. Very poetic, very relevant to the plot, probably about the striving to be a better person and what not. Another wrinkle I can't help but spoil ... SPOILER ALERT... this ragtag group of immortals finds a new one of their kind. I will say, who the new one is and the way they're found... troubling to some? Maybe even not politically correct? Well, even the most Politically Correct like to strike back every now and again.
I will say, though, even though these characters have lived a long time, probably a few thousand years, the taste for music in this thing is very, very current. EDM-type stuff... no classical music? No Gregorian chants that were particularly moving? And their problems just get worse from there. The outside world is catching up and getting tougher, I dare say. If I can spoil more of the plot, MORE SPOILERS, there's a maybe-CIA man who's been researching world events and... yup, this group of ragtag immortals seems to be leaving an awful lot of bread crumbs behind. After all, his fellow villagers kicked Highlander out after his first death, remember? But the arch villian is the young and desperate CEO of... wait for it... a pharmaceutical company! Think of it... the potion from Death Becomes Her, but in pill form? Well, the pharmaceutical company gets close! Very, very close. But ultimately, good triumphs over evil, as it often does in the movies... I think. I forget if they reclaimed all the samples or not. Also, one of the members of the immortal troupe is getting tired of the whole enterprise and wants to sell out, so there's three loose threads to this blanket that are getting pulled. So, to sum up, because it is past my bedtime again, did I enjoy myself? Well, probably for all the wrong reasons, but I tried to pick the right pic to sum it all up. The main character, played by Charlize Theron, sits up in bed and fires her gun at a bad guy... but was she being a little ironic, too? Is it irony or nonchalance? Or maybe just her own flavour of fatigue? But I think the door to a sequel or a whole series was left pretty wide open, so it ain't over yet, folks!
**1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan
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