Jakub Two-Two

...I'm sorry, I don't know what that is.  Anyway, there's three debuts this week, but otherwise a lot of the same in the Top 10.  Suicide Party is still at #1 this week, followed by Sausage Squad at #2.  The Secret Life of Pets may be at #9, but it's almost crossed the 350 million dollar mark.  Also, someone on the news said that Suicide has made 500 million worldwide, which once again proves my theory: people love the Joker.  Whether it's Jack Nicholson, Heath Ledger or... whatever incarnation of the Joker we have in Suicide Squad... Douchebag Joker?  But, really, it's the Joker's girlfriend that steals the show.  Why, look!  Squad is already in her IMDb Top 4 along with The Wolf of Wall Street... yeesh.  Somehow, she deserves better than those two together.
Okay, on to the debuts that have finally made it.  At #3 it's The Dogs of War which needs more cowbell... I'm sorry, it's simply called War Dogs.  Death to all useless words!  Screw all prepositions and definite articles.  Alas, they couldn't take it a step further and call it Wrogs or Drogs.  We're just not ready for that yet.  It's directed by Todd Phillips who's given us such box office hits as Road Trip and the Hangover trilogy.  I guess this is his way of saying that, yes, he's sick of his own body of work too!  All I know is Jonah Hill's going up against himself again with this and Sausage Party.  Where's the Sherman Anti-Trust Act that we read about in school when we need it?
At #4 it's Kung Fu Panda 4... I mean, it's something called Kubo and the Two Strings.  The Onion likes it, so I better not badmouth it.  Let's move on.  The last debut this week is Ben-Hur... really?  A new Ben-Hur?  I didn't know we needed a new one!  And apparently, debuting at #5, America didn't think so either.  Well, the new one's a hell of a lot shorter!  I'll give you that!  124 minutes vs. 212... oh, it's like night and day, it is!