Meanwhile, back at the lab, coming in at #5 is a reboot of the 1990 Joel Schumacher Brat Pack vehicle Flatliners... with a little bit of Dreamscape and Total Recall thrown in for good measure. So much hooking up of heads to weird medical devices. Of course, a lot has changed since 1990, especially when it comes to thinking about life after death. It used to be more of a thing of wonder back then. Now we've got well-selling books called "The Five People You Meet in Heaven." Trust me, all the b.s. you put up with on Earth will be totally worth it. The New York Times review was especially scathing, pointing out that no one will probably object to this remake... and if my Facebook feed is any indication, that is indeed true. Well, it was more about the casting. I mean, besides Ellen Page and Diego Luna in this current one, where's the new Brat Pack? Where's the big names? And why did only Kiefer return for the remake? And why is it like Bill Murray's cameo in the new Ghostbusters? So many questions, so few satisfying answers. But I reiterate, when it comes to fantasizing life after death, a lot's happened since 1990. It was a more romantic notion back then. Nowadays, one look at the remake's official poster, and people will say to themselves "I don't want to be an Uggo in the afterlife! Look at that FACE!!! YECCCCHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
Our last debut this week is a horror story that's a little more down to earth. It's called "Til Death"... I'm sorry, that's a raucous sitcom with TV's Brad Garrett and Joely Fisher! I always get those two mixed up. No, this silver screen exclusive outing is called Til Death Do Us Part. Here's the official IMDb plot description: "Michael and Madison Roland had planned to spend the rest of their lives together, until one day Michael's comptrolling ways turned their perfect marriage. With the help of her best friend..." Let me just stop you right there. Obviously they haven't heard of Grammarly... I've only just heard of it myself, but it apparently allows lboggers to not make certain kinds of mistakes when they're obsessively compulsively typing their guts out. But I couldn't help but think to myself... hmm! That must be quite a turn in an otherwise perfect marriage. Usually, one says, when they're talking or writing about a turn in a perfect marriage, "turned their perfect marriage into a LIVING NIGHTMARE." Take this article from The Debrief, for example! It's the first one I found after a not-exhaustive-at-all Yahoo search. Maybe you could change "turned" to "spoiled" or "soured"... something like that. Sorry, but if a slightly idiomatic plot description is your only claim to originality... well, no wonder it debuted at #9!
...oh, but I almost forgot to talk about Trump. Yecch. Well, I'm in a very Zen place right now, and what with all the revelations about expensive government-funded private jets, I can't help but think that maybe this is some way of America trying to balance out the bad karma it has on the world stage right now. And maybe Trump himself realizes this, too, even if he doesn't show it outwardly. Incidentally, who or what exactly is giving him "high marks" for his Puerto Rico response? Maybe the Koch brothers or Sheldon Adelson? We're the world's saddest imperial power. Can't even take care of our island nations a little ways off the coast. Of course, this is all detracting from coverage about the Virgin Islands. You know, all those nice places that rich people used to go to until the hurricanes destroyed them all. Rich people are so cheap... they take a ten million dollar necklace and put it in a ten dollar tin box. Well, I guess they still have too many island choices left. As some people say about TV, hey! Just change the channel! If you don't like an island that's been devastated by another massive hurricane... go to the next one over!
Of course, we'll never really know how many private jets that members of the Trump Administration have taken, are currently on right now, or will continue to take once the stench of Tom Price has cleared away. So many people who want two scoops of ice cream. This is why we need to get someone like Obama back. What if an Obama cabinet official tried to take a private jet? What do you think would happen to them? How many calls for them to be strung up in the public square, and quartered and flogged to within an inch of their life would there be from the Smug Right in this country? And from the Nigel Farages of the world? We have to restore some semblance of balance here, that's all I'm saying.
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