Everything Rebooted is Meh Again

...is he really gonna do it?  Is he really going to take the Shallow Dive (TM) (R) (C) into the DVD storage to find the original Predator?  And so, at the box office, the Cable Ace (TM) (C) (R) award for Best New Thing on TV goes to "Old Starsky and Hutches."  And of course, accepting this award is the son of the guy who played Huggy Bear (C) (TM) (R)!  I'm sorry, but if you have to Google (TM) (R) (C) that quote, you probably don't belong here... did I get all six permutations of that yet?
Anyway... and so, the reboot of the original 1987 Predator, called The Predator, is #1 at the box office.  I have yet to listen to a Predator commentary, but I'm pretty sure if the screenwriter were talking about it, he... and it's most definitely a he... would say that he got the idea in film school when he was watching Psycho, because that movie is about a robbery at first, but then... then it blossoms into something completely different.  But the cops in Psycho and the big, burly, cigar-smoking Army types in Predator are nothing if not resilient, and responsive to changes in their environment, and they both quickly learn that what they're dealing with is out of this world.  Anyway, nice to see the guy from the Rocket Mortgage commercials getting work.  I know, I know... he's originally from Mad TV and one half of "Key and Peele."  Well, the other guy might have an Oscar (C) (R) (MT)... but he's not in the new Predator!!!!!  Kinda like how Garfunkel kept Simon out of Catch-22... I mean, does Simon have to do everything better?  Absolutely EVERYTHING???!!!!!  Where was I... oh, right, someone named Boyd Holbrook also is in the cast as Quinn McKenna, because having him named Jack would be not cliché enough.  And as you can see from his IMDb bio, he is an American actor and fashion model, and in this, the Age of the Selfie and the Selfie Stick, you know which of those two is the more important... hmm!  This all seems vaguely familial... I still say they're related.
Our second debut this week is a 1080p 4K re-release in select cities of A Serious Man... sorry, that's wrong.  I mean it's a 1080p 4K fullscreen re-release of A Simple Wish... no, that's wrong too.  What is that darn thing called?  A Simple Plan?  "The Simple Life"?  A Simple Life?  A Simple Twist of Fate?  "8 Simple Rules"?  Simply Irresistible?  Demi Lovato: Simply Complicated?  ...oh, right!  I can just check the list!  Derrrr...... A Simple Favor!  That's the one.  Because even wacky comedy director Paul Feig wants and or yearns to be more Coen-esque.  I mean... where did Blake Lively disappear to?  Was she ever really here all that much to begin with?  All those years busting her all... and ass.. on "Gossip Girl," and she's got almost about as much traction as Melissa Joan of Arc.  I guess Clarissa explained it all all too well!  She put herself out of business!
The third debut this week is called White Boy Rick.  It's the tragically compelling and the compellingly tragic story of rap mogul Rick Rubin and... I'm sorry, I got that wrong again.  Let me take a second look at the movie's poster.  So this 16 year old kid becomes a drug trafficker and an FBI informant at that tender young age.  Well, Jimmy Conway was a bit of a prodigy in his own way, too.  But I can't help but wonder what Nat X would make of all this.  He would of course find it to be no surprise that a young WHITE kid could do both those things at that age, and become a U.S. Senator afterwards.  If a BLACK kid did both of those things... well, first of all, the FBI would never allow it.  And second, he could only get as high as the Lieutenant Governor of Maryland, something like that.  I'm, of course, speculating on a hypothesis here.  Anyway, it's probably too soon to predict a second Oscar (R) (TM) (C) for Matthew McConaughey, but surely he'll get the Thalberg for something, or maybe one of those Jean Hershholt ones for all he's done to further the cause of legalized marijuana.
Our final, fourth debut this week is an interesting one, if only to me.  A sequel of sorts, also about Louis Zamperini, and it's called Unbroken: Path to Redemption.  While it's too soon to say whether or not it's on the level of The Godfather: Part II (spoiler alert: it's not), it seems to be clear that it will probably be considered a triumph in Christian cinema circles.  After all, the director and part-time caveman is named Harold Cronk, director of such fine features as God's Not Dead 1 and the probably Christian-skewed The Adventures of Mickey Mouse Matson and the National Copperhead Treasure.  I don't know if the kids will like it / fall asleep halfway through it, but it will leave the adults asking this: I wonder what it was that Frank Drank?  And, how do I get some?  Billy Graham's son is also in Unbroken 2: Christian Boogaloo, but somehow I don't think his flock are going to turn this one into a must-see memorable classic.  The secular critics sure aren't!  I know, I know... the filmmakers are boasting about how much less this one cost to make than the original.  More green screens, less edits, that kind of thing.  That's not a good thing, guys.