After Stardom Ends

Brought to you by the new children's book, "Charlie Brown Meets Winnie the Pooh."  "Execrable," raves the Wall Street Journal.  Vanity Fair Review of Children's Books exclaims "It's the icon matchup of the century that everyone assumed had already happened somewhere else."  Breitbart News raves "More Libtard Pablem for their dwindling Base.  See you at the next White House Correspondents' Dinner, @**h0les!  We'll have TWO tables there."  Man, I'm terrible at multi-tasking!  I gotta hire some elves or something.  Can I at least have a USB port that isn't so slow?  Whatever became of Firewire?  Wasn't that faster?  Anyway, as partially expected, Glass was #1 for the third week in a row... but just barely.  This in fact might change after the official Box Office recount that happens from time to time.  Glass has about 88 million total domestic after three weeks, but it took 150 million in adverts to get that 88 million.
Not much for the debuts this week!  Peter Jackson's World War I doc, They Shall Not Grow Old, emerges at #10, which would normally happen if it got an Oscar (TM) (R) (C) nomination... but it didn't!  Just a BAFTA one!  Well, he's still smarting after Mortal Engines totally ate it at the box office.  Not often do critics and the public agree so strongly.  The only debut to speak of this week is called Miss Bala.  Now, maybe I'm just virulently racist, but I was briefly reminded of Colombiana.  My, how the time does fly. 

But this new version of Miss Bala does smack of Hollywood tinkering a teeny bit.  I mean, take the rare, second pic for example.  Now, see if you can guess which one's the original, and which one's the remake... take your time... that's right!  The one on the left is the original, and it's rated R.  The one on the right, well... I'll bet the girl on the left could pull off the look as well, but whatever.  The remake is a PG-13 affair, and they are of course trying to turn it into the next Taken.  I'll certainly keep my fingers crossed for y'all!  After all, if the 2nd Amendment is so great, shouldn't Mexicans enjoy them as well?  You can see why they'd want to, as well as the rest of the world, for that matter.  Anyway, I will do a mini-Auteur Watch for Catherine Hardwicke, just because.  Well, you gotta hand it to her.  Not many make the leap from production designer to director.  Also, finding the next Twilight ain't easy, and you want to try and pick a project you'll find interesting and all that.  Is there anywhere else in the world that us dumb Americans can look to for inspiration about our Southern border problems?  Vietnam and Korea have the opposite problem that we have.  Must be that whole Coriolis effect or something.  The problem country is in the North for the two of them.  Personally, I think we should just make Mexico the 51st state... something like that.  Might take a while to smooth out the rough edges... maybe a few hundred years.  I'm no international relations expert, Lord knows.  All I know is Reagan told Gorbachev to tear down his wall, not move it to Mexico.  And arguably, that was the real deal!  Barb wire, machine gun nests, secret police to harass anyone who got within 100 yards... how'd that work out for them?  I mean, long term?