Vintah Has Come At Last

Brought to you by The Locker on the End.  The Locker on the End!  Seems like a good idea at first, until you get ten guys at once going for their Lockers in the Middle.  Crowded much?  Anyway, Easterners will still taunt me with the whole "Snowflake Newbie" thing... I mean, whatever.  Us here on the West Coast only seem to get a major snowstorm once every ten years or so, but who knows?  Mankind's working on that.  Who knows what exactly climate change will bring?  Drier summers, wetter Autumns, maybe this four to eight inches of snow is a mere warmup, so to speak.  But whatever weather you're dealing with in your part of the country, people were still able to find enough determination to go to the great Story Houses that seem to be all over the place.  The great centers we congregate to, get in line for, maybe some popcorn, then go to sit in the darkened arenas, waiting for storytime to begin.  I like the previews myself; lets me know the system's got a long-term plan for the future.  Sure, Hollywood was worried about Y2K, but c'mon!  Play It to the Bone hasn't come out yet!
...sorry, got distracted again.  Not to mention the whole Candy Crush thing.  I'm stuck on a level in Jelly that seems easier than it looks, and stuck on a level in Soda that's hard, but just because it's been programmed that way.  But you know what?  I play it long enough, the Gods of Randomness will take pity upon me.  I'll keep getting those Color Bombs and the special Paint ones, as if the game's saying "C'mon!  You can DO this!  I can't make it much easier for you, man!"  And speaking of things that exist on a grid, The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part is #1 at the box office!  Huzzah.  Thereby making up for the failure of the Lego Ninjago one.  And finally, once again a sequel that's once again proud of its ordinal number... ordinal?  Cardinal?  What existential crisis are the citizens of Legoland (TM) (R) (C) facing now?  What villain could possibly want to destroy Legoland (R) (C) (TM)?  Are the citizens of Lock Blox getting their sh... act together?  Maybe the Lincoln Log (TM) people are getting desperate?  Ooh!  Maybe the citizens of Spirographville (TM) aren't feeling all the benefits of that toy's semi-triumphant return in more compact, Earth-friendly packaging.  Let me check the plot description... nope, they're keeping it in house on this one.  It says something about Duplo (TM) (R) (C) invaders.  Boy, next thing you know there's going to be an attack by all the old sets and what not.  My favorite that I can't seem to shake from the craw of my mind is the yellow 740 set.  It featured mainly yellow bricks, and you could make a bulldozer with it!  Or one of those trucks with a big-ass shovel on front... holy Crap!  Is that it?  I forgot about all the red roofing tiles, and more importantly, the motor!  Anyway, I understand Duplo's anger.  They're getting phased out on the Fred Meyer shelf, for one.  I guess they never took off because they didn't invest in enough infrastructure to integrate with regular Lego (TM) bricks.  Sure, you could use the 2x2x3 and stick those on top, but they've got the center peg in 'em.  Work on that, Lego!  Or is that the ending of the movie?  Sorry; SPOILER ALERT.
Meanwhile, in second place, it's the gender reversal of 2000's What Women Want called What Men Want.  Now I think I love Taraji P. Henson and Tracy Morgan and all that, but I was getting a little fatigued seeing the same pic over and over again on the IMDb.  I clearly use that site too much.  Anyway, it's a small victory for director and potential Putin lookalike Adam Shankman.  I'm telling you!  Role of a lifetime!  You've worked with Adam Sandler before.  Wotta cameo that would be.  You bump into Sandler at the mall, say "Excuse me pl-y-ease!" and move on, to which Sandler would say "Oh my g'od." or something like that.  I'm assuming Sandler hasn't yet gone the way of Trump and Steven Seagal... has he?  (sniffle, wipe away tear)  Your move, Shawn Levy.  I still insist there's a rivalry 'twixt those two.
...even though Levy's clearly winning.  Anyway, next debut.  Too many debuts this week!  In third place, it's Liam Neeson's latest take on Death Wish and it's called Cold Pursuit.  Neeson himself got into a little hot water, as you might know, with his anecdote about... I believe it was about wanting to kill a racist of a certain ethnic background, and he even had a very specific weapon with which to do it.  Could be time to announce his next and final retirement... whew, thought I was about to lose the power there.  Lotta wind this evening!  Probably will still happen.  I will give a brief shout-out to Green Book in its 13th week in the Top 10.  This'll be Peter Farrelly's first two Oscar (TM) (R) (C) nominations... and the best part is, he doesn't have to share it with omega-brother Bobby!  In yo face.  The fourth and last debut this week is part of that latest wave of new R-rated Conjuring-esque horror movies.  This one's called The Prodigy and it's about a haunted boy.  It's the type of role that Cameron Bright would've played ten years ago.  Like this one!  I probably gotta go.