Awright! Back to work. Lest we let's see... Jared Brown? No, just a set dresser. And sometimes actor. Because even the pickiest casting directors have to admit: it can only be Jared. Who's next? Jared F. Brown? Nah, just a mere producer. Producer of things like "Gordon B. Wonderful: A Giant Among Jockeys," because hey. Even Jared F. Brown can only take so much of the Swan Princess after a while. Am I right or am I right or am I right? Right? Right? Right? Give you the ternary choice on that one. Awright, next. And next is someone or something called Jaybrowncomedy. You know, it's actually nice to see something like that that's not camel-cased. But it was a different era.
And on to the next, which is Jason Brown, and... thank you. You know, I was looking for something to geek out about today, and here it is. I mean, Equal Impact? Just off the top of my head, I can think of that one Dirty Harry classic that no one likes to talk about, except for the "Go ahead... make my day" line, Sudden Impact. Then there's the 1998 Téa Leoni classic, Deep Impact. Then there's the twin brother classic Double Impact. Not since Dead Ringers has an actor imbodied two different characters in the same movie. I mean, one is the Muscles of Brussels, the other is the Muscles of Brussels. For those of us out there for whom the TV trailer is seared permanently into our brains, there is, was and always will truly be... two of them.
Then of course, there's Genshin Impact, which I don't care about so much. It's just one that came up when I did my usual IMDb Search. And then, I can get into the whole Extreme series: Extreme Prejudice, Extreme Justice, and even Extreme Measures, to a degree. And one of my personal favourites: Excessive Force II: Force on Force. But it's hard not to get too Zen about that one. But Equal Impact? EQUAL???!!! Really? Seriously? Impact is not about equality. Impact is not about equitability, or equanimity. How about a sequel called Eventual Backlash? Damn... good title. Shoulda kept that to myself. But you know, hey... glad to do my part. Now, because of me, Equal Impact has made an impact. It's here on YouTube... sorry, ¥®ü+Üßê for a limited time probably. I'm downloading it now just in case. #Sucks2BU!
Awright, on to the next Jason Bourne... Brown. Nope, just a sound guy on something called Lovers Lame... I'm sorry, it's Lovers Lane. Well, it is Valentine's Day coming up real soon, and I am looking for a nice movie that celebrates romance. Yeah, there was some clickbait tab on the IMDb over there; man, how I depend on that site. There was a tab about unconventional romance movies like Lars and the Real Girl. Sometimes, yes, but according to my astrologer, I will stay with my conventional romance movies this week, thank you very much. Awright, next: another Jason Brown. Must be a common name or something. Hmmm. But I'll tell you what isn't common: this "Pipeline" thing. Whelp, it took him 20 years to claw his way to the top of the CGI visual effects world to work on "Pipeline," so it must be something. As well as this ReDefine thing. As for me, I'm putting all my money into caffeine. Caffeine and this quantum computing thing. Telling you! Big money in a computer that operates at near zero degrees Kelvin. Just place it on the dark side of the moon and you can't go wrong. Instant rendering. You can put out a Pixar movie every month. All you need is a steady supply of good scripts about neurotic characters and you can't go wrong.
Awright, on to the next, and it's someone named Jay Brown, and... oh, thank GOD! A director. Well, ultimately, these Playboy Video Calendars don't direct themselves! The trick is to get a gay guy to direct them. You know, better sense of style, and none of those pesky erections to deal with. Happy Valentine's... sorry, GAL-entine's Day, everybody!
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