Awright! Back to work. So who's next in this Cavalcade of Whimsy? This Rolling, Ongoing Palimpsest of Auteurship? Peter James Bridges? Nope, just an actor. Well, how about James L. Brewster then? Nope, actor, hat model and Bryan Cranston understudy. A guy so nice, you gotta IMDb number him twice. Jim Brewster perhaps? Nope, horse wrangler, maybe whisperer. Gotta work your way up to whisperer, you know! Jimmy Brewster maybe? Nope, actor of old. How about John Brewster then? Nope, singer, actor... a sextuple threat! Everything BUT directing! Jonathan Brewster possibly? Nope, actor. How about Jordana Brewster? Nope, just a National Treasure. We'll all just have to make her an honorary Auteur, just because. Here's her second number, by the by. Maybe June Brewster perhaps? Nope, actress... hmm! What is it about the name Brewster that compels one to try acting for a living? James Brewster Thompson perchance? Nope, ACTOR! Even if it's a MIDDLE name!!!
Time for a paragraph break. Julian Brewster? Actor. Jennilie Brewster? NOT an actor! But that's the Patriarchy, man. It keeps everybody under its thumb. Not David Letterman, though. He's a free spirit. A bit expensive on society as a whole, but free nonetheless. Jane Brewster? Nah, just an animator. John W. Brewster? Driver! We've hit a non-actor patch, or so it would seem. Daniel J. Brewster? Nope, just Additional crew, and occasional dealmaker with the Devil. Josh Brewster maybe? Nope, actor and, according to his one credit, he's kind of a big deal. Sounds like an Auteur in the rough to me! Jace Brewster? Well, if it takes four years to go from gopher to writer, it must take at least eight to become a full-fledged auteur. Stay tuned! Josephine Brewster? Nah, actress. James M. Brewster? Nah, producer. Not an actor! That's new. Jim Brewster? Nah, actor. Jenny Brewster? Nah, just a self... think I'll bookmark this one, just in case. Sari Brewster Tietjen? Not as fun as the previous... Jock Brewster? Another 'Self'! With a name like that, I guess you'd have to be! Jennifer Brewster? Nah, Additional Crew. John Brewster? Actor. Jessica Brewster? Behind-the-Camera stuff. (AKA Jess) Jane Brewster? Art Department. Jackie Brewster? Animation producer... but has he or she actually sat down at the desk and drawn on a damn cel? Huh? Answer me that! Sorry... got carried away again. Jay Brewster? Actor. Cheryl Jean Brewster? Nah, just a 'Self'... fun trivia fact: Steve Harvey screwed up that pageant too! Jamie Fewster? Add'l Crew. Jill Fewster? Add'l Crew. Harry Brewster-Jones? Composer... different! I like it. Jay Brewster? Nah, just Thanks.
And Thanks to Me for the new paragraph. Sorry... ¶ Kingman Brewster Jr.? Nah, just a 'Self.'... and what a self, indeed! Grandfather of... guess who! Kingman Brewster Sr. will just have to remain a mystery for now. Jane Brewster? Art Dept. J. J. Brewster? Dyn-o-mite Lighting Cameraman. Joel h Brewster? Empty Cypher! Maybe he's a poet; no one else seems to know it. Javon Brewster? Lazy Actor. Jack Brewster? Art Dept. Jack Brewster? Nothing! Jessica Brewster (II)? Add'l Crew. Joslyn Brewster? Actress. Joseph Brewster? That rare individual who was able to take a 'Thanks' credit and turn it into a full-fledged showbiz career! My new hero. John Fewster? Cast in fine pewster. John Brewster? Actor. George Brewster Jr.? Thanks. And again, the Sr. is chopped liver, apparently! Justine Gaudreau-Fewster? Another Comic-Con Klingon. Okay, so she's not a household name yet, but she's a Facebook superstar! Sorry, but you should probably find her yourself. John Brewster? Thanks. Jamie Brewster? Well, with a title like The Adventures of Jurassic Pet: Chapter 1 on one's résumé, I'm thinking Vimeo (TM) (R) Superstar.
Whelp, I've goofed off long enough, but I think I finally found one: Joe Brewster. Thank GOD! Writer, Producer, Director, Caterer... what? It's an important craft! Starting out with fictional works, Brewster finally decided to put his college education to work and make documentary films... and a video game? Eh, why not. Can't be any worse than that one I keep referencing! #DaikatanaSlam
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