Auteur Watch - F.E. Johnston

Whelp, against my better judgment, I'm going to go ahead and type this in using the patented Blogger (TM)(C)(R) editor. Probably not a good idea today, since there seems to be something wrong with the... I'm going to guess the CSS? That stands for Cascading Style Sheets (C)(TM)(R). It's a web programming language thing, and it's used to make the pages on your website all look the same. Variety is the spice of life, but not on the web. On the web, it's mostly about automation, but stylistically it's all about pleasing pastel colors, and uniformity uniformity uniformity. Why, even THIS website has a certain sameness to it! ACK. Which brings us to this week's semi-auteur named ... oh, wait! I get to play that Game of Old I usually play in situations like this. What do this person and this person and this person all have in common? YES!!! They're ALL the same person. Sorry, IMDb, but that's what you get for being the only game in town. AND for using a number-based hyperlink system. Perhaps someday you shall overcome and do like ACK... I mean, Wikipedia and use text-based hyperlinks instead. It would certainly throw off all MY hyperlinks that point to you! Incentive #1. Why, I'm still finding hyperlinks with "us.imdb.com" in them on my site; apparently, Russian hackers like to use them for a cheap, Zero Hour-type situation... no, that's not it. Zero-Day Exploit, that must be it. Thank you, Yahoo... that's my new Southern roommate who's staying here until he gets that driving job with Amazon (R)(TM)(C). Smart guy! A little nosy, but that's what you potentially want in a delivery driver. Anyway, person #2 is just your typical IMDb error which they've patched up easily enough; why, the average IMDb user would hardly notice! But because they deal with a database of about 10 million people in show biz, and about 12 million movies, TV shows, and Right-wing podcasts increasingly... I'm just saying. Jump on that, Southern Poverty Law Center! Anyway, that poor Microsoft SQL Server 2012 must be having a headache. So many people to deal with. But, that's what you get in Hollywood. Every barista, bikini- and non-bikini, every bus boy and girl, every office worker, has a screenplay in the trunk of their car, and a Hollywood royalty relative on Speed Dial, so be careful who you're mean to, or it'll be that scene in Casino all over again, with you as De Niro and someone as L.Q. Jones, coming in peace at first. Know the signs!

Anyway, as for this Person #3, well... I forget what specific kind of database error this is, which is why I didn't get that job with the State. Everybody wants 20 years experience at Minimum Wage rates. Even me! But someone at the IMDb seems to have jumped the gun. But if you go over S.C. Johnson Wax... I mean, F.E. Johnston's résumé carefully, all 17 credits as Second Unit or Assistant Director, and you look at what studio released each film, you will find a common thread: 20th Century Fox... oh, right. Even THEY don't want to be called Fox anymore! How time flies. Okay, so unlike me, try to stay focused on that fact: Second Unit or Assistant Director, 20th Century Fox. Okay, if you like, also consider the 20th Century Fox picture Three Blind Mice (1938). Now, go back to Person #3. One credit: 20th Century Fox's Drums Along the Mohawk (1939). #justsayin I know his name is misspelled, but maybe just maybe ... ? Well, I'll tell you this. This guy's lucky he's not applying for a job today. If he were applying for a job today, the interviewer would take a look at the guy's résumé, and the second or third question would be "Now, there's this gap of three years between 1939 and 1942. There's NOTHING on here about what you were doing for that three years. Care to explain it?" Um... a little thing called WORLD WAR II? EVER HEARD OF IT? OR WERE YOU SICK THAT DAY IN HIGH SCHOOL HISTORY CLASS OH OH OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Sorry, sorry... got a little carried away. I saw part of How to Marry a Millionaire on Turner Classic Movies once! Whew, that's a mouthful. When are they going to shorten it to Turner Classics? Or maybe just Turner? What became of Theodore Turner, incidentally? For a ruthless billionaire he's awful reclusive these days! Anyway, like I was saying, another toast to F.E. Johns(t)on, our latest Auteur, and may your fine assistant / second unit directing live forever in our vaults and in our hearts thanks to digital restoration.