It's a wonderful night for Oscar... Oscar, Oscar... 2010?

Oh, someone's going to KILL me if they find out I'm posting this here! Sorry it's so late folks; I know how you've come to rely on me for Oscar predictions, so here goes... it's a bit of a hasty cut 'n paste job, and my Hyperlink maven's taken a leave of absence. Do what you can w/it.

Welp, the Oscars are this weekend and it's time to call another horse race using only my wits and my numbering system. Who will win big this year: classy Brits or greedy internet nerds? The best way to judge seems to be by tracking the Golden Globes, but I think the Facebook movie will get all the big important awards, like Best Picture and Director, while The King's Speech will get the acting awards, set design, and all those type awards, with True Grit and the others cleaning up like hyenas after the lions have taken the lions' share. For full disclosure, I do have a Coen brothers bias which will be reflected in my numbering system. The way I pick now is to assign a number to each: 1 being least likely to win, and 3, 4, 5 or even 10 for most likely. Ten best pics now! Just like in the 30s and 40s.

But let's break down these award bad boys one at a time. It's a long ceremony, deserving of a long critique. For Best Animated Feature, ever since Shrek, the rule is: Pixar wins. Always. Except for 'Spirited Away' in 2002, it's Pixar, followed by DreamWorks. That it's Toy Story 3, and the end of a trilogy, well, that's mere icing on the cake. Oh, the Simpsons can poke all the fun they want (Condiments!! LOL), but it's still the law of the land. Okay, next category.

Best Foreign Language Film: Biutiful's got the most buzz, and Javier Bardem's finally disassociated in the American mind from his role in No Country for Old Men, but In a Better World's got the most upbeat title, and seeing as how most of the Oscar voting block doesn't have time to see every film, that's generally how they'll pick it. In a Better World edges out Biutiful, but it's close.

Best Feature Doc: Lotta cool titles this year: GasLand, Waste Land, Restrepo... but everyone's got Banksy fever for some reason, so it's Exit Through the Gift Shop... real cool title!

Best Short Documentary: Another tough call, but I'm thinking Strangers No More's going to take the gold. If only Obama and his Republicans could say as much.

Best Short Live Action Film: I'm changing my mind from God of Love to Wish 143. I mean, what IS wish 143? Probably has something to do with a prison. The title would be better suited to a documentary, ultimately.

Best Animated Short Subject: Madagascar, a Journey Diary, because the Oscar voting block is going to think it has something to do with DreamWorks' Madagascar franchise, and really, who amongst us wants to piss off Spielberg? Besides, Gruffalo's already got a Best Supporting Actor nod this year! No double dipping!!!

Best original score: I'm giving Inception a 1, my lowest score. I saw Inception in the theater, and while it was a movie with many fine attributes, the music was not one of them. Too similar to Nolan's The Dark Knight; kind of the same pulsing Bruckheimer-esque music going back to The Rock. To award it an Oscar is to set a dangerous precedent. I'm thinking The King's Speech has got the kind of music the Academy's looking for: regal, dignified, and insufferably British. What, is Carter Burwell chopped liver?

Original Song: As usual, it's another group of instantly forgettable songs... and they can't even cobble together five anymore! Randy Newman's already won his Pixar Oscar, so they'll probably give it to Tangled. ANYBODY but Country Strong, for God's sake, IMHO.

Makeup: Probably The Wolfman, and I know what you're thinking. I'm thinking it, too: does Rick Baker really need another Oscar? The dude's already got six!

Visual Effects: Well, Oscar seems to have it in for Harry Potter. They'll probably wait for the last film to lavish HP with Oscar gold; as long as it does well at the box office, so I'm thinking Alice in Wonderland will take it.

Sound Editing: Probably Inception, with True Grit a close second. With all these editing awards, it seems like the longest film usually wins.

Best Editing: It'll be a close tie between The King's Speech and The Social Network, but I'm thinking Social Network. Both films are the same length, but Social Network probably represented longer hours at the Avid: a true reflection of our ADD-afflicted modern age.

Best Sound Mixing: The King's Speech. And how perfect would that be? Sound mixing is practically what the film's about!

Costume Design: Will Sandy Powell win her fourth Oscar, or will Coleen Atwood (a Yakima native!) win her third? Can't Mary Zophres win her first? No. The stakes are just that high. Alice in Wonderland will probably take it.

Art Direction: Again, Harry Potter will get dissed, but does Stuart Craig really need that fourth Oscar? Yes he does. He has yet to get that first Harry Potter Oscar. There's a big difference, but he'll have to hold his breath for a while. Alice in Wonderland takes it.

Cinematography: Cinematography is an art in trouble, which is ironic, seeing as how 3D's just starting to take off. But between the double punch in the gut from the CGI revolution and the streaky, digital videotape revolution, what's the point in an award for it anymore? Let me put it this way: we're back to ten Best Picture nominees, but they're not bringing back the division between best color and best black and white cinematography. Anyway, Roger Deakins will probably get dissed for the ninth time (it's a union thing) and the statuette will go to... let's say, Black Swan. That whole following-the-person-around-and-we-only-see-the-back-of-their-head thing: that's kinda new! Even though it was in The Wrestler as well...

Adapted Screenplay: Danny Boyle's getting some freebies this year because of Slumdog Millionaire, but word on the street is The Social Network gets it, mostly because Aaron Sorkin didn't have any of the characters say that they're never ever sick at sea.

Original Screenplay: Probably The King's Speech. Do NOT give it to The Fighter! (Don't worry, Oscar won't...)

Director: Well, it's a tough year, but I'm going to say that David Fincher will finally win the Oscar he should've gotten for... let's say, Fight Club.

Supporting Actress: Hailee Steinfeld in True Grit. No question.

Supporting Actor: Kind of a meager field this year. Jeremy Renner gets a freebie for last year, and why not, damn it? So I'm going to go with Geoffrey Rush just because I like him. Remember Mystery Men? Quills? He did a mean James Woods impression in House on Haunted Hill!

Actress: Well, despite her new movie, No Strings Attached, there's no reason to think that Natalie Portman's momentum has lessened. She'll take the gold.

Actor: I'm sure Jesse Eisenberg's probably a nice person... okay, maybe not, but he's got the snowball's chance. Colin Firth will win, but it's the Oscar he should've gotten for A Single Man... I guess. Still, Tom Hanks won two years in a row... Katharine Hepburn won two years in a row, why not the Dude?

And finally, Best Picture: I'll stick with Social Network, because I like what one of the other critics said: it'll win because it plays into everyone's current dream of becoming a billionaire. But I do have an appreciation for Wayne and Garth's reasoning for Winter's Bone as well. It's also California State Law that the Best Director and Picture Oscars be the same, and it is broken at somebody's peril. Between True Grit and The Social Network, Scott Rudin's got his bases covered. Hollywood begrudgingly accepts that. He's the new Weinsteins all in one!

Well, that's about it for me. Better get back to the ol' thesis. Wish my predictions luck!!




Best Motion Picture of the Year
2 127 Hours
6 Black Swan
1 The Fighter
7 Inception
5 The Kids Are All Right
8 The King's Speech
10 The Social Network
4 Toy Story 3
9 True Grit
3 Winter's Bone

Best Actor
3 Biutiful
4 True Grit
1 The Social Network
5 The King's Speech
2 127 Hours

Best Actress
4 Annette Bening
3 Nicole Kidman
1 Jennifer Lawrence
5 Natalie Portman
2 Michelle Williams

Best Supporting Actor
4 Christian Bale
1 John Hawkes
3 Jeremy Renner
2 Mark Ruffalo
5 Geoffrey Rush

Best Supporting Actress
3 Amy Adams
4 Helena Bonham Carter
2 Melissa Leo
5 Hailee Steinfeld
1 Jacki Weaver

Best Director
3 Darren Aronofsky
4 Coens
5 David Fincher
2 Tom Hooper
1 David O. Russell

Best Original Screenplay
1 Mike Leigh
4 The Fighter
2 Inception
3 The Kids Are All Right
5 The King's Speech

Best Adapted Screenplay
2 127 Hours
5 The Social Network
3 Toy Story 3
4 True Grit
1 Winter's Bone

Best Cinematography
5 Black Swan
1 Inception
2 The King's Speech
3 The Social Network
4 True Grit

Best Art Direction
5 Alice in Wonderland
3 Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1
1 Inception
2 The King's Speech
4 True Grit

Best Costume Design
5 Alice in Wonderland
1 I Am Love
3 The King's Speech
2 The Tempest
4 True Grit

Best Sound Mixing
2 Inception
5 The King's Speech
3 Salt
1 The Social Network
4 True Grit

Best Editing
3 127 Hours
2 Black Swan
1 The Fighter
4 The King's Speech
5 The Social Network

Sound Editing
5 Inception
2 Toy Story 3
1 Tron: Legacy
4 True Grit
3 Unstoppable

Visual Effects
5 Alice in Wonderland
3 Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1
1 Hereafter
2 Inception
4 Iron Man 2

Makeup
2 Barney's Version
1 The Way Back
3 The Wolfman

Original Song
1 127 Hours
3 Country Strong
4 Tangled
2 Toy Story 3

Original Score
2 127 Hours
3 How to Train Your Dragon
1 Inception
5 The King's Speech
4 The Social Network

Best Short Animated Film
1 Day & Night
2 The Gruffalo
3 Let's Pollute
4 The Lost Thing
5 Madagascar, a Journey Diary

Best Short Live Action Film
2 The Confession
1 The Crush
3 God of Love
4 Na Wewe
5 Wish 143

Best Short Documentary
1 Killing in the Name
3 Poster Girl
5 Strangers No More
2 Sun Come Up
4 The Warriors of Qiugang

Best Feature Doc
5 Exit Through the Gift Shop
3 GasLand
1 Inside Job
2 Restrepo
4 Waste Land

Best Foreign Language Film of the Year
4 Biutiful
3 Dogtooth
5 In a Better World
2 Incendies
1 Outside the Law

Best Animated Feature Film
2 How to Train Your Dragon
1 The Illusionist
3 Toy Story 3

National Endowment AWAY from the Arts

Maybe I'm crazy, or maybe Pop Goes the Easel is THE BEST DAMN STOOGE SHORT EVER... at least, for 1935. It's got it all: "Look at the grouse," hopscotch, gay shopkeepers, microphone shadows (see picture), Depression Era cars ... and it all culminates in a giant clay-throwing fight. I HOPE that was clay, anyway. Well, it was the Depression and pies were definitely a luxury.
This is where we get our first lesson from Professor Moe. You know what I mean, that moment in a Stooge film when Moe has to explain something to Larry or Curly, or both in this case. Moe is their leader! He's the brains and President of that corporation, don't kid yourselves. The first lesson is on how to get a job. What they don't realize is it's all a setup for the big chase sequence, ending where the Stooges find themselves suddenly in their new occupation: in this case, art students. Those three art students that were expected, if you will.
The first life they ruin is a painter confounded by... well, I hate to ruin it, but to explain it is to ruin it. It's probably a gag they stole from Buster Keaton. A beam of light is shining onto a painting. The artist furiously tries to get rid of it, painting away at it. He steps in the light's way, the light disappears, and he is happy. Very happy. He moves, the light reappears, he is sad. Very sad. The Stooges proceed to ruin his painting in small strokes, then all at once in a great flood. The painter gets knocked unconscious, and falls into a heap into a chair. Life ruined.
There's also a part where Moe echoes an old Ted Healy line, "You don't have long to live, son!" Ted had to go, but his influence lives on. Meanwhile, the cop that was chasing the boys is still hot on the trail. The boys end up in drag, and Curly gives Moe some serious hell over his outfit. Moe pokes Curly in the eyes, Curly says "Ooooooo!", and Curly's head snaps back, knocking off his wig. The cop fortunately figures out what's going on, but the boys get the best of him anyway.
Al Thompson starts the movie by spraying Larry with mud from his car. I remember him best from his bit part in G.I. Wanna Home, for some reason. Also, this bald dude whose wig gets knocked off by clay, he plays the veritable Barabbas of the Stooges in Dutiful but Dumb, a photographer who's sentenced to be shot for taking pictures in Vulgaria, but the Stooges get taken in his place instead... probably for good reason.
Now, about that big clay fight. It has a little trouble getting off the ground, but once it gets going, look out. Curly has to kick start it by saying "Gimme that.... GIMME THAT!!!" The clay hits untold dozens in the head, neck and chest, knocks on doors, hits the wall next to an art admirer. Classic stuff. They simply didn't know how to end it, so Moe slaps about eight people around him in a row. A good lesson for Governor Scott Walker of Wisconsin! Of course, you'll win the battle that way but will definitely lose the war...

****
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Next week: Uncivil Warriors!!!

Auteur Watch - Jay and Mark Duplass

There's too much material to cover here, so I'll just focus on Duplass career highlights. It directorially began with The Puffy Chair... okay, with Scrapple. Both Duplasses are credited with directing. It's a simple short film about a game of Scrabble gone awry. For me, there can be only one, and that's The Big Snit. Foot down here. Anyway, that's college time. Time for the real world with The Puffy Chair, the Duplass' take on the time-tested road pic genre. Apparently, this is where the ego clash began, and Jay wanted to take all the directing credit for himself. Okay, just this once, but after that, we're doing like the Coens do now. Credit for both! All for one, one for all. Jay's doing what he can, but really, even a blind man can see that Mark's the alpha brother, graciously splitting his time between acting and directing duties. Next came Baghead, which made some waves, and helped bring about this genre called 'Mumblecore.' Is that going to end up being like grunge, a controversial label some will call extremely unfair? And finally, we come to Cyrus, their first entry into the Weekly Top 10 sweepstakes, and it's all uphill from here. They're more in demand than Jody Hill even! Nothing but award shows and lectures on college campuses from here on out for these Duplass boys. Congratz!

The Best Film of ... 2006?

Boy, the Onion AV Club's right! More questions than answers. The making-of stories of the films are more interesting! ...at this week's box office. Not only does James Frey rear his ... handsome head with I Am Number Four, but this Unknown film was apparently made in 2006!!! Why it's taken this long is a mystery to me... okay, the IMDb's made a mistake. Here's the link to the proper Unknown. Oh, these kinds of snafus are what make life worth living. But here's a real unknown for me: Liam's supposed to be married to January Jones in the movie, and Liam's, like, twice her age at least ... okay, at least 1.78 times her age. Old enough to be her father, anyway. You're portraying a doctor, not a vain Hollywood actor who's 'retired' twice already! Act like it!
At #2 is I Am Number Four... Who is number one? You are Number Six! I am not a number. I am a free man! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.... Sorry, got sidetracked. Kinda looks like Push, except light comes out of #4's hands, not ... pushomagnetic energy, or whatever.
The other debut this week, rather than going direct to video, it's Big Momma 3. Martin Lawrence has his pride! A straight to DVD release would provide comfort to all his enemies. Bachelor Party 2, on the other hand... they could've released that on YouTube and no one would care.

You kids don't know how good you have it...

See, in the olden days of videotape, we'd have to carefully pause the tape, take a photo with either a Polaroid or our old clunky Kodak film camera... and PRAY it turns out okay. On the other hand, we didn't have blogs to post these images to. One begets the other, apparently. Plus, you'd be thought of as a little cuckoo... But now! All I gotta do is a screen capture, a quick cut 'n paste job, and presto! On the web to billions of people instantaneously in general, and my 8 followers in particular. As you can see, these Stooge films were made at a time when it didn't much matter that the Stooges' stunt doubles weren't exact look-alikes.
Anyway, according to Wikipedia, Restless Knights is the sixth Stooge short. How far we've come in such a short time. But don't worry! The recurring themes in this Stooge short will show up later on. This must've been before they came up with that damn catchy song that John Candy once did on SCTV: "Oh Elaine, won't you come out tonight! Cedric's here, no foolin', Cedric's here..." Set in Medieval times, the Stooges turn out to be nobility... even if it's of the Kingdom of Anesthesia, it's still nobility. It shall endure longer than the kingdom in Krod Mandoon... damn! Wikipedia's really got everything. Hah! Except Beer Belly Burt's Brew Biz. But I digress.
As we learn early on, the noble acorns don't fall far from the tree, as the Stooges' dying patriarch gives them all one good three-fer slap. Also, when Curly says the line about a hot steak's better than a cold chop, Moe gives Curly an eye poke... and it looks damn close to the eyes! Curly musta won big at cards or something. But Geneva Mitchell proves herself to be the fourth Stooge indeed, when she gets pulled off her throne by Larry as they prepare to wrestle, and gets a good knock on the head later on. Damn! Spoiled the plot again. Also, a dude named Stanley Blystone makes an appearance here as Captain of the Guard. I recognized him from Slaphappy Sleuths: a little older, not necessarily wiser. Once you're sucked into a Stooge film, it's damn hard to escape their gravitational pull. Some, like Victoria Horne, were close to retirement anyway.

***
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

coming up next: Pop Goes the Easel !!!

Auteur Watch - Robb and Mark Cullen

Sigh. Everyone's turning 40! Including Robb Cullen. As for Mark, well... he'll never tell! Neither will Lana Wachowski, but that's for later on in the year. But these Cullen boys enjoyed beaucoup travail in the 2000s on such memorable TV shows as Heist and Las Vegas. Having established such sterling bonafides, they promptly threw them all away on a Kevin Smith pic called Cop Out. Consequently, their IMDb resumés go missing after that, but who knows? Even the best of us gets a second chance now and again, even in cutthroat Hollywood...


Mark Cullen on Wikipedia!!!

Update: There. I found a photo of them... sheesh. Should've stuck with the first photo. One looks like your stereotypical Handsome Bastid, the other looks like Jude Law in about 10 years, God bless 'em.

This Week's Box Office brought to you by Travelocity

See, for me there's the big story and the real story. At least, for this week. No question, of course, is the neck and neck victories of Adam Sandler's Untitled 2011 Romantic Comedy at #1, and Untitled Justin Bieber Delivery Device at #2... where does he succeed where Hanson clearly failed? Go figure. Well, Hanson certainly paved the way, and the fruits of their labours are being divvied up betwixt the likes of the Jonas boys, Miley Cyrus and of course R&B legend Justin Bieber. And at #3... Gnomeo & Juliet. Me myself, I couldn't help but think of those damn Travelocity ads. Of course, these gnomes will be much more animated, I'm thinking. Where? Where was the ad campaign? Nickelodeon? There must be SOME explanation! Well, one knows how it is. Dump the kids off at G&J, while the adults go to... Adam Sandler's pic? Really? Nah, that can't be it. But, the numbers don't lie! Sandler's pic sold out, so there was some runoff to The Eagle, directed by Kevin Macdonald. Not to be confused with Rambo III director Peter MacDonald... damn! Why couldn't his name be Kevin? Richard Donner talks about the Peter MacDonald in the commentary for his 1978 Superman movie. And that's about it for the debuts this week. Four debuts! Dang. True Grit's almost gone; sigh. But I've got my secret audio recording of it! Tee hee hee... I don't know how The King's Speech's hanging so tough all these weeks. Oscar will notice that, of course, even though it's made less than True Grit. No Strings Attached is doing better than Reitman's last pic, My Super Ex Girlfriend, which was probably a better movie. People just weren't ready to laugh, I guess. Go figure.

Moe Larry Cheese... the very idea!

Welp, as the freak from A Beautiful Mind once quipped to a colleague, I'm confident that there's not one original joke in this affair called Horses' Collars. Not only that, the boys are already ripping themselves off! Didn't Curly already go crazy and beat everybody up when he heard Pop Goes the Weasel? Yes, he did, in Punch Drunks. Worse than that, the Stooges still haven't found the musical variation on Three Blind Mice to open all their films with yet. Standardization, standardization, in all things these days. That's the curse of our computer-driven era.
But to be fair, you might not be able to guess where it's going. Starting off as a detective story, it turns into a wacky Western! Curly gets shot point blank three times, but he's got a hell of a bulletproof vest. It's not just his magical head that can bend axes and saws yet. There's fancy gunwork, fancy footwork, the boys sing that song they always sing about tears. Nothing but Itchy-Coo Park here; it's all too beautiful. Still not my favorite one. Oh, and they use that woo woo woo from Punch Drunks again! Oh, I'm sure we haven't heard the last of it yet. It's also the first time they use the Big Coat gag where a Stooge throws a punch at a bad guy, and swings the other guy in the coat around so they get the return punch. Why not Trip the Light Fantastic with Horses' Collars today?

***
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Horses' Collars on YouTube
Horses' Collars on Wikipedia

Next week: Restless Knights!

A Puerto Rican Werewolf in Blackmoor

Welp, I dunno how Benicio Del Toro ever found himself with the fortunate or unfortunate assignment of having to portray Moe Howard... yup! Looks like he's still stuck with it. Somehow, portraying the infamous Wolf Man is good preparation for him. Of course, the violence here is somewhat beyond the scope of the Stooges. Almost as bad as... what's that movie? Dead Alive? No, Dead Alive's still worse, but we're trying to catch up! And of course, it's not lost on too many regarding the irony of casting Anthony Hopkins in this mess. Is HE a werewolf? Is he not? Oh, but I've spoiled it enough already.
Now, I'm sure all the hipsters over at The Village Voice and The Onion are going to just out and out hate on this movie... I dunno! I kinda liked it. At least it wasn't directed by Stephen Sommers. It would've been ruined for sure. If memory serves, there were even some decent imagery to be stolen from this outing, if only I had it on DVD (hint hint)... and the time to watch it again. As for the crew, it's an interesting mix of people who worked on Sleepy Hollow and An American Werewolf in London... well, I guess it's just Rick Baker. Also, the title sequence reminded me a bit of Coppola's Dracula, of which Hannibal Lecter was also a small but significant part. Hopkins' dialogue was a slight cut above the usual pablem we get these days, which is probably a credit to Andrew Kevin Walker. Self is good too... or is he? And of course, plots these days have to be intensely interwoven, making everything a family drama. Sam Raimi's Spider Man movies did this pretty well; not so much here. They didn't go so far as to make Emily Blunt the werewolf; see the end of Wolf for that. I was surprised; maybe I'm wrong but the movie wasn't as video-game-y as it could've been, at least in the big action sequences... okay, except for the part where Del Toro's running along the rooftops. More importantly, the film looked like a damn film, not some bastardized streaky digital video abomination. Nevertheless, the golden age of cinematography is behind us, all due respect to Shelly Johnson.
The door is left open for a sequel. Is it so much to ask to have a wolf man on the right side of the law for a change? Sensing that just ending there would be kinda corny, the film ends on a highly philosophical note. It's a sin to kill a man, not to kill a beast... at least, not in our half of the world. But what about that damn pesky middle ground that the Wolf Man inhabits? The person who asks this question forgot that they already answered it a little bit earlier in the movie... I'll leave it at that.

Rated R for bloody gore and violence... but no swear words, thank God!!
***
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Auteur Watch - Ethan and Joel Coen

Nope, no new news yet. While all us Coen-heads await the 2010 Oscars (The King's Speech and The Social Network are probably going to sweep), we'll just have to wait and see how the dynamic dark-comedy duo revolutionize the world of film next. And I should probably update my Coen Brothers film analysis jpeg!

Joel Coen at IMDb

Ethan Coen at IMDb

You Know, For Kids web site ... apparently, it doesn't exist anymore. :(  Now it's some Korean softcore erotica novella blog or something.  Hardly a replacement.

http://moohooblog.blogspot.com/2009/02/emergency-auteur-watch-coen-brothers.html

http://moohooblog.blogspot.com/2009/10/bonus-auteur-watch-coen-bros.html

Seriously?

Oh, that photo says it all right there. Are they twins? Oh, I hope they're not sisters. Twins, okay, but mere sisters... Ewww! Yes, time to dissect another Box Office frog for biology class. Lots of "The" movies at the box office, I've suddenly noticed: The Dilemma, The Mechanic, The Rite, The King's Speech... seriously, did The Green Hornet get lost in the shuffle last week? Did I somehow manage to miss that? Shame on me. Better check Variety's records. But once again the hot young new horror pic takes the cake amongst our youthful cinephiles out there, and it's Single White Female Remake 2011... I mean, The Roommate! In 3D, hopefully. The other debut this week is Sanctum, a James Cameron-inspired dealy-bopper. Kinda looks like that film he was supposedly working on about cliff divers, but with a horror twist. Good for him! Meanwhile, the Oscar race continues to smolder. Look at that The King's Speech! The last four weeks at #4? Oh, that's definitely going to take the gold. The American people got historical Brit fever! We pine for the lost empire of old, apparently. It's lonely at the top, something like that.

Judd Apatow's Jerry Maguire

Welp, I've given the matter a lot of thought. Or, rather, probably not enough thought. Then again, maybe I'm in the "Goldilocks Region", having given it just the amount of thought the matter deserves. Now, you might be asking, what on earth could Jerry Maguire and Adam Sandler's Funny People possibly have in common? Well, three things to start. First, they're both way too long. The example of a film that's way too long that I keep going back to is Hook; about three false endings too long or so, with all due respect to Spielberg. He knows I love him. Second... damn, what was the second thing? Well, both thematically have a lot in common: pulling back the veil to show how the richer half lives, both overly sentimental, and both featuring the soundtrack of our lives, including Paul McCartney. Third, both were lovingly filmed by ... ta dah! Spielberg's current permanent camera man, Janusz Kaminski. Well, even the best of us likes to take a vacation from quality work now and again.
Actually, if I were braver, I'd dare say there's a fourth! Does anyone else see similarities between Tom Cruise and Adam Sandler? Take Cruise's speech in Minority Report at the end of the movie when he screams "Don't you EVER say his name!" Anyone else find that a little Sandler-ish? Just me? Thought so. Of course, Sandler dreams at night about having Cruise's boyish good looks, but that's another blog I'm trying not to become.
Anyway, the qualities of Punch Drunk Love you hated aren't as prominent here. This is no student film, for God's sake! Apatow knows how to put together a damn movie, don't kid yourself. It just suffers from too much of that American navel gazing syndrome we hear so much, yet see so little, about. But it's not all about Sandler and his crippling disease he suffers from in the movie. There's the guy he takes under his wing, Seth Rogen, and the people in Seth's own universe that take up the other half of the movie. Filled with kooky characters like that Aubrey Plaza, it's just plain ducky and brimming with cutting-edge slang and morality. I'm telling you, watch your ass, Zooey Deschanel! Aubrey's got your number, and she's on Tina Fey's friend's show! She's practically a Showbiz Made Man!
What else? I'll keep it short. I keep thinking about that part with Eminem. Could've done without that for some reason. He should have to give back his 8 Mile Oscar for that scene. Speaking of rappers, is RZA's opinion of Kramer the consensus view yet? Some icons can never fail, others spectacularly so. Maybe if you call yourself or your company an icon, that's the first sign of trouble. I do still like that Norm Macdonald for some reason. He was the last great Weekend Update supernova, shining so brightly, taking on the system. Don't worry, that kind of thing won't happen ever again. It's all middle school-targeted bits on SNL from now on. How will this week's guest host be geekified? That never gets old. And I know we're supposed to root against Eric Bana... or are we? He did have great rapport with his kids, or Apatow's kids, I mean. And of course, Sandler does commit the ultimate sin of not loving the child's performance at that school function. I understand, Sandler. Just like W.C. Fields, all performers are insecure and selfish, and don't like it when they're not the center of attention, even for one second.

***
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Beep beep!

Well, this is arguably not one of the ones people think about when they think of their favourite Stooge shorts. Micro-Phonies, yes... let's see what the IMDb says. Disorder in the Court? Malice in the Palace? All those ones that lapsed into the public domain and are on every other DVD claiming to be the best, latest and greatest Stooges collection ever assembled. Not this one, the Stooges' "tribute" to Horse Feathers. Ah, was there a more reliable comedy plot than winning the big football game? But they do manage to turn the genre on its ear and give it their usual violent spin. The dumb girlfriends of some gangsters mistake the boys for football players and bring them back to their townhouse, give them some hilarious ladies' garments to wear, get sprayed in the face with seltzer, and play hide and seek. The gangsters return, want to kill the Stooges, and proceed to fall down a dumbwaiter. A fitting fate, indeed. All in all, the football fan will be underwhelmed in terms of football with this one, as probably will fans of Lucille Ball. But social history fans will appreciate the fact that the Stooges were indeed a product of their time to an extent, having to beg for money and living in the most temporary of Hoovervilles in the wake of the Great Depression... something like that.

***
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Short Reviews - January 2011

DAMN YOU, TAXI BOYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Quentin Tarantino's top 20 picks of 2010... I had something to say about these, but I already forget what.
1. "Toy Story 3"
2. "The Social Network"
3. "Animal Kingdom"
4. "I Am Love"
5. "Tangled"
6. "True Grit"
7. "The Town"
8. "Greenberg"
9. "Cyrus"
10. "Enter the Void"
11. "Kick-Ass"
12. "Knight and Day"
13. "Get Him to the Greek"
14. "The Fighter"
15. "The King's Speech"
16. "The Kids Are All Right"
17. "How to Train Your Dragon"
18. "Robin Hood"
19. "Amer"
20. "Jackass 3-D"

Meanwhile... is Jeff Bridges campaigning for another Oscar? He wouldnt' do it overtly, of course, but we just watched his American Masters special. Some of his pics were skipped over!... fair enough. Okay, on to the list.


No Highway in the Sky - Is this where the love affair between James Stewart and Henry Koster began? What does he have that Capra and Hitchcock don't?

"Lights Out" on FX - That's where I've seen that guy before! He's the guy in the black and white movie within a movie in Mumford!... for what that's worth...

The Fisher King - Slightly prescient, at least until Robin Williams shows up

Bowling for Columbine - Welp, not much has changed in the 8 years since its release. America's still crazy, the local news is still amped up.

Nashville - Okay! We get it!

The Day of the Jackal - ALL RIGHT! WE GET IT!!!

The Jackal (1997) - Sucks in comparison... although, when Jack Black got shot, that was pretty cool.

Taxi Driver - Crap! How many of these are there?

The Hidden - Oh, right. The big finale.

Vantage Point - I liked the video game version better.

American Gun (2005) - With Marcia Gay Harden. Never saw it myself, but I've heard it's not that good... Not Marcia's fault!!

Nick of Time - Johnny Depp plays Nick Timeman, a businessman on the way to an urgent meeting, when someone else's urgent plan supersedes his urgency... something like that.

The Last Boy Scout - No, they were planning on killing a Senator. And with good reason, too! The football guy didn't want to pay him so much money! Duh! The market speaks.

VeggieTales - I will never let them near my children again!!

The Crow - No, that happened OFF camera.

Gone Fishin' - Oh, please. That was a nobody on the crew!

Sorcerer - With a film like that, what director WOULDN'T use a starter pistol?

Twelve Monkeys - Well, they try to warn us.

Armageddon - Hurry up and kill yourself already, Willis! The fate of the world depends on it!

Okay, time to pull ourselves back from the brink of insanity.

Nuts - Damn! Too late.

Whose Life Is It Anyway? - That's not even the right issue!!

Agnes of God - Great title. I MUST have seen it!

SFW - Damn! I forgot one, but brought it back. Did it for you, Zetterland!!

Someone Like You - Judd's valuable lessons forgotten already, as this is the top headline today: Blake Lively voted "Most Desirable Woman" in the world, like, ever! The reporter pointed out that mainstays like Eva Mendes and Kate Beckinsale didn't make #1... well, shyeah! They're more like big sisters to us guys now. If there's one thing we desire above all, it's the latest and greatest, preferably with a guy's name... something like that.

Auteur Watch - Kate and Derek Burbidge

Even though I just found their names a little past the nick of time in terms of my alphabetized auteur list, don't the Burbidges' deserve honorable mention here? I mean, those The Police videos! Now, I know what you're thinking: oh yeah! Synchronicity II, Every Breath You Take, Wrapped Around Your Finger: these are classic, iconic back-in-the-day videos that will live forever! Uh, no, they didn't do those ones. They did the three videos for Ghost in the Machine that feature footage of the boys in the recording studio... that's right, the lame ones. And give them some credit! For God's sake, they also shot similar footage for One World and Demolition Man! And yet, Grace Jones gets all the credit for that last one. Go figure. This was back when the thrill of TV wasn't totally gone, and us young punk kids were just happy to catch a glimpse of our favorite rock bands walking around a subway car with glasses and walkie-talkies.
They also did Urgh!, which is good, but it's no Anvil! or Hype!, that's for sure.

How can it be wrong when it feels so rite?

I should be ecstatic as the Coens have scored their biggest box office hit yet, and it just keeps raking in the dough! Well, the excitement wears off the older you get, and besides. Where's the info on their next pic? Guess I gotta subscribe to IMDb pro to get that. I've delayed it long enough, I suppose. Sorry, Ethan, but out of habit I still go to Joel's entry page. I guess I also owe an apology to Bobby Farrelly, but everyone knows Peter's the alpha Farrelly brother. Guess you Farrelly boys lost Mary Zophres for good, huh? Tee hee hee... Anyway, back to the present. You know, that Bill Maher can ruin anything, but apparently the various religious communities of our increasingly theocratic American nation aren't up in arms over The Rite for some reason. I was going to say that it must be good, in that case, but we've come too far for that. If there's one thing the church is not, it's not a movie critic. But it's Hannibal as a priest that's still #1 with a liver and some fava beans and a nice Chianti this week, no doubt about it. No recount necessary. And it was directed by... Lasse Hallström? Mikael Salomon? Jonas Åkerlund? ...Mikael Håfström! That's it. I always get that wrong. The other debut this week is the latest Jason Statham explosion delivery device that Luc Besson apparently had nothing to do with! And it's called The Mechanic. How it's different from a cleaner I'll never know. Meanwhile, the box office of the Bridges is coming to a close as Tron 2's almost out of the top 10. Gone but not forgotten. We'll always remember that film as the debut of new puppetry technology. They're able to take old film clips of an actor and make life-like-esque puppets out of them. They went with Jeff in Against All Odds, apparently, which was a mere two years or so after the original Tron. They would've used footage from the original Tron, but he spent about 90% of the picture in that stupid virtual reality! Unusable. At least, as far as I can remember. I can't go back and watch it, I just can't.

STILL a Columbia Pictures Presentation!

Why, I just realized! The Tommy Lee Jones / Will Smith juggernaut is a Columbia Pictures property, as is this and all Three Stooges shorts... okay, better get this over with. I thought I was going to be able to get my act together and do one of these a week! Harder than it looks. Welp, like Two Face in Batman Forever, I'm of two minds about everything now; if only I could get a kick-ass coin to flip. Something high quality and not widely available, maybe a gold doubloon or two. On the one hand, it's a fine Stooge short. A classic. An icon. The third Three Stooges short ever made. On the other hand, there's a desperation in the delivery of the jokes. The Marx Brothers had a natural ease about them. The Stooges don't exactly have that, but they try. But why don't we go through it, plot point by plot point.
Let this be a lesson to any hospital incompetent enough to hire med students that have stuck around college too long. Animal House ring a bell? The Three Stooges are hired on one condition: they not fu... screw up too badly. Getting off on the wrong foot right from the start, the boys break the glass of the boss's door (you better believe he's got a good comedy name: Dr. Graves, Superintendent), setting up an hilarious running gag of door glass replacement; the man in charge of that task seems to go through the five phases of grief in his own way. Another running gag: the boys head off to the "Store Room" three times to get special transport for making their rounds; like all class acts, they travel in style, even if they are buffoons. At 2:09 in the proceedings, they've already recycled that bit of Curly sound from Punch Drunks! It's just that good, iconic, what have you. They then proceed to recycle the old giving a speeding ticket to a person in a wheelchair gag. Actually, did the Marx Brothers rip that one off to use in A Night at the Opera?... nah, that can't be it. Larry is especially rough to Curly at 3:35! The next gag: Larry says "I'll do it when I'm ready!" Moe replies "Are you ready?" You'll be hearing a lot more of that one in the coming weeks, don't worry. At 3:56, enter Kristen Schaal... I'm sorry, it's actually... you know what? Here's the full cast and crew list, you try to figure it out. But she does pose an interesting dilemma: why DON'T the patients get an apple a day while they're in the hospital? I've been watching Fox News a lot lately so I can answer that forcefully and succinctly: NANNY STATE! Nanny state, Nanny state, nanny nanny nanny state! Ignorance is bliss, Fear is courage, Weakness is Strength, Down with Big Brother... got that wrong again. Anyway, after the boys finally claw their way out of this foul temptress' evil web, they STILL haven't made it to their rooms yet! )66, 72 and 83(. They report back to the boss' office, deliver a few good jokes, break another plate-glass door, and it's back to the store room. Note at about 5:50 or so: you can see the shadow of a boom microphone on the wall! Curly almost hits his head on the ceiling as he's on a horse. The boys then run afoul of a telegram man, but they manage to outsmart him. Not the kind of thing the Marx Brothers might do, so they'll have to really use the Jerk Mandate on the guy: he acted like a jerk, asking for his 75 cents, so he gets what's coming to him. Me myself, I just love a good sound effect, and Curly gives a classic at about 6:57. I gotta put that one on my MP3 player. Where's my assistant?
Ah, yes. This is why I'm glad I'm doing this blow by blow. They learned a valuable lesson from this sequence with Bud Jamison: don't make the violence too real! Jamison gets hit on the head with a couple hammers, then spends the rest of the scene wandering around the room slowly, clutching hands to head. Not so funny. At about 7:53, Larry delivers his trade mark line "Ba-ba-ba-boo!!! Ba-ba-ba-boo..." followed by a slap on the forehead from Moe. How sad is that, that Larry's trademark line depends on Moe slapping him on the head, but being second in command's not so bad sometimes. Larry and Curly almost score with the receptionist, but have to head back to the boss's office. At 9:02, Larry gives a nice comedy run around the corner. Curly does his trademark going down the wrong way of the hall, then walking back with class at this point in the proceedings as well. Oh, incidentally, here's the youTube link I'm using as a reference guide.
Which of course brings us to the end of Part One. Part Two is here on YouTube! It starts up with some 'hilarious' phone-related gags. Third glass door broken. How the boss keeps getting surprised by that, I'll never know. At 1:18, enter the great Billy Gilbert playing a dangerous patient. Not as meaty a part as you'd see him play in a Taxi Boys short, but whaddayagonna do. There are no small parts if you're not a small actor! At about the 2:02 minute mark or so, enter the boys' love of funny-sounding ingredients as they mix their very first toxic spoon-dissolving cocktail. 3:00: hilarious bit with a green 'canary.' 3:20: the squeaky-voiced nurse reappears with a hilarious case of the hiccups. At about the 4 minute mark here in part two, the guy who keeps repairing the doors finally gives up and breaks it himself. The boys oblige by not even opening the door, but walking through the giant empty space the window once occupied. Now, every film needs a big climactic episode to end on, and even Men in Black has one. I do hate to spoil it for you, but I must. The boss, in a moment of panic he will surely regret to the end of his days, swallows a piece of paper with the combination to the hospital safe on it. The boys decide they have to cut open his stomach to get it out. Now, I know exactly what you're thinking: why don't they just give him an emetic and he can throw it up? Well, that's exactly the sort of modern barbaric thinking that prevails today in the absence of the all-powerful Hays code, and besides, not climactic enough. But even in the face of impending tragedy, they can still find time to play an hilarious game of tic tac toe at about the 5 minute mark. The boss wakes up at 5:22 to ask for Schnapps. Good comedy beverage. More anesthetic for him. At 5:32, Larry delivers a tasteless equivalent of dramatic insurrection and is properly slapped down by Moe. Moe asks "Why are we whispering?" The nurse was whispering the whole time, see. Her answer to the question inspires the boys to take Larry's previous advice he got slapped for. Enter the hilarious surgical tool names. Further enter the hilarious "COTTON!" gag. The surgery ends up being a success, and they get that piece of paper back, but end up leaving some tools inside the boss. And by some, I mean ALL the tools. Well, it's times like that you have to go for the gusto. And what better ending than destroying the very loudspeaker system of the hospital they depend on for their assignments? It's not Escape from L.A. grand, but grand in its own way.
I dunno. Better just stick with three and a half stars and get on to the next one.

***1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Coming up next: Three Little Pigskins!

Auteur Watch - Dick Clement & Ian La Frenais

Okay, technically they're not brothers, but they probably work together better than most brother teams you know! But there are some scary similarities: both are British, both were born 1937, and BOTH were awarded the OBE for... screenwriting? Really? Well, it was 2007 and the Queen Mum must've seen that delightful Flushed Away. Really, that deserves SOME kind of award... no Oscar for Best Animated Feature? That's unusual.
Well, they've essentially been working straight through five decades now, so it's hard to say which is their favourite. Is it the go-go 60s? Psychedelia, Beatles, rioting, icons and iconoclasts galore... they were pretty much sidelined the whole time with piddly TV work. Then again, they did have Hannibal Brooks, directed by Michael Winner. Is this not an icon worthy of note?
Or how about the 70s? All in the Family, Black Panthers, Sly & The Family Stone? Like the Stones, Clement & Frenchy were sucking in the 70s, with nose to the Underwood, plugging away at TV show after TV show. How mercilessly they come. You could learn a thing or two from these two, Richard Curtis!! But the decade wasn't without highlight: in 1979, this dynamic duo DIRECTED a semi-concert thing: To Russia... With Elton. Icons poking fun at icons. Needles to say, directing must've left a bad taste in their mouths, because it was back to the Underwoods and out from behind the camera. They never directed again. Sigh. What could of been.
How about the Me Decade? The go-go 80s? Reagan and punk, Repo Man and Sally Cruikshank? The time when the art community retreated to their studio apartments in the big cities and never looked back? Well, with working on scripts like Never Say Never Again and Vice Versa, Clement and La Frenais must've never looked back in their own right, and Hollywood began to take notice of these veteran British screenwriters and say "Look! They're British!" Vice Versa's one of those films heralded as pretty good compared to Big. Too bad it'll never be seen again.
Maybe it was the 90s that they're best known and loved for. Between The Commitments and Still Crazy, they nailed the declining rock world, and the rise of the new rockers, not necessarily in that order. Yes indeed, they were the go-to guys for novel adaptations. But Roddy Doyle wasn't to last, but merely pave the way for T. Coraghessen Boyle, who further paved the way for Nick Hornby. But as we all know, they're all mere pretenders to the throne currently held by Nicholas Sparks and that Twilight tart.
And so, the new 60s gave way to the new 30s, or the 2000s, the Dubya Decade, as it shall be dubbed. Work for these lads like in the 90s was slow, not very remarkable, but steady. And, with the occasional $100+ million budget animated feature like Flushed Away, time to sit back and gather the awards and accolades in your overdue arms. Nothing to do now but become honorary professors and talk to the young people about how to break into the biz. All wanting to be the next Joe Ezsterhas, but frankly you'd be lucky indeed to settle for being the next Dick Clement and Ian La Frenais. Cheerio, you lucky bastids.

The Year of the Portman

Now normally this kind of thing would ruin an actress' chances at Oscar gold... but is that necessarily true? Oh dear. I must be getting older. I confess I haven't researched that per se. Maybe Marisa Tomei's career is comparable. Perhaps we should look to the 2001-2002 season and Halle Berry with her two films Monster's Ball and Swordfish. Does not Natalie Portman find herself in a similar dilemma? I wouldn't know, as I haven't seen either Black Swan or No Strings Attached. But there's no doubt about it, the 80s are back, and the top flight directors of the 80s, Ivan Reitman and Ron Howard are back and hungry to stake a claim in the instantly forgettable but highly profitable rom-com market. Reitman's NSA is the ONLY DEBUT this week! Meanwhile, the Oscar race continues to get contentious: The King's Speech is making so much money, there's no way it doesn't get Best Picture this year! Black Swan's doing pretty well too, for that matter! True Grit just turned a profit at $140 million in the bank. Yogi Bear for Best Animated Feature? I think so... oh, sure, it'll lose to Toy Story 3, of course, but it should at least be nominated, if only for Justin Timberlake.

Closed Mondays vs. Mountain Music: Which Kicks More Ass?

Well, I'll spare you the suspense this time and declare Closed Mondays the kicker of more ass. Don't know why exactly; maybe because I saw it before Mountain Music if memory serves, maybe because simpler is better, maybe because of Todd Oleson's enigmatic performance as the Ed Begley (Sr.!)-ish drunk. But let's dive into both unequally, shall we?

STILL CLOSED AFTER ALL THESE YEARS
Ah, what a wonderful technological age we live in. Isn't it, though? As long as we've got enough food, anyway. As the current post on YouTube says, I was also a kid of around 10 years old when I first saw Closed Mondays, so it would've been a high technological achievement for the time. What it must be like to be a kid these days. With great shows like Jane's Dragon and Penguins 1,2,3, who needs a mind-bending experience like this anymore? I still do, damn it. I still do.
The plot is simple, of course, but like all things great, it's not about the plot so much as it is an experience. Yes, not the destination, but the journey, although the destination's equally great, too. A drunk wanders into an abandoned gallery and experiences three art pieces, and a fourth and fifth to a lesser degree. For fear of diagnosing myself on a couch of my own making, I gotta say the first art piece with the musical notes is my favorite, with the computer running a close second. I'm more of a comedy guy, I suppose. Not that the dramatic piece isn't good, too. Will Vinton and company make good full use of the camera's range. A classic. But you know how these things are; if they're not full length, they're not going to be shown on a regular basis on cable... not like, say, Death Wish 2. Sheesh!!!!

****

Closed Mondays on YouTube

NO ONE ROCKS HARDER THAN MOTHER EARTH

While I have yet to study Vista-Glide on Wikipedia, needless to say it really took off in the 80s. Most notably with Back to the Future Part II with Michael J. Fox and others playing multiple roles, practically seamlessly with each other. A lot of extra light poles in that town for some reason! But before that, it hit the world of live action animation. The earliest example I can recall is the Peter Gabriel music video for his song 'Big Time.' It looks like they employed it in Mountain Music as well, or as closely as they could. Still a bit clunky. Vinton's got a larger canvas this time than with Closed Mondays... and isn't that part of the problem? Oh, I'm just picky. The animals are cute, though, and you gotta like those frogs. Never underestimate the value of cute animals... then of course, there is that Rodney Dangerfrog, for lack of a better name. Not so cute, but still gotta love it. You can see shades of the California Raisins to come in the rock trio that end up destroying the world. See also: Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas for that theme. But in the end, nature will renew itself no matter how long it takes. And just remember: no one rocks harder than a volcano, literally and figuratively. As for the possible implications of Original Sin because of the woman in the group and her final push of the button, well, I'll leave that to others to bicker about. To be fair, it doesn't cause the end of the world right away! Damn. Guess I will throw in my two cents. Drop the whole thing.

***1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Mountain Music on YouTube

I LOVE Punch Drunks!

Here's the philosophical questions that Punch Drunks raises. When is it exactly, in the course of film production, when you know you've stumbled upon an iconic clip of sound that you'll use forever and ever, amen? There's the Wilhelm Scream, of course. And some lucky devil beat me to it, but they found the sound effect that the Coens seem to use in all their films... they didn't find it in The Ladykillers yet!! Actually, in Ladykillers AND No Country have the same car alarm horn sounds, but that's neither here nor there. Same trigger, too! But here, in merely the second Three Stooges outing, at about 3:08 or so into the affair, the "Woo Woo Woo" that Curly first emits when his superpower is "discovered" by Larry... well, needles to say, if you're at all versed in all things Stooge like I am, and on a similar cinematic venture, you're going to be hearing a lot from this clip of Curly in the future. Look, you can't expect me to point out all these things to you all the time! I am but one man!
Oh, right, the plot. Well, the Stooges, having just embarked on only their second short, find themselves struggling to get by by themselves. Moe is a boxing manager on the brink of an insurrection by his stable of boxers. Curly is a waiter who happens by fate to, fortunately or un-, depending on your perspective, end up serving this coven of misdirected testosterone. Lawrence wanders into the restaurant with his fiddle in order to make some money as a lone musician, entertaining the patrons of the restaurant. Not to spoil it, but Moe and his goons end up killing the messenger, so to speak, when Curly informs them that "the hamburger's too fresh"!!! I'm pretty sure the Humane Association wasn't on the set when they tied a bird's feet to Larry's bow. It angrily tries to fly away; that's why they had to cut away and couldn't show the bird flying off. Anyway, as though we've missed the first part of the movie, Larry sees Curly getting beat up and starts playing "Pop Goes The Weasel." No wonder there's so much anti-Semitism in the world! Seriously, though, it's a plot device. It's probably the only time the Stooges have had to advance the plot ahead with a leap of faith like that. Don't worry; they'll spend the rest of the film dragging things out as long as they can. And even though Moe gets decked in the jaw by Curly, he has the brilliant idea of forming the Stooges "corporation". He doesn't usually refer to their trio as a corporation; the only one I know off the top is Boobs in Arms... trust me, just follow that link. Don't try finding it yourself on IMDb.
And so, that's the establishing vignette. We then go through an hilarious training session, in which Curly lifts a car out of the mud. He ends up doing it twice, once to drop the tire on Moe's foot, and a second time to get it out of the mud for good; also, to pad out the film to 16 minutes... oh, right! Almost forgot. Good joke in this part, worthy of the Marx brothers: the woman of the stuck car says "Oh, I'm in an awful dilemma." To which Moe replies, "Yeah, I don't care much for these foreign cars either."
More padding ensues during the big final fight. You'll just have to accept that boxing was a little more lenient back in the day with regards to musical accompaniment during the fight. All the headlines leading up to that saying "Stradivarius Wins Regional Fight" made me think of this one Warner Brothers cartoon about a boxing match, where the winner of the big final fight is... the device that helps the puny hero win the fight against the big bad fighter! Jerry Beck probably remembers which one it is.
And so we get to the big final fight when... yup, you probably could've guessed it. Larry was just unprepared, having only ONE violin. In a comedic mishap, Curly ends up crushing his violin, so Larry quickly fake fast runs out of the ring (2:43 in Pt. 2) and out into the street, into the dark of 'fake night' to find a new source of Pop Goes The Weasel! Apparently, whistling it won't do... at least, not for a big finale, anyway. Okay, I won't spoil it any more than I already have, except to say that Larry's other solution... not a problem with the audience or the officials! I would further like to point out that P.D. may have the best ending of any Stooge film: Curly advances toward the camera, shaking his fists, going "Woo Woo Woo!" Does it get any better than that? I think not.
Wikipedia says the following about Punch Drunks: 'In 2002, the film was selected for preservation in the United States National Film Registry by the Library of Congress as being "culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant."' Personally, if I had to pick one, I'd probably begrudgingly go with Micro-Phonies. Ain't that always the way? Stooge fans forced to pick one Stooge film. Always happens.

***1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Punch Drunks on Wikipedia
Punch Drunks on YouTube

Auteur Watch - Jez Butterworth and Tom Butterworth

Boy! They've been working out. Okay, so they're not as prolific as other sibling teams, but they've got that special something. And with titles like Night of the Golden Brain, they can KEEP it as far as I'm concerned. Rather than being fairly strict collaborators like the Coens, it's Jez who's responsible for the Butterworth directing duties.
So which decade is these guys' fave? Is it the go-go 90s when they were lean and hungry, and things were fairly simple? When people weren't yet so concerned about global warming and the Butterworths were merely grateful for the chance to be in the biz? Or was it the 2000s when they broke out with their sorta comedy slash drama Birthday Girl? It's about a guy and his Eastern Bloc mail-order bride; there's no spousal info on the Butterworths on the IMDb but I'm guessing it's autobiographically based to a degree. Perhaps one of their creepy uncles. That was the first half of the Dubya decade; the second half saw them venture into more video game / Lord of the Rings territory with The Last Legion. Too many riches, boys. Too many riches.
No, surely the 2010s are the best decade of all. Having worked on a somewhat high profile pic like Fair Game would be a feather in anybody's cap. And best of all, they're working with the NEW Nicole Kidman: Naomi Watts! Although I understand she wasn't the director's first choice.... Keep up the good work, Butterworths! And may we all have a tough time keeping up with the Butterworths. It's all award shows and college campuses talking to eager young film students from here.

The Vaughn-ie, Vincent Invasion

Oh, right! The Green Hornet! Almost forgot about it. Michel Gondry! Coen brothers! Darren Aronofsky! Let's face it, folks. The Top 10's being taken over by the artsy-fartsy art house cinema types. Thank God for Ron Howard, stepping in to represent Hollywood mainstream once again... or is he technically an art house guy as well? I can't keep track of these things anymore. All I know is that Lowell Ganz and Babaloo Mandel must feel betrayed. Allen Loeb? Really? Just one writer? You don't even need us to ghost write the script? Add some jokes? Betrayal. Period.
In other news, Jimmy crack the Golden Globes, and I don't care. On the other hand, I'll have to watch them this year to help my Oscar predictions. Is it time for Oscar predictions again? How time flies. Maybe Inception 2 can explain that one. One last dig: even Gwyneth Paltrow hosting SNL couldn't keep Country Strong in the top 10. We've got our first one week wonder of the year! Don't worry, Gwyn, we'll always have... Shakespeare in Love?

Down With The Traitors of the Woman Haters Club!!!!

Having cast off the yoke of Ted Healy, the Stooges strike out on their own! Three idiots without a place to call home, but they don't have to go far to find their ilk. First stop: an organization called the "Woman Haters." Well, comparatively speaking, I suppose there are worse misogynists out there. Everybody complains about stuff being too expensive, that's nothing new. Nevertheless, the boys get initiated into the club, and soon-to-be Stooges foil and Lou Dobbs' grandfather Bud Jamison gives them their superpowers by poking them in the eyes. It's part of the initiation into the Woman Haters club; at least, that's how it was originally intended, but they couldn't keep karate under wraps forever either! Every ritual has a destiny of its own. Thinking he was assaulted by Curly, Moe unleashes some serious slapping on the boys. The one administered at about 2:43 in the proceedings is especially nasty. I don't think he ever slapped Curly in a figure 8 motion since, but I could be wrong about that. But we'll find out together in the coming weeks!
And so the boys strike out into an unsuspecting world, armed with their new-fangled memberships in the Woman Haters club. As if that wasn't enough, they have to take ANOTHER oath of chastity, brought about by Larry's fall from the Woman Haters club graces. He's supposed to get married at the same time he's supposed to go off and peddle some wares... something like that. Needless to say, it's a fine setup for a comedy. Did I forget to mention that this was a musical as well? I think it's the only one the boys did. At least, a full on musical. Who can forget the phonetics of Violent is the Word for Curly? I kinda wish I could.
Anyway, to cut to the chase, each of the boys fall for Larry's wife, singing her the same song.... damn. Wikipedia's got everything. See, what's funny is that they can't whistle at the part that calls for a whistle... until the end, when they return to the 30th meeting of the Woman Haters club, having aged horribly. That is to say, their make-up looked pretty good! Curly's got mutton chops, Larry's got a long beard, and Moe looks old, too. Monte Collins' wig looked pretty bad. For me, his best role has got to be in Cactus Makes Perfect as the Three Stooges' mother; I hate to say he was born to play the role, but this could very well be the case! Second only to one of the boys themselves as the Stooges' mother. I hate to say it, but I don't know why it's taken me so long to get back to Woman Haters. I was resisting it, not being a particular fan of musicals. Except Gypsy, of course. Gotta like that Christmas tree outfit. No, I waited far too long. God bless you, YouTube! Here's to the finest website in the whole United States! Also, it was worth it if only for Bud Jamison's great line: "Now boys, relax. I said, relax! Now please! At ease! Relax! RELAX!!!!" A fine first Stooge film.

****
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Woman Haters at Wikipedia
Woman Haters on YouTube

New Feature Time!!

You know, people generally love this blog. Can't get enough of it! I know, I can hardly believe it myself. But it's not universally loved. Even the prettiest of diamonds have flaws. You know the complaint I hear all the time? People always tell me, but The Movie Hooligan! There's just no rhyme and reason to these reviews of yours! A horror movie one minute, a light-hearted musical the next! Even your box office reports and auteur watches don't appear on time all the time! Well, we've finally heard the clarion call in this new year of 2011, and after doing the principal component analysis on all the feedback we receive here, we're working to rectify the many, many complaints.
But let's get back to that main complaint. In an effort to finally compete with Yahoo and Facebook by providing regular features appearing at dependable intervals, we're providing regular features that appear at more dependable intervals. Maybe check in on Saturday nights just to be safe. First new regular feature: The Three Stooges... hey, I didn't say I had the best ideas in the world here!
Yes, The Three Stooges. Why, did you know that there's a country in which they have to be known as The Three Hooges? It's true! To 'stooge' means to womanize there... something like that. Qualities our boys aren't exactly successful at... on screen, anyway. But you ask, why The Movie Mooligan! Why the Stooges? Why now? That's the comedy of the past. The comedy of the now is just fine. Tina Fey! Kevin James! Zach Galifianakis! Well, all I can say is I've always seemed to have one foot in the past myself, and you might recall that old saw about being doomed to repeat the comedy of the past if we don't remember it. Not to mention the fact that the Stooges borrowed rather heavily from BOTH the Marx brothers and Laurel and Hardy! Don't THEY owe somebody some royalties for a change?
Besides, these days, nothing's funny anymore anyway, past or present. The spectre of low-key reactions to things is rampant in our culture. To make matters worse, passive Steven Wright has given way to proactive Demetri Martin. The abyss is staring back at us, and it's hungry, licking its chops in anticipation. No, comedy is dead, my friends. Let's face it. And what could be less funny than the same old black-and-white NON-HDTV doings of The Three Haircuts? That's really what they should be called, you know. The Three Haircuts! Moe represents the ideal young man with a full, lush head of hair. Larry represents middle age when the hair starts to go; the Mad Scientist as a young man, if you will. And of course, Curly tries to cheat the system by beating God to the punch: I'll take my own hair before you can!
Also, I don't think anyone wants to admit it, but I will. I'm as monkey-see-monkey-do as the best of 'em, and in my youth I lashed out at the kids who teased me. I actually did the eye-poke on one of them. Man, I got away with murder as a kid! But I turned out all right. I got this blog! How could I NOT turn out all right? So let that be a lesson to all you parents out there. These are the babysitters you're letting loose upon your children. Moe's a sociopath always working some ill-informed hustle, lavishing physical violence on his two pathetic hangers-on for no reason at all! Their only 'crime' is talking out of turn! For this they get slapped, hit on the head, poked in the eyes... and that's just the beginning! Larry is of course the pathetic best friend, with nowhere else to go, desperately hanging on Moe's every word who's just trying to siphon off Moe's awesomeness and usurp Moe's throne, taking out his frustrations on Curly. Curly never should have been let out of the insane asylum he escaped from... I guess I better put 'surely' escaped from just to be safe, but why else would his head be shaved? Surely his lobotomy scars are visible!
As for Shemp, I've run into a few people who don't like Shemp. This I never could understand. For one thing, he's one of the Howard brothers, for God's sake! Isn't it fitting that a Howard brother take Curly's place in his untimely absence? I guess the transition was too abrupt or something, like when Leno took over for Carson. As for Joe Besser, well, I just can't do it. Apparently his philosophy was to play Curly as a ten year old boy. Seems more like a three year old boy to me. Too bad, too, because the Stooges cinematography began to mature with Joe's arrival. Figures... oh, I hope that's the cat! The cat pushes the door open this time of night.
And with that, we're about to embark on a great journey, my fellow blog readers! One Stooge film a week for the next 190 weeks or so. Let us revel in the glory that is the Stooges, this comedy franchise from the roaring '30s that you can buy on DVD at your local Safeway. How things have changed!... or have they?

Well, I saw the damn thing, so I might as well review it! Dept.: Fantastic Four 2

It's really more for the kids, really. After all, it is a PG movie! These days, that is an achievement in itself. Of course, PG has slowly moved to PG-13, and PG-13 has become the de-facto R. Case in point: The Dark Knight. Am I alone? Some twisted stuff in there. Anyway, I forget why I wanted to get this one, yet not brag about it. I guess they'd never forgive me. I barely forgive myself now! The only nice thing about it is, I didn't really need to see the first one ... did I? At least, to understand the story.
The ecological angle! Maybe that was it. Also, because I know Don Payne is a Simpsons alum, and I did like My Super Ex-Girlfriend, but what happened here, Don? Too much tradition in the Fantastic Four history books to be loyal to? Anyway, the Four have to save the world from a new character: The T-1000! I mean, The Silver Surfer! Ah, yes. Another reason I wanted to see it! Well, it's nice to see that the T-1000 has finally grown up and stopped knifing people to death.
Maybe I need to watch it again, I don't know. What's that quote about the humdrum of constant excitement? Films are too perfect these days. Or maybe I've grown up... nah, that can't be it. Maybe I've used up all my potent childhood memories in the film department. As George Lucas has noticed, the young peoples like the new Star Wars trilogy. Even he's confused about the youth's reaction to that new Indiana Jones. I like the opening music! That was pretty good! And I grew to appreciate Jessica Alba's acting! Some of her vocal inflections made me cringe, I must confess, but hey. We're all knee deep in bad acting these days, right? Between the football stars and the reality shows, there's nowhere to turn anymore! I probably shouldn't badmouth this one anymore; there's no FF3 on the horizon, so that's badmouth enough.

***
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Short Films are Easier to Review: Laurel and Hardy's 'Dirty Work'

God bless you, Turner Classic Movies! Wait, let me check the YouTube... DAMN YOU, YouTube! Oh well. Close enough. That's the way it is these days. No longer enough to have the whole version as it was intended. Then again, sometimes the highlights are enough. Man, I ain't seen Dirty Work in a long time. I guess it wasn't one of my favourite Laurel and Hardy shorts. I try to reject the modern thinking that it's The Music Box or nothing; not that The Music Box isn't good, mind you. It's just the one every one likes now, the ICON if you will. But, how many amongst you can say you've been to that staircase? I can! ICON! Got a photo of it somewhere... aw, man! I gotta look through old dusty photos now? Good grief!
Anyway, I must be in a giddy mood, because even the plot of Dirty Work is just funny to me. We start with a good comedy name: Professor Noodle. He's working on the ol' Fountain of Youth formula, with his butler Jessup faithfully by his side. You know, the one from Nutty Professor 2. Well, Noodle's nutty in the unpleasant way. You might have trouble enduring it! These days, if everyone isn't acting low key and half-asleep like Steven Wright, it can be off-putting for some. The boys enter the picture under the guise of chimney sweeps. Needless to say, you'd probably be better off hiring The Three Stooges to sweep out your chimney. Needless to say, all hell breaks loose as they get started. Between the surly butler and the chimney, Stan and Ollie get pushed around pretty good.
I guess there aren't a lot of great lines in this one, but Ollie's is pretty memorable: "I have nothing to say." The acrimony between them of course culminates in Them Thar Hills when Ollie's been reduced to simply telling Stan to shut up. The other classic line is delivered by the butler after he's consumed in a giant wave of cocoa powder: "Somewhere, an electric chair is waiting!" He storms off to take a bath. For some reason, the piano getting wrecked was a big laugh for me. LOL! I'm a sick boy, I know.
Of course, even the short comedies need a big idea: finding the Fountain of Youth, and the old assumption that one rogue scientist can do it. Something to do with blocking free-radicals or certain letters in the genetic code. Krulwich! Anyway, Professor Noodle eventually perfects the youth formula... the old coot measured the half drop with a pair of scissors right! In his glee, he turns to the boys to give them a demonstration. Not at all concerned about the chimney mess! I think when I was a kid, I was puzzled that Stan and Ollie weren't impressed by the formula working. I was a pretty sick kid, too. Now I'm struck by the wisdom of their reaction: Ollie swallows, Stan of course looks confused... The Professor, having turned a duck into a duckling, then said duckling into an egg, exclaims "Now! A human demonstration!" Ollie goes, "Well, we'll be seeing you!"

****
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

High Stakes Poker: The Motion Picture

Now, I don't know much about poker, I'll give you that, but I do know my cult movies pretty well, and I've heard Rounders is one. Boy! What was it about 1998 and cult movies? The Big Lebowski, this, Blues Brothers 2000... hmm. That last one sounds a little fishy. Let me just explore this connection a little further; indulge me, if you will, as we go to the IMDb Top 250 once again. Let's see: American History X... think I've seen about enough of that one. Saving Private Ryan: check. Lock, Stock... check. The Celebration: check. Truman Show: check. Yeah, 1998 was a pretty damn good year for movies, cult or otherwise. But back to the instant case.
Now, I'm afraid I must bust the chops of one prominent critic a little bit. He knows I love him, though. I used to go to his page all the time, usually on Fridays when all the new movies come out. But now, like most people, there's only three places on the web I ever go anymore: my email, my own blog, and Facebook. But he didn't like Rounders because it glorifies gambling. I think he kinda missed the point: the fact is, Rounders has its cake and eats it, too! But in a good way. See, Matt Damon is the White Gambler... okay, bad choice of words. I apologize. Which is more than most can do. Okay, Damon's the good gambler, and Norton's the bad gambler. Norton is the finest actor of his generation, and he pulls it off here! Damon eventually has to... well, I hate to show my hand and spoil it completely. But if you are susceptible to such things in your life, you might want to drop it all like Damon does in the movie, go to Vegas and chase your dream. Not me, though. He DOES end up losing the girl, mind you, so he's able to head off to Vegas unencumbered. It's just his life he may end up ruining. Still, he is a pretty damn good player!
I think it was on this movie where Norton and Rispoli became fast friends. They did Death to Smoochy together, for Gawd's sake! If that's not an experience for bonding, nothing is! Okay, I gotta go. I need to get on Facebook for my Zynga Poker fix...

***1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan