Baby There's a Shark At The Box Office

...damn.  Now that I think of it, the headline should probably read "Turteltaub Directs Shark Movie."  Oh well, we'll leave that for Variety... oh, please.  Projections "shredded"?  The Meg feasts on $97 million overseas?  Maybe I'm biased, but I prefer my headline.  People left the theatre entertained, but... slightly scratching their heads.  "Too turtle-y," they said.  But if he can get an Oscar-type performance out of Helen Mirren in National Treasure 2, by God, he's going to direct the sh... oe leather out of some shark movie.  I'm more of a Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus loyalist myself.  I mean, how do you top this?  Or this for the Best Actress Oscar voting block?  Oh, it's got everything.  But I do feel some hope for Jason Statham fans.  If they're at all like me, they suffer from Statham Amnesia Syndrome (TM).  That's when you watch a Jason Statham movie, but still can't remember crucial plot points a few days afterwards.  I mean, I remember the one with what's her name... Anne Heche and Hope Davis, that's it... I mean, I hate the bad guys as much as any action movie fan, but Good Lord!  They get filleted by Statham quite a bit here.  I think this one was trying to be The Day of the Jackal, and I think this one was trying to be that one sketch when Steven Seagal hosted SNL that one single time.  The sketch was where he was trying not to fight for five minutes.  He kicked everyone's ass in the last ten seconds or so of the sketch, but... you get the idea.  And, of course, I would be remiss at best, and downright derelict in my duty at worst if I didn't point out the outright genius of putting Jason Statham and a giant shark in a movie together.  I mean, one's a ruthless, dead-eyed sharp-toothed killer that can smell blood a mile away in the ocean... and the other is a giant shark.  Drumroll please!
Our second debut this week is called... how about Matt Amott?  Anyway, our second debut this week is called Slender Man.  I know why this was such a big hit.  It's because of the immense popularity of his theme song.  I believe it goes "Slender Man, where are you coming from, Slender Man... Nobody knows who you are!"  Love that tune.  Didn't see any ads for this one, though.  Arguably, I might've searched past them on my TeeVough.
Our third and final debut this week is Spike Lee's latest joint, Black Klansman... sorry, that's BlacKkKlansman.  One word.  It's about a black... sorry, African-American police officer who manages to infiltrate a local chapter of the Ku Klux Klan.  Yeah, I liked it the first time when it was called Rachel Dolezal... I mean, Shock Corridor.  Or that "White Power" sketch on Dave Chappelle's show.  I know, I know... I'm being too hard on poor ol' Spike again.  Well, with only $10 million in the bank domestic, I'm not the only one.  But you know what?  Maybe it's too soon to ask, but... Best Adapted Screenplay Oscar (TM) (R) (C) for Spike?  I would've said Director, but I think the DGA probably hates Spike.