Sunday, November 03, 2019

The Law of Diminishing Box Office Returns, Or Beating their Audience with Broom Handles and Leather Belts, and that they STILL didn't pay Any Attention

Brought to you by The Alanis Morrisette School.  The Alanis Morrisette School!  You live, you learn.  You pay tuition... and oh boy, do you ever learn.  Also brought to you by Frank Lee.  Frank Lee!  Of course, when you're talking about Frank Lee, you could mean THIS Frank Lee or THAT Frank Lee or THIS Frank Lee or THAT Frank Lee or even THIS Frank Lee or even THIS one or even THIS ONE or THIS ONE or THIS ONE or THIS ONE or THAT ONE or ... man!  How many of these
Frank Lees are there?  I never thought I'd say this, but frankly there's too many Frank Lees.  But I guess I gotta ask: how about this Frank Lee?  Or this Frank Lee or this one or this one and that one and that one and this one or this one and that one or him and this guy and... oops!  I guess he was the last one.  They're all men, right?  I knew it.  How could I forget Frankie and Johnny?  Shame on me.  Whelp, as much as I hate to be a Database Backseat Driver, (Spoiler Alert: I actually don't) they all do seem to check out, but there were a couple with no film credits at all, and a couple from the late 2000s who seem to be repeats, but whatever.  Maybe it's a common name, who knows.  Speaking of which, doesFrank Lee Sawry count?  I kinda think it should.  How about Frank Lee Morris or even Frank Lee Morris?  What about Frank Lee Wilson or Frank Lee LorenzoFrank Lee DrennenFrank Lee WillsFrank LeeuwenbergWonho Frank LeeG. Frank Leedy?  Am I asking too many questions again?  Here's another question.  So we got this barrage of Ads on the IMDb for Disney's new streaming service on November the 12th, so a) remember, remember the 12th of November.  We got all the greats: the Avengers (Marvel), the Incredibles, Moana, the new female Luke Skywalker, and a cheetah.  On the right (physical) we got the new Captain America, the Incredibles again, Frozen, the new C3PO and... Jeff Goldblum with a pair of glasses?  What do the cheetah and Jeff Goldblum with glasses have in common, besides being the one on the list that no one knows what it's for?  I'm scanning his pics and I'm thinking it's probably not The Favour, the Watch and the Very Big Fish which is of course one of the forgotten C.S. Lewis titles.  He did try many before finally hitting on the perfect combination of... something about a piece of furniture, a big cat and... you get the idea.  Panel, come up with your own list: GO!  Um... the omelette, the oil pan and that weird door at the end of the hallway that's too narrow and no one has the key for.
Wow!  That's the most I've devoted to one of our sponsors yet!  Well, let's not waste any more time or space, and just get right into it.  There's a new Terminator movie out, and I thought about someone's review of the 2003 installment in which they said "Well, it's another year before a big Presidential election, so that means a new Terminator movie."  The first one was pivotal for Reagan's reelection, as you may remember.  But the headline on Variety noted something about, um... slightly disappointing box office returns.  But what do they expect?  It's an 'R' picture!  'R' pictures generally aren't big blockbusters anymore.  Why, even Terminator 2 had to do a slow march to $100 million and beyond.  Personally, I think Terminator 2 put itself out of business by being so damn good.  Not that Mackenzie Davis isn't a sweetheart and all that.  Not to mention the whole Lord of the Rings creating a necessity for large crowds in these blockbusters now.  Apparently, a scene on the battlefield with hundreds of thousands of Terminators duking it out at Burning Man still couldn't ignite a firestorm of buzz amongst the moviegoing populace.  Alas.  But what do I ask for at the multiplex?  I know it's got some kind of weird title... something about destiny or karma or kismet or something.  I mean... could it be 12 Minutes to Heaven: Fate?  Nah.  All the good Terminator movies are in league with the devil.  What about 1PW: A Cruel Twist of Fate?  Nah, this isn't a Two-Face movie.  How about 1PW: A Cruel Twist of Fate Fan Conference?  Maybe 9Realms: The Fateful OathA Blinded Fate possibly?  A Date With Fate perhaps?  Could it be A Fate Amenable to ChangeA Fate ForetoldA Fate Worse Than DeathA Game with FateA Peculiar Fate Awaits the EarthA Run with FateA Simple Twist of FateA Taste of FateA Terrible FateA Touch of FateA Toy of FateA Trick of FateA Trick of FateA Twist of FateA Twist of FateA Twist of FateA Twist of FateA Twist of FateA Twist of FateA Twist of FateA Twist of FateA Twisted FateA Twisted FateA Web of FateA Woman of Paris: A Drama of FateA Wondrous FateAchates by FateAct of FateAfate zendegi ya morphinAhsoka: Fate of HeroesAl-fatenah we el saaloukAladdin: Fate of AgrabahAn Arrangement with FateAriel + Miranda + FateAs Fate DecidesAs Fate DecreedAs Fate WilledAs Fate WillsAs the Fates DecreeAura: Fate of the AgesBallad of the Evil FateBaydara: Fate of EdraBayonetta: Bloody FateBlack FateBlind FateBlind FateBlind FateBlind FateBlind FateBlind FateBooks on Fate: MemoryBoy Harsher: FateBroken FateBroken FateBroken Fate LineBrush with FateBut Time and FateBy Fate's DecreeCalafateCaptain E.J. Smith, R.N.R. Commander of the Ill Fated S.S. Titanic: A Final Inspection of His Vessel Ten Minutes Before Sailing TimeCard FateCarnal FateCastlevania: Lords of Shadow - Mirror of FateChallenging FateChasing FateChildren of FateChildren of FateChildren of FateChoosing FateCircle of FateCircle of fateConcealment of FateCory's FateCrazy- 7: Fate of the Crazy SquadCritical Rescue: Fateful JourneyCross FateDa Kalifatet Blev Delt I ToDate FateDate with FateDebate Your FateDepartment of FateDiamonds Bullets & FateDiamonds of FateDivine FateDribbling FateDriven by FateDrums of FateDuel of the FatesDylan's FateEasy to Learn, Hard to Master: The Fate of AtariEddy and the Fate of the UniverseEghteyal Faten TawfikEgyptian Prophecy: Fate of RamsesEl hamawat el fatenatEl kommissariate el fatenateElectric Purgatory: The Fate of the Black RockerEmbrace Your FateEnmeshed by FateEscape the Fate: AliveEscape the Fate: Breaking Me DownEscape the Fate: Live at the RoxyEscape the Fate: UngratefulWithout a NameEterafate Zehne Khatarnake ManEyes of FateEyes of FateFace to FateFangs of FateFangs of FateFat and FateFATE - It Is What It Is!FateFateFateFateFateFateFateFateFateFateFateFateFateFateFateFateFateFateFateFateFateFateFateFateFateFateFateFateFateFateFATE of a MaThoRFate (A Dating App)FateFateFateFate & FortuneFate & HopeFate AccompliFate AccompliFate and Destiny: A Road Less TraveledFate and DreamsFate and FortuneFate and FugitiveFate and ThreeFate by NumbersFate come a casa vostraFate Come MeFate come noiFate Drops in Learned HallsFate Fashions a LetterFate Federal Agent 8Fate ForthcomingFate Gets a PushFate Has No PlanFate Is the HunterFate la caritàFate la storia senza di meFate of a FruitFate of a ManFate of a Self-Defence Corps MemberFate of HeartFate of RealityFate of RevengeFate of the Arrogant: UnspokenFate of the DragonFate of the MustangFate of the PlainsFate of the SlothFate ScoresFate Takes a HandFate Takes a HandFate to LoveFate TrainFate Twisted SimplyFate un bel sorrisoFate, or Something Like ItFate, or Something Like That, I GuessFate: A Miwok StoryFate: Part 1Fate: ReduxFate!?Fate's AlibiFate's Awful JestFate's BoomerangFate's DecisionFate's DecreeFate's DecreeFate's FatheadFate's FingerFate's Frame-UpFate's Funny FrolicFate's Healing HandFate's InterceptionFate's Midnight HourFate's MockeryFate's PlaythingFate's Protecting ArmFate's Round-UpFate's ShadowFate's TurningFate's VengeanceFate's WarningFate's WayFate/ApocryphaFate/CeroFate/ExtellaFate/Extra Last EncoreFate/Grand OrderFate/Grand Order: First OrderFate/kaleid liner Prisma IllyaFate/kaleid liner Prisma Illya 2weiFate/kaleid liner Prisma Illya 2wei! Herz!Fate/kaleid liner Prisma Illya 3reiFate/prototypeFate/stay nightFate/stay night: Realta nuaFate/stay night: Unlimited Blade WorksFate/ZeroFate/Zero RemixFateacherFatedFatedFatedFatedFatedFatedFated ChoicesFated EchoesFated NightFated to RepeatFatefulFatefulFatefulFateful BeliefFateful DateFateful DayFateful FindingsFateful LoveFateful Love 2Fatefully YoursFatehFatehFatehFateh singhFatehe DelhaFatehine sahraFateko JuttaFateko Jutta 2FatelessFatelessFatels: Tough Luck KidFatenahFaterFates ForeverFates of AmbitionFates Warning: FireflyFates Warning: Live in AthensFateSpinnerFatevi vivi, la polizia non interverràFear of FateFeeding FateFido's FateFighting FateFighting FateFinal Twist of FateFinger of Fate: Phil Polakoff MD and His Journey Through HealthcareFire Emblem: FatesFires of FateFires of FateFires of FateFlirting with FateFlirting with FateFlirting with FateFools of FateForcing FateGekijouban Fate/kaleid liner Purizuma Iriya: Sekka no chikaiGekijouban Fate/Stay Night: Heaven's Feel - III. Spring SongGekijouban Fate/Stay Night: Heaven's Feel - I. Presage FlowerGekijouban Fate/Stay Night: Heaven's Feel - II. Lost ButterflyGekijouban Fate/stay night: Unlimited Blade WorksGeneral Hospital: Twist of FateGeneric FateGentleman's FateGoing Against FateHand of FateHand of FateHand of FateHand of FateHand of FateHand of FateHand of Fate 2Hand of Fate 2Hands of FateHands of FateHands: The Fate of 'Manos'Heaven's FateHenry Beck and the Dagger of FateHis Bitter FateHis Fatal FateHis Fate's RehearsalHistorian Recounts Fateful Mission That Took Her Father's LifeHogtied by FateHostage to FateIll FateIll FatedIll FatedIll FatedIll-FatedIll-Fated LoversIll-Fated Whom Time Long'st Did FrownIllusions Fate: The Dying AnthemIn Fate's CycleIn Fate's GripIndian FateIndiana Jones and the Fate of AtlantisInstruments of FateJealous FateJuggling with FateJust a Little Politics: The United Fates of FamericaKaijutsu: Super Battle for the Ultimate Fate of the World - Z-Squad Super Scientists Vs. UrojaKellafateKiyoshi: Fates WrathLa Hora FateLe fate ignorantiLeap of FateLeap of FateLeehom Wang feat. Tan Wei Wei: Bridge of FateLeft-Handed FateLessons of Fate. Dignity.Lessons of Fate. The Wisdom.Lethal FateLinked by FateLove & FateLove and FateLoves FateMajora's Mask: Terrible FateMan's FateManifest Destiny: A Fates CallingManos: The Hands of FateMarvel vs. Capcom 3: Fate of Two WorldsMasked FateMaster of My FateMcCarn Plays FateMistaken FateMitch Fatel Is MagicalMortal Kombat Fates BeginningMy Life: The Fate of a PhenomMy Name Is FatenNew Day New FateNo Fate But What We Make: 'Terminator 2' and the Rise of Digital EffectsOlivia Newton-John: Twist of FateOlivia Newton-John: Twist of FateOn the Chess Board of FatePalawan FatePartners of FateParty of FatePathways the Trilogy: Choosing FatePawn of FatePawns of FatePawns of FatePawns of FatePhotographic FatePlay with FatePlaythings of FatePlaythings of FatePuppets of FatePuppets of FatePuppets of FateQuirk of Fate - Eine Laune des SchicksalsRahat Fateh Ali Khan: Dil ZaffranRealms of Ukodor: Bound by FateRed String of FateRed Thread of FateRescued by FateResonance of FateRestoring the Hands of FateRiddles of Fate: Wild Hunt (Collector's Edition)RiffTrax Live: Manos - The Hands of FateRising Waters: Global Warming and the Fate of the Pacific IslandsRopes of FateRopes of Fate 2Rough Patch: Twisted FateRunaway, a Twist of FateSand of FateSands of FateSandwiches, Fates & NotesSealed FatesSealing Your FateSeed of FateShackles of FateShe Believes in FateSimple Twist of FateSimple Twist of FateSinister Fate: Drop Dead GoregousSins of FateSleeping with FateSparks of FateStar Wars: Phantoms of FateStaring Down FateStonetrade: Fight the FateStrange Fates: A FantasySunset FateSure As FateSwitch of FateTangled FatesTargets of FateTaylor Dayne: Twists of FateTchaikovsky's Women and FateTemping FateTempting FateTempting FateTempting FateTempting FateTempting FateTempting FateTempting Fate: The Stunts of 'Paycheck'Tere Bin Nahi Lagda, a tribute to Nusrat Fateh Ali KhanThe Awful Fate of Melpomenus JonesThe Bank Burglar's FateThe Bastards of Fate: Huge MagicThe Beautiful FateThe Circle of FateThe Circle of FateThe Counterfeiter's FateThe Crossroads of FateThe Crucible of FateThe Cruise of FateThe Cycle of FateThe Descending of FateThe Duel of FatesThe Duke: Fate of HumanityThe Fastidious Fate of Things That FlyThe FateThe Fate BakersThe Fate MachineThe Fate of a FlirtThe Fate of a SquawThe Fate of All DreamsThe Fate of AmericaThe Fate of ChoiceThe Fate of CysalionThe Fate of ElizabethThe Fate of Furbearing Animals on Norwegian Fur FarmsThe Fate of Juan GarciaThe Fate of LoveThe Fate of Number OneThe Fate of Persistent PeteThe Fate of PhoenixThe Fate of Renate LangenThe Fate of Sophie MillerThe Fate of TensionThe Fate of the DolphinThe Fate of the FishThe Fate of the FuriousThe Fate of the Furious: All About the StuntsThe Fate of the Furious: Behind-The-Scenes FamilyThe Fate of the Furious: Car CultureThe Fate of the Furious: Heating Up IcelandThe Fate of the Furious: How to Stop TorettoThe Fate of the Furious: In the FamilyThe Fate of the Furious: The Cuban SpiritThe Fate of the Furious: Touring the Toy ShopThe Fate of the Furious: Wrecking BallThe Fate of the TwisterThe FatedThe Fated Assemblage of Dr. MalvagioThe Fateful DiamondThe Fateful Encounter of Wendy and EarlThe FatesThe FatesThe FatesThe FatesThe Fates and Flora FourflushThe Fates and RyanThe Finger of FateThe Finger Prints of FateThe Fires of FateThe Flash of FateThe Flash of FateThe Fly Leaf of FateThe Footlights of FateThe Gamers: Hands of FateThe Garden of FateThe Gift of FateThe Gods of FateThe Guided Fate ParadoxThe Guiding FateThe Hand of FateThe Hand of FateThe Hand of FateThe Helmet of Dr. FateThe Highway of FateThe Hour of FateThe Idol of FateThe Ill-Fated Adventure of Junior FletcherThe Inevitable Fate of Mr. TouraniThe Interrogation or Why I Stopped Caring About the Fate of HumanityThe Irony of FateThe Irony of FateThe Irony of FateThe Irony of Fate 2The Jewelled Dagger of FateThe Jocular Winds of FateThe Jury of FateThe Ledger of FateThe Legend of Kyrandia: The Hand of FateThe Madman's FateThe Many Sad Fates of Mr. ToledanoThe Menace of FateThe Pendulum of FateThe Pendulum of FateThe Perversity of FateThe Play of the FateThe Revenge I: A Visit from FateThe Shuttle of FateThe Snare of FateThe Snare of FateThe Spy's FateThe Sternness of FateThe Stroke of FateThe Sunny South or The Whirlwind of FateThe Sword of FateThe Terminator: Dawn of FateThe Terrible Fate of Humpty DumptyThe Threads of FateThe Tides of FateThe Traitor's FateThe Trick of FateThe Vagaries of FateThe Vengeance of FateThe Vicissitudes of FateThe Village FateThe Vintage of FateThe Vortex of FateThe Ways of FateThe Web of FateThe Wheels of FateThe Winds of FateTheir Fates 'Sealed'Thirteen Against FateThreads of FateThreads of FateThree Cornered FateThunderbolts of FateTime and FateTouched by FateTourism: The Fate of MauiToys of FateToys of FateTravails of FateTravails of Fate 2Traveler's FateTricks of FateTrifling with FateTrump Should Not Be Weighing in on the Fate of Sayfullo SaipovTryst of FateTurns of FateTwin FatesTwist of FateTwist of FateTwist of FateTwist of FateTwist of FateTwist of FateTwist of FateTwist of FateTwist of FateTwist of FateTwist of FateTwist of FateTwist of FateTwist of FateTwist of FateTwist of Fate 2Twist of Fate: Have You Seen This ManTwist of Fate: The Best of the Hardy BoyzTwisted FateTwisted FateTwisted FateTwisted FateTwisted FateTwisted FateTwisted FateTwisted FatesTwisted FatesTwisting FateTwisting FateTwisting Fate with Death and LarryTwists of FateUnforgivable FateUnfortunate FateUnited by Fate 1United by Fate 2United by Fate 3United by Fate 4United by Fate 5United by Fate 6Prevratnosti sudbyVictims of FateWanted: Weapons of FateWar of China's FateWeb of FateWestern FateWheel of FateWheels of FateWheels of FateWheels of FateWhen Fate CallsWhen Fate DecidesWhen Fate DecreesWhen Fate DisposesWhen Fate FrownedWhen Fate Leads TrumpWhen Fate RebelledWhen Fate Was KindWhen the Fates SpinWhere is fatemeh's House?Whirlpool of FateWWE: Twist of Fate - The Matt and Jeff Hardy StoryYagyu Jubei: The Fate of the WorldYosemite: The Fate of HeavenYou Can't Predict FateYour Fate HereYours Fatefully?

...no?  Not even close?  Well, then I guess it's BACK TO THE KITCHEN THEN!!!  I mean, BACK TO THE DRAWING BOARD THEN!!!!!!!  Oops... sorry about the shouting.  Meanwhile, in 2nd place, it's Jodie Foster's black friend from The Silence of the Lambs back in the director's chair, after a much needed break.  She's got the hot new historical drama that just might sweep the Oscars (TM) (R) (C) this year if it weren't for Scorsese's latest.  It took a while to secure a completion guarantee, because producers kept telling Kasi "Okay, we'll give you the money, just as long as Vondie stays off the set."  So much jealousy and bitterness in Hollywood.  I mean, it's not because Vondie's in the crosshairs of #MeToo or #TimesUp, mind you.  Probably because of Glitter, if I had to guess.  But what name do I ask for at the ticket counter?  Something about the Underground Railroad?  Did historians uncover some kind of code word from those ancient documents from the time?  A head-scratching diary entry?  I mean, was it
Aleeza and Harriet?  No?  Well how about Akeelah and the BeeAsk Harriet maybe?  Bobby & Harriet Get MarriedBullets in HarriettDaughters of the New Republic: Sarah Bradford and Harriet TubmanHandle with Care: Aunt HarrietHarrietHarrietHarrietHarrietHarrietHarrietHarriet 1-255Harriet 2Harriet and Herbert's Day at the BeachHarriet and Kate ComedyHarriet and the MatchesHarriet and the PiperHarriet CraigHarriet LeeHarriet QuimbyHarriet ReturnsHarriet the Spy perhaps?  Harriet the Spy: Blog Wars peut-être?  Harriet Tubman Sex TapeHarriet Tubman: Journey to FreedomHarriet Van Meter: A Life ExtraordinaryHarriet: The MusicalHarriet: Up Against It (Il Laureato)Harriet's ArmyHarriet's Army: Harriet's Memory BoxHarriet's Back in TownHarriet's HeroHarriet's HouseHarriet's Magic HatsHarriet's Secret: A Progressive Marriage in the 1890sHarriette Simpson Arnow: 1908-1986Harry and HarrietHoneymoon for HarrietIt's All About the HarrietsJulia Jekyll and Harriet HydeKatie Fforde - Harriets TraumKeep Pace with HarrietLove HarrietMoses: A Harriet Tubman StoryMy Memories: Harriet MatineauSculpting Harriet TubmanThe Adventures of Ozzie and HarrietThe Late Harriet Quimby's Flight Across the English ChannelTom Dick & HarrietTom, Dick and HarrietTorchlighters: The Harriet Tubman StoryUntitled Harriet Tubman ProjectWait Up Harriet"Animated Hero Classics" Harriet Tubman"Another Period" Tubman"Intimate Portrait" Harriet Tubman"Legends of the Hidden Temple" The Walking Stick of Harriet Tubman"The Mark Steel Lectures" Harriet Tubman"The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore" Harriet Tubman & Kim Kardashian's Selfie"Virginia This Morning" Virginia Repertory Theatre Celebrates Black History Month with 'Harriet Tubman'?

...no?  Not even close?  Well, then I guess it's BACK TO THE KITCHEN SINK THEN!!!  I mean, BACK TO THE DRAWING BOARD THEN!!!!!!!  Oops... sorry about the shouting.  Maybe it was a specific person?  I mean, was it Tim Tubman maybe?  Rachel Tubman perhaps?  Raymond Tubman perhaps?  How about Andy TubmanMichael TubmanL. TubmanAzania TubmanMax TubmanMike TubmanMichael TubmanBarkue TubmanMichael TubmanWilliam TubmanDavid Tubman?

...no?  Not even close?  Well, then I guess it's BACK TO THE OLD FARM THEN!!!  I mean, BACK TO THE DRAWING BOARD THEN!!!!!!!  Oops... sorry about the shouting.  And sorry about the whole bug-eyes... whole name thing.  Twice in one box office report!  Gonna lose audience share over this.  Meanwhile, the Oscar (R) (C) (TM) race is heating up.  I don't know what's going to win Best Picture this year... probably something about Britain's Royal Family starring what's his face as Tony Blair and written by Richard Curtis... hmm!  An interesting combination.  Well, his only Oscar (C) (TM) (R) nomination was for Four Weddings and a Funeral, and apparently he's vowed to never, ever write anything that clicks with the public quite like that again.  Anyway, Norton's back, despite Cramden's protestations.  Not content to stay in the Actor's Lane on the Oscar (TM) (R) (C) Highway, he's going for some kind of triple threat with his latest, starring in it, directing himself in it, and adapted screenplaying it as well.  It's taken many a weary year to get this epic tale to the screen, but not in a Boyhood kind of way.  And like the new Terminator movie... I remembered the title!  Like the old guard, so to speak, this one was also a disappointment, according to Variety.  Of course, to them, EVERYTHING is probably a disappointment, even Spielberg's stuff.  But what is that darned title again?  Something about a part of New York that doesn't have something... I mean, could it be A Fatherless America?  No, that's the whole country.  Well, how about A Fatherless Generation?  No, even broader.  A Fisherless Cartoon maybe?  No, it's live action.  Well, how about Alyson Stoner: Powerless?  No, that sounds like a stand-up special.  Maybe Baseball's Peerless LeaderBorderlessCuusingura, the Revenge of MasterlessFairytales for the FatherlessFatherless - Chichi naki jidaiFatherlessFatherless America: Breaking the Cycle Part IFatherless ChildFrom Fatherless to FatherhoodLinkin Park: PowerlessLoryn Taggart: PowerlessMan Up: The Exploration of a Fatherless NationMasterlessMoby: Like a Motherless ChildMotherlessMotherlessMotherlessMotherless BrooklynMotherless ChildMotherless ChildMotherless ChildMotherless ChildrenNegating the Increasing Powerlessness of the Most Photographed Thing in AmericaNelly Furtado: Powerless - Say What You WantPaperlessPaperless OfficePeerless: Memories from the West PierPhilterlessPowerlessPowerlessPowerlessPowerlessPowerlessPowerlessPowerlessPowerlessPowerlessPowerlessPowerlessPowerlessPowerlessPowerlessPowerless Federal Agent 8RiderlessRiderless HorseRudderlessSpit'in Anger: Venom of a Fatherless SonSuperpowerlessSuperpowerlessThe FatherlessThe Motherless KidsThe Power of the PowerlessThe Riderless BicycleThe Waterless PetuniaTogetherlessWake the Riderless HorseWaterlessWhat Daddy Didn't Know: Letters of a Fatherless Child?

...no?  Not even close?  Well, then I guess it's BACK TO THE BARRIO THEN!!!  I mean, BACK TO THE DRAWING BOARD THEN!!!!!!!  Oops... sorry about the shouting.  I gotta go, and to bed as well.

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