But the biggest headline from the movie world would probably have to be the news that Tom Arnold is throwing his hat into the "Are You Smarter Than a Presidential Fifth Grader" ring. In a big public relations move for something called the Vice Network, possibly in association with HBO, is bringing to you a Tom Arnold show called "The Hunt for Red Octavia"... sorry, let me check with the Yahagoogle news here. Sorry, the cat's sitting in front of the computer screen. She does that; sits in front of TV screens to get the humans' attention. Can you believe it? She's getting to the age where she actually likes being flea combed! Which is good. Too bad the fleas still like her so much. They also seem to like the carpet underneath the computer too, for some reason. They like jumping on my feet for less than a second, just to keep me on my toes, so to speak. I'm getting to the age where if I try to bend down to catch them... INTERNAL BLEEDING. What is that all about?
So anyway, the cat's sitting in such a way that I can't see that bottom row of icons on the computer screen. Boy! Where's a West Virginian to pour some gasoline on a cat when you need him? ..God! I was blabbing for so long about the one thing, I forgot... oh, right. Tom Arnold's series is going to be called ... ah, let me just go straight to the proverbial horse's mouth for movies... "The Hunt for the Trump Tapes"? Really? Seriously? Haven't they made a portmanteau of those two yet? Real-iously? That's my official nominee for the 2018 Portmanteaus. Let's run it up the flagpole and see if any of the crap sticks to it that the monkeys and other species are throwing. I thought I was dreaming for a second, and I briefly confused Tom Arnold with Michael Moore. All Tom needs is a baseball cap and BOOM! Close enough. Of course, Tom is still enjoying the Second Act of his very, very strange career. But you know what? At the final weighing-in, when your life sum total's made, and you set your wealth in goodly deeds against the sins you've laid, well... this kind of thing's going to matter. How did you stand up to the Orange Headless Horseman? Did you do everything you could? Me myself, I sent my share of phony money to a Trump MAGA address, so you know... basically the same thing. I'm totally satisfied.
...drat, almost forgot. What about Will Whodunnitt?... I mean, Hoddinott? Seems docile enough... but just wait til he gets on that Location Management Union board. Coffers empty the next day! Gets drunk with power, appoints himself King for Life of Hollywood. You'll see! Brought to you by Name-ism. Name-ism. It's like trying to pick lotto numbers, but with names.
Oh, right. I was also going to give the Drumpf Administration some helpful suggestions about this whole removing kids from their parents thing. They seem to have backed away from it. I mean, Drumpf tried a little bit by saying that it was all the Democrats' fault. Apparently, it was the Democrats' fault because it was the Democrats' laws that got passed that made these kid detention camps possible in the first place. Makes me think that maybe it's a good thing we have a two-party system. I mean, if we were all Republicans, well... they'd have to divide us up somehow, right? I mean, at the very least, divide us up as the rich Republicans, and the poor Republicans. We basically have that system already, except that the rich Republicans are called CEOs and the poor ones are called Rednecks.
...oh, right. The Top 10 this week. Well, as expected, the Jurassic World sequel was #1. Another happy big payday in the Spielberg Capshaw household(s). And it was the only debut this week. That's how we get 'er done, Hollywood. On the other hand, look at how much The Incredibles Part II made! 80 million domestic! Not too shabby. I go back to 1997's Jurassic Park movie for the gold standard. It made, like, 90 million, and the #2 movie, whatever it was, made something like 9 million. Ah, nostalgia. I read some of the critic over at rogerebert.com that reviewed the new Jurassic World. Roger Ebert's dead, you see, but he got a couple people to cover his shift for him. Anyway, one line stuck out in particular. The critic said "This movie doesn't seem to care what I think." Umm... yeah! First of all, any good movie worth its weight in celluloid and posters does. And second, I'm telling you! Some people believe we live in the post-truth and post-fact world now. I believe we're living in the post-film critic world. The multiplex, which now contains IMAX and those slightly unsanitary 3D glasses and air conditioning, is a terrific place to dump off the kids for a couple hours to see the latest Pixar or Pixar-esque ripoff with their friends. I personally like to hammer home the one scene from Quantum of Solace as an example that critics don't matter. Sure, the filmmakers are probably taking critics' helpful suggestions, but I think they got this covered. I mean, did you see Day for Night? Another example, but a bit earlier. Truffaut and his coterie are watching some dailies, and one guy who has Truffaut's ear says "That's the take we should go with." I mean, the smart ones are paying attention! Incidentally, when is Ralph Fiennes going to play Truffaut? Is he working on it? I'm telling you! Dead ringer. Or maybe Luc Besson could get Liam Neeson to play Truffaut in one of his douchey A-list projects that he'll direct himself. Oh, the Taken or the Transporter series isn't good enough for him to touch with a 10-foot directors' pole, oh no! I mean... non! Zut alors. D'accord. Comme çi, comme ça... did I use that right? Boy! It's true! Use it or lose it... you don't keep using French after 25 years when you first got burned out from it in high school, forget it. You might as well use the "grunt and point" method in your multi-national communications. Well, I do anyway, whether abroad or domestic. Seems to help.
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