Dining Out On That Story

Brought to you by the new Modelo Chill-Lada.  You've tried the Modelo Chelada... now try the new Modelo Chill-Lada!  And chill, probably.  And brought to you by... two sponsors this week!  How'd I get so lucky?  Also brought to you by the National Catholic Register.  Remember kids!  You can't spell Registered Sex Offender without "Register."  And be sure to check out their newsletter, where this month's centerfold is Father Andrea "Oxy" Contin.  He's from Padua, and his turn-ons are sunny days, candlelit dinners for two and videotaping orgies, apparently.  Hey, it's a step in the right direction anyway, right?  As long as no kids were involved.  His turn-offs are rude people, and local governments with too much power.  I mean, the power to arrest and incarcerate?  You know, there was a time... anyway, let's move quickly on.  Also brought to you by The Sun!  Probably owned by Rupert Murdoch, and maybe a little too porn-y, even by online magazine standards.  Jesus!  Anyway, as expected, the latest movie from Marvel was #1 at the box office this weekend.  The search for the new ... what's his name, can't think of names this morning... James Gunn, probably.  The search for the new James Gunn has begun.  You know, a fringes indie director, but without the nasty Twitter past this time, thank you very much.  Apparently, Lloyd Kaufman vouching for you will only get you so far.  But Marvel (TM) (R) (C) seems to have found a good one this time!  They got two for one here: the team of Anna Boden and Ryan Fleck.  They hit it big in 2006 with Half Nelson, at least amongst critics.  Their hasty sophomore follow-up was called Sugar about a baseball player, followed almost immediately by It's Kind of a Funny Story about a kid who checks himself into a nuthouse... sorry, "psychiatric ward."  I guess Sugar didn't go as well as they thought.  But they comported themselves a little better post-bomb than that Kony 2012 guy, am I right?  I really gotta lay off that for a while.  Anyway, hey, It's Kind of a Funny Story, these promotional materials for "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" called, wants their font back.  That's what I should do: create an IMDb list of these indie movie posters that all seem to have fonts in the vein of "Comedians in Coffee"... whatever it's called.
So, that's the only debut this week.  Tyler Perry's Madea movie is almost over the 50 million dollar mark, so phew, right?  Six months from now, and Tyler Perry will birth another one; there's no stopping it.  And Green Book is still going!  Seventeen weeks and 80 million in the bank.  Peter Farrelly doesn't care who knows it; he just wants the world to know he did it without Bobby.  I mean, not even a "Thanks"?  Dude, that's cold.  The only other new title that seems to have sneaked in to the Top 10 this week is a documentary about the Apollo 11 moon mission, and it's called Apollo 11, because CNN's still got some pride.  This is how they'll distinguish themselves from Fox News, by God: how many films they got in theatres.  As for me, I've been listening to those old "Cosmos" shows in my car on the way to work, and I'm looking forward to a day when people are complaining of how we're losing all our beautiful nebulas, because people keep flying spaceships into them to collect all the loose, underheated hydrogen atoms.  You know, for an easy profit.  Can't we leave anything alone? #DarkMatterMatters.