We Are Bound By Ovaries

Brought to you by my new Broadway show called "Songs in the Key of Francis Scott."  Wanna own 250% of the profits?  Anyway, on to the Box Office totals, the only news worth looking at... oh, it's actually "All the Rest!"  Speaking of the news, they played that Huey Lewis song "Stuck With You" once again, and I finally decided to actually look up the lyrics... wonder how this one would fit into Patrick Bateman's worldview.  So, the latest installment of the How to Train Your Dragon series... the one in theatres, not the Amazon Prime / Netflix series... was #1 again, big surprise.  What was a surprise to me is how I missed the ad campaign for Tyler Perry's latest: A Madea Family Funeral.  His days of being directed by Darren Grant far behind him, Tyler Perry has pretty much explored all the phases of life as that titular character that he apparently hates, but falls in love with enough to get these things made.  And at this point, he seems to have covered all phases of life: family reunions, jail, Witness Protection, Halloween, employment, and my personal favorite: a rather blatant attempt to act like a beloved TV classic... it is still considered a classic, right?  I mean, even in the #MeToo and #TimesUp era?  I mean, #OscarsSoWhite, but "The Brady Bunch" is even whiter.  But now, it's the funeral stage of life, which seems like the last, and penultimate to some, even.  On the other hand, Suburbicon sort of starts with a funeral, right?  Am I the only one that references that?  Probably.  According to an IMDb reviewer, this is apparently the last time Tyler Perry will play Madea on film... unless the right script for Boo! 3 comes along.  Never say never, right?  Anyway, what about the afterlife?  You're telling me there isn't some delightful dramatic hay to be made out of Madea applying for citizenship in Heaven?  None of Madea's fans want to see her kick a little angel ass in the big Celestial choir?  Keep all those snooty harp players in order?  I mean, they like the piano, but they'd rather get right to the piano strings directly, bypassing the big clunky keys entirely.  I mean, any fool can press keys on a keyboard, that's for sure... ahem.
Meanwhile, Green Book is out for a sixteenth week.  Well, it's a point of pride for Peter Farrelly.  I mean, Dumb and Dumber and Me, Myself & Irene crossed the 100 million dollar mark, and Green Book will as well, by God, even if he has to buy 25 million dollars worth of tickets himself, out of his own cash money.  But the last debut this week is called Greta, and it's getting a little buzz... and by 'buzz,' I mean my cinephile friends on Facebook.  I mean, Chloë Grace Moretz, God bless her, she's playing a deeper game here.  I mean, anyone can star in hit movies like the new Neighbors series, but you gotta sometimes go for the prestige projects, and director Neil Jordan seems to have procured himself this new one here.  The publicity touts it as the (pen)ultimate stalker movie, but the moviegoing public at large has yet to find that out.  As for elder co-star Isabelle Huppert, didn't she already make this movie a few years ago?  Her Heaven's Gate days far behind her, her IMDb Top 4 is unusual because the oldest one, as of this writing, is from 2001.  As for someone like, say, Malcolm McDowell, he'll always have that one pesky one from 1971 in his IMDb Top 4 for some reason...