WHEN THE FIT HIT THE FOSHAN
As with the Naked Gun series, the first Ip Man movie is probably the best one. You know, it just came off the lot, it's got that new-movie smell and all that, what have you. I still can't get the line of that annoying Dave Barry out of my head about martial arts, about how people use their hands and feet to make some of the worst movies ever made. Well, Ip Man has an advantage over the vast majority of them, and that is the biographical angle.
But I'm an old man now with bad breath, and I have no Glennis in my life, so let me take this opportunity to reminisce about martial arts movies. Well, of course, I'm of the Karate Kid generation, and it's actually responsible for my going to a martial arts class or two... if memory serves, I think I got up to a yellow belt! Why, one of my fondest memories is when I had to do a series of punches and kicks blindfolded, and on the final punch I came dangerously close to punching the wall. But I'm older now, and a bit of a film buff, and in terms of cinematography The Karate Kid is a good lesson for all of you in the ASC and beyond, because whether you're doing an almost-guaranteed hit like The Karate Kid, or a bit of a turkey like Rhinoceros, you should always be on your A-Game. You know, it's like with Vilmos Zsigmond, whether it's Close Encounters of the Third Kind or Futz, am I right?
Then of course there's Pushing Hands, a film that every comedian whose made a joke about T'ai Chi should watch... wait, is James Schamus on the $#!+ list now? Tread carefully on this one, then. And of course there's certain personalities like Steven Seagal and Jeff Speakman who did Lethal Weapon... I mean, The Perfect Weapon. See, usually these martial arts guys live humbly and don't promote capitalism. Not Steven Seagal, though!
Then there's Jet Li and Jackie Chan. But as it turns out, Hollywood is chock-a-block full of actors who are martial arts experts. George Costanza is one, for God's sake! Michael Jai White! Hal Sparks! Thankfully, they all haven't risen up to take control of the world... of course, given who's currently in the White House... ANYWAY, back to the instant case. The first Ip Man movie. We're introduced to the province of Fo Shan in China, where there are several schools of martial arts, and all is relatively peaceful. BUT THEN... conflict. One of the heads of a martial arts school goes to see this, this... one the Mortals call Ip Man. You know, just for a friendly fight. Also, dude! Check out that house! According to Wikipedia, Ip Man grew up in a wealthy home in Foshan. This detail, of course, is dealt with in the most ho-hum manner. I thought all houses in Foshan looked like that! Also, the whole setup just doesn't smell right to begin with. A martial arts master who lives in a nice home and has a wife and kid? One doesn't usually see that in American movies. In the typical American movie, it's more like... well, more like Miyagi in The Karate Kid. Actually, Miyagi's atypical in his own way, but no wife or kid to speak of!
And so, back to the first conflict. The two heads of differing martial arts schools have a friendly fight, which is apparently against decorum. There's a kite-flying witness to this illicit affair, a Peeping Hong, if you will, who runs to town and begins flapping his big fat mouth about the whole thing. Unfortunately, he has many friends lapping it all up. The conflict eventually makes its way to Ip's door, where he's forced to calm down the entire city, which he does like a boss... sorry, I actually hate that phrase. Kill me if I use it again.
Second conflict: there's a new guy in town. I guess these things are like Westerns a little bit, huh? The fights in each have a different temporal rhythm, though. Gunfights are clearly less fun, a lot louder, and it's the rare master like Sundance who gets complemented. Anyway, the economy's hitting everyone hard, and an unusual new threat has come to Foshan. Enter Master Jin, played by Siu-Wong Fan, and can I say that I think I'm now a fan of his? ...no? What can I say? He reminds me of a young Chow-Yun Fat. I should probably delete the last few sentences of this, but will instead keep them, if only for historical purposes, because the greater crime would be to not acknowledge their existence in the first palace... place. And so, this new master and a couple of his goons comes to town and begins kicking ass. School by school. Word gets back to Ip Man, and out of semi-retirement he comes to teach this guy a lesson.
Actually, Jin comes to him with about half the town. They fight in Ip's house, and the wife tells him not to break anything. Seriously, that's what happens. Ip's not spending enough time with his kid, on top of everything else. His kid's become quite adept at drawing, actually! Or painting, whatever. But the show must go on. Jin's a bit of a jerk, but even Ip's gotta admit: the guy's got some moves! Quick, powerful... and perseverance. He doesn't want to go quietly into the night just yet. But the fight between Jin and Ip is interesting. Ip seems unbeatable, but what happens when a weapon is brought into the mix? Jin's got what appears to be a Chinese machete, and clearly it's time to use it. Ip counterbalances with... a rod of bamboo, apparently. I do hate to spoil the outcome, but you can probably guess. You can't change a movie's title in midstream, unfortunately for Jin.
But just as the Marx brothers weren't content to lampoon mere steam ships and college campuses, the stakes are raised about as high for this story as they can. The film takes place in and around 1937, so the Japanese come knocking around the middle of Act Two. Of course, they don't just want to conquer the Chinese people. They also want to conquer Chinese culture, and they set up a nice friendly prison dojo for the best Chinese and Japanese athletes to compete. Ip's character is tested its hardest here. Up til now he hasn't killed anybody in a fight, and... damn. See, I'm just not that good. SPOILER ALERTS. Welp, let's put it this way... remember 2000's Best Picture winner, Gladiator? That's basically where we're going. The one thing I liked about it was that the one Japanese guy does what he said he was going to do... well, sort of. And so, Ip Man gets a bullet after his most crowning life achievement up until then. You'll see it at the beginning of Ip Man 2. I briefly didn't realize how many sequels there were.
***1/2
IP MAN 2
Damn... I had a semi-clever headline for this one. Oh well. Well, now that you know the tangential connection to Bruce Lee, let's get on to Ip Man 2. In this chapter, Master Ip moves to Hong Kong... this is not completely explained, but hey. It's all about the fight choreography, right? Ip's mid-level problem is dealing with a ... I hesitate to call him corrupt, but I guess there's just no two ways about it. See, if one wanted to set up a martial arts school at the time in Hong Kong, there were fees. Lots of fees to pay. You know... hey, nice martial arts school you've got here. Would be a shame if something were to happen to it. You know, the new presidential politics! In this case, Master Hung Chun-Nam, played by Sammo Kam-Bo Hung, is in charge of all the Mob-like doings in Hong Kong... where have I seen this guy before? I vaguely remember that show "Martial Law." It was a CBS show, so surely Letterman had this guy on and was completely rude to him? Yes? No such luck.
Anyway, Master Hung... easy, easy... thinks rather highly of himself, and lays down the law for Master Ip. To teach in Hong Kong, one must submit to being challenged by all the other teachers in Hong Kong. The clock is a piece of incense... how elegant is that? We have so much to learn about the art of living, us backwards Americans. And so, an epic fight takes place. Some of the other masters take on Ip, and... well, I hate to say it, but these dudes seem old. I mean, Ip himself wasn't exactly young at the time, but those other teachers are OOOLLLLLDDDDDDDDD. But they're not completely out of the game just yet, and they do what they can against Ip. Also, this particular fight takes place on one table. Ip has to stay on said table for the duration of the event. There are also several dozen stools placed upside down on the floor. Are these going to be utilized? Uh... yeah!! Sorry, SPOILER ALERT. Incidentally, SPOILER ALERT, once Master Hung has his turn, the event could be said to have come to a draw, but Ip has made his usual positive lasting impression, and into the fold he comes... but he's still not happy about the monthly dues.
This second installment of Master Ip's life story probably has the best fight sequence, in which he uses a wooden pallet as his ad hoc weapon of choice. Take that, Jackie Chan! Anyway, once life's little squabbles are more or less squared away, it's time to take on another global superpower: the much hated British. The British do everything to look evil except call the Chinese "yellow," as it were. Again, historical context. And as with the Japanese in World War II, the British want to take on not only the Chinese people, but Chinese culture as well. A boxer named "Mr. Twister" comes to town, and just makes a real ass of himself... is that Ben Stiller? Sacha Baron Cohen? No, he just looks like a lot of guys. His name is Darren Shahlavi, and I'm reminded of that old Gene Siskel movie test: is the movie more interesting than, say, a movie where all the same people are just sitting around having lunch? If you begin to read Darren's IMDb Bio, you will soon come to the realization that this is no mere British d-bag, but rather a one-time disciple of Donnie Yen, the man whose current job is portraying Ip Man in the same damn movie! Small world. I found out all this after the fact myself. And once again I hate to say it, but Darren sort of betrayed his skill level a little bit in his boxing matches. I forget exactly where, but some of his "boxing" moves seemed to have a little touch of Kung Fu in them. These things move too fast for me these days.
Now, I understand that this is the man's life story and all, but the touch of another cruel empire, Hollywood, seems to have left its mark on the screenplay. For just as the kite-flyer ended up on the wrong side of the tracks in the first Ip Man movie, so too do tired old clichés work their rugged magic here. The British set up a well-publicized fight between Mr. Twister and a Chinese "boxer." In this case, Master Hung himself gets into the ring to defend the dignity of the Chinese. Now, one would think that it'd be no contest, but Hung does look a little tired, and he's still smarting from the epic battle with Ip from earlier, and so... SPOILER ALERT, Hung apparently gets killed in the ring. Thereby, perfectly setting up a match between Twister and Master Ip... a little too perfectly. And so, we get the big final match between Twister and Ip. And you hate to hand it to Twister, but he lands a couple serious blows to Ip's head! Sorry... SPOILER ALERT.
But just when it looks like Ip's about to be a vegetable for the rest of his life, he quickly recovers from the concussion and gets back on his feet. To make matters worse, there's a mid-fight edict issued: Ip's not allowed to kick, or he'll be disqualified. HOW UNFAIR DOES THIS FIGHT HAVE TO BE???!!!!!! Ip gets in one last kick, though, with just a stern warning. Also, Master Jin is listening to the fight on the radio. MORE beloved clichés!
***
THE THIRD ONE
[place review here] ...Mike Tyson? Seriously?
**1/2
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