Monday, September 18, 2017

Auteur Watch - Carl Gilliard

Oops!  I got so excited that I forgot to do this!  Anyway, for those of you depressed about getting older... what?  NO, I'm not obliquely referring to myself (wipes away tear, sniff...)... for those of you depressed about getting older, take comfort or outrage from the example of Carl Gilliard.  I mean, look at this guy's IMDb Top 4.  LOOK UPON IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  What do you notice about it?  Notice anything?  Well, what I notice is that the earliest thing on there is from 2005, as of this writing.  I mean, this guy's been busting his ass since 1990 in the acting mines!  What are those 15 years, then?  Chopped liver supplements?
I mean... oh, screw this guy.  He was on "The Bold and the Beautiful."  Oh, I just hate people like that.  Seriously, though, I need to go back to Super Supplements and buy some of those beef liver tablets they had there.  I'm obsessed with them now.  Wonder if they come with onion tablets for balance?  Anyway, as Letterman would probably quip, so you got this big-time Hollywood actor who's been in millions of motion pictures.  And Paul Shaffer would interrupt, saying "Really?  Millions?  Ah HAH HAH!!!!"  So, surely, with all that acting under one's belt, having dealt with scores of egotistical directors of one stripe or another... surely the thought of promotion to a higher calling has crossed one's mind?  Perhaps the mind of Carl Gilliard?  If you guessed "yes," you'd be right!  Sorry, I ain't got no funding for a proper contest or anything.  No $500 gift certificates, no trips to Bermuda.  This is why I'm not getting anywhere in life.
And so we get Gilliard's solo directorial effort... for now... and it's called Section 8... oops, that link is to the production company.  No, the film is called Section 8... sorry, that link goes to the IMDb Quotes page for Full Metal Jacket.  Third time's the charm!... There we go!  Carl Gilliard's Section 8 from 2006.  And... I dunno.  Something tells me this wasn't a fun, fruitful directorial experience for Carl Gilliard.  My first clue?  Just read the plot description of Carl Gilliard's Section 8... READ UPON IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
...didja catch it?  No shout-out to Carl Gilliard's directing.  Just a bunch of claptrap about the award-winning producers and about the play the film is based on.  And they refer to the playwright as Anthony Lovell Winters.  But look at the IMDb page of the film!  LOOK UPON IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  ..sorry, I've got a bit of a headache right now.  Anyway, the IMDb refers to this guy as Tony Clifton... I mean, Tony Winters.  I guess us common folk must address him as "Anthony."  Hmm!  Another veteran of TV and the occasional soap opera.  One a writer, one a director!  I guess these people have to stick together or something.

Sunday, September 17, 2017

No, Seriously... Broadway Danny Rose called, Wants its Plot Back

Ah, Netflix... where would Adam Sandler be without you?  Welp, it's not a wing of Amazon yet.  Maybe Sony, though.  While director Steven Brill does what he can... at least Little Nicky seemed to smack of effort... it's the same old thing.  All of Adam Sandler's friends stop by for cameos, while his really really good friends get bigger parts, like Nick Swardson of Bucky Larson fame... or infamy, rather.  Thanks to computers, he's better than Buster Keaton ever was.  The older I get, the less tolerance I have for pain, but maybe someday we'll skip right to the end of Haskell Wexler... I mean, "Sandy Wexler."  Characters that are fake pathetic can be fun, too.  And besides!  Broadway Danny Rose is in icky black and white!  Bore-ring.  Plus, Rose is not a 90s nostalgia piece.  Well, Sandler misses his adolescence a lot, and so do a lot of other people his age.  It happens.
Meanwhile, in non-Netflix news, one film in particular caught my eye.  Well, its poster, anyhow.  Charlie Sheen's latest bomb called 9/11.  You can tell from the poster that it's probably a drama.  He's trying as hard as he can to look serious, anyway.  But somehow it's fitting that Charlie Sheen would do a movie about 9/11 at some point.  I mean, he and 9/11 have a lot in common.  After all, one is the greatest disaster to ever happen on American soil... and the other is 9/11.  What?  What did I say?  I guess the point I was trying to make is the Oscar voting block should just skip right on ahead to the Irving Thalberg Award for Mr. Sheen.  Make it like for Saul Zaentz in 1996, an abundance of well-deserved riches.
But let's forget our troubles, get happy, and think about the immediate state of the big national storytelling marketplace.  First up at #2... It cleaned up again, as semi-expected... it's something called American Assassin.  I tell you, if Hollywood can't sell a unit like this, well... it's time to go into another business.  I mean, it's got everything.  It's got Americans, it's got assassins... probably guns, and a bikini girl in distress in the trailer.  Things readily available on the internet, either for purchase or just in picture form, and yet somehow they still put asses in seats.  God bless assassins... I mean, America.
Now, being a highly visual person, I noticed one detail of the poster right away.  Michael Keaton's face on the poster of American Assassin reminded me of a recent Kevin Costner outing... turns out it's called Criminal.  Simply Criminal.  Similar texture, but Costner's head is just a hell of a lot bigger... on the poster!  On the poster.  Let's try to leave ego out of this.  Let's just say they're both washed up!  Seriously, though... get started on that Beetlejuice sequel, dude.  I need to revamp my childhood memories some more, in HD and 1080p, 4k... all that crap.
Meanwhile, in all news Jennifer Lawrence, that movie with Spielberg about the photographer is off the table, alas.  But another X-Men movie is on it!  That's the trouble with Hunger Games, I suppose.  But we can wait 30 years to see how those crazy kids all grew up and became interesting silver screen adults.  Anyway, J. Law had a couple months off to let her hair down, so why not team up with auteur Darren Aronofsky?  He's sort of buddies with David O. Russell, for one.  His baffling new Mother! is confusing audiences and critics alike at #3.  Well, it worked for House at the End of the Street, so why not this one.  I gotta hand it to Aronofsky, because at least he's trying.  He created the new visual signature in The Wrestler, where we follow someone with a Steadi-Cam for a few minutes without seeing their face.  It's probably an old visual signature invented by Max Linder or Preston Sturges, of course, but he put a new dress on the old gal, so to speak.  Plus, it's been a while since we've seen a film where the characters have no names, or are basically named after their relation to the plot.  Two-Lane Blacktop has a little of that.  Maybe it's too early to call it, but... best Oscar for Lawrence?  Oh, right.  She's already got one.  Well, time to win a second one, and for LEAD performance, not supporting... oh, it was for lead?  Dayamn, grrl!  There's nowhere to go but down from here!

Sunday, September 10, 2017

Auteur Watch - Roderick Giles

I'm a little confused.  There's Roderick Jaynes... I mean, Giles, the big time movie director.  But there's ALSO Roderick Giles, the big time YouTube star.  Could they be the same person?  I'm tending to think not.  Submitted for your approval... the YouTube Roderick Giles seems to be all about gospel music, singing in church, real clean-cut proper stuff and all that.  Now, take a look at this... this Gold Digger Killer here.  A modern day horror story at the very least... and that's just the pot belly on the poster!  Alas, there's only a trailer for it on YouTube.  Now, for those of you familiar with that one famous Kanye song... you're right!  They do indeed include a reference to it.  Not ashamed enough, apparently. 
Oh, and there's someone on YouTube that more or less reviews Gold Digger Killer.  Ah, to be on the fringes of showbiz.  The reviewer met the writer of the movie, so gee... I wonder if the review is going to be at all negative?  Hmmm... the suspense is killing me.
So, in the midst of all the shorts that Giles has directed, there's one or two highlights... feature-length highlights, that is.  The other one is called Deception... no, wait, that's the 2008 Hugh Jackman non-Wolverine-related vehicle.  No, it's called Deceived... no, wait, that's the 1991 dramatic Goldie Hawn vehicle.  And dramatic for John Heard as well... why do they always do that?  Another self-destructive star.  Here he was, having built up all this goodwill from Home Alone, and he throws it all away on a non-starter like this.
Ain't it always the way.  No, the movie I'm trying to talk about is Deceiver... no, wait, that's the 1997 thriller starring Tim Roth and Chris Penn.  And for those of you who are big fans of Reservoir Dogs, well... it's practically a sequel!  Nowadays, of course, Jonah Hill would have to fill in for Chris Penn for a remake.  No, Giles' film is called Deceptive.  Well, it's a different tense of the same word, you gotta give him that!  The potential to be deceiving, so fraught with dramatic possibilities.  But once again, we're dealing with a movie with no reviews, no clips on YouTube, and it doesn't even have five ratings from members of the large IMDb community.  So where do we go from here?  Well, to the Plot Summary page, of course!  After building a record empire... so glad we don't have to go inside the sausage factory on this one.  That's been done to death, Frank Lee.  Anyway, after building a record empire, Jay Z... I mean, Jay Walker believes he has it all: a house in the suburbs, a beautiful wife, 2.5 kids, a four-door sedan, fake wood paneling on the kids, what have you.  HOWEVER, and this is a big however, his life takes a left turn ... dramatic turn when he signs a new female artist to JavaScript Records.  Heat from this love triangle brings deception, lies, betrayal... and probably herpes.  I gotta go.

The Perfect Storms

And so, while Florida continues bracing itself from the lashings of Hurricane Irma and possibly others, Warner Bros. in association with Bob Shaye... I mean, New Line Cinema... once again proves that it's the most ass-kicking movie studio of all time.  I mean, 117 million domestic for Stephen King's It?  Of course, it cost about that much to promote the movie on the IMDb and all, but it's still nothing to sneeze at.  Why, it's already made more in one day than that Dark Tower movie made in three weeks!  Ouch.  I guess that was the problem right there.  They didn't listen to the focus groups.  But the focus groups told them over and over: where's the kids?  It's just these two grown-ups shooting at each other in the big city, maybe on 5th Avenue.  Where's the group of kids that gets picked on?  That's why The Dark Tower didn't do so well.
Now, according to the IMDb Plot Summary page for It, the movie takes place in 1989.  Don't know if that's when the actual book takes place, but it does fit in with that old rule of movie nostalgia (of mine): your average period piece should take place about thirty years ago.  It worked with The Sting and Summer of '42.  Also, kudos to the casting, as they seem to have found the reincarnation of Dainel Radcliffe.  And to a greater or lesser extent, the reincarnation of Steve Buscemi!  I guess casting agents and casting directors are the most nostalgic of all.  They miss the old studio days as well... of course, they forget that they wouldn't have a job back then!  Louis B. Mayer and Irving Thalberg did all the casting back then.
Meanwhile, in second place... meh.  Only two debuts this week.  Once again, the one greedy movie soaks up all the cash, and second place can't even make it to ten million dollars.  But once again Reese Witherspoon takes to the airwaves to appeal directly to moviegoers.  Ah, Oscar(TM)(R) winners.  Now, is it just me, or does the poster for Reese's latest, Home Again, look a little bit like the poster for There's Something About Mary?  Of course, the real story of the film involves the film's writer and director, the daughter of Nancy Meyers and Charles Shyer.  This is her big chance to do the family proud... well, Nancy anyway.  We haven't heard from Charles in years.  Anyway, if this chance doesn't work out, she's got at least two or three more chances to do the family proud.  I just wish she'd quit feuding with Rebecca Miller already.  I mean, Death of a Salesman was just one play!  Look at how many jewels the team of Meyers and Shyer have given us!  There's no comparison!

Sunday, September 03, 2017

Auteur Watch - S. Lance Gibson

Oh good, a short one.  Anyway, it's an age old story: husband cheats on wife, and wife confronts the evil other woman... sorry, I mean 'evil other woman' for some reason.  Gotta have those single apostrophe quotes in there.  BUT, and this is a big but... what happens when the evil other woman is the wife?  Well, let's go to the historical record for this one.  The only other example of this that comes to mind comes from the second Austin Powers movie called Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me.  Seemed like a small detail at the time, as it was one of those incidents that occurs during the credits.  Austin Powers walks in on himself in the bedroom... and he positively cries out "Felicity?  From TEN MINUTES AGO?!!"  ...see, there's the whole time traveling thing and... ah, skip it.  Ultimately, however, one of the Austins says "Technically it's not cheating!"  But who knows... maybe S. Lance Gibson's take on this subject will be different.  Alas, it's not on YouTube, so they're making it really really hard for me.  Now I'm tired.

How Terribly Strange to be 70

Looks like the Russians are once again inflating my numbers.  Not at Pee Pee Tape-type levels, mind you.  Also, I have no cursor.  Must be part of that whole New Firefox vibe or something... slower service, no cursor.  What's not to like?  I move too fast as it is anyway... ooh!  Just got my cursor back after posting the pic.  I spoke too soon, Firefox... but I'm still going to rag on you about these multi-second pauses anytime I try to select a button.  Anyway, on to the box office.  I'm going to try and skip mentioning a certain current Commander in Chief, and move right on to the debuts this week, and...
...NO DEBUTS!!!  PATHETIC!!!!  And on Labor Day weekend, of all days!  And Hollywood employs a lot of people, mind you.  Lots of union people living out there, lots of showbiz families just trying to scrape together enough money for the bills, your Deschanels, your Leonettis, your Gyllenhaals, what have you.  Oh sure, Magdalena and Jacob are doing just fine... and they better be, but what about Poppa?  Languishing away in obscurity, directing eposides episodes of "Bosch"?  "Bosch," for Gawd'z Zake!  That's Thomas Schlamme's job now!
Oh, but I carry on.  Seriously, though, if your film hasn't made 300 million dollars domestic already, looks like it ain't a'gonna.  Check this out, though: Annabelle: Creation at #2 has made more in four weeks than The Hitman's Bodyguard at #1 has done in three.  Not that it's going to slow down Deadpool much at all; he's busy right now doing not one, but two Deadpool movies.  Well, technically, one of them's not a Deadpool movie... ooh!  Just thought of something to say about our current Commander in Chief.  Well, North Korea's acting up again, and apparently they blew up a hydrogen bomb over the weekend.  Alas, our president had to interrupt his running golf game to say that this act of bomb testing was "very hostile and dangerous."  And yet, during the campaign, didn't he say a few times that he wouldn't rule out using nuclear weapons?  That they're just sitting there, not being used?  And what a kind of tragedy that is?  And that maybe other countries might need to develop a nuclear arsenal?  Well, this is what that looks like, Mr. President!  This is what freedom looks like, okay?  It's messy and it's ugly, but it's freedom!  Just think of it as a nuclear Second Amendment.  Besides, once you get the nukes, then you get the power.  And once you get the power, then you get... something else.  I forget what.  I gotta go.

Friday, September 01, 2017

Short Reviews - September 2017

Bridge to Terabithia - With Robert Patrick as Jack Aarons

Syndicate Smasher - With Joseph Valentinetti as Jack Abate... and with Jon Miguel as Jack Samson

"The Young and the Restless" - With Peter Bergman as Jack Abbott (2,337 episodes)

"Jeopardy!" "Episode #32.137" - With Peter Bergman as Jack Abbott

"Heartbeat" "The Championship" - With Stuart Laing as Jack Abbott

"The King of Queens" "Inner Tube" - With Peter Bergman as Jack Abbott

Stardust Memories - With John Rothman as Jack Abel

"Mammoth" - With Summer Glau as Jack Abernathy

The Shade Shepherd - With Jordon Hodges as Jack Ables

Casino Jack - With Kevin Spacey as Jack Abramoff

"The Art of Acting Out" - With Evan Duggan as Jack Ace (unknown episodes)

My Brother's Wedding - With Lucious Walker as Jack Ace

Return of the Don - With Steve McTigue as Jack Ackerman

"It's Always Jan" "Guilty Conscience" - With Dan Tobin as Jack Adams

"Zorro" "The Man Who Cried Wolf" - With Omri Katz as Jack Adams

"2 Gars 30 Jours" "Arno vs. Camille" - Avec Alain Gauthier son Jack Adams

Astro - With Gary Daniels as Jack Adams

"Berrenger's" "Power Play" - With Liam Sullivan as Jack Adams

"Darcy's Wild Life" - With Andrew Chalmers as Jack Adams (32 episodes)

A Donkey a Carrot and a Stick - With Rohan Mirchandaney as Jack Adams

Exit Zero - With Robert Foran as Jack Adams

A Fight for Honor - With William Fairbanks as Jack Adams

The Killing of Sister George - With Byron Webster as Jack Adams

"Laramie" "Three Rode West" - With Ross Elliott as Jack Adams

"Play for Today" "The Saturday Party" - With Don Henderson as Jack Adams

Silver City Kid - With Allan Lane as Jack Adams

"The Rifleman" "Miss Milly" - With Richard Devon as Jack Adams

Ziya - With J. R. Craig as Jack Adams

"The Paul Lynde Show" "An Affair to Forget" - With Roger Perry as... THE HORSE CHESTNUT!!! I mean, as Jack Adamson

Arrival II - With Patrick Muldoon as Jack Addison

"Nash Bridges" "Patriots" - With Lol Levy as Jack Adler

"Orlando" "A Ring of Dogs" and "Humpty Dumpty" - With Kevin Spacey Stoney as Jack Adler

"Jack" - Avec William Coryn son Jack adolescent (5 episodes)

"Jack" - Avec Dominique Maurin son Jack adulte (5 episodes)

"Hawaii Five-O" "A Matter of Mutual Concern" - With Seth Sakai as Jack Afuso

"Casanova" "Episode #1.2" - With James Holly as Jack aged 6

"Jack and the Beanstalk: The Real Story" - With Tomas Shepard as Jack aged 6 (2 episodes, 2001)

"Casanova" - With Brock Everitt-Elwick as Jack aged 11 (2 episodes)

"Casanova" "Episode #1.3" - With Tom Burke as Jack aged 20

"Lindenstraße" - With Cosima Viola as Jack Aichinger

Persephone - With Louis Mandylor as Jack Aidoneus

Only a Mill Girl - With Arthur Condy as Jack Ainsleigh

The Orange Bandit - With Harry Fisher as Donald Trump Jack Ainsley... the ORANGE BANDIT

False Evidence - With W. A. Howells as Jack Ainsley

"Casualty" "The Love You Take" - With Jamie Burch as Jack Aires

The Enemy Within - With Rex 'Snowy' Baker as Jack Airlie

Never a Dull Moment - With Dick Van Dyke as Jack Albany

Error in Judgment - With Paul Dooley as Jack Albert

"The Patricia Neal Story" - With John Dorrin as Jack Albertson

"Softly Softly: Task Force" "Trust a Woman" - With Jim O'Connor as Jack Albridge

Deadly Dancer - With Jeff Herbick as Jack Alden... and with J. Paul Deloy as Jack Alden (voice).  Hmmm!!  But my personal favourite... with Jack Damone as Guido the Bomb Dealer.  I GOTTA SEE THIS DAMN MOVIEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Silver Lining - With Henry King as Paul Lamar / Jack Alden

The Eagle's Talons - With Fred Thomson as Jack Alden

"The Risen" - With Tony Pallone as Jack Alder

"Playbox" "Episode #3.16" - With James Sharkey as Jack Aldersley

"Death Valley Days" "The Hangman Waits" - With Ken Christy as Jack Aldrich

A Moment of Madness - With Edward Earle as Jack Aldridge

"Oz" "Medium Rare" - With Roger Rees as Jack Aldridge

"The Bold Ones: The New Doctors" "Tightrope to Tomorrow" - With Whit Bissell as Jack Alexander

Hinterhalt - Mitt Will Gilmore als Jack Alexander UND Frederik Steiner!  Mein Gotten Himmel!!!!

"The Avengers" "Dragonsfield" - With Thomas Kyffin as Jack Alford

The Clean Gun - With Stanley J. Preston as Jack Algers

The Intruder - With Oceo (O. C.) Ritch as Jack Allardyce

"Casualty" "You are Your Only Limit" - With Danny McNamara as Jack Allcott

A Bullet for Joey - With William (Bill) Bryant as Jack Allen

"Hotel" "Heroes" - With Pat Harrington (Jr.) as Jack Allen

Ballad of Tennessee Rose - With Bill Oberst Jr. as Jack Allen

It's My Party - With Christopher Atkins as Jack Allen

One Is Guilty - With J. Carrol Naish as Jack Allen

"The Big Story" "Jack Allen, Reporter" - With James McCallion as Jack Allen

"The New WKRP in Cincinnati" - With Michael Des Barres as Jack Allen (24 episodes)

"Dixon of Dock Green" "Dead Jammy" - With Graham Skidmore as Jack Allenby... but also with Mary Jordan as Mrs. Jack!

"Dalziel and Pascoe" "On Beulah Height" - With Tom Georgeson as Jack Allgood

"The F. B. I." "False Witness" - With Paul Lukather as Jack Allis

"Heartbeat" "From Ancient Grudge" - With Richard Riddell as Jack Allsop

"Bridges to Cross" "Looks Like Up to Me" - With Gerald S. O'Loughlin as Jack Allward... and with only one other person in the cast, the episode is aptly titled!!!!!

"Somerset Maugham Hour" "A Casual Affair" - With Derek Waring as Jack Almond

"W. Somerset Maugham" "A Casual Affair" - With James Maxwell as Jack Almond

Dynamite - With Daniel Baldwin as Jack 'Alpha'

God's Law and Man's - With Augustus Phillips as Jack Alston

The Oath - With Mark Sivertsen as Jack Alton

"Death Valley Days" "Measure of a Man" - With Bing Russell as Jack Alvord

"Northern Exposure" "Rosebud" - With Ray Collins as Jack Amberson (archive footage, uncredited... should I keep this one anyway?)

Speed Wild - With Maurice 'Lefty' Flynn as Jack Ames

"Black Scorpion" "Power Play" - With Martin Kove as Jack Ames / Firearm (archive footage, uncredited)

"Black Scorpion" "Armed and Dangerous" - With Martin Kove as Jack Ames / Firearm

"Sting of the Black Scorpion" - With Martin Kove as Jack Ames / Firearm

Twilight - With Gene Hackman as Jack Ames

True Confessions - With Charles Durning as Jack Amsterdam

Cannibal Holocaust - With Perry Pirkanen as Jack Anders

"The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles" "Palestine, October 1917" - With Cameron Daddo as Jack Anders

Den Russiske Sangerinde - With Ole Lemmeke as Jack Andersen

"Dark Realm" "Emma's Boy" - With Christopher Atkins as Jack Anderson

"A Minute with Stan Hooper" "Dead Family Robinson" - With David Doty as Turd Ferguson Jack Anderson

We'll Let You Know - With Gregory Lee Carson and Nick Sloan as Jack Anderson

"The F. B. I. Files" "Manhunt" - With Tim(othy L.) Smith as Jack Anderson

"A Country Practice" "Floating on Air: Part 1" - With Jake Diggins as Jack Anderson

"A Country Practice" "Floating on Air: Part 2" - With Jake Diggins as Jack Anderson

Birthday Surprise - With Christos Vasilopoulos as Jack Anderson

Cold - With Markus Milton as Jack Anderson

Con el Niño Atravesado - Con Agustín Bernal como Yack Anderson

Dinner is Served - With Eric Blossman as Jack Anderson

"Hawaii Five-O" "O kela me keia manawa" - With Karl Makinen as Jack Anderson

"Heartbeat" "Vacant Possession" - With Robin Bowerman as Jack Anderson

I Like it That Way - With Roger Pryor as Jack Anderson

Jack and Jill: A Postscript - With Anthony Ward as Jack Anderson

"Matlock Police" "The Great Equaliser" - With Allan Penney as Jack Anderson... and with Peter Gwynne as Det. Sgt. Jack Maloney

Dick Barton, Detective - With Jack Shaw as Jock Anderson

"Dick Barton: Special Agent" - With James Cosmo as Jock Anderson (30 episodes)

Gator Green - With Jim Van Bebber as Jack Andrew

"Blue Heelers" "Promises, Promises" - With Ho Thi Lu as Jack Andrews

"Love of Life" - With Donald Symington as Jack Andrews (unknown episodes)

"Cheyenne Warrior" - With Bo Hopkins as Jack Andrews

"The Christmas Shoes" - With Hugh Thompson as Jack Andrews

"Indictment: The McMartin Trial" - With Vic Polizos as Jack Andrews

The Little Mother - With Ernest G. Batley as Jack Andrews

Thaandavam - With Isaak Gracia as Jack Andrews

Two Weeks in Another Town - With Kirk Douglas as Jack Andrus

"A Doctor's Story" - With Raúl Dávila as Jack Angel

"L. A. Law" - With Gregory Itzin as Jack Angeletti (3 episodes)

"Toma" "Pound of Flesh" - With Joseph Hindy as Jack Angelus

Chicago Deadline - With Harold Vermilyea as Jack Anstruder

Green Visionary - With Jason King as Jack Anthony

Hop-a-Long Cassidy - With Kenneth Thomson as Jack Anthony

"Ghost Whisperer" "Melinda's First Ghost" - With Brett Cullen as Jack Applewhite

Julieta Buys a Son - Con Gilbert Roland como Jack Aranda

"La Clinica" "Episode #1.1" - With Ricardo Polanco as Jack Aranda

My Favorite Superhero - With Malcolm Matthews as Jack Arbors

The Riddle Rider - With William (H.) Gould as Jack Archer

The Money Trap - With William Campbell as Jack Archer (uncredited)

'Robotech: Battlecry' - With Cam Clarke as Jack Archer (voice)

"Finnegan Begin Again" - With David Huddleston as Jack Archer

"Foyle's War" "A War of Nerves" - With Samuel Oatley as Jack Archer

"Nash Bridges" "Inside Out" - With Badja Djola as Jack Archer

The Delicate Art of the Rifle - With Markham Carr as Jock Architect

East Side, West Side - With Peter M. Thompson as Jock Ardley (uncredited)

Apartment Zero - With Raúl Florido as Jack's Argentine Contact... oh, right, and with Hart Bochner as Art Jack Carney

"Ordeal by Innocence" "Episode #1.1" - With Anthony Boyle as Jack Argyll

3 Holes and a Smoking Gun - With Zuker Khan as Jack Ariamehr

The Fear Ship - With Edmund Willard as Jack Arkwright

The Second Mate - With David Dunbar as Jack Arkwright... apparently, these Arkwrights were a seafaring lot

The Man in Irons - With True Boardman as Jack Arling... a Newspaper Reporter

"Jack Armenta" - With Adonis Johnston as Jack Armenta (unknown episodes)

"Charlie's Angels" "Angels at Sea" - With Michael Irving as Jack Armetage

Captain Jack - With Bob Hoskins as Jack Armistead

"Bronco" "A Sure Thing" - With Russell Thorson as Jack Armitage

Clear the Decks - With Reginald Denny as Jack Armitage

"Kavanagh QC" "Nothing But the Truth" - With Terence Harvey as Jock Armstrong

"Eyes" "Wings" - With Eyal Podell as Jack Armstrong

"Night & Day" - With Eddie O'Connell as Jack Armstrong (occasional) (unknown episodes)

'Saints Row' - With David (H.) Lawrence (XVII) as Jack Armstrong... and a couple others

"Spy Smasher Returns" - With Kane Richmond as Alan Armstrong / Spy Smasher / JACK ARMSTRONG

"BBC Sunday-Night Theatre" "Abe Lincoln in Illinois" - With George Murcell as Jack Armstrong

The Dramatic Life of Abraham Lincoln - With Pat Hartigan as Jack Armstrong

The Last Revolutionary - With John Marshall Jones as Jack Armstrong

The Major's Dilemma - With H. B. Waring as Jack Armstrong

Notes - With Gregory Balaban as Jack Armstrong

The Planter's Daughter - With Percy Moran as Jack Armstrong

"Rizzoli & Isles" - With Enver Gjokaj as Jack Armstrong (4 episodes)

"Running Out" - With Rex Robbins as Jack Armstrong

The Troublemaker - With Tom Aldredge as Jack Armstrong

"One Special Victory" - With Denis Arndt as Jack Arner

"The Texan" "Outpost" - With Christopher Dark as Jack Arno

"Dangerous Knowledge" "Death Wish Risk" - With Jeremy Wilkin as Jack Arnold

"Earth Versus Everything" - With Dane Nielsen as Jack Arnold

Rocky - With John Alvin as Jack Arnold

Secret Flight - With Richard Attenborough as Jack Arnold... RICHARD ATTENBOROUGH!!!!!

"Stairwell: Trapped in the World Trade Center" - With Jonathan M. Parisen as Jack Arnold

The Stray - With Cameron Carey as Jack Arnold

When Odds are Even - With William Russell as Jack Arnold... top billing, BTW

"The Wonder Years" - With Dan Lauria as Jack Arnold (107 episodes)

The Ruling Class - With Peter O'Toole as Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney - 14th Earl of Gurney

"Maybury" "Trouble at Home" - With Walter Sparrow as Jack Arnott

"Heartbeat" "Always a Copper" - With Fred Ridgeway as Jack Arundall

Black Oxfords - With Coy Watson as Jack as a Boy

"The Virginian" "The Price of Love" - With Lee de Broux as Jack Ash

"Mission: Impossible" "The Amnesiac" - With Victor Paul as Jack Ashbough

The Devil Lives in Clarksville County - With Jerry Chappell as Jack Ashmore

The Test of Chivalry - With Edward Peil Sr. as Jack Ashton

"Game Bangers" - With Sean Collins as Jack Asimov (8 episodes)

"A Roof Over My Head" - With Francis Matthews as Jack Askew (7 episodes, 1977)

"A Roof Over My Head" "A Roof Over My Head (...pilot?)" - With Peter Bowles as Jack Askew

"The Lifeforce Experiment" - With Michael (J.) Reynolds as Jack Aspect

The Godson - With Don Key as Jack Ass

Blood is Thicker - With Billy Gillespie as Jack Aster

Light Wines and Bearded Ladies - With Gene Cameron as Jack Astor

"The Alienist" "Episode #1.10" - With Ben Lamb as Jack Astor

Love Disease - With Sacha Mamontow as Jack Astorson

"A Brother's Tale" - With Ian Bleasdale as Jack Atherton (2 episodes)

"Crock of Gold" - With Warren Jenkins as Jack Atherton

"Washington: Behind Closed Doors" - With Linden Chiles as Jack Atherton (3 episodes)

The Man I Love - With Ben Welden as Jack Atlas (uncredited)

"Yûgiô: 5D's" - With Ted Lewis as Jack Atlas (136 episodes)

"Dollman vs. Demonic Toys" - With Paul Salamoff as Jack Attack (costumed)

"Grunge" - With Alexandra Hellquist as Jack Attack

Jack the Dog - With Anthony LaPaglia as Jack's Attorney

"Psych" "Santabarbaratown 2" - With Jerry Wasserman as Jack Atwater

"Courting Alex" "Girlfriend" - With Dabney Coleman as Jack Atwell

"The Legend of Valentino" - With Judd Hirsch as Jack Auerbach

"Atomic Train" - With Gerald Henderson as Jack Austin (uncredited, unknown episodes)

Candy Campus Crushes - With Ernie Alexander as Jack Austin

For You My Boy - With Schuyler White as Jack Austin

Lure of Gold - With Neal Hart as Jack Austin

Midshipman Jack - With Bruce Cabot as Jack Austin

The Perfect Stranger - With Carlton Caudle as Jack Austin

Sub Zero One - With Wyatt Page as Jack Austin

Winning of the West - With Richard Crane as Jack Autry AKA Jack Austin

"Triplecross" - With Robert Costanzo as Jack Avalon

"Strange Days at Blake Holsey High" - With John Ralston as Jack Avenir (4 episodes)

"The Philco-Goodyear Television Playhouse" "The Bold and the Brave" - With Oliver Berg as Jack Avery

Sunday, August 27, 2017

Auteur Watch - Angela Elayne Gibbs

Well, clearly acting is her first love.  And she seems to get all the plum roles she could possibly want, like being in a series called "Black Jesus."  The name alone kinda draws you in somehow!  Then, of course, there's the new O.J. miniseries.  Ooh!  They're both in her IMDb Top 4!  Oh, but that IMDb Top 4 can be kinda mean, too.  You're telling me that no one cares about what she's done before 2014?  What about Fled, for Gawd'z Zake?  I mean, for Gawd'z Zake, it's Fled!!!  I think I have that on DVD somewhere... of course, it's a copy I made with a DVD burner.  Boy, those were the days.  It's like I had some kind of sickness or something.  Hundreds of these DVDs I burned of stuff off of the TV machine, and no time to watch anything.
But let's try and focus for a bit on those four titles she has under the "Director" tab.  Well, we've got three shorts.  One of them is called The Ties that Bind.  That's opposed to, say, the 1995 Wesley Strick post-Pulp Fiction classic The Tie that Binds.  Sorry, got sidetracked by Wikipedia again.  Specifically, by John Fawcett and his hymn entitled "Blest Be the Tie that Binds."  I guess he was into a lot of kinky rope stuff.  I can understand the appeal, though, having seen the act in many a James Bond film or two.  You know, the bad guy ties up James Bond and leaves the room.  Well, a secret agent that good you can't just kill all at once, right?
But the most positive of Gibbs' directorial efforts would have to be Dare to Struggle... Dare to Win... okay, co-directorial effort.  And sure, the title is kind of a generic bit of life advice, especially given that it's about... go ahead!  Take a guess... that's right!  The struggle of women's rights in Ghana!  Damn, you're good.  It wasn't the first thing that came to my mind when I saw that title.  I was thinking more like Olympic athletes or Justin Bieber.

Celebrity Deaths Come in Threes

Alas, the celebrity deaths keep on arriving.  This week it was Jerry Lewis, Dick Gregory, and now Tobe Hooper, director of, among other things, Lifeforce and The Mangler... oh, right, and the original Poltergeist.  Nobody cares who directed the remake.  But if Joe Dante is any indication, directors don't want to be remembered for their only hit produced by Spielberg.
So we've got two dead comedians and a dead film director.  It's a particularly bad time to be losing comedians, because... Donald Trump.  Sorry, I mean Drumpf.  He should really embrace the proud Drumpf heritage, preferably by leaving the White House as soon as possible, but obviously he can't.  Just as soon as Putin cuts him that big check for lifting sanctions, adoption-related or otherwise, then our first corporate president can go.  You know, the guy who keeps referring to the press as "Fake News."  At least Nixon never doubted the reality of the press.  But I guess it's a good life strategy.  Anything you don't like in life, just call it fake.  That bad grade I got on my term paper, that was a fake... my cellphone-induced brain tumor the size of a basketball, fake... Totally fake, folks.  But I tell you one thing that's not fake: Joe Arpaio.  Poor, long-suffering Joe Arpaio.  But this 85-year old former sheriff of Arizona is a little bit luckier this week, because the old bastard is the first recipient of a Trump pardon.  Now, I couldn't help but think to myself... Jee-zus!  How many people have a copy of this damn Pee Pee Tape?  Or maybe it's the Drumpf tax returns.  Are they still secret?  Are they still safe?  Anyway... ah, Firefox.  Everything takes a second now with Firefox.  If I stop typing, and start up again, I have to wait a second.  If I create a new hyperlink, I have to wait a second... no, two seconds!  One second for pasting the link in the little window, and one second for hitting the "OK" button.  I guess it will give these actions all the more meaning.
Where was I?  Oh, right.  Maybe it's Robert Mercer messing with my computer.  See, Robert Mercer is the sugar daddy behind Alex Jones, who apparently did a lot of campaigning for the pardoning of Joe Arpaio.  Robert Mercer is also behind KellyAnne Conway in the White House.  Apparently, he made his bones working on artificial intelligence.  You know, for computers.  I guess that explains his taste in people to a degree.  Maybe he was working on abnormal artificial intelligence or something.  Might want to re-compile a couple of those COBOL programs of yours or something.  Anyway, this week's box office.  Well, Ryan Reynolds' latest movie is #1 for the second week in a row, which should make him happy.  On the other hand, it's only made about 40 million dollars so far.  Meanwhile, Jeremy Renner's latest movie has risen to #4!  Of course, it's barely made 10 million dollars, but hey... it's a non-Avengers movie, so it's all good.  But let's try and focus on the debuts this week.  Let's not be like that old woman who ... ah, forget it.  If you go on Google or Yahoo and type in "trump supporter racist tirade," well... you just get too many stories.  I'm trying to find the one where she tells CEO Ravin Gandhi a bunch of delightful things... seriously, you kiss your grandchildren with that mouth?  So that's all fine and dandy, but then she goes and screws it all up by bashing Nikki Haley.  Um... you know she's a Republican, right?  She's a Trump appointee!  AND a Republican!  Oh, whatever.  I guess Nikki's used to it.  It's your base, honey! 
The point I was attempting to make is that it's what academics refer to as "scope creep."  Stay focused.  And so, this week's debuts.  Basically, all the movies with a "1" at the right on the official IMDb Top 10 page.  The first debut is... after seeing the poster, it's yet another Pixar wannabe, and it's either called Ballerina or Leap!, depending on which page you believe.  I guess Leap! is the better choice for the moment... Americans can't handle any foreign-sounding words right now.  A lot.
The only other debut is called Birth of the Dragon.  I personally thought the TV ad I saw for this was a little misleading.  They kind of implied that there's a new actor slash martial artist named Bruce Lee.  But in the great, grand new tradition of prequels and backstories, this is basically if Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story were just about Enter the Dragon.  That's the symptom of our age.  Or maybe it's the way things have always been when it comes to Bruce Lee.  It's Enter the Dragon this and Enter the Dragon that.  Sounds a little kinky, BTW.  What about The Way of the Dragon?  I mean, Bruce wrote and directed that one, for Gawd'z Zake!  What, is it chopped liver?  And what about KissNo kiss?

Monday, August 21, 2017

Auteur Watch - Haile Gerima

Well, I tell ya... this guy looks like the real deal!  What we in America think of as 'auteurs.'  Writer-directors of independent films, good critical reception... he kind of reminds me of John Sayles that way.  And they seem to have most of his films on DVD at my local last living video store ever.

Heather Heyer

Greetings from the Deep State.  And what exactly is the Deep State, you might ask?  Well... good question.  Urban Dictionary says... actually, you should probably skip that site.  I'm not entirely sure myself, but from what I can gather on the TV news, it's a vast, probably left-wing, conspiracy that wants to see President Donald Trump fail.  And when I heard that, I couldn't help but think to myself... hell, sign me up!  Besides, he got someone onto the Supreme Court!  That's... that's kind of a victory, right?  Well, the Right Wing need all the help they can get.  They want the government to stay out of peoples' lives... but they'll never miss a chance to promote their universal message of hate and intolerance from whatever podium they can get their hands on, be it sectors public or private.
...oh, right.  The box office.  Well, let's see, Ryan Reynolds' latest was #1, director Steven Soderbergh's latest was #3, and Jeremy Renner's latest non-Marvel-based movie, Winter's Bone... I mean, Wind River, enters the Top 10 at #10 after being on the charts at three weeks.  (Jennifer Lawrence, why won't you return Debra's calls???)  Okay, got that out of the way; back to Trump.  I know, I should just mind my own business.  I mean, this is a movie blog, after all.  I mean, Drumpf's movie work is already pretty well confirmed as being beyond reproach, right?  If only he tried a little bit harder to get points off of Home Alone 2, the good one.
But it's been a bad week for Drumpf.  Drumpf companies are losing money... Steve Bannon's out of the White House, which Robert Mercer's probably not happy about.  I mean, sure, they say that Steve Bannon's returning to Breitbart "News" the conquering hero and all that, but... if you had to pick between Brietbart "News" and THE WHITE HOUSE... that's a pretty easy choice, right?  Yes, we've all made Steve Bannon angry... we won't like Steve Bannon when he's angry.
But the slight change this week in the usual barrage of bad Drumpf-based news is a slight glimmer of hope out of the violence and deaths at Charlottesville, Virginia.  I'm not a big-time celebrity or anything, of course, and I don't have to send out press releases anytime something tragic happens, like about how our hearts and prayers go out to the victims... but my heart does go out to the victims of the violence at Charlottesville.  Oh, White Supremacists and Neo-Nazis... it was so simple.  All you had to do was keep a low profile for four to eight years, and you'd get practically everything you could have wanted from Vladimir Putin's pick for United States President!  I was a little confused because, well... Trump won't condemn anything Putin does because of two reasons: 1) the pee-pee tape, and two, if Putin gets what he wants, then he'll have another Russian oligarch buy a Trump property at an over-inflated price or something.  Perfect way to launder money.  Now, Trump didn't condemn White Supremacists and Neo-Nazis... do they have a pee-pee tape on Trump?  I'd be very surprised if they had money to give to Trump.  I mean, enough to make Trump sit up and take notice.  I'm told that Trump gets money because of his "genius."  Nice work if you can get it, of course.
But it looks like it's time once again to deal with Neo-Nazis and White Supremacists.  Kind of like how we have to deal with abortion over and over again in this country.  Almost makes me wish I lived somewhere in the European union; France maybe.  But girls with hairy armpits?  Oh well, probably shouldn't be a problem for me.  I think France has probably come to terms with the abortion issue a long time ago, but what do I know.  Anyway, all the comedy show hosts have already dealt with this issue better than I alone possibly could, but I do have a question.  I saw those rather professionally-shot videos of the White Supremacist marchers.  Wonder what kind of a camera they used?  Was it one of those cool new 'Red' cameras?  Or maybe just a Canon EOS of some stripe.  Maybe it was someone's iPhone 7; if it was, they're probably not going to use it in a commercial any time soon.  But I noticed they were all carrying those torches called 'Tiki' torches... umm, those are Polynesian, right?  Hypocrite much, guys?  Where's those White People torches or Nazi torches you should be using?
As for White Supremacy itself, well... I'm looking for any advantage I can get in life, but somehow I don't see it amongst the White Supremacists.  Any time I see White Supremacists on TV, it's usually at their isolated compounds someplace in the middle of nowhere.  Okay, so they're real-estate savvy, that's one thing.  But other than that, what makes them so supreme?  I mean, can they fly?  Can they shoot lasers out of their eyes?  Anything remotely resembling the X-Men?  No, because if they did, they'd be on TV the next day bragging all about it, showing off their ability to fly.  So that's out, but how about beauty?  We don't know how many of these neo-Nazis or White Supremacists / Nationalists / Alt-Right whatevers are out there... maybe the stats guy knows.  Nate Silver.  They must be breeding in sufficient numbers to be enough of a force, but do you find any of them exceptionally photogenic?  I mean, in some circles, even Rush Limbaugh is probably a Midwest standard of beauty.  A lot of people probably look like him out there in cheese country, but I gotta say the last time I saw a group of a dozen White Supremacists huddled around a TV news camera... man.  Somebody whooped a few of those folks with a serious uggo stick.  But I guess it's nice that they stick together.  But more generally, have you ever seen a person with white skin and just said to yourself, man!  That's some beautiful white skin they have!  First of all, Michael Jackson eventually turned out whiter than most white people!  And I think I've risked saying this before, maybe on this blog, and since the issue's come up, every once in a while I'll see someone from Africa with really dark skin and it'll be striking.  One can't help but do a double take.  I'm a very visual person, hence my love of movies I suppose.  I can't remember the last time I did that with a white person.  And if you're white with a lot of red freckles... sheesh.  Not my thing.  More of a Mormon thing, I suppose.
So neo-Nazis and White Supremacists aren't particularly photogenic beyond the average, and they have no superpowers to speak of.  So how about intelligence?  Seems to me that if someone commits an act of great intelligence... kind of hard to remember the last big one, maybe the time when Fermat's Last Theorem was solved.  Ooh!  How about the discovery of hot-carrier solar cells?  How about Elon MUSK, for God's sake?  I guess they're coming to me now.  Now, with those examples, I don't remember anyone claiming that they were able to achieve these great things because of their particular ethnicity, or how "pure" their whiteness is.  Are any of these neo-Nazis and White Supremacists aware how complicated a single strand of DNA is?  Hundreds of thousands of ... excuse me, 3 billion base pairs of DNA in 46 chromosomes.  If you want to sift through all that to find pure whiteness, have at it.  I'm not going to bother.  No, the only thing that neo-Nazis and White Supremacists seem to be really good at is committing acts of violence.  Also, they apparently are allowed to carry semi-automatic weapons with them when they go on their little frog marches into small- to medium-sized towns.  A few of the really exemplary ones seem to be good at getting their asses thrown in jail for murder.  Maybe it's part of some larger game plan to try and reform the prison system from within.  Maybe they don't publicly want to say anything about the disproportionate number of black people in our prison system, but at the same time they feel like our prisons just aren't white enough, and so they have to kill a few protestors every now and then to try and even out the scales a little bit, get a few more "pure" white people in prison.  I think my favourite joke this week was the one Colin Jost said about how, say, just theoretically, if Warren Buffett or Channing Tatum started advocating for white supremacy... okay, it'd be a little weird, but sure, we'd at least hear them out.  But when it's Dougie Two-Teeth running out of the woods on his way to his second shift at the hot dog stand... we're all, like, dude!  What's your secret?  Please, I want in on the ground floor of that!  ...okay, a shout out to Michael Che as well.  Probably the part where (C)he says "...I don't want to do this!"  Oh, and where he says, what will make a comeback next?  Polio?  Roy Wood Jr. on "The Daily Show" tonight was awesome, as usual.  He said what I was thinking: Neo-Nazis and White Supremacists, you guys just gotta chill, man!  You've got your president, you don't want to lose him over this!  Of course it may already be too late.  If this isn't the straw that breaks Drumpf's back, well... I know his ego won't let him quit.  And the pee-pee tape.
One last thought.  I'm part Jewish myself, so naturally I've got my bias.  But when I heard and saw all those white faces, holding the Polynesian torches, chanting "Jews will not replace us," I couldn't help but think to my partly Jewish self... I don't replace garbage.  I throw it out.  I don't put it on the table and call it caviar.