Tuesday, June 24, 2008

This vs. This

Man! The way they were talking on the TV about it... I won't say what channel to protect their anonymity... Okay, it was Reelz Channel, which is turning into E! for just movies, which I kinda like, but all they could talk about last weekend was Get Smart and The Love Guru. Which will be #1? Which one? The way they were talking you'd think the two were evenly matched or something, but no! Apparently all the teens and tweens have betrayed the Mike-ster, and all the good times he's given them with all the Austin Powers movies, and all the Shrek movies, and dared not venture into semi-virgin territory with his latest venture, The Love Guru. (T.L.G. I call it for short.) No, G. Smart's da ting this week, handily at #1, with 38.7 million in the bank. And yet, people will still say that Tommy Boy's their favorite Peter Segal movie. Really? What about the unrated Nutty Professor 2? What about the unrated My Fellow Americans? How can you be so shallow, America?
Meanwhile, back at the lab, at #2 it's The Incredible Hulk, almost past the 100 million barrier. Damn! We were THIS close to Luc Besson directing it. He probably would've cast Bjork as the love interest or something. The Movie Connections tab calls it a version of the 2003 Ang Lee Hulk. If that were me I'd feel slighted. Guess this one's a little less ethereal. And am I the only one who's noticed that Robert Downey Jr. is in this one as Tony Stark? I must be. Well, if I had a cable show I'd mention it like gangbusters. (wink, whink)
At #3 it's KFP, or Kung Fu Panda. Suck on it, Wall:E!
At #5 it's The Happening, already doing better than Lady in the Water, which M. Night can't help but be happy about, I bet. Oh, I forgot. He doesn't have to worry about those kinds of things. His next movie will be about how bad things happen to Hollywood producers who don't greenlight his next bi-annual $50 mill-plus Hitchcock/Twilight Zone tribute.
Rounding out the rest of the top 10 we get the two heavyweights of the summer season so far, Iron Man and Indy 4. Indy's almost at 300 million, Iron Man's just over it. But Iron Man cost more, so nyaah nyaah!
Meanwhile Zohan's at #7, and almost at 100 million. Not quite as impressive as Sandler's 2007 project, Chuck and Buck or whatever it was, but I think he's safe. Just spare us Big Stan 2, will ya?
Meanwhile, Sex and the City's at #8 with 6.5 mill this week, and 132 mill total. Oddly enough, HBO's not going to show it! It'll only be on Showtime. The mind boggles.
And finally the one we haven't tangentially or directly dealt with yet, The Strangers at #10. Well, with Liv Tyler in it, does that make it Silent Fall 2? I gotta go.

Monday, June 09, 2008

'Sex' trumps 'Indy'

Damn! Behind again. Better keep it short. Now I'm no mathematician, but the Sex and the City movie must've done very very well, seeing as how it's another one of those damn 2.5 hour epics. They must've put it in 50,000 theaters across the country. Or, the new Indy flick must've really sucked! Just kidding, but man! Haven't seen anything like it since Legally Blonde 1 kicked AI's ass! Owch.
What else? The Strangers at #3... I forget. I saw a trailer for it, looked pretty scary. But frankly, these nouveau horror pics are so homogeneous (similar) that it's hard to tell them apart. But we can all agree that See no Evil (2006) is a genuine turd.

Yeah, I know, there's one teenager out there who posted "This is the greatest movie I've ever seen!" We've been down that road before.
Not much else to report this go round. Speed Racer & Baby Mama cling by fingernails, and Made of Honor slightly trumps Made of Shame, or Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Okay, on to the Zohan week. Should I even bother attempting the word verification? It won't go anyway on the first iteration because I take so long typing in all this blog.

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Short Reviews - May '08

In movie news, Spike Lee's next epic is a go. Originally going to be Jungle Fever 2, the script was slightly tweaked and is now going to be called O.J. Yeah, that's right! In a casting coup, Spike landed Taye Diggs as O.J. Simpson, and landed himself as Al Cowlings. It's going to be a 200+ minute epic, and O.J. has apparently signed on as executive producer, on the condition that his share of the profits go to "charity". We'll see. On to the rest now...

(The) Last Action Hero - Welp, that says it best for me!

Teacher's Pet - Gary Baseman: The Motion Picture. My God! What would happen if Baseman and Keith Haring had a baby?

Juno - Oscar winner for Best Original Screenplay. Here's my question: "He's the cheese to my macaroni." First of all, this is the stuff of an Oscar winning screenplay? And second, and bear in mind I don't know a whole lot about love, or lust, or any of that kind of crap, but shouldn't the genders be switched on that one? In other words, shouldn't he be the macaroni to her cheese? It's all very confusing to me. But all I really need to know is that it's hip. Very painfully hip. Not cool, because it's swimming too fast in its own hipness to keep cool.

The Bachelor - Now, the sexual metaphor here you can understand! Grasses. I love it.

Speed Racer - That was the problem. It sped too fast into our hearts. Ya gotta slow down and savor certain things. Like press junkets.

Another Woman - Woody Allen does Cassavetes

Escape to Witch Mountain - I remember it better.

The Love Bug - Oh, where would Disney be without the public schools?

Bombs Away - Am I the only one who knows this movie? Probably!

The Border - Did Walter Hill drop out at the last minute?

The Wizard of Speed and Time - They had it on VHS at my local video store, but it was busted. The tape was severed from the reel right at the beginning of the tape, so I couldn't play it. Is that close enough?

Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man - If nothing else, I know where they got the big shootout at the end of True Lies from!

Point Break - I know where they got True Lies' big turning-a-gas-pump-into-a-flame-thrower gag from!

Lady Against the Odds - Homer!

Lost & Found - Tommy Boy 2

Creepshow 3 - Makes the second one look like a masterpiece.

Isobar - What Silver Streak was for Chicago?

The Holiday - Dean Cundey? Really? Where's the special effects? Must be harkening back to his Galaxina days.

Touch - Skeet Skeet Skeet!

Winning - Paul Newman as Frank Capra? Do I have that right?

Winter Passing - I know I shouldn't be burned out on dry-witted movies like this, but for some reason I am.

Winter People - Meant to see it, thought it was Winter Passing.

Remo Williams - Decent flick, but man! The rollicking Sousa-esque Remo theme song got a little old after a while.

Robin Williams on Broadway - Oh he's still got it, baby. That, and the fact that he doesn't have to work a day in his life ever again.

Sex and the City: The Motion Picture - All right! So which one gets raped?

The Zohan, You don't mess with - Adam Sandler's Munich

Graham Norton Effect, The - That's what I get for going through old video tapes. Thought I forgot about this one.

Tomcats - Does Shannon Elizabeth end up marrying Jake Busey? I couldn't stick around to find out, I just couldn't.

Hancock - It does look funny. It's the kind of thing Martin Lawrence couldn't pull off. Not until he does a couple more Disney movies, anyway.

That's probably more than enough for now, huh?