Sunday, April 30, 2017

Auteur Watch - Jonathan Demme

Today we say goodbye to a living legend.  My first introduction to the work of Jonathan Demme, like most people of my generation, would probably have to be through MTV and Stop Making Sense.  This was when MTV just showed videos... as far as I know.  But Hollywood was catching on.  Don Simpson and Jerry Bruckheimer packed their '80s movies with music, then had cross-promotional videos to promote the movie.  Spielberg had something for his The Goonies... a two-parter, if memory serves!  Well, Jonathan Demme wanted in, and he got it with the Talking Heads.  The aforementioned Stop Making Sense.  They turned the movie into a couple music videos, and promoted the movie proper as well on the once beloved channel.  I guess that's how it works.  You do something that will leave executives scratching their heads.  "Well, THIS has certainly never been done before!  Okay, why not?  Let's let our hair down a little bit... reminds me, call my barber, will you?"
So, there's that.  I can't vouch for Demme's Roger Corman years, but he clearly had what it took to go on to more prestigious things.  Take his mid-80s flick, Something Wild.  This is where he led the way for Scorsese's GoodFellas.  First, there's Ray Liotta in the aforementioned Something Wild.  Then there's 1988's Married to the Mob, which sort of clears the way for Karen Hill's half of GoodFellas.  But how to account for Demme's triumph with The Silence of the Lambs?  How do you go from Stop Making Sense to that?  We may never know the answer, but surely it merits at least one documentary?
In the meantime, it's pretty much downhill from there.  I mean, sure, Philadelphia won some awards, and screenwriter Ron Nyswaner's on "Homeland" now.  But after that?... oh, incidentally, Denzel Washington makes a reference to "Making Flippy Floppy."  We may never know if that's what the Talking Heads song of the same name is about... but surely it merits at least one documentary or two?
So while he wasn't able to repeat the success of The Silence of the Lambs, he did manage to stay near Oscar turf.  Take Rachel Getting Married, for example... seriously, take it, because it's the only one.  He died a few years after Ricki and the Flash, which I guess turned out as well as could be hoped.  Was Diablo Cody (aka Brooke Busey) happy with it?  Or is she turning into Larry Gelbart, who apparently winced every time he saw his own work butchered by the endless parade of amateur hacks that attempted to breathe life into his written word?  I'm thinking the latter, because... why, look!  She's directing now, too!  Something called Paradise... no, wait, that's just a cheap Blue Lagoon knock-off with Phoebe Cates.  Then again, maybe it's the other way around!  I mean, who would you rather have?  Brooke Shields or Phoebe Cates?  You know, Fast Times at Ridgemont High and what not?  Anyway, back to Paradise... no, not that one.  That's with Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson, and I guess you'd call it a meta-comedy or something.  I mean, there's an awful lot of domestic strife in this so-called paradise, am I right?  Don't leave me hangin', bro!

The Netflix(TM)(R) Effect I seem a little different?  I should!  We just got Netflix(TM)(R) via the Dish(TM)(R) Network this weekend.  Sure, it took a little geeking and nerding around with wires and what-not... alas, I wasn't on the phone for hours and hours with the various communications companies involved.  Someone else got to do that.  Sometimes you forget that there's a whole world above your mother's basement.  They've taken a lot of stuff from mother over the years, but they let her keep the basement up til now.
But this is actually the second time I've gotten an opportunity to browse around a Netflix(TM)(R) menu on a television.  The search feature's a little clunky... you know, what with the remote and all.  TV remotes haven't been bred with Blackberries(TM)(R) yet, so it seems.  But man!  I just realized YET AGAIN how uncool I am!  So much sh!... stuff to watch.  I worry a little about the IMDb.  They're getting dangerously close to maxing out their titles limit.  They're going to have to add another digit pretty soon!  They're dangerously close to 7 million titles right now!  Are they going to have to redo everything and screw up all my links?  Or can they just go right into 10 million and beyond by adding one digit?  I'm thinking the latter.  They would definitely love to screw up all my links, no question, but it's probably easier to just add that extra digit.  You would think, anyway.
So much sh... stuff to watch, no way to reasonably pick anything.  Of course, then again... all these things have ratings systems now.  Netflix(TM)(R) uses star ratings, Dish uses star ratings.  Do I have to watch something on Netflix(c)(R)(TM) if it's only got one and a half stars?  I guess it depends if my cool friends need to watch something for its camp value.  Or if Richard Ayoade is in it.  Not The Watch, mind you.
And so, the global marketplace is officially in my TV now, which helps my mindset when taking a look at this week's American box office.  I mean, look at this!  They were advertising the hell out of that new Emma Watson / Tom Hanks vehicle called The Circle.  They were, right?  That doubled the film's budget alone right there!  And yet... it debuts at #4.  I guess people thought to themselves... David Spade, in particular... I liked it the first time a'when it was called AntiTrust.  Plus, there's more babes in it.  The cover looks like a Pierce Brosnan Bond picture, dontcha think?  No, the big winning debuts this week came about as straight outta left field as you can get, at least for an a-hole White male like me.  First up at #3 is Uwe Boll's... I mean, S. S. Rajamouli's Baahubali 2: The Conclusion.  I never heard of it, let alone seen the first part... there is one, right?  There is, just checked.  Well, you gotta hand it to all involved; a lesser filmmaker would've gone ahead and just try to make a boring old trilogy out of it.  When's the last time you sat through all of The Two Towers?  Egg-zactly.  No one gives an elvin crap about Helms Deep anymore.
Meanwhile, Neil Diamond stars in the debut at #2 this week called How to Be a Latin Lover... or is it the new most interesting man in the world?  You know, the one with the giant Adam's apple?  Now, I hate to sound like one of these ZPG types, but... isn't there a little too much love in the world already?  There's 7 billion people on this planet!  Let's slow down the love a little bit, okay?  But leave some room for me; there's this Latina supermodel I work with that I'm trying to get with.  Give me some guidance here, Hollywood!  Maybe that's my problem; I've got to work my way through some real feos before I get to her.  But I should probably give a brief shout-out to n-tuple threat Eugenio Derbez, as he leads the mostly American cast of Latin Lover.  Judging from the movie's poster, he's going to start the Hugh Jackman Wolverine diet, get sufficiently into shape for the special FX teams involved, and play the lead in the upcoming Pitbull biopic.  They're going to show it exclusively in his charter schools first, then go wide after that.
...but enough about that.  Time to talk some politics, for I just received in the mail my "Trump Agenda Survey."  Now, I hate to generalize, but I'll do it up front for the sake of my faithful readers with weak stomachs.  My stomach's getting a little weak myself lately... I don't remember eating old socks for dinner, but it sure seems like they got in there somehow, and that they're not leaving!  Ugh.  So let me just generalize by saying... just how dumb do Republicans think their base is?  Are they REALLY trying to collect data from this group of people that will follow them off of any cliff of Reince Priebus' choosing?  I mean, do you really need to ask questions like these?  Take the last one, #11, for example: "Do you believe that the so-called 'Mainstream Media' will give President Trump fair, unbiased coverage of his policy proposals and leadership?"  The choices are Yes, No and No Opinion.  Are they really going to get answers other than Yes?  And frankly, this survey's a little behind the times already.  Question #4 is "Should President Trump renegotiate NAFTA and other trade agreements to ensure American jobs are put first?"  Question #8 is "Should the Republican Majority in the United States Senate take whatever steps are necessary to overcome Democrat opposition to get confirmation of President Trump's choices for the federal courts, especially for vacancies to the U.S. Supreme Court?"  Shame, really.  Shouldn't they be celebrating their Neil Gorsuch "victory"?
One last one.  Question 6 is "Should President Trump issue an Executive Order to suspend government unions so that his Administration can quickly move to fire federal employees found to be unnecessary, incompetent, or unresponsive to their mission of serving the American people?"  I thought he sort of did that already!  You know... the STATE DEPARTMENT?!!!  No, the only thing the government should be spending OUR TAX DOLLARS on is defense, and Trump's travel bill to Mar-a-Lago, New York City and back.  Those go unquestioned.  I was just mulling over in my mind something I read from this a-hole who's friends... I mean, FACEBOOK friends with a professed liberal guy on Facebook.  To be fair, this Republican earned his a-hole cred.  You know, serving in the Army and what not.  You gotta expect that.  He protected our right to free speech, even though he apparently disagrees with most of it.  Anyway, according to this guy, "pissing off liberals" is Trump's number one priority.  It's just implied in the "official" survey.  No, the real important part of the survey is the donation part.  I mean, let's face it!  That RNC's not going to fund itself!  The little people will feel like they have a bigger piece of it if they give of themselves to it, and generously!  So, how much?  Ten dollars?  A hundred?  A thousand?  $2,300's the "official legal" limit, something like that.  Whatever you can afford.  But think about that, the pissing off liberals part of the puzzle.  Think of Justice Neil Gorsuch returning the Supreme Court to a panel of nine.  That should piss off liberals for at least a generation or two!  Think of the attacks on Planned Parenthood and its funding.  That should piss off liberal women for years!  Maybe even a few of the conservative ones!  But conservative women know the deal.  If you're a rich one, well... you'll get all the abortions you want.  And the good ones, too!  None of that coat hanger stuff.  We don't want to leave a tiny arm or a leg inside you like that.  How rude!  I don't know why I'm sloshing around this phrase so much in my head like that... "pissing off liberals."  Because it occurs to me that it's conservative Republicans who get pissed off.  About EVERYTHING.  No matter how small the detail, it's piss-worthy.  Remember "global test"?  Remember "You didn't build that"?  I'm frankly too pissed off to think of more examples of how conservatives are constantly being pissed off, but I'm pretty sure it's out there.  They've got a whole TV network dedicated to the idea.  You know, the Tea Party is a completely organic movement, James O'Keefe is a slap leather muckraking journalist in the finest tradition of Seymour Hersh and Upton Sinclair.  I think conservatives are just trying to defend their turf here, and getting pissed off about sh... stuff is their turf.  Now liberals want to take that away, too?  I don't think so... okay, I think I've sufficiently, officially compartmentalized this phrase in my mind.  On to the next challenge in life.

Sunday, April 23, 2017

Auteur Watch - Carl Franklin

Every once in a rare while, a name becomes synonymous with quality.  In the case of Carl Franklin, when you see his name on, say, an episode of "House of Cards" or "Homeland," well... you know shi... stuff's about to get dramatic.  And I mean in a good way, the kind that gets actors awards.  Maybe it's because he started out as an actor himself a little bit!  I confess that this is the first I've heard of it.  Some movie hooligan I am!
For those of you who remember the broad strokes, Carl first popped onto a lot of people's radar when One False Move arrived.  Okay, sure, perhaps mainly because Roger Ebert liked it so much, but still.  Then there was a bit of the old sophomore slump with Devil in a Blue Dress, but I think it still holds up.  Just think of it as the black L. A. Confidential, but it came out two years earlier.
As you can see from his acting years, Carl's used to putting in long hours on the job.  But he took a well earned break after Out of Time.  Alas, people still turn to Bad Boys 1 for authentic Miami locations.  But Carl eventually brought his gifts to TV... an episode of "Rome"?!!  Well, it's different, anyway!  And so, Carl was out of retirement, ready to work again.  No shame in doing TV, especially when it's done well by the likes of Carl Franklin.  I keep seeing ads for "The Leftovers" hither and thither.  Isn't that Justin Theroux?  It IS!  Ah, more Rapture-type stuff.  But Carl managed to return to the ol' Silver Screen with Bless Me, Ultima.  Critically acclaimed, BTW.  Up next, another Silver Screen venture called Intruder in the Dust.  Keep givin' 'em hell, Carl!

A Good Bead on Things

Still getting used to my new high speed internet!  Oh, it's terrific.  My hard drive will be clogged with YouTube stuff in no time.  I guess the squeaky wheel really does get the grease sometimes!  It all started because of a bad phone call.  One of those new-fangled scam type deals.  And now, one new phone number later, here we are.  Apparently the scam is the person on the other line asks you "Can you hear me?"  If you answer "Yes," well... apparently, all bets are off.  The scammer has a recording of you saying "yes" and, in some corners of the world, it's the magic key that opens all doors.  See, this is why I'll never make anything of myself in life, in Donald Drumpf's 'Murica... oh, crap, don't even get me started on that.  Did you see Sarah Palin's white dress that she wore to Drumpf's White House?  I gotta say, it was pretty trashy even for her.  But kudos; she wore a shoulderless dress and not a strapped bra.  Bad combo.
But let's try to get to some news here.  "Better Call Saul" is back, and better than ever.  It's the triumphant return that EVERYONE is talking about... that's right, Saul's assistant and downright co-conspirator Francesca has returned!  And the same actress, no less!  We finally have her origin story... oh, right, and this other guy.  He seemed a little down or something.  Maybe they should've waited a few more episodes to reintroduce him.  What's the big hurry, guys?  Are the hardcore fans threatening a big revolt or something?
But enough TV.  Back to the multiplex, where it's still where it's at.  A lot of new debuts this week.  Sadly, the destructive power of the latest Fast and Furious movie has quickly waned.  Four new saplings got a lot of sunlight this weekend.  First up, another triumph for Disneynature.  Its latest, Born in China, debuts at #4 which, for a nature documentary, it's probably as close to #1 as you'll get.  They ain't going to spend the big bucks for a big ad campaign.  And you're probably not going to have pandas going on Colbert and Fallon to promote the movie.  Jimmy Kimmel, on the other hand, might devote some time to doing a comedy piece.  ABC's part of the big, dysfunctional Disney family these days, right?  As for David Fowler, well... I think it's time to call your agent.  Time to do some renegotiating.  It's all crappenin', man.  His The Circle is also coming out this year... oh, wait, never mind.  It's not the big Tom Hanks one.
Next, longtime Tim Burton producer Denise Di Novi has finally had enough.  I mean, even the best of those who've worked with Tim Burton have just found themselves taking a long hard look at that guy and thinking to themselves... really?  Seriously?  I don't see it.  They called him a wunderkind and a genius and all that... but that was, like, twenty to thirty years ago.  Time to hang it up, man!  Give someone else a chance to put their fat asses in that strangely humble director's chair.  And so, we get 1996's Unforgettable... I'm sorry, it's 2017's Unforgettable.  But hey!  Look at that!  On the 1996's Unforgettable official IMDb page, look at the "Videos and Photos" section.  LOOK AT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Here, I'm posting a screen grab before they change it.  Getting their wires crossed again, no?  Lol.  Ah, visual typos are the best.  Anyway, just going out on a limb here... Best Actress in a Leading Role Oscar (TM) (R) for the long-suffering Rosario Dawson?  Just putting that out there.  Of course, as with how Jeremy Irons won the Oscar for Reversal of Fortune for his performance in Dead Ringers, I mean, really, this will be the Oscar that Dawson should've won for The Adventures of Pluto Nash.  Everyone knows that.  Any Jimmy Hollywood will tell you that.
Our third debut this week is called The Promise.  And no, not the Nicholas Sparks one.  Seems like the ad campaign for this The Promise has been going on longer than the 2016 presidential campaign!  But it's finally over, and it's failed, and we can move on to the next big future Oscar(R)(TM) contender.  This one's called "The Erotic Awakening of S"... I'm sorry, I mean it's called The Lost City of Z.  Now, Amazon's got about a million online exclusive series, or wherever you go to see them... but theatrical releases?  I guess this is a first.  Not that I'm a student of what Jeff Bezos is up to or anything.  But I can't help but ask... Will Sucess Spoil Jeff Bezos?  Will the Oscar community rebel?  I think they will.  There's SIX major studios, buddy!  Six.  Six and only six.  Amazon can't be a movie studio.  Where's that stuff I ordered, BTW?  As soon as that arrives, okay.  Go and be a movie studio.
Oh, here's the best part.  What's The Lost City of Z about?  A guy who ventures into... THE AMAZON!  Synchronicity achieved.
And now, here's the part where I talk about Drumpf.  Well, the only thing I got so far is this whole Putin guy... wait, let me go check my hit count.  See what the Russians do.  Now, that disastrous Citizens United decision by our Supreme Court turned money into free speech, thereby tilting our elections more towards money.  Money tends to favor Republicans still, no matter how icky they get.  But the Koch brothers are simple billionaires.  They just want to be part of PBS, because they watch it and they see all the times people on there say... well, they'll give a list of a couple dozen names, and end by saying "And by contributions from people like you.  Thank you."  Now, who wouldn't like that?  Everybody likes that.  Gives you a nice warm feeling inside.  Well, the billionaire Koch brothers wanted in.  Eventually, they'll destroy PBS somehow, just to show that government doesn't work, and that it never has and it never will.
But Vladimir Putin, not to be outdone, wants some skin in the game.  Take France's opposition party leader, Marine Le Pen, for example... seriously, take her away, will you?  She wants France to leave the EU, wants to be the Trump of France.  "Frexit," I guess you'd call it.  Here's a picture of her meeting with Putin.  And I'm thinking to myself, dude!  Can you not be so brazen about it?  If you're meeting with Putin, you're in on the big con job.
So, Putin's got his fingers in many pies all over the world, because he also wants to prove that governments don't work.  They never have, and they never will, and we should all just go back to being peasants working for the king, forking over tax money... but this time, there's not going to be any of this Robin Hood bullshit.  They've got military intelligence now!  And guns!  That'll put a stop to any Robin Hoods.  So I guess, for those of us in America, we have to turn to the Trump supporters for leadership.  I saw a poll a while ago that showed that many of Drumpf's supporters don't like Putin.  A lot.  And then it occurred to me that the only thing holding Putin back in America is our American values.  And one of our values is still to respectfully disagree with our political opponents.  Putin, on the other hand, well... forget drawing pictures of a certain prophet, this is our First Amendment at work right here.  But it might not be for long.  This is a list of Putin's critics that have either been assassinated or jailed.  Now, I know that Hillary is "much worse, folks" and all that, but Putin's got a rather impressive track record of his own, if I may dare say.  He's got a lot of dead opponents on his hands.  Americans don't like people with a lot of dead opponents on their hands.  Take O.J. Simpson, for example.  And he's not even a politician!  Not yet, anyhow.  Maybe they have a PTA in prison, who knows.
But if this is the new normal, then so be it!  Where's the revolt within the Republican party?  They don't like the State Department anymore?  Don't they care about freedom?  What about the freedom to refer to illegal immigrants as "filth"?  Setting the bar and moving the goalposts is an important part of what Republicans do, man!  And what about all those "Never Trump" people slash RINOs, and why are they still alive?  Shouldn't they be killed in a drive-by, and their deaths refered to as "sad attempts to try and tarnish Trump's presidency"?  I guess the only thing that still matters so far is the annual Easter celebration at the White House.  He'll still do that.  I gotta go.
...ooh!  Just remembered.  One last thing.  You may have thought of yourself as an iconoclast on occasion... you know, the social belief in the importance of the destruction of icons, either religious or political.  In America, typically celebrity-related ones.  Then I saw a bit of an ad for something about Albert Einstein called "Genius."  Now, I love Geoffrey Rush as much as the next, um... what would you call it?  Thespian-o-phile?  Still, something within me died a little bit when I saw an ad for it, and Einstein (Rush) was shown having... um, engaging in sexual intercourse.  Tastefully done, of course, for being in an ad and all that, but still... I guess I'm just too sensitive or something.  I guess it's more commonplace in the EU.  People still complain about that, right?  About how America's becoming like Europe?  Too much like Europe?  Well, take comfort, 'Muricans, because our diet seems to be winning!  Cheese is making people overweight all over the world as we speak.  Think of the ending of the David Cronenberg classic, Scanners.  We'll have the sensitivity of Cameron Vale, but the handsomeness of Darryl Revok.  Close enough, right?

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Auteur Watch - Wendell Franklin

Alas, this auteur has since moved on to the big director's chair in the Sky.  Incidentally, what's the deal with those cheap-ass folding chairs with the cloth back?  You're an American film director!  More powerful than God!  GET A CHAIR THAT REFLECTS THAT.  If you're really pissed off, get someone ELSE to throw it FOR you!  Man!  Anyway, you take a look at Wendell Franklin's body of work, and you see a happier time, the swinging 1960s, and some of the best parts of it reflected in the culture at large.  An episode (or two) of "McHale's Navy," for God's sake!  Television doesn't get more classic!  Now, check out this poster that says "She's all out for kicks... and every inch of her spells EXCITEMENT!"  Just think about that for a second.  The title?  Kitten with a Whip.  Take another second to soak that in.  I know, it's asking a lot in this era of SmartPhones.  Head down, thumb at work... who's got time for anything anymore, really?  ...what was I talking about?  Oh, right.  Kitten with a Whip.  And who's the star?  Oh, just Ann-Margret.  You know, controversial for the '60s.  You'd never see a poster like that today, that's for sure.  And the latest incarnation of Ghost in the Shell probably qualifies!
Then we got How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days... I mean, How to Save a Marriage and Ruin Your Life.  Then there's Big Daddy... no, not the delightful Adam Sandler one.  One even better!  For those of you who were watching "Feud," either religiously or semi- so, and subsequently became a new fan of Victor Buono, it's a vehicle built around him, just for him, with Tennessee Williams-type themes to it.  Maybe not as controversial for the '50s and '60s, mind you.
Now, you and I hate to generalize, but let's take what we've got so far.  You might say it's kind of light, whimsical fare, right?  So why did it all change?  And I think it's fair to say that it did change, right?  I mean, take a look at Wendell's full-on directorial debut.  A single effort, unfortunately.  It's called The Bus is ComingNow, sure, I'm just going by its poster, but a film's poster is kind of the window into its soul, right?  Take Madea's Big Happy Family, for example.  You've got nods to 2010 entries like Black Swan and True Grit, and of course a nod to classics like "The Brady Bunch" and The Godfather.  What an icon whore.  Well, the poster for The Bus is Coming is a black dude with a gun to his head.  A long way from Ann-Margret fun time happy hour.  Then we got 1975's Deliver Us from Evil, where Wendell finally said to himself, screw directing, I want to produce for a change.  So what happened?  Was it the culture in general, or was it some personal experience that shook Wendell to his core, where he finally understood why everyone in Hollywood "hates this town"?  Well, personally, and mind you, I'm no professional psychologist, just the usual regular amateur one that used the internet at a Holiday Inn Express last night... just spitballing here... I'm thinking it was the year that Wendell spent on a little something called "The Bill Cosby Show."  This mouth is rated X, indeed... okay, let's move on.

.....HIS Military???!!!!!!!

As predicted by the bombardment ad campaign, various tie-ins and talk show appearances, the latest installment of The Fast and the Furious celluloid soap opera about cars hit the theaters.  Now I know they can't carry on without Paul Walker and all that... but Daddy's gotta eat, right?  And... well, well, well!  I don't say that lightly, but look at Mark Antony's... I mean, Vin Diesel's IMDb page!  There they are, right at the top... the long promised Hannibal Barca story, and not one, but TWO Fast and Furious sequels!  I guess they still got it.  Well, they got a hundred million reasons to not walk away just yet.  The good one to stay?  Have any of the characters had a baby yet?  Well, Diesel won't walk away until it stops being fun... or the right person goes "He's lookin' kinda old!"  Just think of Roger Moore as James Bond, who did it until he was sixty, the old pervert...
Meanwhile, back at the lab... the only other debut this week is called Gifted... no, not the 2014 one, there's one for 2017 now.  Chris Evans, in between projects for Marvel Studios, wanted to do a small film.  You know, not for an Oscar(TM)(R) necessarily... maybe start small with one of those indie awards, like the Palme d'Or or Slamdance or Sundance or something, THEN work your way over to an Oscar(TM)(R).  That's a good way to go, right?  RIGHT?  Well, I'm reminded of my showbiz friend who I toiled in the salt mines with for a while, who said he doesn't like Ron Howard's stuff... just the jealousy talking, Ronny.  Just the jealousy.  Well, I don't like Marc Webb's stuff.  Sure, not as much as I don't like, say... Zack Snyder's stuff, but still.  Sure, he's hot and all that, and also a crucial part of the new Marvel Studios universe... you know, with the new Peter Parker playing with lasers and what not... but his work's kinda too cutesy.  We started watching that "Limitless" show, and it was too cutesy.  But, on the bright side, I finally know how the human brain works!  I mean, when you pump it full of that awesome new smart drug!  It's almost as if your brain is connected to the internet!  Too bad we still need books so much.  And you know how at the end of each episode the guy always would say "No, I'm not a microbiology neurosurgeon, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn(TM) Express(R) last night"?  Priceless(TM).  (MasterCard(R)(TM)(c))
Meanwhile, in Trumpland(TM)(R), Trump's army continues to rebel.  I mean, what sick bastard leaked to the press that the MOAB bomb wasn't Trump's doing?  At all?  Bad (AND sick) people.  But the big news right now is that North Korea's missile-type canisters failed to launch this weekend.  I don't know how North Korea fits into Comrade Trump's Russia-based world-view purview, but somehow I'm thinking Putin's got it under control.  But I just had one of my usual flashes of brilliance, which is why I'm nowhere near the Oval Office.  If my generals informed me that North Korea actually was a threat, I might want to issue a statement saying something snarky like "Boy, you know... it's unfortunate that North Korea's missile launch was such an unmitigated disast... I mean, non-success.  And on the grandfather's birthday, no less!  I just hope he's not up in Heaven right now looking down... or down in Hell right now looking up at us, because his ghost would probably be disappointed.  I mean, sure, he's busy with other-worldly affairs right now.  In Heaven, it's harp lessons and watching all of humanity.  In Hell, he's in that room where they say "Okay, everybody, back on your hands and knees" after coffee break.  But let this be a lesson for the rest of you out there who also want nuclear weapons, like Iran, and... Iran, mainly.  They're really more trouble than they're worth, and you just end up isolated from the rest of the world, much like North Korea, looking like a sad loser."  Damn.  It's hard to be presidential.  Meanwhile, Mr. Trump continues to rack up Frequent Flier Tax Dollars for his weekend golfing excursions down to America's wang, Florida.  How much is it now?  22 million dollars?  You know, Obama only cost taxpayers 97 million over eight years, and he's not even a successful businessman... you know, a billionaire like Trump.  Well, billionaires aren't made of money, either, I guess.  Remember the big stink that was raised about how Nancy Pelosi shouldn't be the Speaker of the House because she's from California?  How'd that work out?  What was the cost?  See?  No one cares, because there was no cost.
Now I've said this a couple times before, I'm sure, but Trump's like the bad doctor in the Three Stooges who's going to pull Shemp's tooth, and he says "Okay, we're gonna tie this string around the tooth, and then tie the other end around this door knob, okay?"  And Shemp asks "Is it gonna hurt, doc?"  And the doc... or President Trump... says "Not at all, I won't feel a thing."  Sorry about recycling like that, but I figure, if my dad can do it, so can I.  Seriously, we've been sending his same letter to different newspapers for about a month now.  Okay, I'll give you a sneak peek: it involves that old George Costanza line about how "it's not a lie if you believe it."  You WILL care!  You will!
One last thought: I keep going back to Grace Jones' line about... I'm sorry, I mean Omarosa Manigault.  I miss Grace Jones.  No, let's get back to Omarosa Manigault.  She's apparently a volleyball player, and now a top adviser to the President of the United States.  So what's Kayleigh Mack-a-ninny?  Chopped liver?  Kayleigh actually finished her degree, for God's sake!  Anyway, Donald Trump had clearly conquered the business world, as his biography and several of his enablers will tell you.  How he did it, or what he pretended to do for a living kinda doesn't matter, really.  Something about being a landlord, I think.  But when you're a conquerer of worlds like that, what do you look for?  Why, another world to conquer, of course!  And somehow the prestige of the business world wasn't doing it for him anymore.  Time to try politics.  And as you might remember, Omarosa said something about how the American presidency (might as well go with the best, right?) is akin to being... I want to make sure I get this one right.  From Wikipedia, it says "It is the ultimate revenge to become the most powerful man in the universe."  That's right, folks.  When you're President of the United States, your purview includes our colonies in the Pleiades, the Andromeda Galaxy, and even EGS8p7, oddly enough!  Damn... gotta change my password now!  Why do you think Trump spent so much time in Vegas?  To be near Area 51, of course!  Derrrr!  That's where they keep the special portal for communicating with the Pleiades and the Andromeda Galaxy and what not.  As we speak, President Trump is scrambling to try and smuggle a white dwarf into our Solar System so he can corner the market on conflict diamonds.  Take that, Pat Robertson!  I mean, it's like a yuge chunk of uncut diamond!  He's going to make a staircase out of that sh... stuff.  So remember kids, forget the private sector.  The American presidency's where it's at, kids!  Most powerful job in the universe.
Tune in next week for: so, if Trump pissed on the bed in the room that Obama stayed in in that Russian hotel... well, God only knows what the White House's furniture must look like now.

Sunday, April 09, 2017

next lt: hare conditioned

Auteur Watch - Jamie Foxx

...seriously?  Man, but everyone wants to direct!  EVERYONE.  But of course, our next auteur, Jamie Foxx, of Django Unchained fame and beyond, is not just a mere everyone, am I right?  But when you've got a project like "The Jamie Foxx Show" with all the pressure that goes with it, sooner or later you're bound to want to direct.  Those quiet nights on the set, when everyone's gone home and the big, bright lights are off... but more importantly, the director's chair is EMPTY!  Whew, talk about a relief.  That's one of the few ones.
But you do gotta hand it to him, and I do, if slightly begrudgingly for some reason.  Sometimes in this biz you just gotta get out of the Wayans' large orbit and hang out with other people for a change.  And so, Foxx hung out with Michael Mann for a while... I forget what they did together, but it did well, even though Mann might've been digital video's champion a little too early.  But even when you hang out with a guy like Mann, you can't help but think to yourself... man, this directing thing's sooooo easy!  If THAT guy can do it, hell!  So can I!  It took a while, but Foxx was finally able to escape from TV directing, and something called All-Star Weekend was bourne.  Sounds a little Sandler-ish, or Sandler-esque if you prefer, but hey!  Doesn't someone else deserve a shot at that gravy train?  But Foxx isn't afraid to do the occasional acting as well, and he's going to be in a new version of Robin Hood.  Just because, you know...  Somehow Errol Flynn, Kevin Costner and Russell Crowe still left Hollywood wanting somehow.  Alas, Foxx doesn't get to play the title character.  No, his character is... Little John?  OHHH-KAYYYYYY!!!!!!!  Keep rocking our world, Wanda.

The Resistance Continues...

Well, THAT was fun!  I'm, of course, talking about the hummingbird trapped in our garage.  It apparently didn't think to drop back down to ground level to get out, as it came in that way.  But it saw the door that I opened from inside the house, and made a quick beeline for that!  Poor thing.  Guess it misses our feeder.
Anyway, there you have it.  The fight for the Supreme Court is over.  It is now five to four again.  What could possibly go wrong?  All the fears being stoked over Sharia Law creeping into our democracy at the city council level are quelled for now... or are they?  A lot of the people I listen to, your Daily Shows, your Bill Mahers, what have you... they're talking about how Mike Pence, the second most powerful man in the world now, won't go to dinner or have a drink (with another woman) without his loving wife there by his side.  We used to call that p--- whipped, I believe.  Now they call it some rather Islam-ish type qualities of Christianity.  Won't be long before Christians are whipping women's ankles for being exposed.  They'd get on board with that!  Putin could probably make it happen!  He's got the resources to waste on it, that's for sure.  Next thing you know, Putin will be flooding the internet with solar panel schematics, and ways to unhook them from either the grid, or the individual homes they were meant to power.  You know, good old fashioned prank-type stuff.  Gotcha!  I got ya, didn't I?
As for this whole Tomahawk missile thing in Syria, well... I'm confused.  So far, no Republican lawmakers seem to be saying "I saw a Commander in Chief tonight.  I saw the steady hand of leadership that you can be proud of, a hand that crippled Syria's empty airfield that won't be usable for... what's that?  It's already back up and running?"  As for the Supreme Court, well... you win for now, guys.  You want the vast rest of humanity fighting for justice and equality to work a little harder?  To wiggle a little more frantically like a human hand holding on to a termite's wings?  You got it.  But you might have a little more trouble at those Town Halls you're supposed to hold, I'm just saying.  Not that you go anyway.
All right, back to the box office... wait, this just in.  Apparently, the new Supreme Court just expanded our Second Amendment rights a little bit.  Now anytime says "Gun to my head?" in casual conversation, carriers of concealed firearms or otherwise are legally allowed to do it.  Must be part of that whole "Stand Your Ground" fad that's bubbled up to the surface within the last few years.  Couldn't be prouder.  I knew I should've gotten one of those special driver's licenses where you can go to Canada.
Okay, box office time.  Welp, as hard as Mandy Patinkin tried to flog it on the talk shows, in addition to another final episode of another awesome season of "Homeland"... dare I say it's almost as good as "Breaking Bad"?  Almost.  Still, they'll be talking about Walter White for a long time, now that I reflect on it... and even though you can really see how human the Smurfs eyes look now in glorious Real (TM) 3D and all, the latest installment of the Smurfs on the big screen couldn't get past third place.  People still want to see whatever numbers one and two are... oh, right.  The Boss Baby and that new Beauty and the Beast.  Sometimes I wonder if The Boss Baby would've been the same if Trump didn't become President.  Apparently, no one thought to do a version with a Hillary-like baby.  That's old fashioned Hollywood sexism for ya.  Leave Hillary for Boss Baby 2, they said.  And why not?  Maybe they did both simultaneously like Lord of the Rings!
Meanwhile, the hot new trend of grumpy old men on the silver screen continues, but this time with a reboot... re-envisioning of the 1979 classic Going in Style.  They would've made it sooner, but the lawyers involved, copyright and otherwise, were just waiting for Martin Brest's name to be absolutely purged from the credits of the new one.  Absolutely.  No associate producer stuff, none of this "based on an original screenplay by" crap, nothing.  Why, it's the kind of thing that might make one cynical about this business, if not for the mood-altering substances that seem to abound.
And finally... oh, Onion's A.V. Club, you're letting me down, man.  A C+?  I guess the filmmakers involved are trying harder to get a better grade from them, go figure!  The very bottom of the bottom half of USA's Top 10 still belongs to the church bus set, and the title this week is The Case for Christ.  In other words, the Christian modus operandi.  Personally, I think Christ's case lost a little bit when he didn't show up in person about seventeen years and some change ago now, but that's just me.  But don't worry, because with the fresh new Conservative majority on the Supreme Court, and with control of most state legislatures, and the House and Senate, maybe NOW, FINALLY, Christ's message of intolerance, tax cuts for the rich and denial of proper, modern women's health care will really resonate, and bigly.  You know, keeping the USA somewhere lower than Europe's standards of living, but higher than the Middle East.

Sunday, April 02, 2017

Short Reviews - April 2017

Jack Fat and Jim Slim at Coney Island - With John Bunny as Jack

The Snare of Society - With Jack Standing as Jack Read

All for Gold, or Jumping the Claim - With Herbert Bentley as Jack Cardigan

An Accidental Outlaw - With Jack Standing as Jack Snow

Saved from the Torrents - With Bryant Washburn as Jack Carrington... Katie's Brother

The New Superintendent - With Herbert Rawlinson as Jack Hartway... the New Superintendent

A Spanish Love Song - With William Clifford as Jack

One Flag at Last - With Earle Williams as Captain Jack Meyers

Comrades - With John T. (Jack) Dillon as Jack

Her Mother Interferes - With Edward Dillon as Jack

The Temptation of Rodney Vane - With Carlyle Blackwell as Jack Satire... the Vineyard Owner's Son

Love's Victory - With Jack Standing as Jack

A Lesson to Husbands - With King Baggot as Jack Armstrong

The Sheriff's Sisters - With J. Warren Kerrigan as Jack Evans

I Saw Him First - With Edward Coxen as Jack Newell

In Swift Waters - With Owen Moore as Jack Moore

Inbad, The Count - With Harold Lockwood as Jack Greenleaf

Iola's Promise - With Alfred Paget as Jack Harper

The Magic Wand - With Francis X. Bushman as Charles Jack Bronson

Over a Cracked Bowl - With Donald MacDonald as Jack Phillips... the Husband (as D. A. MacDonald)

The Plot that Failed - With Carlyle Blackwell as Jack, the Young Inventor

The Power of Love - is a curious thing... I mean, with Jack Richardson as Jack Woomer... a Cowboy

Saved From the Titanic - With John G. Adolfi as Ens. Jack

Silent Jim - With George Larkin as Jackphine, Ione Indian

The Smuggler's Daughter - With Percy Moran as Jack Morgan

The Telephone Girl - With Wallace Reid as Jack Watson

A Temporary Truce - With Charles Gorman as Jack, the Prospector

Thirty Days at Hard Labor - With Harold M. Shaw as Jack Deering

To Save Her Brother - With Ben F. Wilson as Jack

The Leap to Death - With Richard Jensen as Jack Morton

How Washington Crossed the Delaware - With Harold M. Shaw as Jack

The Debt - With Jack Hopkins as Jack Warren

The Brotherhood of Man - With Herbert Gunes as Jack Sykes

The Cattle Rustlers - With William Duncan as Jack Towns... Ranch Foreman

A Wartime Romance - With William Duncan as Jack Munroe

Broken Faith - With David Aylott as Jack Carter

After School - With J. Warren Kerrigan as Jack Redmond

A Pair of Jacks - With George Gebhar(d)t as Jack Lewis... the First Jack, and Jack Conway as Jack King... the SECOND Jack

As the Fates Decree - With Allen Mathes as Jack Eaton... Edna's Fiancée

The Girl at the Cupola - With Charles Clary as Jack Berry

Sons of the North Woods - With Thomas Persons as Jack Williams

The Voice of Conscience - With Harry Mainhall as Jack Tenny

The Warning Hand - With Francis X. Bushman as Jack Wayne

The Foster Child - With James Morrison as Jack... the Adopted Son

The Haunted Rocker - With Tom Powers as Jack Farnum... Madge's Suitor

Popular Betty - With James Young as Jack Winget... Betty's Sweetheart

The Star Reporter - With Robert Thornby as Jack Wilson... the Star Reporter

Father and Son - With Kenneth Casey as Jack as a Boy

The Dear Little Teacher - With Alec Worcester as Jack Fellowes... the New Teacher

Tilly Works for a Living - With Alec Worcester as Jack Treat

The Cat's Paw - With Francis X. Bushman as Jack Wayne

A Gypsy's Love - With Randolph Grey as Jack Langley... Leila's Sweetheart

Making a Man of Her - With Lee Moran as Jack

Merely a Millionaire - With Hobart Bosworth as Charlie Chaplin... I mean, with Herbert Rawlinson as Jack Andrews

The Strange Story of Elsie Mason - With Tom Moore as Jack Hollis

Our Bessie - With Hay Plumb as Jack Hard

The Coward - With J. Warren Kerrigan as Jack Walton... THE COWARD

The Simple Life - With William Lampe as Jack Vincent

Lieutenant Daring and the Ship's Mascot - With Percy Moran as Lt. Jack Daring

The Black Sheep - With Edwin R. Phillips as Jack Moreland... the Black Sheep

The Greater Love - With Fred Burns as Jack Manton... the Sheriff

His Father's Choice - With George Reehm (of the Lubin Stock Company) as Jack Halsted

Winning the Latonia Derby - With William E. Shay as Jack Prentice... the Villain!  Boo, hiss...

Jack and Jingles - With Maud(e) Potter as Jack Logan... a Newsboy

When Honor Calls - With Hans Marr as Johannes Hartwig

Lure of the Violin - With Elmer (E.L.) Morrow as Lt. Jack Lane

'Neath Austral Skies - With T. Archer as Monaro Jack, Stockman

Another Man's Wife - With J. Warren Kerrigan as Jack Stanton

The Battle of Gettysburg - With Joe King as Jack Lamar... the Confederate Brother

The Boatswain's Daughter - With Louis Willoughby as Jack

Caprice - With Owen Moore as Jack Henderson

Cards - With Jack Hopkins as Jack... the Dark Stranger

Cupid Through a Keyhole - With William Shea as Jack Wearyfoot... the Tramp

Delayed Proposals - With Maurice Costello as Jack Hardy

The Drummer of the 8th - With Frank Borzage as Jack Durand

Elise, the Forester's Daughter - With Augustus Phillips as Jack Hartopp

Her Only Son - With Harold Lockwood as Jack Temple

His Second Wife - With E. K. Lincoln as Jack Gordon

Hoodman Blind - With Herbert Barrington as Jack Yeulett

The House in the Tree - With William Garwood as Jack... age 20

The Last Blockhouse - With William H(erman) West as Jack... a Settler

Leonie - With Augustus Phillips as Jack Landon... an Artist

The Lipton Cup: Introducing Sir Thomas Lipton - With Harold Lockwood as Jack

Love Before Ten - With Harold Lockwood as Jack Mason

Love Laughs at Locksmiths; or, Love Finds a Way - With Frank Bennett as Jack... Bess's Sweetheart

Love vs. Law - With King Baggot as Jack

Love's Sunset - With Jack Harvey as Jack Morton

The Mistake - With Henry B. Walthall as Jack, the Friend... a Prospector

One on Romance - With John Barrymore as Jack Wilson

A Perilous Cargo - With Herbert Prior as Jack Arnold... CAPTAIN Jack Arnold to you, buddy!!!

The Rattlesnake - With Jess(e) Robinson as John (Jack) Gordon

A Regiment of Two - With E. K. Lincoln as Jack Brent

The Road to Ruin - With Harry W. Scadden as Jack Probyn

The Stolen Moccasins - With William Duncan as Jack

The Thirteenth Man - With Francis X. Bushman as Jack Hanney, Ruth Stonehouse as Mrs. Jack Hanney, and Whitney Raymond as Jack Holt

Tony, the Fiddler - With Robin H. Townley as Deputy Jack Townsend

Trapped in a Forest Fire - With Jack Richardson as Jack Graham

The Werewolf - With William Clifford as Jack Ford

Getting Up a Practice - With George Cooper as Jack... One of the Doctor's Friends

After the Honeymoon - With Robert (R.T.) Thornby as Jack

Vengeance - With Lamar Johnstone as Jack Baldwin

Heimat und Fremde - Mitt Ernst Reicher als Jack

The Book - With Alec Worcester as Jack Arkwright

The Jealousy of Miguel and Isabella - With William Duncan as Jack Walters

Sally in Our Alley - With Cecil Mannering as Jack

The Hero Coward - With E. H. Calvert as Jack Wallace

The Accusing Hand - With Romaine Fielding as Jack Sueder

Under the Black Flag - With Frank Lloyd as Jack Teach

In the Midst of the Jungle - With Herbert Rawlinson as Jack Jackson

Man and His Other Self - With Tom Santschi as Jack Barnes

Jack's Chrysanthemum - With Maurice Costello as Jack, an American Artist

The Modern Prodigal - With James Morrison as Jack Gray... Their Son

'Mid Kentucky Hills - With Arthur Ashley as Jack Curtiss... Revenue Officer

A Homespun Tragedy - With Gladden James as Jack... the Thompson Son

The Leading Lady - With Earle Williams as Jack

The Fatal Legacy - With Tom Moore as Jack Halleck... the Son

At Bear Track Gulch - With George Lessey as Jack Turner

A Bolt From the Sky - With Tom Moore as Jack Towers... a Broker

The Cloak of Guilt - With Tom Moore as Jack Mason

The Debt of Gambling - With Thomas H. MacDonald as Jack Argyll

A Christmas Story (1913) - With James Morrison as Jack Harvey... the Artist

The Lost Dispatch - With Hazel Buckham as Nell Hartman... Jack's Sweetheart

The Sharpshooter - With Charles Ray as Jack Krone... a Young Blacksmith

Bread on the Waters - With Harry Beaumont as Jack Wilson... the Son

The Female Detective - With George Reehm as Jack Fisher

Heroes One and All - With Martin Faust as Jack Barbour... the Fireman

The Widow's Wiles - With George Reehm as Jack Scott

For the Flag - With J. Warren Kerrigan as Lieutenant Jack Bronson

The Man with Wax Faces - With Emile Tramont as Jacques... shouldn't that count?

Counterfeiters - With Matt Moore as Jack... sidenote, with... excuse me!  STARRING Florence Lawrence as Flo.  I'm just sayin'...

Marrying Sue - With S. Rankin Drew as Jack

The Amateur Detective - With Harris Gordon as Jack... Betty's Sweetheart

Golddigger - With Antal Nyáray AND Gyula Szöreghy as Jack!!!

The Battle of Love - With Harry Dunkinson as Jack Sanford

The Boer War - With William Brunton as Lt. Jack Lambert... their Son

The Call of the North - With Fred Montague as Jack Wilson

The Conspiracy - With Harold Lockwood as Jack Howell

Cupid Incognito - With Wallace Reid as Jack Falkner

Even Unto Death - With Jack Livingston as... as Jack Livingston?

Hearts Adrift - With Harold Lockwood as Jack Graham

Hearts and Diamonds - With Kalman Matus as Jack

Jess of the Mountain Country - With Antrim Short as Jack Gibbons

John Barleycorn - With Elmer Clifton as Jack, 3rd Period

Liberty Belles - With Jack Pickford as Jack Everleigh

Luchtkastelen - With Willem van der Veer as Jack

The Man o' Warsman - With Thomas E. Shea as Captain Jack Conway

The Man on the Box - With Fred L. Wilson as Jack Warburton

A Model Young Man - With Sidney Drew as Jack

Molly the Drummer Boy - With Yale Boss as Jack

Mrs. Black is Back - She hit the sack.  She's been too long, she's glad to be back.  Yes, she's let loose from the noose that's kept her hanging about.  She's been looking at the sky 'cause it was getting her high.  Forget the hearse 'cause she'll never ... Pardon me!  I mean, with Elmer Booth as Jack Dangerfield

Sandy Wexler - Well, as David Spade might say, I liked it the first time... when it was called Broadway Danny Rose

The Mystery of the Diamond Belt - With Austin Camp as Jack Braham

A Night of Thrills - With Charles Manley as Jack's Uncle Howard Wild

The Peacemaker - With Antonio Moreno as Jack Strong

Professor Snaith - With Boyd Marshall as Jack Rawlings

A Ranch Romance - With Murdock MacQuarrie as Jack Deering

The Right of Way - With Leo Delaney as Jack Ramsay

Salomy Jane - With Ernest Joy as Jack Marbury

The Scapegoat - With Leo D. Maloney as Jack Turner

Secret of the Bulb - With William Desmond Taylor as Jack... Mrs. Richards' Son

The Skeleton - With Wallace Reid as Jack... the Young Husband

The Spirit of the Poppy - With William R. Dunn as Jack Murray

The Spoilers - With Jack (F.) McDonald as Slap Jack

Tainted Money - With William Desmond Taylor as Jack Forsythe

The Tangle - With Darwin Karr as Lt. Jack Bradley

Trapped in the Great Metropolis - With Edward (Eddie) Gibbs as Jack Hammond

Uncle Bill - With Billy Quirk as Jack Trent

Under False Colors - With Antonio Moreno as Pvt. Jack Warring

The Unopened Letter - With Hayward Mack as Jack Osborne... King's Assistant

The Unwelcome Mrs. Hatch - With Harold Lockwood as Jack Adrian

The Varsity Race - With Irving Cummings as Jack Stimson AKA Frank Irving, the Bow Oar... I'm confused

The Walls of Jericho - With Edmund Breese as Jack Frobisher

The Wrecker of Lives - With Edward Sydney as Donald Trump Jack Courtney

The Last Chapter - With Victor Rodman (Rottman) as Jack Hilton

The Man Behind the Door - With Wally Van as Jack de Lacy

Borgkælderens mysterium - With August Wehmer as Jack Harder... Private Detective

The Perplexed Bridegroom - With Maurice Costello as Jack Demly... the Bridegroom

The Messenger of Death - With Charles Mather as Jack Tennant

The Kaffir's Skull - With Eugene Pallette as Jack Dwyer

Lucy's Elopement - With (J.) Morris Foster as Jack... Lucy's Sweetheart

Rainy, the Lion Killer - With Harry Davenport as Jack Brown

A Woman Scorned - With Frank Bennett as Jack Flynn... the Police Reporter

The Girl, the Cop, the Burglar - With Wallace Beery as Jack Hazard... indeed

McBride's Bride - With Marshall Neilan as Jack McBride

Broncho Billy -- Gun-Man - With Carl Stockdale as Jack Holmes

His Strenuous Honeymoon - With Lee Moran as Gentleman Jack (unconfirmed)

On Rugged Shores - With Eddie Lyons as Jack... the Honest Son

Algy's Alibi - With David (H.) Thompson as Jack... Algy's Pal

Traffic in Babies - With Herbert Rawlinson as Jack Hardy

The Woman in Black - With Herbert Rawlinson as Jack Darrow

Won in the Clouds - With Frank Lloyd as Portuguese Jack

A Night With a Million - With Francis X. Bushman as Jack Wilton

Miser Murray's Wedding Present - With Jack Harvey as Jack Thompson

A Military Judas - With Charles Ray as Jack Warren

A Wayward Daughter - With Kalman Matus as Jack Foster

The Angel of Contention - With Raoul Walsh as Jack Colter

Captured by Mexicans - With Lawrence (Larry) Peyton as Jack Kidd... a Prospector

The Counterfeiter's Plot - With Robert Ellis as Jack Saunders... Ivy's Sweetheart

Making Auntie Welcome - With Vincente DePascale as Jack

In the Cow Country - With Charles Ray as Jack Mason

The Miser's Reversion - With Harry Benham as Jack... May's Sweetheart

One of the Discard - With Charles Ray as Jack Denning

The Other Half of the Note - With Winthrop Chamberlain as Jack... the Senator's Nephew

Perils of the White Lights - With Robert Ellis as Jack Foster... the Widow's Son

The Return - With Norbert A. Myles as Jack Warren

Speak No Evil - With Leo White as Jack Carson

They Bought a Zoo Boat - With Royal (Roy) Byron as Captain Jack Burns... and Billy Bowers as Jack Kedge

The Adventures of a Madcap - With Frank Mayo as Jack Aubrey

Affinities - With Richard (C.) Travers as Jack Thomas

The Alien - With Jack Nelson as Phil Griswold ... as usual, I'm bending my own rules, but the next time some movie n00b asks you what's your favourite Griswold movie, you tell them it's 1915's The Alien, b'atch!!!

Almost a King - With John Francis (AKA Jack) Dillon as Jack ... the American

Almost a Widow - With Frank Borzage as Jack White

The Angel of the Ward - With Arthur Chisholm as Gentleman Jack

Anita's Butterfly - With Frank Borzage as Jack

Armstrong's Wife - With Hal Clements as Jack Estabrook

Author! Author! - With Ashton Dearholt as Jack LaRue

The Baby on the Barge - With Lionelle Howard as Jack Storm

Barbara Frietchie - With Fraunie Fraunholz as Jack Negly

The Barnstormers - With William Brunton as Jack Green... Adam's Son

Barriers Swept Aside - With Harry (F.) Millarde as Jack Thorpe... the Husband

The Battle of Ballots - With William Wells as Jack Hazelet

Blackbirds - With Thomas Meighan as Jack Doggins / Hon. Nevil Trask (???)

Britain's Naval Secret - With Percy Moran as Lt. Jack Moran

Brought Home - With Richard (C.) Travers as Jack Marson... a Millionaire

The Circular Staircase - With William Howard as Jack Bailey

The City of Terrible Night - With Ed Duane as Jack's Valet

The College Orphan - With Carter DeHaven as Jack Bennett, Jr.

The College Widow - With Ferdinand Tidmarsh as Jack Larrabee

COWARD!!!! - With Stewart Rome as Jack Hardson... Harsdon

Crooky - With Evart Overton as Jack Willis

The Cup of Chance - With George W. Howard as Jack

The Cup of Life - With Arthur Maude as Jack Jordan

The Darkening Trail - With George Fis(c)her as Jack Sturgess

A Daughter of the Sea - With Clifford Grey as Jack Rutland

The Desert Breed - With William C. Dowlan as Jack... Fred's Partner

A Desert Honeymoon - With Romaine Fielding as Jack... the Man from the East

The Eagle's Nest - With Edwin Arden as Jack Trail

The Exile of Bar-K Ranch - With Charles Newton as Jack Donald... Millie's Father... and with Louise Lester as Mrs. Jack Donald... Millie's Mother

An Expensive Visit - With OLIVER HARDY as Jack!!!

Father's New Maid - With Wallace Beery as Jack... AND Sweedie

Film Tempo - With Ashton Dearholt as Jack LaRue

The Flag of Fortune - With Arthur Moon as Jack Warren

For His Superior's Honor - With Lester Calvin as Jack Raymond

Four Feathers - With Arthur Evers as Captain Jack Durrance

The Gambler of the West - With Charles Perley as Lucky Jack Gordon

The Girl of the Golden West - With Theodore Roberts as Jack Rance

The Great Ruby - With Clarence (Jay) Elmer as Jack Chandler... a tout

The Heart of a Tigress - With Paul Sablon (Paul Bourgeois) as Jack Williams

Help Wanted - With Owen Moore as Jack Scott

Her Atonement - With Jack Bryce as Jack Bryce

Her Slight Mistake - With Leo D. Maloney as Jack

The Highbinders - With Tom Wilson as Jack Donovan

His Brother's Keeper - With Jack Mulhall as Jack... 2nd Brother

His Phantom Sweetheart - With Anita Stewart as Jack's Phantom Sweetheart

The House of a Thousand Candles - With Harry Mestayer as Jack Glenarm

The House Party - With Albert Hackett as Jack Carstairs... Son

An Image of the Past - With J. H. Allen as Jack Dexter

In Spite of All - With Harry Beaumont as Jack Knickerbocker

In the Heart of the Woods - With David Lythgoe as Jack Daley

It May Be You - With Arthur Housman as Jack Kenwood

Jack Chanty - With Max Figman as Malcolm Piers... AKA Jack Chanty

Jack's Pals - With Charles (C.B.) Murphy as Jack Murphy

Kærlighedens triumf - Mitt Valdemar Psilander als Jack Montfrod... grevindens søn

A Kentucky Episode - With Jack Mulhall as Jack Benson

Lena - With Augustus Phillips as Jack Miggles

A Life at Stake - With J. Warren Kerrigan as Jack Brandon

Life's Furrow - With Millard K. Wilson as Jack

The Lily and the Rose - With Wilfred Lucas as Jack Van Norman

The Lily of Poverty Flat - With Andrew Robson as Jack Hamlin

The Little Scapegoat - With Jack Mulhall as Jack... the Bachelor

A Lucky Deal - With Pat Chrisman as Rustler Jack

The Lure of the Mask - With Harold Lockwood as Jack Hilliard

The Man on Watch - With True Boardman as Jack Hilton... House Detective

The Marriage of Kitty - With Tom Forman as Jack Churchill

The Master's Model - With John Reinhard(t) as Jack... Hugo's Friend

Mixed Flats - With Ben Walker as Jack Robbins

Mysteries of the Grand Hotel - With Charles Cummings as Jack Hilton... Frances' Assistant [Ch. 1 & 2] and with True Boardman as Jack Hilton... Frances' Assistant [Ch. 3-8, 11]

Nearly a Lady - With Owen Moore as Jack Rawlins

A Night in Kentucky - With Alan (Albert) Roscoe as Jack Westlake

The Old Homestead - With Denman Maley as Jack Hazzard

On the Night Stage - With Herschel (Hershal) Mayall as Handsome Jack Malone

On the Road to Reno - With Arthur V. Johnson as Jack... the Husband

The Oyster Dredger - With J. Warren Kerrigan as Jack... the Oyster Dredger

The Painted Lady Betty - With Tom Powers as Jack

Parted by the Sword - With Percy Moran as Jack Moran

The Pitfall - With James W. Horne as Jack Green... Westcott's Secretary

Pleasing Uncle - With Boyd Marshall as Jack

The Ploughshare - With Robert (Bob) Walker as Jack Strong... Jenny's Brother

Poor Schmaltz - With Conway Tearle as Jack

A Pound for a Pound - With Alan (Albert) Roscoe as Jack Thorpe

A Quiet Little Game - With Lloyd Bacon as Jack Henry

The Rack - With Chester Barnett as Jack Freeman