Sunday, April 30, 2017
The Netflix(TM)(R) Effect
But this is actually the second time I've gotten an opportunity to browse around a Netflix(TM)(R) menu on a television. The search feature's a little clunky... you know, what with the remote and all. TV remotes haven't been bred with Blackberries(TM)(R) yet, so it seems. But man! I just realized YET AGAIN how uncool I am! So much sh!... stuff to watch. I worry a little about the IMDb. They're getting dangerously close to maxing out their titles limit. They're going to have to add another digit pretty soon! They're dangerously close to 7 million titles right now! Are they going to have to redo everything and screw up all my links? Or can they just go right into 10 million and beyond by adding one digit? I'm thinking the latter. They would definitely love to screw up all my links, no question, but it's probably easier to just add that extra digit. You would think, anyway.
So much sh... stuff to watch, no way to reasonably pick anything. Of course, then again... all these things have ratings systems now. Netflix(TM)(R) uses star ratings, Dish uses star ratings. Do I have to watch something on Netflix(c)(R)(TM) if it's only got one and a half stars? I guess it depends if my cool friends need to watch something for its camp value. Or if Richard Ayoade is in it. Not The Watch, mind you.
And so, the global marketplace is officially in my TV now, which helps my mindset when taking a look at this week's American box office. I mean, look at this! They were advertising the hell out of that new Emma Watson / Tom Hanks vehicle called The Circle. They were, right? That doubled the film's budget alone right there! And yet... it debuts at #4. I guess people thought to themselves... David Spade, in particular... I liked it the first time a'when it was called AntiTrust. Plus, there's more babes in it. The cover looks like a Pierce Brosnan Bond picture, dontcha think? No, the big winning debuts this week came about as straight outta left field as you can get, at least for an a-hole White male like me. First up at #3 is Uwe Boll's... I mean, S. S. Rajamouli's Baahubali 2: The Conclusion. I never heard of it, let alone seen the first part... there is one, right? There is, just checked. Well, you gotta hand it to all involved; a lesser filmmaker would've gone ahead and just try to make a boring old trilogy out of it. When's the last time you sat through all of The Two Towers? Egg-zactly. No one gives an elvin crap about Helms Deep anymore.
Meanwhile, Neil Diamond stars in the debut at #2 this week called How to Be a Latin Lover... or is it the new most interesting man in the world? You know, the one with the giant Adam's apple? Now, I hate to sound like one of these ZPG types, but... isn't there a little too much love in the world already? There's 7 billion people on this planet! Let's slow down the love a little bit, okay? But leave some room for me; there's this Latina supermodel I work with that I'm trying to get with. Give me some guidance here, Hollywood! Maybe that's my problem; I've got to work my way through some real feos before I get to her. But I should probably give a brief shout-out to n-tuple threat Eugenio Derbez, as he leads the mostly American cast of Latin Lover. Judging from the movie's poster, he's going to start the Hugh Jackman Wolverine diet, get sufficiently into shape for the special FX teams involved, and play the lead in the upcoming Pitbull biopic. They're going to show it exclusively in his charter schools first, then go wide after that.
...but enough about that. Time to talk some politics, for I just received in the mail my "Trump Agenda Survey." Now, I hate to generalize, but I'll do it up front for the sake of my faithful readers with weak stomachs. My stomach's getting a little weak myself lately... I don't remember eating old socks for dinner, but it sure seems like they got in there somehow, and that they're not leaving! Ugh. So let me just generalize by saying... just how dumb do Republicans think their base is? Are they REALLY trying to collect data from this group of people that will follow them off of any cliff of Reince Priebus' choosing? I mean, do you really need to ask questions like these? Take the last one, #11, for example: "Do you believe that the so-called 'Mainstream Media' will give President Trump fair, unbiased coverage of his policy proposals and leadership?" The choices are Yes, No and No Opinion. Are they really going to get answers other than Yes? And frankly, this survey's a little behind the times already. Question #4 is "Should President Trump renegotiate NAFTA and other trade agreements to ensure American jobs are put first?" Question #8 is "Should the Republican Majority in the United States Senate take whatever steps are necessary to overcome Democrat opposition to get confirmation of President Trump's choices for the federal courts, especially for vacancies to the U.S. Supreme Court?" Shame, really. Shouldn't they be celebrating their Neil Gorsuch "victory"?
One last one. Question 6 is "Should President Trump issue an Executive Order to suspend government unions so that his Administration can quickly move to fire federal employees found to be unnecessary, incompetent, or unresponsive to their mission of serving the American people?" I thought he sort of did that already! You know... the STATE DEPARTMENT?!!! No, the only thing the government should be spending OUR TAX DOLLARS on is defense, and Trump's travel bill to Mar-a-Lago, New York City and back. Those go unquestioned. I was just mulling over in my mind something I read from this a-hole who's friends... I mean, FACEBOOK friends with a professed liberal guy on Facebook. To be fair, this Republican earned his a-hole cred. You know, serving in the Army and what not. You gotta expect that. He protected our right to free speech, even though he apparently disagrees with most of it. Anyway, according to this guy, "pissing off liberals" is Trump's number one priority. It's just implied in the "official" survey. No, the real important part of the survey is the donation part. I mean, let's face it! That RNC's not going to fund itself! The little people will feel like they have a bigger piece of it if they give of themselves to it, and generously! So, how much? Ten dollars? A hundred? A thousand? $2,300's the "official legal" limit, something like that. Whatever you can afford. But think about that, the pissing off liberals part of the puzzle. Think of Justice Neil Gorsuch returning the Supreme Court to a panel of nine. That should piss off liberals for at least a generation or two! Think of the attacks on Planned Parenthood and its funding. That should piss off liberal women for years! Maybe even a few of the conservative ones! But conservative women know the deal. If you're a rich one, well... you'll get all the abortions you want. And the good ones, too! None of that coat hanger stuff. We don't want to leave a tiny arm or a leg inside you like that. How rude! I don't know why I'm sloshing around this phrase so much in my head like that... "pissing off liberals." Because it occurs to me that it's conservative Republicans who get pissed off. About EVERYTHING. No matter how small the detail, it's piss-worthy. Remember "global test"? Remember "You didn't build that"? I'm frankly too pissed off to think of more examples of how conservatives are constantly being pissed off, but I'm pretty sure it's out there. They've got a whole TV network dedicated to the idea. You know, the Tea Party is a completely organic movement, James O'Keefe is a slap leather muckraking journalist in the finest tradition of Seymour Hersh and Upton Sinclair. I think conservatives are just trying to defend their turf here, and getting pissed off about sh... stuff is their turf. Now liberals want to take that away, too? I don't think so... okay, I think I've sufficiently, officially compartmentalized this phrase in my mind. On to the next challenge in life.