Short Reviews - May '08

In movie news, Spike Lee's next epic is a go. Originally going to be Jungle Fever 2, the script was slightly tweaked and is now going to be called O.J. Yeah, that's right! In a casting coup, Spike landed Taye Diggs as O.J. Simpson, and landed himself as Al Cowlings. It's going to be a 200+ minute epic, and O.J. has apparently signed on as executive producer, on the condition that his share of the profits go to "charity". We'll see. On to the rest now...

(The) Last Action Hero - Welp, that says it best for me!

Teacher's Pet - Gary Baseman: The Motion Picture. My God! What would happen if Baseman and Keith Haring had a baby?

Juno - Oscar winner for Best Original Screenplay. Here's my question: "He's the cheese to my macaroni." First of all, this is the stuff of an Oscar winning screenplay? And second, and bear in mind I don't know a whole lot about love, or lust, or any of that kind of crap, but shouldn't the genders be switched on that one? In other words, shouldn't he be the macaroni to her cheese? It's all very confusing to me. But all I really need to know is that it's hip. Very painfully hip. Not cool, because it's swimming too fast in its own hipness to keep cool.

The Bachelor - Now, the sexual metaphor here you can understand! Grasses. I love it.

Speed Racer - That was the problem. It sped too fast into our hearts. Ya gotta slow down and savor certain things. Like press junkets.

Another Woman - Woody Allen does Cassavetes

Escape to Witch Mountain - I remember it better.

The Love Bug - Oh, where would Disney be without the public schools?

Bombs Away - Am I the only one who knows this movie? Probably!

The Border - Did Walter Hill drop out at the last minute?

The Wizard of Speed and Time - They had it on VHS at my local video store, but it was busted. The tape was severed from the reel right at the beginning of the tape, so I couldn't play it. Is that close enough?

Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man - If nothing else, I know where they got the big shootout at the end of True Lies from!

Point Break - I know where they got True Lies' big turning-a-gas-pump-into-a-flame-thrower gag from!

Lady Against the Odds - Homer!

Lost & Found - Tommy Boy 2

Creepshow 3 - Makes the second one look like a masterpiece.

Isobar - What Silver Streak was for Chicago?

The Holiday - Dean Cundey? Really? Where's the special effects? Must be harkening back to his Galaxina days.

Touch - Skeet Skeet Skeet!

Winning - Paul Newman as Frank Capra? Do I have that right?

Winter Passing - I know I shouldn't be burned out on dry-witted movies like this, but for some reason I am.

Winter People - Meant to see it, thought it was Winter Passing.

Remo Williams - Decent flick, but man! The rollicking Sousa-esque Remo theme song got a little old after a while.

Robin Williams on Broadway - Oh he's still got it, baby. That, and the fact that he doesn't have to work a day in his life ever again.

Sex and the City: The Motion Picture - All right! So which one gets raped?

The Zohan, You don't mess with - Adam Sandler's Munich

Graham Norton Effect, The - That's what I get for going through old video tapes. Thought I forgot about this one.

Tomcats - Does Shannon Elizabeth end up marrying Jake Busey? I couldn't stick around to find out, I just couldn't.

Hancock - It does look funny. It's the kind of thing Martin Lawrence couldn't pull off. Not until he does a couple more Disney movies, anyway.


That's probably more than enough for now, huh?