Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Box Office Yee-Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw!

Man! Where does the time go? I'm even behind on my Box Office reports, but you already knew that. :) But I'm going to rectify that right now, but quickly because I got to get to bed once again. But first of all let me give a shout out to the people of Miller Beer and their Man Law ad-campaign, which let me say right off the bat is, in my mind, the front runner for the 2006 Clio for Best Series. However, it's not all silver lining. They truncated Undercover Brother's Comedic Dissertation about hiding a beer inside "the crack of a turkey"! For shame, Miller Beer. George Gallo will hear about this!!

So let's examine the box office tally of Sept. 15-22, because the week before that was pretty anemic so we'll just skip it entirely. Not one film cracked the 10 million barrier that week! How weak. Anyway, at #10 it's Crank with Jason Statham. It made 2.68 million worth off of people who thought they were going to see the Crank Yankers movie. It's DOA on crack, or Crank, basically; think I'll wait for Italian Job 2 or The One 2.

At #9 it's Hollywoodland, the little independent movie about Hollywood that could, and it will, to the tune of 2.72 mill this week for a total of 10.5 overall! Man, the Weinsteins are having a bad year so far. Could this be the Oscar buzz that Diane Lane thought Under the Tuscan Sun was going to be?

Coming in at #8 it's LMS as the kids are dubbing it. Hanging on with extra fingernails and sliding down the curtain extra slow, it's this season's little "independent" movie that could. Eat that, Trust the Man!

#7 brings us The Illusionist. Haven't seen it yet, but I'm guessing Jessica Biel is about as good in it as Christina Ricci was in Sleepy Hollow. :)

Invincible lives up to its name at #6, although I'm sure the producers were hoping it'd be posting The Perfect Storm-esque numbers by now. Hell, even Four Brothers numbers would suffice.

Ah yes, the big news here, folks. #5 brings us the latest Zach Braff Top 10-worthy entry, The Last Kiss, but trust me, this isn't the last we'll see of ol' Zach, because he's finally broken the Fletch Won curse! Having languished under development with Kevin Smith and Jason Lee at the helm for years and years, coming on a decade now it seems like, the Scrubs director, ol' whats his name has finally broken the curse and given new life to the prequel of that now 22-year old movie. Part of the deal was that the duo get to make another prequel, Baby Fletch. There isn't a full fledged script yet, but they do have a killer scene: Baby Fletch leaps out of the womb like Alan Cumming onto a stage and, whereas 99% of babies merely cry and flail about, Baby Fletch utters his first joke: "Can I borrow your towel for a sec, Doc? My car just hit an amniocentesis..." The studio is currently trying to fight off Bob Clark who feels strongly about the project.

Speaking of prequels, at #4 it's Renny Harlin, still in his Exorcist prequel funk with The Covenant. Geez, what next? The Sermon on the Mount? The Book of Talents? The Book of Talents 2: Heavenly Dividends? Help me out here, Churchy...

At #3 it's Everyone's Hero, and I still feel the same about it: pretty mundane for a Pixar-ish non-direct-to-video theatrical release. You need a bigger idea like talking cars or a Simpsons-esque family of superheroes. Leave Babe Ruth alone already! I'm in that camp of baseball nuts that says it's just lucky he could hit home runs; I think he'd have trouble sprinting to first on a single. All due respect to Christopher Reeve...

#2 brings us De Palma's latest, The Black Dahlia, or as he calls it, Femme Fatale 2. But he's of course thinking L.A. Confidential 2 for the Oscars. Josh Hartnett was thinking Sin City 1 1/2. S. Jo was just glad to get away from Woody for a while. Fingers crossed: please let there be a split-screen moment! ..oh yeah, and Hilary Swank was all, what am I? Molded whitefish?

Sorry, dePalma, you've been in #1 territory before, but clearly you've been bested by Phil Joanou's triumphant return to the forefront of the DGA with The Rock's latest, Gridiron Gang. Actually, this may be a first for Mr. Joanou. Now, if only he directed Doom, that might've done something!

Okay, gotta wrap this up now, but tune in again soon, and until next time, always remember: you ARE somebody!

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