Sunday, April 06, 2008

The House wins at the Box Office...

Yeah, it's 21 baby, all the way! And I'm not talking about that one with Patsy Kensit. You know, right after she hit it big with Lethal Weapon 2. No, this is Blackjack, my friends! Will this spawn a Blackjack Renaissance, much like the one we just went through with Poker? Are they scrambling to make the new Bond pic about Blackjack? Probably not. I'm still waiting for the one about Declaring War. Or Old Maid. Yeah, reminds me of when I first learned to read cards. The Old Maid card in our 2nd Grade class had a dog-eared corner. Hey! Maybe P.T. Anderson's next sprawling epic can be one of those Lars von Trier's one-take kind of thing about how 52 Card Pickup was first invented. Sky's the limit, baby, but remember: the house always wins. And they don't like jokes.

But back to the movie at hand. Anyone else notice that Kevin Spacey and Kate Bosworth are doing too many movies together? Superman 5? Beyond the Sea? This? People will say they're in love!

At #2 it's the latest Dr. Seuss pic, and it just crossed the all-important 100 million barrier. Of course, with all these Dr. Seuss pics, they're extremely cost-prohibitive, so once it crosses the 200 million barrier it'll finally turn a profit.

At #3 it's Superhero Movie. For some reason, I thought it was out already. Must've been that saturation bombing ad campaign. I feel like I've seen it already. And in a way, we all have!

At #4, it's the latest Tyler Perry flick. Hoh boy, Tyler Perry's stockholders are not going to be happy at the next shareholders meeting. Hmm! That gives Tyler a new idea for a play! Madea Kicks a little Ass at the Shareholders Meeting. Why not?

At #5 it's the latest Judd Apatow production. And here we go again. But, people grow weary of the latest Judd Apatow production, don't they? How to spice it up? Another screenwriter's input. And who do they get? Mr. Home Alone himself, John Hughes! Perhaps he's going through his Second Hipness phase. Perhaps not. Do like Matt Groening purportedly does: going through the dumpsters at school and looking at the discarded schoolwork. You know, to get in touch with the word on the street is amongst our young peoples! The teens and the tweens.
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As for the rest, it's too depressing to contemplate. But I think we should stop and look at Stop-Loss. Reminds me, I meant to watch MTV to see how hard they were pushing this one. Not hard enough, apparently. Too busy showing Jackass, still wishing they had a new Beavis and Butt-head that would really capture the hearts and minds. But they do seem to be against this war. What? The soldiers don't want to keep going back? Traitors! Maybe Mel Gibson can make the We Were Soldiers for the Iraq war. You know, Saddam in the spider hole, Saddam's statue coming down, the good times.

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