I Saw Your Fate On Your Crowded Plate

Brought to you by Kanab Bank of Utah.  Kanab Bank of Utah!  Good luck saying THAT three times fast, or even two!  Also brought to you by Chewing Gum.  Chewing Gum!  Chew some today.  For instance, I got this kind that's purple and comes in a tiny box with eight pieces.  Hope it's semi-healthy!  Whelp, let's try to take our minds off all this COVID-19 stuff... even though a lot of people are still dying from it.  The business of telling stories, and the act of leaving your house to see and hear them get told, trudges on, even though Variety found the numbers disappointing this weekend.  Whelp, Chris Pratt is still one of the most profitable of people in these stories; even in Pixar form!  And Pixar is trying to catch up to the R-rated Sausage Party, but not too quickly.  This new one features a little plumber's butt!  I know, it's elf plumber's butt, but still.  Baby steps.  Sure, Brave had some too, or maybe more; I didn't see it myself, probably should.  But this new one is sure strange: a magical world of elves crosses paths with the magical world of Linklater's Dazed and Confused.  Makes sense from a business point of view, I suppose.  For the most part, the go-go '70s is still the go-to decade for nostalgia.  But what's the name of this new one?  It's got a one-word title, kinda looks like the Frozen font... I mean, was it Apostles of Comedy: Onwards and Upwards?  "Army Wives" Onward?  No?  Well, how about "Army Wives" Onward Christian Soldier?  Nah, that's a TV show.  Maybe "Arrest and Trial" Onward and Upward?  "Beginnings" Onward?  "Bondi Ink Tattoo Crew" Onwards and Upwards maybe?  Perhaps "Breaking Ground" Onward and Upward?  "Buying and Selling" Moving Onward and Upward perhaps?  "Chachi's World" Onward and Upward!?  "Choccywoccydoodah" Onwards and Upwards?  Brought to you by Vosges!  "Critical Role" Onward to Vesrah?  "Doctor Who FanFilm Series: MB & Homeland" Onwards & Upwards?  "Emergency!" Upward and Onward?  "Food Wars: Shokugeki no Soma" Onward on the Totsuki Train?  "Gun It with Benny Spies" Onward & Forward Into Montana?  "Harry's Law" Onward and Upward?  "Hitler: Germany's Fatal Attraction" Death, Destruction and Legacy 1939 - 1945 and Onwards?  "Human Telegraphs" Onward Part 1?  "Human Telegraphs" Onwards Part 2?  "Inuyasha" Hidden in the Mist: Onward to Mt. Hakurei?  "Isekai wa smartphone to tomo ni." Daily Life, and Onward to Eashen?  "JourneyQuest" Onward!?  "MFF: Mom Friends Forever" Onward and Outward?  "My Favorite Universe" Onward to the Edge?  "Next" Onward?  "OC Chronicles" Ethan - Onward!?  Onward?  Onward?  Onward?  Onward & Upward?  Onward & Upward?  Onward Christian Millionaires?  Onward Christian Soldiers?  Onward Notre Dame: South Bend to Soldier Field?  Onward Notre Dame: A Season Begins?  Onward Notre Dame: Brian Kelly's Return to Boston?  Onward Notre Dame: Mutual Respect?  Onward Notre Dame: ND in Indy?  Onward Notre Dame: New Beginnings?  Onward Notre Dame: Prelude?  Onward Notre Dame: The Michigan Rivalry?  Onward or Downward?  Onward to Calgary?  Onward.?  Onwards Together?  "Ren & Stimpy 'Adult Party Cartoon'" Onward and Upward?  "Talks Machina" Talking Critical Role - Onward to Vesrah: Episode #87?  "The Ashlee Simpson Show" Ashlee Moves Onward and Upward?  "The Next Best Thing" Onwards and Upwards?  "The Orphans" Episode VIII: Upwards, Onwards?  "The Royal Institution Christmas Lectures" From Magna Carta to Microchip: Onwards to the Stars?  "The Sky at Night" Onward to Mars?  "The Vietnam War" The Weight of Memory (March 1973 - Onward)?  "TSM: Legends" Onward?  "Utopia" Onwards and Upwards?

No?  Not even close?  Well then, I guess it's just BACK TO THE CLUB THEN!!!!!!!!!!  I MEAN, BACK TO THE DRAWING BOARD THEN!!!! OOOO000ooooops... sorry about all the shouting.  Meanwhile, in second place... sorry, I mean, the second debut in third place, is another sports movie.  Sorry, I got distracted by this ad for something called "Modern Love" on Amazon.  Tina Fey's in it, and... well, God bless her.  She is a sweetie pie and all that, but I wonder what it says about the state of modern love that she's in it.  A strain, indeed.  Anyway, back to the sports movie.  This new one features Ben Affleck as the inspiring coach.  You know, the older I get, the more I appreciate sports movies.  Not to watch so much, but just that they exist in the first place.  I mean, if it weren't for boxing movies, what kind of excuse would Hollywood actors have to come up with to work out so much?  This new one was directed by someone named Gavin O'Connor.  He and Ben did The Accountant some one or two soirée ago.  You know, I was just reading an old New Yorker, and I came across this review of a Pat O'Connor film that said, right at the top, "...intelligent and scrupulously made, but it never comes to life."  I forget what film they were talking about, but you know, when you get right down to it, you could say that about any and all Pat O'Connor's films.  But back to Ben Affleck as the basketball coach.  "What happened to you, man?" asked Kevin Smith.  Anyway, what's the name of this latest and greatest?  What do I ask for at the bullet-proof ticket counter before I go in and shell out another couple hundred on overpriced, over-sugared snacks and over-oiled cinema popcorn?  I mean................ was it "@Flwers4Algernon" I'm on My Way Back...?  No?  Well, how about 101 Favorite Stars Way Back When?  Maybe "101 Favorite Stars Way Back When" Episode dated 22 January 2007?  A trapped Swan Maiden and her way back home?  A Way Back?  A Way Back Home?  A Way Back In?  Ain't No Way Back?  "ALF" Working My Way Back to You?  All the Way Back to Liverpool possibly?  "Aryana" Aryana Starts to Lose Hope on Finding Their Way Back Home?  "BlackBoxTV" No Way Back Now?  "Blake's 7" The Way Back?  Broadway Backstage: The Lion King?  "Burn Notice" Long Way Back?  "Caillou Pettis Movie Reviews" The Way Way Back?  "Casualty" No Way Back?  "CBeebies Bedtime Story" The Way Back Home?  "Combat!" The Hard Way Back?  "Confined" Way Back Then?  "Dahil sa pag-ibig" Oliver Finds His Way Back to the Valderrama's Lives?  "e-boy" Can E-Boy Find His Way Back Home??  "Everyman" A Lonely Way Back Home?  Find Your Way Back?  Foo Fighters: No Way Back?  "Food Hound: Tidbits" Way Back Burger Shack?  Fucking My Way Back Home?  "GGN: Snoop Dogg's Double G News Network" Snoop Dogg & Jay Rock Go Way Back on GGN?  "Grey's Anatomy" It's a Long Way Back?  "Hollywood on Set" Despicable Me 2/Elysium/The Way Way Back?  "I Dare You" Way Back Home?  Jefferson Starship: Find Your Way Back?  Journey on the Chesapeake: The Way Back Home?  "Just Seen It" The Spectacular Now, Fruitvale Station, the Way Way Back, Barbara Kopple Interview?  "Just Seen It" White House Down, the Way Way Back, the Bridge, Pacific Rim?  "King Arthur and the Knights of Justice" The Way Back?  "Lincoln Heights" No Way Back?  Long Way Back Home?  Long Way Back to Paradise?  "Longbox of the Damned" The Twilight Zone #9-13: The Way Back (Dynamite Entertainment)?  "May bukas pa" Malena Finds Her Way Back to Bagong Pag-asa?  "Midnight Phantom" Will Nadja Find Her Way Back Home??  Ministry of Health, Social Services and Equality: There Is No Way Back, Commercial?  "Ninjago Dark Island" The Way Back?  "Ninjago: Masters of Spinjitzu" The Way Back?  No Star on the Way Back?  No Way Back?  No Way Back?  No Way Back?  No Way Back?  No Way Back?  No Way Back?  No Way Back?  No Way Back?  On My Way Back?  On the Way Back?  Our Way Back?  "Panorama" The White Tribe of Africa: Part 2 - No Way Back?  "Portlandia" Long Way Back?  "Power Rangers Operation Overdrive" Way Back When?  Powerpuff Girls: The Long Way Back?  "Private Practice" Can't Find My Way Back Home?  "Projector" The Way Back?  Quiet Riot: Well Now You're Here, There's No Way Back?  "Re: Creators" The Usual Way, the Way Back an Unpredictable Story That No One Knows Where It's Leading To?  "Reel Junkie" The Way Way Back?  "Reputasyon" Agnes Is Ready to Face Catherine as She Finds Her Way Back to San Bartolome?  Running Away Backwards?  "Ryan" Way Back?  "Sneak Preview" The Way Back?  "Talking Pictures" The Way Way Back?  "The Americans" Long Way Back?  "The Flying Doctors" No Way Back?  Funeral Suits: The Way Back?  The Long Way Back?  The Long Way Back?  The Long Way Back?  The Long Way Back: The Story of Todd Z-Man Zalkins?  "The Night Shift" The Way Back?  The Only Way Back?  "The Originals" Long Way Back from Hell?  "The Restless Gun" The Way Back?  "The Rookie Handbook" A Rookie Story from Way Back When?  "The Virginian" Halfway Back from Hell?  The Way Back?  The Way Back?  The Way Back?  The Way Back?  The Way Back?  The Way Back?  The Way Back?  The Way Back?  I think it's actually one of these... better keep going.  How about The Way Back?  The Way Back maybe?  The Way Back possibly?  The Way Back?  The Way Back?  The Way Back?  The Way Back?  The Way Back Home?  The Way Back Home?  The Way Back to Yarasquin?  The Way Back Will Be Longer?  The Way Back: Rivka Zohar Returns to New York?  The Way Way Back?  The Wreckers Way Back Home: Live from New York?  The Wrong Way Back?  TLC Feat. Snoop Dogg: Way Back?  "Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea" No Way Back?  Way Back Home?  Way Back Home?  Way Back Home?  Way Back Home?  Way Back Home?  Way Back Home?  Way Back in the Woods?  Way Back in the Woods?  Way Back When?  We Go Way Back?  "Weekend World" Labour Under Kinnock - Charting the Way Back?  "WWII in HD" Hard Way Back?  "Youkai Watch" Year 3 Class Y, Mr. Nyanpachi: Gyan Gyan Academy/The Way Back Is Backpack Rock-Paper-Scissors!/Evil Year 5 Class 1: Netaballerina Sinks Into the Sea of Knowledge!!?

No?  Not even close?  Well then, I guess it's just BACK TO THE BALLGAME THEN!!!!!!!!!!  I MEAN, BACK TO THE DARWIN BOARD THEN!!!! OOOOooooops... sorry about all the shouting.  Hmm!!!  A lot shorter this week!  Now THAT'S something worth shouting about!  Gotta go, Homeland's almost on!