Sunday, November 26, 2006

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This just in: O.J. Simpson appointed Chairman on Domestic Violence by the White House.
Also, I've been told there's a correlation between the number of lobbyists and the number of earmarks over the years. Back in 1994, there was 1400 Republican lobbyists lobbying Congress, and there were 1400 earmarks. Today, there are 14000 lobbyists and 14000 earmarks! Must be Clinton's fault somehow.

Which brings us to this week's box office! I know Happy Feet's #1, but you gotta give it up for my man Daniel Craig. Lemme tell you something: Casino Royale's already doing so well, Mr. Craig's edging out Edward Norton for the lead in the hot new bio-pic, The Dana Carvey Story. I think Dana prefers Mr. Craig for the lead, anyway, but it's good old-fashioned competition the likes of which we haven't seen in a while.

But let's start at the bottom, eh what what? Just to keep it interesting for my large loyal fan base, right? ...... Anyway, The Queen's holding strong at #10. Not a bad performance in the American market. I mean, it's no Teaching Mrs. Tingle, but you can't have everything, right?! On the bright side, it's doing so well in England that Helen Mirren was voted by The Guardian to be the People's Queen. It's a British thing, but I don't think Taylor's too happy about it.

Coming in at #9 it's The Departed, still making its inevitable slide down the charts, but not before passing the 100 million mark; how cool is that? Finally! After all these years, Marty has a hit, and he'll finally get to make the kinds of films HE wants to make. ... As for L. DiCap, well, there's just no time to rest as Zwick's next Christmas release is due, and this time there's no LOTR installment to reckon with, sigh of relief. Bad news for Ngila; or was that Without a Paddle? I forget which. :)

At #8 it's Saw 3. You know, it won't be long before our culture is so de-sensitized to on-screen violence, that pretty soon there'll be a 'Saw' sitcom on TV, and a 'Saw' talk-show. All coming up tonight on the Saw Network, but first, it's National Geographic Bumfights.

Babel comes in at #7, and it's the latest project tangentially connected to the Soderbergh Rat Pack, which Cate Blanchett is now a part of thanks to The Good German; as long as she doesn't re-gift the Kate Hepburn accent work like in Zissou. But I digress; back to the triumph at hand. As the ads all say, it's a triumph for Inarritu ... better than his segment of 11"09'01? I think not. But, that's just me. ...What's the matter with you people? Don't you know we're at war? Do I need to remind you that 3000 people died on 7/11?

At #6, it's Flushed Away. Oh, what's Nicky gonna do now that DreamWorks is defunct? Back to the Chevron commercials, I suppose. Or is that for one of his chump understudies? How did Ricky Gervais get out of this one, that's what I wanna know?

Filling out the top 5, having made 10,000 more dollars than Flushed Away, it's Stranger than Fiction, the latest entry in the Mindf*** Movie Continuum, along with Being John Malkovich and John Tucker Must Die. Oh, why can't Marc Forster make the kinds of movies he used to make?

At #4 it's Santa Claus(e) 3 and finally! Marty has a hit, so Don Rickles will have to tell him something else next time he sees him. Also, looks like it's out of the Bottom 100 which is kinda nice. Just kinda. Is Cat in the Hat still there?'s not! I credit Paris Hilton with that one; and of course, as she'd say, "That's hot!" But you know what's not hot? Manos, the Hands of Fate. Still, it's so bad, it's worthy of being in the bottom 100, which in and of itself is pretty hot. The same can't be said for From Justin to Kelly, though.

At #3 it's Borat. And on my shoulder, it's... a mosquito bite? No whey!

But the top two slots of the Top 10 couldn't be more contentious. Someone demand a recount! It's the new Casino Royale. Why, even George Orwell couldn't of imagined this, even though in the world of Oceania they would re-film movies and things, and generally work round the clock to make Big Brother look impervious and strong and consistent, and responsible for all the good in the world, what little of it there was in 1984. Anyway, the Campbell / Meheux Industrial Complex pulls it off once again. (Except of course for Vertical Limit; Meheux is afraid of heights. And for that matter, so am I after that movie. And badly CGI'd condors. :) )

And yeah yeah, Happy Feet at #1. We know. I thought maybe Spielberg was behind this. Or Caroline Thompson. But no! It's the brainchild of Mad Max director George Miller. Well, I hope he realizes that while this is doing well, it shouldn't embolden him too much in regards to Mad Max 4, unless he casts Russell Crowe in the lead.

Gotta run. (:

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