Thursday, November 30, 2006

You Racist Cracker!

Which brings us to yet another contentious Box Office contest! We might as well celebrate the winners this time, as it is once again Happy Feet. Boy, they must've really pushed this on Fox News Kids Network or something. Having already crossed the 100 million dollar mark in its second week, is this not yet another vindication for March of the Penguins? The upcoming Farce of the Penguins hopes to put that genie back in that bottle. We shall see.
Meanwhile, CR is at #2 still, but it's almost made as much as Happy Feet. Kinda reminds me of the creative ad campaign behind Minority Report. The PG-13 audience must be hooked with different things, like Playstation 3, Motorola phones or the new Sony Unisex TV. Still can't figure that one out.
At #3 it's Deja Vu, but for me the real stars aren't director Tony Scott or Denzel Washington, teaming up for the third time. No the real star here is the Elliot/Rossio juggernaut. Is it me or shouldn't they be busy proofreading PTC3 for typographical errors? Shame on you for pouring your hearts and souls into a small independent film in between giant Hollywood blockbusters. Shame!
At #4 it's Deck the Halls, and finally the trilogy is complete. Christmas with the Kranks, Surviving Christmas, and this. There's gotta be a way to package all three onto one Blu-Ray disc. Get on it, Wal-Mart!
Rounding off the top 5, it's Borat, or B:CLOAFMBGNOK as all those crazy bloggers abbreviate it these days. It's raked in a total of 109 million so far, or the Gross National Product of Kazakhstan! (drumroll) Didn't see that coming, didja huh? But it's garnered a more coveted honor than even that... and promptly lost it. It was in the IMDb top 250 for a while there. Guess it wasn't meant to last. Why, even Clerks fell in and out of favor with the Top 250 now and again, right? Clerks 2, not so much.
Alas, how things change from major to minor. Babel, Saw and The Queen have all departed from the bottom 5 of the list, but there are those who still cling on to the proverbial drapes with the cat claws of life only to slow their inevitable descent. At #6 it's the Santa Clause 3, and maybe it's just me but with 67 million in the box office bank I think it's doing pretty good! I'm sure there are some Hollywood execs who would disagree with that Market Research-less assessment, so prove me wrong, Hollywood! Hire me as a consultant.
Stranger than Fiction clocks in at Lucky Number Slevin this week. It's made less than Being John Malkovich and generating considerably less buzz, but hey. You knew this was an independent job when you took it, Ferrell, therefore it'll make independent money. More than that Ed Harris thing, right?
As for the rest of the Top 10, it's much too depressing to contemplate. The animated Grease is at #8, and Bobby debuts at #9. The audiences are too smart these days, and frankly, a little ungrateful! Guess they found out it's an Emilio Estevez joint. Oliver-Stone lite, if you will. How is Demi Moore supposed to land the part of the love interest in Austin Powers 4 now? HOW???
And finally, checking in at the Hotel #10, after 4 years of post-production it's Aronofsky's Junior effort, the Fountain. If this doesn't bust up his marriage, nothing will. You will be mine, Rachel Weisz... Oh yes. You will be mine. Damn voodoo doll! I'm not doing it right. Talk to y'all later. (:)

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