Saturday, May 19, 2007

Another Spectacle

Man! Long week. Sometimes it feels refreshing to put the blog down. And now I need a drink of water. ...done. Also refreshing. More importantly, I heard that my boys are kickin' some major derriere at Cannes with their latest, No Country for Old Men. Give 'em hell, J & E! Of course, they've limited you to just one award per film this time, damn French! No wonder the Oscars are no big deal to them.

But let's dive right into this latest box office pie. Coen co-conspirator Sam Raimi is doing a little ass-whoopin' stateside with the latest installment of the multi-billion dollar Spider Man franchise, called Spider Man 3. Oh sure, the critics will pooh-pooh it, but look at those numbers! It's only Monday. Besides, it's probably not as hated as X-Men 3. Now, I know they've been talking about some major personnel changes for the fourth installment of Spider Man, but I must strongly, nay, vehemently oppose these proposed changes. After all, look what it did to the Home Alone franchise! Big big mistake.

And once again, thanks to Spider Man, we make a giant drop from a #1 of 58 million to a #2 of ... 9.81 million? Pathetic! But you know what? Their agent will be the first to say they should work in this town again because hey! It was the best they could do up against Spider Man. This time it's another sequel: the sequel to 28 Days Later called 28 Weeks Later. So does this mean that the third installment will be called 28 Months Later? Just a thought! Also, someday all movies in the top 10 will be sequels. Just another thought.

At #3 it's Georgia Rule. While technically not a sequel, it's a sequel in spirit to Monster-in-Law because of that GMILF on the prowl, Jane Fonda. I mean, did you see her with Stephen Colbert last week? Talk about a steambath!

At #4 it's Disturbia. Sorry, kid, you're no longer the new kid on the block. Just for that, Shia, they're Gumping you out of the Transformers movie.

Rounding out the Top 5, it's Delta Farce. Win one for the Red States! Careful, guys, you might give Chuck Norris some misguided ideas. Anyway, at least it's already made more money than Health Inspector.


And now, let's look through the bent back tulips to see how the second half lives. At #6 it's Fracture, or The Human Stain 2. But thank God director Gregory Hoblit is back to the one-word movie titles where he belongs!

At #7 it's The Invisible, but it's not gone yet! Speaking of which, at #8 it's your last chance to Meet the Robinsons. Apparently, also in IMAX. I should get down to my local IMAX theater one of these days!

Next, it's Hot Fuzz at #10. Well, maybe it's doing better in Britain, who knows. I did my part, guys! I guess I'll have to watch it again: was that really Cate Blanchett? Or Bill Nighy sans face-tentacles? Apparently, they just set the record for movie references. Or how about Peter Jackson as Santa? Of course, he can't do that kind of thing anymore. He's rail thin now!

Well, that's all for now, kids. Oh why oh why does a new box officecome only once a week.

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